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About Just out. (Portland, OR) 1983-2013 | View Entire Issue (April 5, 2002)
3 4 )— « — W l H . •’ IU T A D W 1C E RE/MAX S ig n a t u r e W estover H eights P r o p e r t ie s ! C L I N I Generation gap C Can a 51-year-old love a man born after Watergate? O ffering general internal medicine and excelling in sexual health care Serving the communityJor / 7 year* 2330 NW Flanders ‘ Suite 207 503-226-6678 SH A RE T H E W EA LTH "Tina was extremely helpful to me in finding a house for my disabled father. She understood our needs and took care of everything for us very quickly. Tina also iust helped my brother, a first time buyer, find his dream home. He is thrilled!” D ear M s . B ehavio r : I just met the most wonder ful guy. The good news: His last husband of 3 1/2 years was older than I am. The had news: He is only 27 (ouch). I am 51. Is it possible for a relation ship to work when the age dif ference is so large? He said age is just a number, hut I know it is more than that. It is a record of how long each of us has been alive. Thanks for your advice. — Frank D ear F r a n k : —Jill Willuim.i Tina Schafer g r i . a b r M u lti-M iliu m D o lla r Producer RE/MAX Signature Properties Just Out subscriptions make great gifts for family and friends. 282-4000 X 122 www.justout.com e-mail: tinas@ rem ax.net or call 503-236-1252 o u tiq u e The adult gift shop fo r lovers with good taste ” V V V V V V V V A dult G ifts & C ards L otions & P otions M assage O ils M en ’ s & W omen ’ s L ingerie S ex T oys N ovelties A dult C andies & G ames 20% O ff S elected L ong G owns Open Mon-Sat 1720 SE 122nd Avenue • Portland OR 503-252-2017 • www.lboutique.com B are — is— B ack ! You KNOW it ! IV e KNOW it ! G E T TES TED A N O N YM O U S HIV TES TIN G O FFER ED FREE walk-in HIV testing Monday nights 6pm to •f WtikiiftM C*«aty H m IH i Clinic-B*»v*rto« 12550 Stf 2*4 (BctWM* Hall **4 Wit inn) Far Mara iafanaatiaa, plaasa call (503) 846-4734 The prospect of a new relationship is very exciting. And it would he lovely if age really were just a number. But if that were true, Junior would not have consecutively chosen two men who were so much older than he. Consciously or not, he’s looking for some thing specific that he feels he can get from some one 2 1/2 decades his senior. (Hello, Daddy?) Ms. Behavior sometimes receives letters from people with intergenerational relationships that have soured, particularly when the age differ ence is so large. The traits that appealed to them in the beginning now annoy them. T he younger member of the couple com plains that the low-key lifestyle that once felt calming now seems tixi sedentary. T he older member gripes that he secretly feels unable to maintain the level of activity his partner needs, and he yearns for more sophisticated com panionship. For the sake of perspective on your compatibili ty: Your boyfriend candidate was horn after W ater gate. Rock ’n ’ roll was virtually dead by the time he reached elem en tary school. He never had to suffer the pain of only a few television channels. He probably never wrote a school essay without a computer. He reached puberty when you were beginning middle age. By the time he was old enough to have sex, it was never safe to do it without a condom. Finally, by the time you reach the age that you’ll need annual prostate exams, your boyfriend still won’t have achieved his full hone mass. N one of this would matter much (you could consider it similar to a multicultural marriage), except that the chances of not engaging in a father-son dynamic are practically nil. U lti mately, your decision about whether to get involved should include some consideration of how you feel about that fact. But who are we kidding? By the time you read this, you and Junior probably will be shop ping for N intendo for your living room. D ear M s . B ehavio r : I started a new job last m onth for a small company with 20 employees. O n my first day, 1 was overjoyed upon meeting Rhonda because my gaydar went off; 1 could detect she was a lesbian like myself. She and 1 work on the same project and interact reg ularly. 1 am smitten with her, and every day is exciting to me because 1 know 1 will see her and get to he near her. 1 was thinking about asking her out on a date, hut then last week she mentioned her two sons to me. 1 didn’t know she had children. T hen she told me she had a husband as well! I was and still am crushed about this news. I thought there was something brewing between us, hut now 1 guess not. Rhonda used to he in the National Guard. Do you think th a t’s what fooled me? I can’t believe how off base 1 was about Rhonda. W hat do you think? — Crushed Over Rhonda D ear C rushed O ver R h o n d a : News flash: M arried wom en som etim es flirt w ith lesbians! A nd married women (even m others!) som etim es are them selves lesbians. So the chemistry you felt brewing between you and Rhonda probably was real. But that doesn’t mean she necessarily wants to act on it or even acknowledge it. She just might enjoy the titilla- tion of flirting with you. It’s also possi ble R honda does w ant to have an affair with you. But before you get yourself worked up about this possibility, Ms. Behavior must recom mend against acting on it. First, a rela tionship in the workplace, par ticularly a small office, is always dicey. (If Rhonda is “straight,” you quickly will gain a reputation as the lesbian who recruits from the National Guard.) Second, there’s the very real risk of having your heart broken by a woman who only wants to dabble in Sapphic love and erot ic pleasure. Next, consider the fact that Rhonda served in the military. G iven that, it’s likely her hus band did, too, or still does, in which case he’s likely to have access to at least one gun. As for the question of how many straight women serve in the National Guard: Ms. Behavior estimates there are fewer than could fit in a Volkswagen Beetle. J H Write your confused and conflicted heart out to Ms. B ehavior at MsBehavinr@aol.com.
