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About Just out. (Portland, OR) 1983-2013 | View Entire Issue (Feb. 1, 2002)
tetouary 1 . 2 ÛÛ 2 * HUMOR we'teAU-, MAP H 0 f c " was talking with a rather well-connected friend of mine recently when he mentioned he knew a certain writer I admire. My well-connected friend didn’t know it, hut not only do 1 admire this writer, I identi fy with her, as well; 1 feel like she gives voice to my secret self. I’ve always considered her some thing of a kindred spirit, actually— a “fellow traveler,” as the communists used to say. “W hat’s she like?” I panted, hungry for details. “Ach, she’s a total nutbag,” my friend said, rolling his eyes. “She’s absolutely infuriating. She’s temperamental, she’s demanding, she’s erratic. She drives everyone crazy.” Boy, am I glad 1 didn’t mention the kindred spirit thing. On the way home 1 got to thinking more about it, and 1 realized nearly all of my favorite artists— Dorothy Parker, Tennessee Williams, Judy Garland— were mentally unbalanced in one way or another. Y’know, it doesn’t do a lot for your self-confidence when you realize most of the people you admire were institutionalized. By the time I got home 1 was in tears. My partner lixiked at me and said, “W hat’s wrong?" “All the people 1 identify with are looney- tunes,” I cried. “This is news?” he said. Well, yeah. Since I no longer go out of my way to act wacky like I did when 1 was a needy, attention-starved kid, I somehow convinced myself I was a reasonably normal adult, kind of dull, even. But now I have my doubts. Have you seen that commercial for the antidepressant with the cartoon of that sad-ltxiking egg thing? 1 have, because it seems to be on during most of the shows I watch, which makes me worry per- Fruits and Nuts \ t£ Embracing the “queerness” of your fellow travelers THE GOSPEL ACCORDING TO MARC b y M a r c A c ito haps I’m part of some marketing effort aimed at reaching the depressed demographic. 1 can just hear the guys on Madison Avenue: “Let’s see, gay men ages 31 to 45 who watch Ally McBeal and Will & G race. Oh yeah, those guys need all the pharmaceuticals money can buy.” They call us Mannish Depressives. I myself am a magnet for the truly unhinged, partially because I’ve always sub scribed to the theory that there’s a very fine line separating the brilliant from the complete wackjobs. I guess it makes me approachable. Doesn’t matter where I am— on a bus, on line in the supermarket, at church— it’s only a matter of time before somebody starts telling me about the voices only they can hear. (I’ll say one thing for schizophrenics, though: They’re rarely dull. If you don’t like the personality you’re talking to, stick around and they’ll change it quicker than a stripper can whip off a G-string.) Now I know being gay is no longer consid ered a mental illness, but, personally, I still NijWtVJ 1y N & ' f OOP associate being queer with being a little, we need some well, queer. Yet there’s body to freak the this whole cult of straight people out! Get me a trans person and normality out there, a fast!”) new emerging gay So if you find that your gay potlucks need voice insisting we are some livening up, I suggest you trot out the old just like straight people Magic Pill question, then sit back and watch except we’re better the fur fly. Oh, you know the one: “If you grixMned. could take a Magic Pill that would make you straight, would you?” 1 ask you, what fun is that? I guarantee you there’s bound to be at least W e’ve got mil one fag who will say: “Absolutely. I mean, who itant dykes being would choose to be gay? Anybody who’d choose replaced by to be an oppressed minority has got to be crazy.” Stepford Les Well, I guess that does make me crazy bians and soccer after all. moms in the Listen, if being gay is something you ’burbs dropping only do from the waist down, that’s your the kids off at prerogative. And if you want to be as bor- Boy Scouts » ing as most straight people, by all (hello?) before ii . means, go ahead. But as for me, ■ I’m sticking with the Fruits and heading to the PTA meeting. ----- the Nuts. It’s like an W ho would choose to be gay? episode of Leave It Oh, me, me, me! Pick me! to Beaver, and for more reasons than one, if And that, my friends, is The Gospel According to Marc. jH you catch my drift. I’m beginning to think queer activists finally started including trans people not because it was MARC A c ito has pushed his boyfriend to the the right thing to do but because we were start brink o f insanity as well. He can be reached at marcacito@ attbi. com . ing to look kinda dull without them. (“Quick, A ROMANTIC NIGHT IN VIENNA “A Concert for Lovers” Thursday. February 14 at 7:30 pm Norman Leyden, conductor Lisa Vroman, vocalist Treat your sweetheart to an evening of Viennese waltzes and other beautiful music perfect for this most romantic of holidays! he new award-w ining psycho-sexual thrill om gay playwrii t Matthew B. Zrebski. Tickets start at $25 Sponsored by the Andrianoff Family Media support by K103 fm y ___ [¡ustr 1 ] 1 1 sum in n i». SuakRavimiT*. ii'Jt/w jv r FOR TICKETS AND INFORMATION: Call 503-228-1353 | 1 800 228 7343 | Mon- Sat, 9 am - 5 pm www.orsymphony.org | 503-790 ARTS (service charge may apply) Group rates available on most concerts. Call 503-228-1353 WHERE'S T 0 T 0 ? LESBIAN PERFORMER DOROTHY A. HIRSCH’S WILD ONE WOMAN COMEDY ARLENE SCHNITZER CONCERT HALL SW Main & Broadway • Portland Center (or the Performing Arts ST A R K R A V M G ^ Fridays and Saturdays following After the Zipper February 2 - March 2, 2002 10:30 pm
