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About Just out. (Portland, OR) 1983-2013 | View Entire Issue (July 18, 2003)
july 1 B. 2003 HUMOR ▼ Celebrate good times, c'monl as June the queerest month EVER or what? W It started off, appropriately enough, at the Tony Awards or, as I like to call it, The Gayest Show on Earth (and that was without Rosie O’Donnell or Nathan Lane). It’s not like gay-themed plays haven’t won before; heck, Harvey Fierstein took home an award 20 years ago wearing a dress in Torch Song Trilogy, albeit in a smaller size. But it was "The Kiss” between Hairspray winners and life partners Marc Shaiman and Scott Wittman that did it. Sure, their smooch was nothing compared to the tongue licking Adrien Brody gave Halle Berry at the Oscars, but it was enough to start tongues wagging. Amazingly, Shaiman made a comment about not being able to get married and, pcx»f, two days later our neighbors to the north gave pwfters the right. You’ve got to love these crazy Canucks: In addition to gay marriage, they’ve also given us legal marijuana and Celine Dion, the former being necessary to tolerate the latter. There is a hitch to getting hitched, however. While there are no residency requirements in order to get married in Canada, if you want to get divorced you must live there a year, which is about 364 nights longer than most gay relationships. Meanwhile, Richard Chamber- lain threw himself a coming-out party and nobody came. Good rid dance. Few things make me more apoplectic than closeted celebrities sit ting on the sidelines of history while the rest of us do the heavy lifting. Still, 1 wish the old pillow-biter well. Apparently, Chamberlain is now headed to Ontario, where he will The queerest month of all to the idea of gays serving openly in the annal services. There was no word on what tonner Supreme Diana Ross had to say on the matter. And speaking of The Suprêmes, there was that little vote on the Texas thing. Perhaps you heard about it. In one of the strangest days tn my lite, I actually found myself agreeing with Supreme marry his longtime companion, rhe legendary C+xirt Justice Antonin Scalia and Supreme Wacko Wilt Chamberlain. What’s more, now that The Jerry Falwell when they warned that the decision Thom Birds star is out, he can fulfill a lifelong would now pave the way tor gay marriage. ambition by taking over the role of Mama Rose That’s right, boys. I’m already registered at in Gypsy for an ailing Bernadette Peters. Crate and Barrel. In his dissent, Scalia said the decision called he gixxl news kept coming. In New Hamp into question “state laws against bigamy, same- sex marriage, adult incest, prostitution, mastur shire, an Episcopal diocese elected the first openly gay bishop. (A spokesman tor the bation, adultery, fornication, bestiality and church’s national leadership responded by saying, obscenity.” Excuse me, but which state has a law “In our church, only heterosexuals get to wear against masturbation! If jerkin’ the gherkin is ille dresses.’’) And former Supreme Allied Comman gal, then put me in prison now. Just make sure der of NATO Wesley Clark said he was receptive my cell’s been redecorated by Martha Stewart. T And who does Scalia think is going to chal lenge a law against bestiality? It’s not like some love-struck zix »keeper is going to rush into a courtroom with his ann around an ape saying, “But your honor, she’s the gorilla of my dreams.’ Scalia sure is a sore loser. Word has it Ruth Bader Ginsburg tried to oust him from the Supreme Court softball team, but they need all nine to play. Even Clarence Thomas said he found the Texas sodomy law “uncommonly silly," which makes it sound like Sylvester the Cat wrote his opinion for him. (“That law ith jutht uncommonly chilly!”) Frankly, 1 find the whole situation surreal. Apparently the only reason the cops barged in on those guys in Texas in the first place was because some vengeful ex-lover wanted to harass them. The most groundbreaking gay rights decision in the history of the United States turns out to have started with The Bitch Slap Heard Round the World. If ain’t exactly Rosa Parks, hut I’ll take it. Besides, just when it kxiked like things couldn’t get any better, Strom Thurmond final ly died. Someone broke the news of rhe court’s decision to him, and he promptly dropped dead. 1 think Tony winner Michele Pawk put it best when she said, “Men kissing each other onstage, drag queens and children: It’s a perfect world. 1 axildn’t agree more. And that, my friends, is The Gospel According to Marc. JH MARC ACITO l<x>ks forward to sodomizing m every state in this great nation of ours Write him at marc@rnarcacito. com. a 1 -900-226-7670 MasterCard man to share my life. Letters only to Blind Box 470. (8/1) GWM, 28. 5’10”, BROWN HAIR, blue eyes, 135 lbs. Enjoys music, outdoors, hiking, camping, healthy lifestyle, cooking, travel ing. Looking for a fun and outgo ing male for conversation and friendship, possible LTR. Box 5319. (8/1) WM, 5’8", 155 LBS. Hard body, shaved head, blue eyes, 50+ yo natural, into Dreamspell, working out, running, bicycling, out of doors, dining, lots of activities, and sex. ISO like-minded. Box 5320. (8/1) MIDDLE-AGED POX life partners seek sex friends for mutually respectful, safe, playful man-sex. We: versatile, curious, bright, a bit shy. Singles or couples OK. Box 5318 (8/1) MAN FOR ALL SEASONS Middle-aged man seeking GWM over 50 yo for LTR. There may be snow on the roof but there’s fire on the hearth. I am a 5’10". 155 lbs., semi-retired professional who enjoys his home, garden, entertaining, the arts, traveling south in the winter. I am a healthy, happy, hairy Slavic man with many friends but looking for a similar 30 YO LOOKING for 59+ year old Me: WM. 5’10", 170 lbs., great lover, good-looking, in Portland. You mature WM. good-looking, decent shape, fun, outgoing, secure, in Portland area. Tennis player? Movies, tennis, golf, social drinking, adult fun Box 5322. (8/1) 34 YO, 5 9”, brown/brown/white HIV+ GM looking for a sincere/honest/loyal and real LTR guy. Not into games, mental, drugs. Moderate alcohol OK. Looking for real life, possibly with you Box 5219 (7/18) WM, LEAN ANO VERY FIT seeks the attention and guidance of an older man. I am boyish and 48 yo. Box 5210. (7/18) WM SEEKS DISCREET HOOKUPS for very kinky hot play. Am open- minded to trying new things. Groups, sure. Like role play a lot. I am 6’0*, tall, slender build. 175 lbs., brown hair, hazel eyes One tattoo right shoulder (wolf). 33 yo but look younger Very handsome and sexy Box 5327. (8/1) Hi men Seekine Hi men More Just Friends personals on page 46! Contest! M en S eeking M en I Hey. fellas! We need your voice personal ads...guys are waiting to meet you...yes, YOU...not some “maybe he is, maybe he isn’t** on the internet. So...send us your ad...use the form on page 46 or go to www.justout.com. AU Men Seeking Men by ads received* be 7/25/03 will entered into a draw ing to win Dinner for Two at Zinc Bistro...one of Port land’s finest and most romantic restaurants. Place the ad. make the date, have dinner on Just Out. •Voice message must be recorded to be eligible for drawing. BUIRflBB 1-877-800-0213 www.justout.com Standard Abbreviations A- B - BBW - C- DA- F- F riends F irst - G - II H erb F riendly - HWP- ISO- J- L- LTR- M - N - PA- PH - S- STD - TS- TV - U sual N ons - A sian B lack B eautiful B lack W oman C hristian D ifferently A bled F emale Y eah , right ! G ay H ispanic B ring munchies H eight W eight P roportionate Is S eeking O ut J ewish L esbian L ong -T erm R elationship M ale N ative A merican POLYAMOUROUS P erennial H ipster S ingle S exually T ransmitted D isease T ranssexual T ransvestite No SMOKING, NO DRUGS. NO STD’S W - W hite W aiks O n Bt a < h - Y awn ! YO - Y ears O ld 45
