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About Just out. (Portland, OR) 1983-2013 | View Entire Issue (Aug. 15, 2003)
IS. 2003 • HUMOR ..............¥ .............. Bov marries boy W ith Bravos Boy Meets Boy on every one’s mind, I’ve been wrestling with how to write about gay dating. Having been in a relationship since I was 2 0 ,1 just don’t have a lot to say on the matter. Instead I eloped to Canada. My partner, Floyd, and I have waited 17 years to marry legally. So while the ink was still wet on British Columbia's decision, we made a run for the border. You’d be amazed how easy it is. In fact, those of you ready to tie the knot might want to take notes. G ot a pen? Good. Here goes. First off, Floyd and I chose Victoria because of its proximity to Portland and because it seemed appropriate to marry in a city named after a queen. We were accompanied by our dear friend BoBo, who came along as the best man, maid of honor and mother of the brides. The fairies arrived by ferry, and we encountered little diffi culty until customs confiscated our fruit. (Be forewarned: Fruits can enter Canada to be mar ried but not to be eaten.) Upon arriving at the Empress Hotel, our gaydar immediately went off as we spied a well- gnximed front desk clerk named Ashley. After the requisite probing (to find out if he was gay— get your minds out of the gutter) Ashley proved that there is indeed a Gay Mafia by arranging for an upgrade. With the help of a fast-talking clerk named Sureena, we ended up in a deluxe rtxim with a fireplace, a turret and a view of the harbor. Indeed, the entire staff at the Empress was extraordinarily supportive and, dare I say it, “empressive.” We dropped off our hags and immediately set about obtaining a marriage license. We had My reality TV wedding THE GOSPEL ACCORDING TO MARC by M a rc Acito a choice of two locations—one on Menzies Street, the other just off Johnson. Given our fondness for Johnsons, we chose the latter. We figured nuptial-bound lesbians might want Menzies for themselves. Gay marriage is so new that the B.C. government hasn’t even had time to update the fonns yet, so one of us actually had to he listed as the bride. A nasty cat fight ensued. Eventually Floyd conceded that it’s not a matter o f who wants to he the bride but who is the bride. I’m embarrassed to admit how happy this made me. If I were less hairy I’d have insisted on the white dress and the veil, too. Then we called a Marriage Commissioner to arrange the ceremony. A Marriage C om missioner is a civil servant who performs wed dings but, to me, it sounds like a character out of a Gilbert and Sullivan operetta. I imag ine a chorus of men in periwigs singing, “ Behold the Marriage Commissioner, a per sonage of noble rank and title” followed by a poncy little man parading in and singing a patter sting (“ 1 am the very model of a mod em marriage commissioner” ). Our Commish turned out to he a terrific guy named Bill Smith, a straight retiree who, appro priately enough, married us wearing a pink shirt. We chose the grounds of British Columbia's Legislature for our ceremony. This was partly our way of saying “thank yixf to the B.C. govern ment, but also because we wanted to raise aware ness of same-sex marriage. We hoped that passing tourists would stop and ask what we were doing. Be careful what yixi wish for. You see, all of the television networks have reporters assigned to the Legislature and, as stxin as they found exit what we were up to, they swarmed around us like we were J-Lo and Ben. It seems that not only were we among the First gay couples from Oregon to marry in C ana da, we were the very First gay couple ever to legally wed on the grounds of the Legislature. So, in addition to Bo Bo, Ashley, Sureena and Andrea (our waitress from the night before), our wedding was witnessed by four cameramen and, eventually, the entire Canadi an television viewing public. Also present was Rich Colem an, solicitor general of British Columbia (the equivalent of our attorney general), not to he confused with Gary Coleman of D iff rent Strokes, who couldn’t make it. Naturally, the Oregon media picked up the story when we returned. (I say naturally because we alerted them.) I was hoping they’d run our footage with the weather ("We’ve got a gay front coming in from Canada, followed by a redneck high-pressure system ...” ), hut in any case we got to see ourselves kissing on the 11 o’clock news. (N o tongues. It was our wedding, for Chrissake.) So I guess I did wind up writing about a gay reality show after all— my own. But if the cre ators of Boy Meets Boy were hoping to end with a televised gay wedding, I’ve got news for them— we heat them to it. And that, my friends, is The Gospel According to Marc. J H Readers needing more information about Canadian same-sex marriage should unite to M a r c A c it o at marc@marcadto.com. J u s t F r ie n d s V o ic e P e r s o n a l A d s 1 - 900 - MEN SEEKING MEN MIDDLE-AGED PDX life partners SLIM, INTELLIGENT, masculine man in fifties would like to meet others for companionship, walks, hikes, movies/video/dvd, general friendship, possible compatibility. Box 5413J9/5) RETIRED DEAN of Students seeks smooth, submissive, boyish adult male for LTR based upon nurtur ing, love and discipline as required. Box 5411 (9/5) A GREAT GUY! GBM, 46 yo, 5T0", 200 lbs. “Nice looking WEM/looking for W M ”. Who is W E M ? HWP, 30 to 45 yo, rough on the edges, easy on the eyes, for safe and hot contact plus friendship, too! Me: laid back and horny, you should be too. Take a chance! Box 5357 (9/5) BM, 47 YO, 165 lbs , wants to visit ■ Portland for short vacation. Would like information on lodging, nightlife. Would like to meet younger W M for dinner date, movie, conversation. Flying in around August 22. Any takers? Box 5367.J9/5) SAM, 27 YO, 5’10”, 145 lbs., dark hair/eyes, attractive, professional, enjoys outdoors, hiking, jogging, travel, dining out, ISO quality S W M 20-40 yo for friendship/LTR. Box 5364. (9/5)________________ seek sex friends for mutually respectful, safe, playful man-sex. We: versatile, curious, bright, a bit shy You: similar? Singles or cou- ples. Box 5360. (9/5)___________ FEEDERS/FEEDEES: Overeat with me. Let’s admire each other's swelling male bellies. 165 lbs., 5’9 seeks 200 lbs. or under for visits to restaurant buffets, home feed ing, belly stroking, more. Box 5361.(9/5) SAN DIEGO TRANSPLANT seeks info: 44 yo, HIV+. G W M seeking info, on housing. I would like to rent a room until I find a place. Nice, clean, quiet— will be spend ing time looking for job and resi dents. Moving to be near my fam ily. could use some connections there. Set for October. Please reply Box 5355. (9/5) CUTE, VERY SMART SW M . 25 yo, financially insecure, Opera- loving art fag seeks financially secure gentlemen of any age or type to attend Opera perfor mances. I provide insight, amaz ing outfits, lively discussion, laughter and company. You pro vide tickets, company and maybe dinner Box seats a plus but not required. Box 5354. (8/15) ROMANTIC, MATURE SGWM, 22 yo in North Portland. Looking for guys 18-28 yo for a possible LTR. $1.99 I am 5’10”, 200 lbs., fairly m uscu lar. dark blond, and hazel eyes, am also HIWSTD/Drug-free. Please be the same. I enjoy an eclectic variety of activities. Leave me a message if interested. Box 5347. (8/15) ________________ SISSY BOY WANTED BiW M seeks submissive, feminine GM for private, intimate experi ences with you dressed in bikini panties and nylon hose at my place. Sex is optional. Be discreet, sensual. Enjoy lots of foreplay and passion. Box 5345. (8/15)_______ BIWM SEEKS SUBMISSIVE, femi nine GM to enjoy oral, bisexual experience Lets share expanding our horizons together. I am open minded re: age or race. “Cross- Dressers” are welcome, cuddling, massaging, etc. I am a well edu cated, professional man. Daytime or early evening dates preferred. Box 5343. (8/15) “AVAILABLE” Retired doctor seeks 1:1 relation ship with an educated man— prefer Hispanic, Jewish, Italian. I’m 5'8 ”, 200 lbs., very oral, good lover, independent, nice dresser. Letters only to Blind Box 471. (8/15) GAM, 48 Y0. 5’8", trim build. Seeks an older (50+ yo), “master ful" GM for safe erotic encounters. Into role-play, discipline and would like to explore light B/D sce- r minute. M A ccess? Now you can bill JUST FRIENDS to your credit or d «M t e a r l Place your own ad FRE£ at narios. What is your pleasure? Box 5341.18/15) MY GUY... is 5’9” or under, 36-49 yo, healthy body, HIV-, earth sign, creative, romantic, bottom. No excess bag gage. Be ready for serious LTR, lots of adventure, fun, spiritual growth and romance! Let’s con verse to see if we connect Box 5340, (8/15)___________________ GWM SEEKING FRIENDS. 58 yo. no STD’s. Come share time. You: 40+ yo. Movies, walks, museum, quiet times, cycling. Box 5339 (8/15) SHORT, HAIRY. HUNKY, older-but- looks-younger (seriously!) WM, gym rat, active guy ISO “real" guys, any age, any race, any size who are willing to talk first, play if it works out. A good sense of humor is important, also being honest about yourself. Enjoy movies, casual dining out, dancing until sweaty. Box 5332. (8/15) Hi men W k ln a Hi men M ore Ju s t F rie n d s „ g. personal« on page SO! ilr Standard Abbreviations A sian B lack B eautiful B lack W oman C hristian D ifferently A bled F emale Y eah , right ! G ay H ispanic B rinc munchies H eight W eicht P roportionate I n S earch O f J ewish L esbian L onc -T erm R elationship M ale N ative A merican PO LY A M O R O U S P erennial H ipster S ingle S exually T ransmitted D isease T ranssexual T ransvestite No S M O K IN C , NO D R U G S , NO STD'S W hite Y awn ! Y ears O ld
