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About Just out. (Portland, OR) 1983-2013 | View Entire Issue (Dec. 6, 2002)
Deanna’s faith soon found even more solid ground when she learned to disassociate the people o f the church from the hierarchy o f its power structure. “ H aving been very deeply wounded by the rejection o f church officials that squelched my spirit as a kid, that separation was something I had to discern prior to investigating any organ ized religion.” Sister Beatrice acknowledges that some might have their faith shaken by recent events. “ I think the more people have their faith tied to the institution, if they think priests are like saints and walk on water, then it’s going to be a really big disappointment. But, my faith is bigger than what happens with the personnel o f the church.” She offers a convincing and instructive parallel that com pares the hierarchy o f the Catholic Church with the coun try’s political leaders. “Was I happy with what C lin ton did? N o, I wasn’t happy. Did I leave the country? N o, I didn’t. I didn’t stop being American,” says Sister Beatrice, recalling the W h ite House sex scandal involv ing Monica Lewinsky and Presi dent Bill Clinton. “ I don’t con done it. I wasn’t proud o f it. But it’s my country, and he doesn’t represent all politicians.” Another analogy Sister Beat rice presents is the extreme importance o f the family, a cen tral component o f many cultures "The voices I heard from the people sitting in the pews with me were outraged at the ignorant cheap shot at gay people. It was perceived as y e t another irresponsible ana immoral dereliction o f duties by the hierarchy." — Deanna 2. Do nor confuse fanb in God mrh pani in rhe chunch imply put, the institutional church and everyday parish life are two separate worlds. “Those o f us in the trenches have to make the wheels turn sometimes in spite o f what man agement thinks is best,” fellow queer Catholic Deanna contends. “T h e people need to take control o f their own church and drive the church from the roots up and not let the hier archy have so much power.” This upsurge already can be seen in some Portland parishes where sexual minorities who have shunned the church in the past have returned to find communities such as St. Andrew and Southeast Portland’s St. Philip N eri welcoming them with open arms. Deanna is a real-life example o f rediscover ing a modem Catholicism that is more open and accepting. A t 17, she was asked to leave her parish because she is a lesbian. About 30 years passed before she felt the strength to return to church— any church— last February. “W h en the gay-blaming started popping up around the scandal, I was very afraid that after having restarted my spiritual journey, I would again have to face a major rejection,” Deanna says. But “ the voices I heard from the people sitting in the pews with me were outraged at the ignorant cheap shot at gay peo ple. It was perceived as yet another ir responsible and immoral dereliction o f duties by the hierarchy.” S and common to her own Latino heritage. “ If our 3# f ¡ Q j Jjg f^uL ed b y bOQQDCL families distance us, it’s very painful because we J don’t have anywhere else to go, because we’re not individualists.” or biblical literalists and others who per Father Abraham echoes that sentiment. He ceive religion in black-and-white terms, a believes homosexual clergy and laity remain in queer C atholic can seem a contradiction. the church, despite its often anti-gay stance, ; Indeed, some sexual minority Catholics opt to because to remain leave the church C atholic they have altogether, while no other place to go. others choose to “ In the C atholic participate in off Church, you’re either shoot ministries. in or out. There’s no — Sister Beatrice For those who in between.” choose to remain, Some “ live the lie” in order to continue to is accepting a religion that rejects your sexual serve their larger faith. Others remain in the identity hypocritical? church to work for acceptance from within. “ If you’re following the black-and-white par- “ I’m there as a gay person,” Father Abraham adigm, it is,” Sister Beatrice responds. “ But it’s affirms. “ Every day o f the week that I go to not a black-and-white church. There are a good church, I’m there. Maybe Rome doesn’t know many gray issues, and that’s why we’re encour- I’m there, but I’m still knocking on the door, aging you to follow your conscience. Think And, by knocking on that door, someday I’m for yourself about what does it mean for you going to get it to open just a little bit more.” to be a member o f this organization and Pat, a member o f St. Andrew, adds: “ M y per- this religion.” sonal faith is firmly based on my relationship Constance, a Portland lesbian Catholic, with G od and the observes how the taking Vatican legislation with a grain o f salt and following one’s conscience. “There are those who say, ‘I don’t want to be part o f this insti tution, and I’m happy to not deal with it,’ ” Sister Beatrice explains. “ A n d then there are others who feel, ‘I get to be a sexual human being. That’s part o f my spirituali ty. T h e Divine lives in me, and I’m a spiritual being, and part o f my sexuality is part o f the D ivine.’ ” A s an example, Sister Beatrice describes the traditional relation ship model o f Western culture as a monogamous marriage involving one man and one woman. T h e polyamory movement, in contrast, allows for permutations o f that structure because it is a paradigm based on sustaining intimacy rather than building a con ven tional nuclear family. So, too, are there different paradigms within Catholicism, some in contrast to canon law but in harmony with the religion’s overall spiritual goals. “There’s a need to be pastoral, to be human, to have compas sion,” Sister Beatrice says. “ D iffer ent priests and religious interpret the dogma in different ways. Some are going to be more literal and church-abiding because they believe this is how they will be saved. A n d there are those who feel they are going to follow this to the best o f their ability and to the best o f how they understand it. If you’re committed to the institu tion and you want to work within it or want to live within it— I don’t want to say that people cheat or lie to themselves— but there’s a way in which they find room for them selves within it. ” j n T imothy K rause is a free-lance writer m Portland. "My faith is bigger than what happens with the personnel o f the church" I nourishment I re- ceive from my faith community. A situa- (ion resulting from church hierarchy policies and sick trating but does not "I'm there as a gay person • • • • H L J O ’ U i It M 0yD 6 KOITIB UOBSil I KHOW I IP //,gr g i / 'm j //// t I I I I • „ „ f a ** I dOOi. Afld, Dy kflOCKIfig on that d00Ff SOMCdOy I IP Q0IP(J tO Q6t it tO open ¡ust a little bit more. shake my faith. I be- lieve that as a result ~ ’ o f this extremely ffus- trating, painful time, the Catholic Church hierarchy will make some serious changes. For that reason, I am hopeful rather than rattled.” letter o f the law matters further up in the hierarchy, but the o f the la* prevails more strongly below. She shares that the disconnect between U.S. parishes and the Vatican more than a myopic condition o f an old- fashioned Holy See. It’s a matter o f ecclesial interpretation and o f following a pastoral ministry rather than enforcing prescriptive doctrine. It’s , , i ---- rQinGr AbrOhOm R
