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About Just out. (Portland, OR) 1983-2013 | View Entire Issue (Dec. 7, 2001)
7.2001 HUMOR s it just me, or have ytxi noticed that one of the unexpected results of the international outcry against terrorism is that for once queer people aren’t being portrayed as the enemy? A Republican president has said that the head of the Moral Majority is neither moral nor in the majority, a gay rugby player has been hailed as a national hero, and the mayor of New York has offered to dress in drag on Queer as Folk for charity. Homophobia must he on the wane, right? Yeah, and Sean “Just Jack” Hayes is straight. First off, let me just say I’ve never liked the word “homophobia.” To me it’s way too social worky, like if our oppressors just overcame their fear of queers, suddenly we’d all he joining hands and belting out “We Are the World” or, better yet, a medley of Madonna’s greatest hits. Personally, 1 like to call homophobia what it is: homo-hatred, plain and simple. Some straight people just hate fags, pericxJ. Now don’t get me wrong. Some of my best friends are straight. My parents are straight. Even my hairdresser is straight. (I’m sure some nasty queens out there are thinking, “Yeah, and it shows, honey." Claws in, girls.) But if anyone is entitled to a phobia, it’s not the straight people, it’s us. We’ve really got something to he scared of—at least in 13 of our states, although thankfully not in Oregon. While 1 well understand the need for all of us to give up some civil liberties in the name of national security, am 1 the only one who remembers a little something called Bowers v. Hardwick? For you young gaylings who aren’t familiar with it, this was the case in which the Supreme Court upheld the police’s right to barge into a gay guy’s bedroom while he was having sex with another man and arrest him United we stand I i Sort Of THE GOSPEL ACCORDING TO MARC b y M arc Acito for sodomy. I know it might sound like a scene from a pom flick, particularly since the guy’s name was Hardwick of all things, hut since then, even a knock at the door from the Girl Scouts makes me jumpy. Meanwhile we’re all supposed to feel so happy that an openly gay diplomat has been appointed the ambassador to Romania. That’s right, Romania. For nearly two years senators blocked the appointment of a gay ambassador to Luxem bourg, a nation the size of my patio and about as significant to foreign affairs, hut they practi cally fell all over themselves to send a queer guy to a country that refuses to repeal its anti gay laws. That’s like making an Orthodox Jew the ambassador to Iraq. I also can’t help hut feel it’s just a little coincidental that the military is supposedly eas ing up on its anti-gay policy now that it’s likely our soldiers will go to war and die. “Sure, we’ll let you homos serve. In fact, you people can go to Afghanistan first.” And as long as I’m listing things to be wor M arc A cito couldn’t wear army green because he's a Winter. Write him at marcacilo@attbi.com. m i l l -911MM 9 1-283 ¡10 raspo lid- Si .99 per minute. Must be 18+ * gardening, travel, fun, intimacy, home life. You: vital, direct, honest, open, fun-loving, physical and ambitious. Send letters to Willie, P0 Box 69, Wolf Creek, OR, 97497. ( 12 / 21 ) _____ NICE GUY This is a GBAM, 23, nice, loves cof fee, loves to chat and likes to smoke herb. I’m from Eugene and am look ing to find people to party with on New Year’s. I’m planning to come to Portland for New Year’s. I would like it if someone would respond to my ad. Box 3460. (12/21) VOICE PERSONAL ADS MEN SEEKING MEN CROSS DRESSER Daytime or early evening dates: BiWM seeks feminine gay male cross dresser for discreet sexual experiences! Let’s enjoy adult gay videos in private. Any age or race OK Asians OK. Box 3449 (12/21) NEEDED H IV + TOP Marine-cop-seal kind of guy, Irish- German-ltalian American 40+ need ed by 50+ guy who enjoys giving you the respect you deserve. Box 3524. (12/21)__________________ MUCH MORE THAN JUST SEX?! Compassionate, romantic, decent, very nice, nonsmoking 44-year-old Midwestern guy is seeking a male 4 ried about, I might as well throw in the possibility that we’ll scorch the planet and end up foraging for tubers in the ground to eat. I’m not so concerned about the scorching part as much as the tubers. All those carbohydrates. Frankly, I think we could have avoided this whole mess if we had just let our gay soldiers hitch slap Saddam Hus sein 10 years ago. (And we wouldn’t have had to sit through Three Kings, either.) As for our queer members of the mili tary, I bet surviving Operation Desert Storm was a walk in the park compared to sur viving Operation Seventh Grade. It seems to me that if the military is scared of gay men and lesbians sharing showers and foxholes with straight soldiers, then the best solution is just to have the gay guys hunk with the lesbians. That way it’s absolutely guaranteed that no one will he sexually stimulated in any way whatsoever. At all. Ever, ever, ever. And think how much better those barracks will look once the women have built bookshelves and the men have sewn window treatments. W hile we’re at it, why don’t we just have queer troops? Imagine it— a lesbian Air Force squadron dropping vegan food packages to the Afghans, a reconnaissance team of foot sol diers made up entirely of bisexuals (because those people are comfortable going every direction) and a battleship glid ing into the Per sian G ulf with gay men in sailor suits performing synchro nized sem a phore choreography to “ In the Navy.” Now that’ll really give the — homo-haters something to he phobic about. And that, my friends, is The Gospel According to Marc. JH friend to get to know, “date" and maybe lead to a LTR! Is this possi ble? I want the companionship and friendship first with the physical stuff to follow. I'm relocating from the Midwest and will be back in Portland in about 120 days. If you're looking for a friend you can be proud of and feel good about invest ing time with... I’m your guy! Box 3527^(1/18) WM, 47, lean, fit, straight, exhibi tionist seeks the attention, guidance and discipline of older man/men. Box 3457. (12/21) HEY NATURE CUB GWM, 6’, 60, 200 lbs., muscular, loves to play, cook, work, laugh, plus theater, music, buildings, movies and friends. Seeks sexy male 30-60 for lifemate. You enjoy RAW AND READY! Seeking regular play buddy for long talks, walks on the beach... just kid ding! A committed to fun (only) type guy. Mature, masculine men are more than welcome Box 3349. ( 12 / 21 ) ____ HAPPY GWM READY TO SHARE Romantic, attractive, 39, 6 ”2’’, 190 lbs., professional, handsome, HIV-, passionate bottom, loyal, honest GWM seeking an honest, mascu line, top, sensual, romantic, HIV-, 30-50 GWM for friendship and long-term relationship. Love swim ming, movies, traveling. Life is too short. Please, no games. Box 3353. ( 12 / 21 ) NOT LOOKING FOR MR. RIGHT 31, 6’4", 195 lbs., blue eyes, buzz cut brown hair. Easy going, playful, masculine, professional male seeks masculine, fit, intelligent, sensitive top guy for live jazz music, indepen dent film, exploring city and sur rounding areas. Nonsmoking, no STDs, 29-34 WM and sense of humor. Box 3352. (12/21) PUNK HIPPIE Looking for that scruffy bicycle punk. You— into film, literature, punk bands and art. Me— 23, tall, athletic build, multi-racial, extreme ly intelligent and funny. Looking for friends and more. Come here you cheeky little monkey. Call for big fun. Box 3351J(1 2/21) KANE RK didn’t get enough of you Saturday morning at Jeff’s. Box 3453. (12/7) W, 42, looking for someone under 40 for friendship and more. 5 7 ” , 160 lbs., brown hair, brown eyes. Let's have fun. Box 3450. (12/7) ADULT FILM FAM Divorced white male seeks femi nine, submissive gay male for romantic relationship. Let’s share viewing adult gay videos in private. Any age welcome - Asians are spe cial. Day time dates or early evenings OK. Please call - do not be alone. Box 3439. (12/7) POSITIVE PERSON SWM, straight acting, 6 T , 220 lbs., clean and sober five years. Looking for open-minded person age 31-39 for friendship and possi ble LTR. Race unimportant. No fats or femmes. Box 3440. (12/7) LTR MINDED GWM, 35, 6 V , 210 lbs., blond, hazel. Looking for GWMs 28-40, who are LTR minded and for possi ble dating. STD and smoke-free please. Box 3445 (12/7) GWM, 49, professional, attractive, 6’, 175 lbs., hairy, fun guy with act together, ISO man 35-50 for dating, possible LTR. You be a top guy, southwest Portland a plus, with your life in order, gentle, kind, nice smile, good sense of humor a must. Stocky a plus, no ferns. Box 3454. (l? /7 )_________________________ BEASTMASTER Looking for a beast to tame SGM looking for fun and frivolity. Let’s see what happens. Box 3341. (12/7) WANNA TUG ON MY WISHBONE Juicy white meat (only my wit is dry), 46, 5’10” , 180, top, extrovert ed, educated, professional, no turkey here! Into intellectually stim ulating times. Seeking younger, fit, (plucked or redhead/blond is gravy) with similar disposition to trot to culture, dinners and ? Did someone say “butterball?" Box 3342. (12/7) TREE IN THE FOREST? Tall, dark, handsome cub. Ex fire fighter, park ranger, java man who is hopefully optimistic, climbs every mountain, waltzes across Texas and sinks balls in the corner pocket. Seeks similar, assertive, honest, masculine, monogamous man. Box 3343. (12/7) A GOOD MAN ...seeks same. Handsome, intelli gent, playful and sensitive 40-year- old ISO nature and arts-loving man with depth. Intelligence, self-knowl edge, sense of humor and active spiritual life a must. Good kissers, nonsmokers and those seeking to adopt a child encouraged to reply. Box 3347. (12/7) QUIET TOP SEEKS BOTTOM GWM, 49, 6 T ’, 215, goatee, top, romantic, nonsmoking, intelligent, quiet, very tech savvy. Enjoys: Quiet evenings, SciFi, movies, cars com puters, camping, walking, lan guages, honesty, LTRs and 39-51- year-old intelligent, bottom men. Dislikes: Drugs/drinks, minding games, dishonesty. Box 3348. (12/7)____ _________________ ___ GWM, LATE 40S Wanted: HIV+ GWM for dating, walks, movies, talks, dinner, mas sage, music, coast, newspaper in bed on Sunday morning et more. Box 3346. (12/7) WESTSIDE MAN GWM, 45. poz, healthy, 5 7", 145 lbs., slim, hairy chest. Looking for friends, possible LTR. One regular guy looking for same. Box 3345. ( 1 2 / 7 ) ______________________ FRIENDSHIP - DATING... I’m a 6, 180 lbs., bl/bl, goatee, 38, HIV+, handsome, silly and serious, stupid yet profound guy new to Portland. I enjoy reading, board/card games, animals, TV/movies, nature, laughing, walk ing my dog in the many parks of Portland, coffee houses, the per forming arts and road trips. Looking for friendship to dating. Box 3528. ( 12 / 21 ) SURPRISE PIE Don’t know what it is? Fill out a per sonal ad, maybe you'll get a piece.
