January 3.2003 • J a a t Mftj 15
lime guys will do anything to have a
baby. And when you’re a gay male
couple, you might have to he very
resourceful to get one.
Just ask James Giardina, Portland
Area Business Association president and a
designer at La Rog Jewelers. He’ll tell you an
incredible story.
Giardina and Brian Miller, partners since they
met in St. Louis, knew they wanted to have a child,
hut there were the obvious barriers. They explored
some conventional ideas considered by other gay
fathers, including adoption, hut everything was
problematic. They even considered a biological
contribution from Giardina’s sister, who was agree
able to being impregnated with Miller’s sperm.
Then last February, close to his store in
downtown Portland, Giardina noticed a very
young and obviously pregnant panhandler. She
was smoking and asking for money. On the third
day he passed her— and without getting permis
sion from Miller— Giardina acted on an impulse
and his long-thwarted wish.
In his usual suit and tie, he leaned down next to
her and revealed his intentions. “1 have plenty of
spare change, hut 1 want to take care of that baby.”
During the next couple of weeks, whenever
Giardina saw the girl, whose name was Jasmine,
he made a point of engaging her in conversa
tion, even bringing her lunch.
He learned that her name on the streets was,
ironically, Fairy. He found out she loved Chee-
tos and milk, which he would buy for her.
She told him her hahy was promised to her aunt
in San Francisco who could not have any more
children because of a hysterectomy. He wondered
what kind of woman would allow her unborn
child’s mother to “sit on cold cement with
that baby” and panhandle to survive.
Giardina also learned, not surpris
ingly, that Jasmine’s life had been
difficult. She had run away from
home at the age of 16 after she
stole the aunt’s jewelry to “make
ends meet.” She had lived in
a shelter until her time was /
up, then she was out on
the streets.
Jasmine eventually
hooked up with a guy *
who was doing dmgs,
and she became addict
ed to heroin. He dumped
her after his mother offered
to buy him a car if he would
get clean and sober.
Then she ran with
another guy who was sup
posed to hitchhike around
the country with her. But
when she told him she was
1
A mazing
G race
PABA president shares
his fascinating fatherhood story
by Ja c k T u rteltau b
pregnant, he ran out on her, never to he seen
again. Now, to protect her baby, she was on
methadone replacement therapy.
For several weeks, Giardina was optimistic
that he could persuade Jasmine to give up her
baby. He contacted his attorney, Mark Johnson,
to approach the girl with an adoption proposal.
But one day, Jasmine just disappeared.
Gazing out from a window in the store where
he could see her favorite comer near Rite Aid,
Giardina noted the vacant spot and despaired
about his lost opportunity. While he made a
conscious effort to keep lixiking out for her, he
assumed he never would see her again.
Brian Miller (left) and James Giardina say Grace
Then, three weeks later, as Giardina was head
ing toward a business meeting, he saw Jasmine
About three weeks before the expected
again. He asked her to please “stay right there." delivery, Giardina drove over to Jasmine’s place
When he returned with Miller, the first words out
to sign all the papers with her mother and aunt
of her mouth were, “Are you guys serious.7”
present. When he got there, the relatives con
The couple arranged a meeting with her and
fronted him: “You’re horrible. How can you take
made a generous proposal. If she would agree to our grandchild T’
let them raise her child, they would get an attor
Giardina defended himself. He explained
ney to represent her and protect her legal rights.
that if he raised the baby, “Your child is going to
They would draw up an agreement with
have an amazing life.”
Johnson that would provide financially for all of
Shortly after this unpleasant encounter, the
her prenatal care and living expenses. They also
mother sent Giardina and Miller a packet of
would pay for her room and board until
family pictures for the baby. She called and asked
them to contact her if they needed anything.
she delivered the baby.
Jasmine agreed, and Giardina’s
Giardina says they took Jasmine to the hos
attorney went to work. The couple
pital June 15. The delivery went well, without
had to undergo criminal checks,
any complications.
agree to a home study and obtain an
Giardina and Miller stayed in the fathers
interstate compact to adopt the center. The aunt called them at one point and
child because they reside in Van offered to double the money they’d given to Jas
couver, Wash.
mine if they’d give up the baby to her.
One night, Jasmine tele
At the hospital, Jasmine tearfully held her
phoned in a crisis. The older, daughter— she had decided to have no further
abusive man she had been contact— before giving the little girl to her
fathers. Appropriately enough, Grace was bom
staying with had tried to
the weekend of Father’s Day and Portland Pride.
choke her. She needed
their help. In the mid She was healthy, and her weight was in the nor
dle of the night, Giar mal range (7 pounds, 11 ounces). She had no
street drugs in her system and showed no symp
dina and
Miller
toms of withdrawal.
retrieved her and
Another crisis soon arose. Five days after
then worked out an
arrangement for a coming into the world, Grace suddenly went
into a severe drug withdrawal. Their beautiful
friend to take
little girl was screaming, could not keep down
her in and provide
any food and could not be comforted. They put
her housing for the rest of her pregnancy.
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her on a special predigested formula with fil
tered bottles and waited. Slowly, she came out
of the withdrawal and returned to being a nor
mal baby girl.
The past year has been eventful in more than
one way for Giardina. In addition to becoming a
father, he ratcheted up his involvement in Port
land’s sexual minorities community by accept
ing the presidency of PABA.
Giardina says that he used to be a workaholic
but that now, though he still loves his job, Grace
is the main priority. “When you get a child, it
just changes your life. Everything is centered
around her now.”
He describes his daughter as thriving, grow
ing and showing no sign of problems from the
methadone her mother took during the preg
nancy. “She’s amazing, she sits up on her own,
holds her bottle and makes great sounds,” he
says enthusiastically.
Giardina is also thankful for his family, for
the work of his attorney and for his strong sup
port system. “The family is so involved, and our
circle of friends provides such incredible sup
port. It’s been a joy.” J H
J ames G iardina t varies full time at La Rog
Jewelers in downtown Portland and may be
reached at 503-223-5051 or through the Portland
Area Business Association.
J ack T urteltaub is a clinical psychologist, coach
and free-lance writer in Portland. He may be
reached at turtelta@e-z.net.
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