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About Just out. (Portland, OR) 1983-2013 | View Entire Issue (May 6, 2005)
NIGHTLIFE NIGHTLIFE NIGHTLIFE NIGHTLIFE NIGHTLIFE Fore play Stm ‘Sax & tyui! Everything you wanted to know about golf but were too uninterested to ask s a proud sissy, I’ve never been much of a jock. On the playground my designated recess role was “timekeeper,” mainly because I was one of the few kids with a digital watch synchronized to rhe school clock. The other qualification was my loud mouth, with which I warned everyone when the hell was about to ring. Today, the few sports I can tolerate are mostly appealing because the athletes are babes (gymnastics) or because the commercials are entertaining (football), not because of some by Jim Radosta magical allure of competition. Besides, I’m much too busy competing with myself. Golf is an even more elusive beast—it’s one of those pastimes that seems more like an expensive lifestyle (skiing) than a sport. Sure, Well, it was w'orth a try. 1 have fond memories of playing miniature golf /AiM. My alter ego, Marcia Gay at early video arcades back in the ’80s, and 1 k Hardon. enrered the Sissyboy Idol love the “Hole-in-One” game on The Price Is T karaoke contest April 19 dressed Right, hut I’ve held a grudge against golf ever from head to toe in pink...with a little help sincerity parents moved from Salem to Umatil from my friends: pink padded slippers sold by la in 1993. Yearning to blend in with the con Spartacus’ Charlie Vazquez (who’s reading at servative locals, my stepdad (a fallen Sierra Queer Fetish May 20), pink wig provided by Cluh member) suddenly started swilling Stef “Madame Bouffant” Pinniger (who’s Scotch, voting Republican and hitting the showing off her creations ar Medusaion May 6) links. and pink fur coat courtesy of Thomas Laud I couldn’t relate on all three counts. erdale (who’s tickling the ivories with Pink So last year when he invited me and my Martini May 12). I performed, appropriately brother to join him on the driving range, enough, The Psychedelic Furs’ “Pretty in Pink,” 1 humored him by encasing myself in a plastic in honor of John Hughes’ upcoming sequel contraption that’s supposed to improve your about the 20-year reunion of Molly Ringwald, swing. To my surprise, it wasn’t so bad. The Andrew McCarthy and John Cryer. next day we returned for a full round—with I ended up losing to a worthy opponent, the incentive that I’d get to horse around in Fellatio Castro, who performed a Commie ver the golf cart. sion of Prince’s “When Doves Cry" and later If I can have this much fun with my hetero brought the house down with “Purple Rain.” family, 1 can only imagine how lesbians must it wasn’t exactly a level playing field, though: feel every spring during the Kraft Nabisco Fellatio is also known as mild-mannered musi Championship in Palm Springs, Calif. The cian Holcombe Waller (who’s celebrating rhe corporate-approved tournament is better release of his new CD along with Wade known in dyke circles as Dinah! McCollum and Geoff Stanfield May 14). Michele Kort’s new book of the same I demand a rematch! name—subtitled Three Decades of Sex, Coif and Rock n’ Roll—traces the events that led up to “One man. Two women.” the annual Lesbopalooza, starting all the way X7 'X —Pumper sticker spotted while biking hack in 1 567. That’s when Mary Queen of x? I*“1 a pickup parked outside a mechan- Scots supposedly took up the sport, bringing '' ic’s garage m Southeast Portland. along cadets from the French court to carry her clubs. Yes, BLxidy Mary is credited with inventing the caddie. treat same-sex couples equally. In the eyes of Kort’s breezy book taught me all sorts of these ancient lawmakers, now that the state other fun factoids, like who the hell is Muffin constitution hans gay marriage, the city’s Spencer-Devlin, what the hell is a mashie human rights ordinance is worthless. niblick, and why the hell Palm Springs? For Meanwhile, the misguided mayor of the record: Muffin was the first pro golfer to Moscow is under the impression that golf will come out. A mashie was the precursor to the actually deter gays. Yury Luzhkov suggested last 7-iron. And P.S. is actually the perfect place for month that building a course in a picturesque what comedian Kate Clinton calls “a lesbian comer of the Russian capital would protect the circuit party,” considering it was once home to environment by deterring homosexuals and queer icons Liberace, Marlene Dietrich and other undesirables from frequenting the area. J. Edgar Hixiver. Txlay it boasts a gay mayor “There would he no harhecues, no picnics, no and more same-sex couples than San Francisco gays—nothing like that, because there would or West HollywtxxJ. he a structure that would take responsibility for Queers seem to be everywhere in golf lately— this facility," he said. 1 hate to break it to you, Mr. Mayor, but despite the sad fact that, to this day, only Patty golf wouldn’t be the same without queers. Now, Sheehan and Rosie Jones have followed Muffin if only someone would let us redesign those out of the closet. The British Open in July will tacky pants.... JO feature its first transsexual golfer, Miamne Bagger (not to be confused with Bagger Vance, The TlJRR ¡IRLZ gay women's golf group plays the subject of that ridiculous Robert Redford every Saturday morning in Portland. For more film), thanks to new guidelines adopted hy the information visit www.turfgirlz.com. Ladies’ Golf Union. The United States Golf The A bdill -E llis W omen ’ s G olf C lub plays Association also recently removed a stipulation every Tuesday afternoon in Southern Oregon. For that championship competitors be “bom more information call Rhonda Young at female.” Progress...in golf? Not so fast. In Georgia, 541 ~621 '5778 or Sara Majors at 541 '621 -3864. rhe House approved legislation in February to Arts and Culture Editor J IM R aixista needs your prevent Atlanta from fining the appropriately named Druid Hills Golf Club for refusing to feedback. Write to jim@justout.com. 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