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About Just out. (Portland, OR) 1983-2013 | View Entire Issue (June 6, 2003)
juna fi. 2 QÛ 3 x n7ïïîT7!F7nilneu>s Designer Rocks business that the couple had started a few years earlier. But as the decade progressed and the children grew, he realized he wasn’t happy in his marriage, as much as he loved and cared about Linda as a person. He was now discovering his homosexuality “was not a changeable condition.” Lauderdale finally told Linda (for the second time) about those unchanged feelings. He describes this as “a very painful time” for the entire family. By mutual agreement, Linda moved out, tak ing two of their children to Fort Wayne, while Lauderdale kept the other two kids and contin ued to run their nursery business. He attended a gay support group in Fort Wayne, while Linda dated a fellow congregant in the same city. In a few years, the pressure of running the business by himself and the unusual situation with his family made the couple agree to re locate to the West Coast, where they could live closer together and move forward with their lives while continuing to raise their children together. In 1982 Lauderdale moved to Portland with two of his children. The day after he arrived, he attended Peace Church of the Brethren and found a place to live temporarily through a member. Linda moved to Portland with their other children about six months later. Lauderdale met his partner, Jeff Devore, through the Portland Gay Men’s Chorus in the spring of 1982. He describes Devore as a won derful person, “strong in areas I am not so strong,” noting that his partner was “not a peo ple pleaser” like himself. Unfortunately, when they decided, several years into their relation ship, to undergo HIV testing together, Devore tested positive. Despite the diagnosis Lauderdale’s partner remained physically active and vigorous. Devore worked for a water treatment plant in Hills boro—a job he bicycled to from Portland. In 1989 he even made a solo ride from Mount H(xxJ to New York City. He died of AIDS com plications June 20, 1996. tion knew him as a person they appreciated and respected. Lauderdale describes his Portland church as very small but progressive. Although the Brethren church only has about 150,000 mem bers in the United States, they take their beliefs seriously. Lauderdale speaks highly of his con gregants and appreciates the support he received from them since that first day he attended a service in 1982. oday, Lauderdale is at peace with himself and feels that “integrity” is a key word in his life. It’s what allowed him 20 years ago to reveal to Linda that his feelings about men had not changed. This was a difficult part of his life because it meant their relationship had to evolve, and he concedes it was confusing to his family. Lauderdale says it is wonderful to have the opportunity to be a role model to his son and to relate as one gay family member to another. Thomas is the frontman for Pink Martini, an internationally known Portland band blending Cuban rumbas, classical chamber music, Parisian cafe tunes and foreign film soundtracks. “It’s a tremendous gift to me to have a gay son both in the terms of the pride I have in him and in having someone who authenticates my experience in some way,” Lauderdale says. “It makes it richer for both of us.” Lauderdale also recognizes and appreciates the extraordinary support of his ex-wife. He notes Linda’s “advcx:acy as a straight woman and a spouse who has endured pain but has always supported and loved” both her gay son and ex- husband. 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BACKYARD SPAS • THE P L E A S U R E IS AL L YOURS JACK T urteltaub is a psychologist, coach and free lance writer. He may be reached at turtelta@e-z.net. ong before it was ^confirmed, Lauder dale suspected his oldest son, Thomas, was gay. It wasn’t that his son was effeminate, he explains, but that he was musically gifted, socially mature for his age and able to con nect emotionally with adults in a way other chil dren could not. Some in society might wonder whether a gay father could contribute to his son’s similar orienta tion; Lauderdale flatly rejects this notion. He says he feels “sexual ori entation is a deep thing, unchangeable.” The younger Lauderdale’s sex ual orientation became clear— indirectly—when he outed himself in a Time magazine photo graph of a gay rally at Harvard University. In March 2002 Laud erdale was called to lead Peace Church of the Brethren, becoming the denom ination’s first openly gay man—as far as he knows— to do so. 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