7.2001
HUMOR
s it just me, or have ytxi noticed that one of
the unexpected results of the international
outcry against terrorism is that for once
queer people aren’t being portrayed as the
enemy? A Republican president has said that
the head of the Moral Majority is neither
moral nor in the majority, a gay rugby player
has been hailed as a national hero, and the
mayor of New York has offered to dress in drag
on Queer as Folk for charity.
Homophobia must he on the wane, right?
Yeah, and Sean “Just Jack” Hayes is straight.
First off, let me just say I’ve never liked the
word “homophobia.” To me it’s way too social
worky, like if our oppressors just overcame their
fear of queers, suddenly we’d all he joining
hands and belting out “We Are the World” or,
better yet, a medley of Madonna’s greatest hits.
Personally, 1 like to call homophobia what
it is: homo-hatred, plain and simple. Some
straight people just hate fags, pericxJ.
Now don’t get me wrong. Some of my best
friends are straight. My parents are straight.
Even my hairdresser is straight. (I’m sure some
nasty queens out there are thinking, “Yeah, and
it shows, honey." Claws in, girls.)
But if anyone is entitled to a phobia, it’s not
the straight people, it’s us. We’ve really got
something to he scared of—at least in 13 of our
states, although thankfully not in Oregon.
While 1 well understand the need for all of
us to give up some civil liberties in the name of
national security, am 1 the only one who
remembers a little something called Bowers v.
Hardwick? For you young gaylings who aren’t
familiar with it, this was the case in which the
Supreme Court upheld the police’s right to
barge into a gay guy’s bedroom while he was
having sex with another man and arrest him
United we stand
I
i
Sort Of
THE GOSPEL
ACCORDING
TO MARC
b y M arc Acito
for sodomy. I know it might sound like a scene
from a pom flick, particularly since the guy’s
name was Hardwick of all things, hut since
then, even a knock at the door from the Girl
Scouts makes me jumpy.
Meanwhile we’re all supposed to feel so
happy that an openly gay diplomat has been
appointed the ambassador to Romania. That’s
right, Romania.
For nearly two years senators blocked the
appointment of a gay ambassador to Luxem
bourg, a nation the size of my patio and about
as significant to foreign affairs, hut they practi
cally fell all over themselves to send a queer
guy to a country that refuses to repeal its anti
gay laws. That’s like making an Orthodox Jew
the ambassador to Iraq.
I also can’t help hut feel it’s just a little
coincidental that the military is supposedly eas
ing up on its anti-gay policy now that it’s likely
our soldiers will go to war and die. “Sure, we’ll
let you homos serve. In fact, you people can go
to Afghanistan first.”
And as long as I’m listing things to be wor
M arc A cito couldn’t wear army green because
he's a Winter. Write him at marcacilo@attbi.com.
m i l l -911MM 9 1-283 ¡10 raspo lid- Si .99 per minute. Must be 18+
*
gardening, travel, fun, intimacy,
home life. You: vital, direct, honest,
open, fun-loving, physical and
ambitious. Send letters to Willie, P0
Box 69, Wolf Creek, OR, 97497.
( 12 / 21 ) _____
NICE GUY
This is a GBAM, 23, nice, loves cof
fee, loves to chat and likes to smoke
herb. I’m from Eugene and am look
ing to find people to party with on
New Year’s. I’m planning to come to
Portland for New Year’s. I would like
it if someone would respond to my
ad. Box 3460. (12/21)
VOICE PERSONAL ADS
MEN
SEEKING MEN
CROSS DRESSER
Daytime or early evening dates:
BiWM seeks feminine gay male
cross dresser for discreet sexual
experiences! Let’s enjoy adult gay
videos in private. Any age or race
OK Asians OK. Box 3449 (12/21)
NEEDED H IV + TOP
Marine-cop-seal kind of guy, Irish-
German-ltalian American 40+ need
ed by 50+ guy who enjoys giving
you the respect you deserve. Box
3524. (12/21)__________________
MUCH MORE THAN JUST SEX?!
Compassionate, romantic, decent,
very nice, nonsmoking 44-year-old
Midwestern guy is seeking a male
4
ried about, I
might as well
throw in the
possibility
that we’ll scorch
the planet and end
up foraging for
tubers in the
ground to eat. I’m not so
concerned about the
scorching part as much as
the tubers. All those
carbohydrates.
Frankly, I think we
could have avoided this
whole mess if we had
just let our gay soldiers
hitch slap Saddam Hus
sein 10 years ago. (And we
wouldn’t have had to sit
through Three Kings, either.) As
for our queer members of the mili
tary, I bet surviving Operation
Desert Storm was a walk in
the park compared to sur
viving Operation Seventh
Grade.
It seems to me that if the military is scared
of gay men and lesbians sharing showers and
foxholes with straight soldiers, then the best
solution is just to have the gay guys hunk with
the lesbians. That way it’s absolutely guaranteed
that no one will he sexually stimulated in any
way whatsoever. At all. Ever, ever, ever. And
think how much better those barracks will look
once the women have built bookshelves and
the men have sewn window treatments.
W hile we’re at it, why don’t we just have
queer troops? Imagine it— a lesbian Air
Force squadron dropping vegan
food packages to the Afghans, a
reconnaissance team of foot sol
diers made up entirely of
bisexuals (because
those people are
comfortable
going every
direction) and
a battleship glid
ing into the Per
sian G ulf with
gay men in
sailor suits
performing
synchro
nized
sem a
phore
choreography
to “ In the
Navy.”
Now that’ll
really give the
—
homo-haters
something to
he phobic about.
And that, my friends,
is The Gospel According to Marc. JH
friend to get to know, “date" and
maybe lead to a LTR! Is this possi
ble? I want the companionship and
friendship first with the physical
stuff to follow. I'm relocating from
the Midwest and will be back in
Portland in about 120 days. If you're
looking for a friend you can be
proud of and feel good about invest
ing time with... I’m your guy! Box
3527^(1/18)
WM, 47, lean, fit, straight, exhibi
tionist seeks the attention, guidance
and discipline of older man/men.
Box 3457. (12/21)
HEY NATURE CUB
GWM, 6’, 60, 200 lbs., muscular,
loves to play, cook, work, laugh,
plus theater, music, buildings,
movies and friends. Seeks sexy
male 30-60 for lifemate. You enjoy
RAW AND READY!
Seeking regular play buddy for long
talks, walks on the beach... just kid
ding! A committed to fun (only)
type guy. Mature, masculine men
are more than welcome Box 3349.
( 12 / 21 ) ____
HAPPY GWM READY TO SHARE
Romantic, attractive, 39, 6 ”2’’, 190
lbs., professional, handsome, HIV-,
passionate bottom, loyal, honest
GWM seeking an honest, mascu
line, top, sensual, romantic, HIV-,
30-50 GWM for friendship and
long-term relationship. Love swim
ming, movies, traveling. Life is too
short. Please, no games. Box 3353.
( 12 / 21 )
NOT LOOKING FOR MR. RIGHT
31, 6’4", 195 lbs., blue eyes, buzz
cut brown hair. Easy going, playful,
masculine, professional male seeks
masculine, fit, intelligent, sensitive
top guy for live jazz music, indepen
dent film, exploring city and sur
rounding areas. Nonsmoking, no
STDs, 29-34 WM and sense of
humor. Box 3352. (12/21)
PUNK HIPPIE
Looking for that scruffy bicycle
punk. You— into film, literature,
punk bands and art. Me— 23, tall,
athletic build, multi-racial, extreme
ly intelligent and funny. Looking for
friends and more. Come here you
cheeky little monkey. Call for big
fun. Box 3351J(1 2/21)
KANE
RK didn’t get enough of you Saturday
morning at Jeff’s. Box 3453. (12/7)
W, 42, looking for someone under
40 for friendship and more. 5 7 ” ,
160 lbs., brown hair, brown eyes.
Let's have fun. Box 3450. (12/7)
ADULT FILM FAM
Divorced white male seeks femi
nine, submissive gay male for
romantic relationship. Let’s share
viewing adult gay videos in private.
Any age welcome - Asians are spe
cial. Day time dates or early
evenings OK. Please call - do not be
alone. Box 3439. (12/7)
POSITIVE PERSON
SWM, straight acting, 6 T , 220
lbs., clean and sober five years.
Looking for open-minded person
age 31-39 for friendship and possi
ble LTR. Race unimportant. No fats
or femmes. Box 3440. (12/7)
LTR MINDED
GWM, 35, 6 V , 210 lbs., blond,
hazel. Looking for GWMs 28-40,
who are LTR minded and for possi
ble dating. STD and smoke-free
please. Box 3445 (12/7)
GWM, 49, professional, attractive,
6’, 175 lbs., hairy, fun guy with act
together, ISO man 35-50 for dating,
possible LTR. You be a top guy,
southwest Portland a plus, with
your life in order, gentle, kind, nice
smile, good sense of humor a must.
Stocky a plus, no ferns. Box 3454.
(l? /7 )_________________________
BEASTMASTER
Looking for a beast to tame SGM
looking for fun and frivolity. Let’s
see what happens. Box 3341. (12/7)
WANNA TUG
ON MY WISHBONE
Juicy white meat (only my wit is
dry), 46, 5’10” , 180, top, extrovert
ed, educated, professional, no
turkey here! Into intellectually stim
ulating times. Seeking younger, fit,
(plucked or redhead/blond is gravy)
with similar disposition to trot to
culture, dinners and ? Did someone
say “butterball?" Box 3342. (12/7)
TREE IN THE FOREST?
Tall, dark, handsome cub. Ex fire
fighter, park ranger, java man who is
hopefully optimistic, climbs every
mountain, waltzes across Texas and
sinks balls in the corner pocket.
Seeks similar, assertive, honest,
masculine, monogamous man. Box
3343. (12/7)
A GOOD MAN
...seeks same. Handsome, intelli
gent, playful and sensitive 40-year-
old ISO nature and arts-loving man
with depth. Intelligence, self-knowl
edge, sense of humor and active
spiritual life a must. Good kissers,
nonsmokers and those seeking to
adopt a child encouraged to reply.
Box 3347. (12/7)
QUIET TOP SEEKS BOTTOM
GWM, 49, 6 T ’, 215, goatee, top,
romantic, nonsmoking, intelligent,
quiet, very tech savvy. Enjoys: Quiet
evenings, SciFi, movies, cars com
puters, camping, walking, lan
guages, honesty, LTRs and 39-51-
year-old intelligent, bottom men.
Dislikes: Drugs/drinks, minding
games, dishonesty. Box 3348.
(12/7)____ _________________ ___
GWM, LATE 40S
Wanted: HIV+ GWM for dating,
walks, movies, talks, dinner, mas
sage, music, coast, newspaper in
bed on Sunday morning et more.
Box 3346. (12/7)
WESTSIDE MAN
GWM, 45. poz, healthy, 5 7", 145
lbs., slim, hairy chest. Looking for
friends, possible LTR. One regular
guy looking for same. Box 3345.
( 1 2 / 7 ) ______________________
FRIENDSHIP - DATING...
I’m a 6, 180 lbs., bl/bl, goatee, 38,
HIV+, handsome, silly and serious,
stupid yet profound guy new to
Portland.
I enjoy
reading,
board/card
games,
animals,
TV/movies, nature, laughing, walk
ing my dog in the many parks of
Portland, coffee houses, the per
forming arts and road trips. Looking
for friendship to dating. Box 3528.
( 12 / 21 )
SURPRISE PIE
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sonal ad, maybe you'll get a piece.