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About Just out. (Portland, OR) 1983-2013 | View Entire Issue (April 19, 2002)
4 apcü 19, 2002 ADVICE The Fantasy Creature Store Dishonest girlz Is it OK to lie to save her feelings? G lj t s Jro m EVERY BOOK OF GAY »O T IC A ALW AYS IN STOCK! ( @ ) Ju s t Betw een Us. Dangly bits snap to attention in new Greg Gorman photo book. $60. ( H ij a c k the Stripper. Daddy-boy artist Julius returns with filthy new picture-story book. $27. © Ultim ate G uide to A n a l Sex for Men. Like, you know, where to put it and stuff... $15. DOWNTOWN @ 927 SW OAK • 226-8141 and le g e n d D ear M s . B ehavior : Dragons - Gargoyles - Fairies Jewelry - Incense - Celtic 3 1 0 6 -B NE 6 4 th Near the corner of 64th & Sandy Blvd next to It's My Pleasure 5 0 3 -2 4 1 -8 8 8 8 Thurs 12-6 • Frl 12-6 • Sat 12-7 • Sun 12-5 C e le b ra tin g th e 13ody E r o t ic J une 1-2 / P ortland Come alive to the power o f your erot ic energy. Open your body, mind and spirit to a world o f pleasure. Discover deeper levels o f communication with yourself and others. Honor yourself with the gift r a w Bodl) o f touch. K a t / J | Electric School My girlfriend recently quit her job as a certified public accountant to follow her lifelong dream to be an “artist." She’s saved just enough money to pay her half of the rent and to not get too carried away with the romance of the starving artist. T he problem, Ms. Behavior, is that she’s not very good. I mean, she’s really not good. And yet there she goes every day off to the garage— now her studio— to paint. She’s talking about trying to show her work at some of the local galleries, but I don’t think it’s very likely. 1 remain silently supportive of her dream. 1 do her paint-speckled laundry; I ask about her day; 1 tell her I’m proud of her, which I am— following a dream is a great thing. My question is: Am I obligated to gently let her know that her work isn’t that good and that she might have to adjust her expectations of being warmly received in the art communi ty? If it were me, I’d want to know. O n the other hand, it’s her path, and surely there’s no lack of harsh reality in store for her. If 1 don’t tell her, someone else will, but then won’t she wonder if I knew all along? Is this a secret I should bring with me to the grave? Picasso's Partner — D ear P icasso ’ s P artner : Although it would be dishonest for you to rave about your girlfriend’s artwork, you also should not tell her it “isn’t that good.” Having the time and money to do what she loves is a great blessing. Your willingness to do her paint-speckled laun dry and your emo tional support are probably very mean ingful to her. If she must face discourage ment, let it be from others. You also can’t be sure what’s in store for your girlfriend. We all know of tal ented artists who never make a living. A t the same time, a lack of artistic genius isn’t a guarantee of failure. O n occasion, a truly lousy painter has a noticeable, lucrative career. D ear M s . B ehavior : I’m a 27-year-old lesbian who has only been out of the closet for about a year. I met this wonderful woman who swept me off my feet. But I’ve come to find out almost everything she told me about herself was a lie. She possesses a minimal amount of the qualities I find attractive in a woman, so as time has passed, I’ve found myself more and more attracted to other people with more of these qualities. O ne of the people I am attracted to is a mutual friend of ours. My girlfriend and I have broken our relationship off because she is really inse cure, jealous and immature. But I can’t help thinking that one of the contributing factors is my attraction for this mutual friend, who is attracted to me as well. My ex and I still live together as roommates and best friends. But I don’t know what to do with these feelings I harbor for our mutual friend. Would it be wrong for us to act on what we feel ? If my ex had only told the truth from the beginning, things would have turned out differ ently. I honestly can’t stand to see my ex hurt, but I need to be true to myself. K .C . — D ear K.C.: It’s no wonder your ex-girlfriend went from being a “wonderful woman” to seeming “really insecure, jealous and immature.” You and the so-called “mutual friend” are probably exuding slippery sex hormones all over the place. You’re all juiced up and titillated over your secret attraction, barely refraining from trib- adizing on the kitchen floor, right in front of your new “best friend.” So how could your ex not feel jealous and insecure? You say you can ’t stand to see your ex hurt, but what are you doing to reduce the harm? W h en people say, in this context, th a t they w ant to be “true” to th em selves, it usually m eans they’re about to disrobe. Meanwhile, you blame your ex, say ing if only she were honest from the beginning, none of this would have happened. But, except in the moment where you wonder if your own attraction might be a “con tributing factor,” it sounds like you’re the one who’s not honest. T he problem is not that you’ve become attracted to someone else; it’s that you’re sneaking around and om itting the truth. The best thing you could do is to acknowledge the real reason you ended the relationship. Then, treat your ex with kindness and respect and move out. in Write your confused and conflicted heart out to M s. BEHAVIOR at MsBehavior@aol.com.
