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About Just out. (Portland, OR) 1983-2013 | View Entire Issue (Nov. 15, 2002)
novembflr 13.2ÛQ2 » T hat’s right, just when you thought it was safe to be queer, The National Enquirer has to go and announce that the Beltway Snipers were gay lovers. I’m sure Black Muslims across the country are heaving a sigh of relief that they’re not taking the heat for this one alone. This on the same day that Murderous Maids came out in Portland, a movie about a pair of sisters/lovers who kill their bosses, based on the 1932 case of the Papin sisters in France. Right now the Human Rights Campaign is about as happy as Martha Stewart’s press agent. A s I looked at the photos of John Allen Muhammad and John Lee Malvo in the Enquirer (OK, I bought it, but only because 1 was in the “ 10 Items or Less” line and couldn’t finish the article in time), what bothered me most was that both of these guys are, well, kind of cute. It’s very disturbing to me that a number of gay murderers— Versace killer Andrew Cunanan, Erik Menendez of the Menendez brothers, Jeffrey Dahmer when he shaved— look like the kind of guys most of us would pick up in a bar; that is, if it weren’t for the fact that they were homicidal maniacs. C ’mon, admit it, while the rest of the world looked on with disgust at American Taliban fighter John Walker Lindh (also allegedly gay), some of you were thinking that the wild hair and beard thing was kind of a sexy look. Now, no one wants to think about the psy chos in our midst. Actually, I take that back; our opponents only want to think about the psychos in our midst, and, as a result, we queers want to deny the connection. But there are loonies everywhere. I’ve lived in the Northwest a long time; I know of what I speak. Natural burn killers Baton Rouge, La., to freak out his family and then went straight to...where else?The Great Northwest, of course, to be with the rest of the nuts and squirrels. The gay community has its share of wackos, too. I spent a good part of last summer’s Portland Pride weekend meeting a couple of hundred fans at the Just Out booth. While I’m pleased to report that most of my readers are charming, brilliant people of the most discriminating good taste (how could you not be, when you read this column?), I’ve got to admit that a few of them are, well, kind of creepy. I mean like “the voic es in my head told me to M urderers in our midst THE GOSPEL ACCORDING TO MARC by M arc Acito After Sept. 11, a lot of people in Portland expressed gratitude that they lived in a rela tively safe place where, a nuclear power plant aside, it didn’t seem likely terrorists would attack. That may be true, but the reason no one is interested in blowing up the Northwest is because T H A T ’S WHERE A LL THE CRAZIES CO M E T O HIDE! Right after the World Trade Center attacks, Floyd and I called the local Islamic center and offered to make them free banners at our sign shop saying, “United We Stand.” We wanted to help people understand that they weren’t associated with the terrorists. They never called us back. A year later, a half-dozen guys from the very same center, reportedly motivated by an intense hatred of the United States, were arrested for trying to sneak into Afghanistan. I’m guessing that’s why they didn’t want the sign. Now neighbors are complaining, not because would-be terrorists live nearby (again, who’s going to blow up their own neighbor a«»MWi? visit hood?) but because low-flying military surveil lance aircraft are keeping them awake at night. G o figure. So I wasn’t remotely surprised when I learned that after John Muhammad picked up John Malvo in Antigua, they stopped briefly in you” kind of creepy. No offense. But keep filling those prescriptions, OK? O f course, I’m sure all of you are just fun- wielding material girls, not gun-wielding serial killers, but still we have to accept the bad with the good. If we claim da Vinci as one of ours, we’ve got to admit to Dahmer, as well. So, be careful: That cute trick you pick up in a bar just might have a pistol in his pocket and may not be happy to see you. And that, my friends, is The Gospel According to Marc. J H M a r c A c r r o ’s syndicated column appears in a dozen papers nationwide. Write him at marcacito@attbi. com . Octúuj Out Oatúic¡ Out Oatúuj, Out Octu uj Out Catuic^. 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