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business that the couple had started a few
years earlier. But as the decade progressed and
the children grew, he realized he wasn’t happy
in his marriage, as much as he loved and
cared about Linda as a person. He was now
discovering his homosexuality “was not a
changeable condition.”
Lauderdale finally told Linda (for the second
time) about those unchanged feelings. He
describes this as “a very painful time” for the
entire family.
By mutual agreement, Linda moved out, tak
ing two of their children to Fort Wayne, while
Lauderdale kept the other two kids and contin
ued to run their nursery business. He attended a
gay support group in Fort Wayne, while Linda
dated a fellow congregant in the same city.
In a few years, the pressure of running the
business by himself and the unusual situation
with his family made the couple agree to re
locate to the West Coast, where they could live
closer together and move forward with their
lives while continuing to raise their children
together.
In 1982 Lauderdale moved to Portland with
two of his children. The day after he arrived, he
attended Peace Church of the Brethren and
found a place to live temporarily through a
member. Linda moved to Portland with their
other children about six months later.
Lauderdale met his partner, Jeff Devore,
through the Portland Gay Men’s Chorus in the
spring of 1982. He describes Devore as a won
derful person, “strong in areas I am not so
strong,” noting that his partner was “not a peo
ple pleaser” like himself. Unfortunately, when
they decided, several years into their relation
ship, to undergo HIV testing together, Devore
tested positive.
Despite the diagnosis Lauderdale’s partner
remained physically active and vigorous. Devore
worked for a water treatment plant in Hills
boro—a job he bicycled to from Portland. In
1989 he even made a solo ride from Mount
H(xxJ to New York City. He died of AIDS com
plications June 20, 1996.
tion knew him as a person they appreciated
and respected.
Lauderdale describes his Portland church as
very small but progressive. Although the
Brethren church only has about 150,000 mem
bers in the United States, they take their beliefs
seriously. Lauderdale speaks highly of his con
gregants and appreciates the support he
received from them since that first day he
attended a service in 1982.
oday, Lauderdale is at peace with himself
and feels that “integrity” is a key word in
his life. It’s what allowed him 20 years ago to
reveal to Linda that his feelings about men had
not changed. This was a difficult part of his life
because it meant their relationship had to
evolve, and he concedes it was confusing to his
family.
Lauderdale says it is wonderful to have the
opportunity to be a role model to his son and to
relate as one gay family member to another.
Thomas is the frontman for Pink Martini, an
internationally known Portland band blending
Cuban rumbas, classical chamber music,
Parisian cafe tunes and foreign film soundtracks.
“It’s a tremendous gift to me to have a gay
son both in the terms of the pride I have in him
and in having someone who authenticates my
experience in some way,” Lauderdale says. “It
makes it richer for both of us.”
Lauderdale also recognizes and appreciates
the extraordinary support of his ex-wife. He
notes Linda’s “advcx:acy as a straight woman and
a spouse who has endured pain but has always
supported and loved” both her gay son and ex-
husband. Lauderdale notes with pride that their
close relationship resulted in her asking him to
officiate at her November 2000 wedding at his
church. j n
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ong before it was
^confirmed, Lauder
dale suspected his oldest
son, Thomas, was gay. It
wasn’t that his son was
effeminate, he explains,
but that he was musically
gifted, socially mature for
his age and able to con
nect emotionally with
adults in a way other chil
dren could not.
Some in society might
wonder whether a gay
father could contribute to
his son’s similar orienta
tion; Lauderdale flatly
rejects this notion. He
says he feels “sexual ori
entation is a deep thing,
unchangeable.”
The
younger Lauderdale’s sex
ual orientation became
clear— indirectly—when
he outed himself in a
Time magazine photo
graph of a gay rally at
Harvard University.
In March 2002 Laud
erdale was called to lead
Peace Church of the
Brethren, becoming the
denom ination’s
first
openly gay man—as far
as he knows— to do so.
It was not an issue Kerby and Linda Lauderdale join their son Thomas for his 1992
because the congrega graduation from Harvard University
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