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About Just out. (Portland, OR) 1983-2013 | View Entire Issue (Nov. 1, 2002)
novemoer 1.2ÛÛ2 * Ju s t 0 1 1 1 4 5 i/ ■ ; • ' >; BM M M H I 2 ÿi(,è Satiri', fyiU S ali. y ' % r OiU S aL . .fyki .............................. W ÊtÊtÊtKÊfÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊKtÊtÊÊtÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊÊËKk ........................ Country Breakfast Homestyle Lunches Dinner Special Every Sunday Old Fashioned Desserts ...and o f course The Best Poundcake in Portland! “Our Main Ingredient is Love.” • * 3 9 6 9 N E Martin Luther King Jr. Blvd. 1 ^ 5 0 3 .2 8 2 .6 3 5 4 * M on-Sat 7-7 « Sun 12-7 Michael Bevel wrote this piece about a week before the snipers were apprehended. I y life is a montage I of sniper moments. Crossing the I street, waiting at lis the bus stop, sneaking to Starbucks for a eenn Vanilla Frappuccino when I really should be at my desk, I think to myself: “C an he see me now? Is there some where to run? How much will it hurt if I have ■ to drop and roll for cover?” Michael Bevel and his three ferocious dogs fight bad guys in I’m explain the nation’s capital ing all of this to the three dogs who live in my I decide I need some kind of loud running house—how they need to be brave commentary— something to prove to the what with the shootings and all— sniper in my basement that I’m a man to be and, in the middle of warming up my reckoned with. A macho m an’s macho man. bowl of bad pasta, the power goes off. O r that I at least have some dangerous dogs MICHAEL Like that. with me. BEVEL O f course, the fuse box is in the I begin talking about how ferocious the basement. The fuse box is always in dogs are and how they h av en ’t eaten yet the basement when there’s a sniper on the and, boy, w ouldn’t it be terrible if a stranger loose and you’re in a house alone. But I’ve seen were downstairs because these dogs would too many scary movies in my time, and I know just (th e G erm an shepherd lets loose w ith a better. I’m savvy. loud one) tear th a t stranger to shreds, so I I’m not about to go down into the base hope no one creepy like a killer or a mugger ment because clearly the sniper has broken into or a sniper is dow n here because all hell my home, has cut the power and is now wait could break loose. ing in the dark in the hope that I’ll come I’m assuming my action-hero monologue traipsing down the stairs— tra-la-la, oh whatev worked, because no one is down there. I check er happened to the power?—and he’ll shoot me the fuse box, flip some switches ineffectively dead. In my own home. Because I am stupid. and then race back upstairs in case the sniper Instead, I lock the basement door, I gather changes his mind. the dogs, and we all go sit on the front porch in The dogs and I again wait on the front the dusk waiting for someone to come home. porch, noticing for the first time the lack of The silence after the power is out is different streetlights, the dark houses in tidy rows up and down our unlit street, hearing conversations from the silence on a normal Thursday. T hat’s because a normal Thursday isn’t really silent. between neighbors about how dark it is with out any power. Electricity hums. It purrs. It makes the gentle drone of the lamp by my rocking chair and the Later, I light candles and sit on the couch, quiet whir of the electric powered clock. listening to the silence I hadn’t heard before, Silence + Electricity = Noise. It also equals knowing the dogs’ location by smell. comfort. Silence - Electricity = Killer in the My neighborhood is safe. I remind myself of Basement. M ath has never been so terrifying. that when I hear the distant pop of what might be a gunshot or a car backfiring or kids with a After 10 minutes of sitting on the porch cache of firecrackers. and trying to convince the dogs to look fierce, I realize how silly this is. Miniature schnauzers I remind myself of that when I wake up at can’t look fierce. 2 o’clock in the morning to make the rounds Anyway, the sniper isn’t in my house. I of the locks and windows. My neighborhood is safe, I tell my mom w hen she calls from mean, he’s a sniper for Chrissakes— different Medford and my brother when he calls from motivation completely. Still, the power is out, I’m the only one Portland. home, and if I’m-going to the basement, I’m My neighborhood is safe, my house is safe, going prepared. So I take all three dogs (the the dogs and I in a blanket on the couch are schnauzer, a clumsy A kita puppy and a G er safe. And the night is very quiet. JF1 man shepherd w ith bad gas), a candle and one of those long lighters used for barbecues Gay boy MICHAEL B evel is a free-lance writer, transplanted Oregonian and British adventuress and fireplaces. If the sniper needs a cigarette living in Washington, D .C . He can be reached at lit or some mood lighting, I d o n ’t w ant to mbevel2002@yahoo. com. disappoint. Buy One Sandwich, Get the 2nd for 1 / 2 Price with This Coupon I When your passion is pizza ziozio N. Portland B lvd. 2934 NE A l b e r t a S t r e e t P o r t l a n d . 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