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About Just out. (Portland, OR) 1983-2013 | View Entire Issue (Jan. 3, 2003)
January 3.2003 • J a a t Mftj 15 lime guys will do anything to have a baby. And when you’re a gay male couple, you might have to he very resourceful to get one. Just ask James Giardina, Portland Area Business Association president and a designer at La Rog Jewelers. He’ll tell you an incredible story. Giardina and Brian Miller, partners since they met in St. Louis, knew they wanted to have a child, hut there were the obvious barriers. They explored some conventional ideas considered by other gay fathers, including adoption, hut everything was problematic. They even considered a biological contribution from Giardina’s sister, who was agree able to being impregnated with Miller’s sperm. Then last February, close to his store in downtown Portland, Giardina noticed a very young and obviously pregnant panhandler. She was smoking and asking for money. On the third day he passed her— and without getting permis sion from Miller— Giardina acted on an impulse and his long-thwarted wish. In his usual suit and tie, he leaned down next to her and revealed his intentions. “1 have plenty of spare change, hut 1 want to take care of that baby.” During the next couple of weeks, whenever Giardina saw the girl, whose name was Jasmine, he made a point of engaging her in conversa tion, even bringing her lunch. He learned that her name on the streets was, ironically, Fairy. He found out she loved Chee- tos and milk, which he would buy for her. She told him her hahy was promised to her aunt in San Francisco who could not have any more children because of a hysterectomy. He wondered what kind of woman would allow her unborn child’s mother to “sit on cold cement with that baby” and panhandle to survive. Giardina also learned, not surpris ingly, that Jasmine’s life had been difficult. She had run away from home at the age of 16 after she stole the aunt’s jewelry to “make ends meet.” She had lived in a shelter until her time was / up, then she was out on the streets. Jasmine eventually hooked up with a guy * who was doing dmgs, and she became addict ed to heroin. He dumped her after his mother offered to buy him a car if he would get clean and sober. Then she ran with another guy who was sup posed to hitchhike around the country with her. But when she told him she was 1 A mazing G race PABA president shares his fascinating fatherhood story by Ja c k T u rteltau b pregnant, he ran out on her, never to he seen again. Now, to protect her baby, she was on methadone replacement therapy. For several weeks, Giardina was optimistic that he could persuade Jasmine to give up her baby. He contacted his attorney, Mark Johnson, to approach the girl with an adoption proposal. But one day, Jasmine just disappeared. Gazing out from a window in the store where he could see her favorite comer near Rite Aid, Giardina noted the vacant spot and despaired about his lost opportunity. While he made a conscious effort to keep lixiking out for her, he assumed he never would see her again. Brian Miller (left) and James Giardina say Grace Then, three weeks later, as Giardina was head ing toward a business meeting, he saw Jasmine About three weeks before the expected again. He asked her to please “stay right there." delivery, Giardina drove over to Jasmine’s place When he returned with Miller, the first words out to sign all the papers with her mother and aunt of her mouth were, “Are you guys serious.7” present. When he got there, the relatives con The couple arranged a meeting with her and fronted him: “You’re horrible. How can you take made a generous proposal. If she would agree to our grandchild T’ let them raise her child, they would get an attor Giardina defended himself. He explained ney to represent her and protect her legal rights. that if he raised the baby, “Your child is going to They would draw up an agreement with have an amazing life.” Johnson that would provide financially for all of Shortly after this unpleasant encounter, the her prenatal care and living expenses. They also mother sent Giardina and Miller a packet of would pay for her room and board until family pictures for the baby. She called and asked them to contact her if they needed anything. she delivered the baby. Jasmine agreed, and Giardina’s Giardina says they took Jasmine to the hos attorney went to work. The couple pital June 15. The delivery went well, without had to undergo criminal checks, any complications. agree to a home study and obtain an Giardina and Miller stayed in the fathers interstate compact to adopt the center. The aunt called them at one point and child because they reside in Van offered to double the money they’d given to Jas couver, Wash. mine if they’d give up the baby to her. One night, Jasmine tele At the hospital, Jasmine tearfully held her phoned in a crisis. The older, daughter— she had decided to have no further abusive man she had been contact— before giving the little girl to her fathers. Appropriately enough, Grace was bom staying with had tried to the weekend of Father’s Day and Portland Pride. choke her. She needed their help. In the mid She was healthy, and her weight was in the nor dle of the night, Giar mal range (7 pounds, 11 ounces). She had no street drugs in her system and showed no symp dina and Miller toms of withdrawal. retrieved her and Another crisis soon arose. Five days after then worked out an arrangement for a coming into the world, Grace suddenly went into a severe drug withdrawal. Their beautiful friend to take little girl was screaming, could not keep down her in and provide any food and could not be comforted. They put her housing for the rest of her pregnancy. Beyond Borden Lower maintenance than your last date. fairly Traded Handcraft and Organic (offer 7780-B SW Capitol Hwy. In Multnomah Village Sexy Gifts - Exciting Ideas and Unique Apparatus C o rn er o f Sandy Blvd. & N E 6 4 th 3 1 0 6 N E 6 4 th P o rtlan d , O R 9 7 2 1 3 503 280 8080 her on a special predigested formula with fil tered bottles and waited. Slowly, she came out of the withdrawal and returned to being a nor mal baby girl. The past year has been eventful in more than one way for Giardina. In addition to becoming a father, he ratcheted up his involvement in Port land’s sexual minorities community by accept ing the presidency of PABA. Giardina says that he used to be a workaholic but that now, though he still loves his job, Grace is the main priority. “When you get a child, it just changes your life. Everything is centered around her now.” He describes his daughter as thriving, grow ing and showing no sign of problems from the methadone her mother took during the preg nancy. “She’s amazing, she sits up on her own, holds her bottle and makes great sounds,” he says enthusiastically. Giardina is also thankful for his family, for the work of his attorney and for his strong sup port system. “The family is so involved, and our circle of friends provides such incredible sup port. It’s been a joy.” J H J ames G iardina t varies full time at La Rog Jewelers in downtown Portland and may be reached at 503-223-5051 or through the Portland Area Business Association. J ack T urteltaub is a clinical psychologist, coach and free-lance writer in Portland. He may be reached at turtelta@e-z.net. 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