Deanna’s faith soon found
even more solid ground when
she learned to disassociate the
people o f the church from the
hierarchy o f its power structure.
“ H aving been very deeply
wounded by the rejection o f
church officials that squelched
my spirit as a kid, that separation
was something I had to discern
prior to investigating any organ
ized religion.”
Sister Beatrice acknowledges
that some might have their faith
shaken by recent events. “ I think
the more people have their faith
tied to the institution, if they
think priests are like saints and
walk on water, then it’s going to
be a really big disappointment.
But, my faith is bigger than what
happens with the personnel o f
the church.”
She offers a convincing and
instructive parallel that com
pares the hierarchy o f the
Catholic Church with the coun
try’s political leaders.
“Was I happy with what C lin
ton did? N o, I wasn’t happy. Did
I leave the country? N o, I didn’t.
I didn’t stop being American,”
says Sister Beatrice, recalling the
W h ite House sex scandal involv
ing Monica Lewinsky and Presi
dent Bill Clinton. “ I don’t con
done it. I wasn’t proud o f it. But
it’s my country, and he doesn’t
represent all politicians.”
Another analogy Sister Beat
rice presents is the extreme
importance o f the family, a cen
tral component o f many cultures
"The voices I heard from the
people sitting in the pews with me
were outraged at the ignorant
cheap shot at gay people.
It was perceived as y e t another
irresponsible ana immoral
dereliction o f duties
by the hierarchy."
— Deanna
2. Do nor confuse fanb in God
mrh pani in rhe chunch
imply put, the institutional church and
everyday parish life are two separate
worlds.
“Those o f us in the trenches have to make
the wheels turn sometimes in spite o f what man
agement thinks is best,” fellow queer Catholic
Deanna contends. “T h e people need to take
control o f their own church and drive the
church from the roots up and not let the hier
archy have so much power.”
This upsurge already can be seen in some
Portland parishes where sexual minorities who
have shunned the church in the past have
returned to find communities such as St.
Andrew and Southeast Portland’s St. Philip
N eri welcoming them with open arms.
Deanna is a real-life example o f rediscover
ing a modem Catholicism that is more open and
accepting. A t 17, she was asked to leave her
parish because she is a lesbian. About 30 years
passed before she felt the strength to return to
church— any church— last February.
“W h en the gay-blaming started popping up
around the scandal, I was very afraid that after
having restarted my spiritual journey, I would
again have to face a major rejection,” Deanna
says. But “ the voices I
heard from the people
sitting in the pews
with me were
outraged
at
the ignorant
cheap shot
at gay peo
ple. It was
perceived as
yet another ir
responsible
and
immoral dereliction
o f duties by the
hierarchy.”
S
and common to her own Latino heritage. “ If our
3#
f ¡ Q j Jjg f^uL ed b y bOQQDCL
families distance us, it’s very painful because we
J
don’t have anywhere else to go, because we’re
not individualists.”
or biblical literalists and others who per
Father Abraham echoes that sentiment. He
ceive religion in black-and-white terms, a
believes homosexual clergy and laity remain in
queer C atholic can seem a contradiction.
the church, despite its often anti-gay stance, ; Indeed, some sexual minority Catholics opt to
because to remain
leave the church
C atholic they have
altogether, while
no other place to go.
others choose to
“ In
the
C atholic
participate in off
Church, you’re either
shoot ministries.
in or out. There’s no
— Sister Beatrice For those who
in between.”
choose to remain,
Some “ live the lie” in order to continue to
is accepting a religion that rejects your sexual
serve their larger faith. Others remain in the
identity hypocritical?
church to work for acceptance from within.
“ If you’re following the black-and-white par-
“ I’m there as a gay person,” Father Abraham
adigm, it is,” Sister Beatrice responds. “ But it’s
affirms. “ Every day o f the week that I go to not a black-and-white church. There are a good
church, I’m there. Maybe Rome doesn’t know many gray issues, and that’s why we’re encour-
I’m there, but I’m still knocking on the door, aging you to follow your conscience. Think
And, by knocking on that door, someday I’m for yourself about what does it mean for you
going to get it to open just a little bit more.”
to be a member o f this organization and
Pat, a member o f St. Andrew, adds: “ M y per-
this religion.”
sonal faith is firmly based on my relationship
Constance, a Portland lesbian Catholic,
with G od and the
observes how the
taking Vatican legislation with a
grain o f salt and following one’s
conscience.
“There are those who say, ‘I
don’t want to be part o f this insti
tution, and I’m happy to not deal
with it,’ ” Sister Beatrice explains.
“ A n d then there are others who
feel, ‘I get to be a sexual human
being. That’s part o f my spirituali
ty. T h e Divine lives in me, and I’m
a spiritual being, and part o f my
sexuality is part o f the D ivine.’ ”
A s an example, Sister Beatrice
describes the traditional relation
ship model o f Western culture as a
monogamous marriage involving
one man and one woman. T h e
polyamory movement, in contrast,
allows for permutations o f that
structure because it is a paradigm
based on sustaining intimacy
rather than building a con ven
tional nuclear family. So, too, are
there different paradigms within
Catholicism, some in contrast to
canon law but in harmony with
the religion’s overall spiritual
goals.
“There’s a need to be pastoral,
to be human, to have compas
sion,” Sister Beatrice says. “ D iffer
ent priests and religious interpret
the dogma in different ways. Some
are going to be more literal and
church-abiding
because
they
believe this is how they will be
saved. A n d there are those who
feel they are going to follow this to
the best o f their ability and to the
best o f how they understand it. If
you’re committed to the institu
tion and you want to work within
it or want to live within it— I don’t want to say
that people cheat or lie to themselves— but
there’s a way in which they find room for them
selves within it. ” j n
T imothy K rause
is a free-lance
writer m Portland.
"My faith is bigger than what happens
with the personnel o f the church"
I
nourishment I re-
ceive from my faith
community. A situa-
(ion resulting from
church
hierarchy
policies
and
sick
trating but does not
"I'm there as a gay person • • • •
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open ¡ust a little bit more.
shake my faith. I be-
lieve that as a result
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o f this extremely ffus-
trating, painful time,
the Catholic Church hierarchy will make some
serious changes. For that reason, I am hopeful
rather than rattled.”
letter o f the law
matters further up
in the hierarchy, but
the
o f the la*
prevails more strongly
below. She shares
that the disconnect
between U.S. parishes
and the Vatican
more than a myopic
condition o f an old-
fashioned Holy See. It’s a matter o f ecclesial
interpretation and o f following a pastoral ministry
rather than enforcing prescriptive doctrine. It’s
,
,
i
---- rQinGr AbrOhOm
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