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About Just out. (Portland, OR) 1983-2013 | View Entire Issue (June 1, 2001)
june 1.2001 » J m t oaat j 7 ìh u iu ’. m m tn e w s S ame O l ’ S hift New Location However defined, "marriage" looks the same for homosexuals and straights by T im o th y K rause t first, it seems simple. W hen dating, people feel more intim ate with someone who flatters them with positive feedback. Once married, howev er, they feel even more intimate with a partner who affirms their own beliefs. In other words, dating couples feel close when they feel liked, and married couples feel close when they also feel known. This, in a nutshell, is the “marriage shift” documented by several scien tific studies of, until now, straight couples. But Vanessa Carlisle, a recent graduate of Reed College, thought this research was too quick and too vague in hailing traditional mar riage as the catalyst for greater intimacy. She pos tulated that it is not the act of marriage but rather the presence of a lifetime commitment. To sup port this theory, her study statistically separated the commitment aspect of marriage by replicat ing the “marriage shift” within an understudied population that makes lifetime commitments without marriage: same-sex couples. “There is today a real push to study intimate re lationships among same-sex cou ples— to identify where they look the same and where they look different from het erosexual cou ples,” Carlisle ex plains. “The study of the ‘marriage shift’ shows there is something im portant psycho logically to mak ing a lifetime commitment.” Carlisle polled 81 same-sex cou ples (19 male, 62 female) primarily from Portland, Eu gene and San Fran cisco. She asked questions that de fined relationships, levels of intimacy and the respondents’ evaluations of their partners and themselves. Carlisle was not surprised to see the same trend appear when she analyzed the information she collected. Her study, she suggests, questions earlier evidence that the formal act of marriage is the pivot between what academics call the “self-enhancement” of dating and the “self-veri fication” of marriage. Another outcome Carlisle observed was that each queer couple defined its relationship in tra ditionally heterosexual terms. The choices were either “dating” or “marriage.” Carlisle thinks no matter their opinion of the term "marriage,” the underlying concept of long-term commitment is universal. She notes 64 couples considered themselves married. Another 17 reported that they consid ered themselves dating. Four couples were excluded from all analyses because they dis agreed about the nature of their relationship. Only about one-third of the couples who said they were married had held a public ceremony. Yet, the reported levels of intimacy among all participants were high. Dating couples sought positive reinforcement; married couples sought confirmation of their ideas. The trend was obvious. Carlisle’s data sup port the assertion that a ceremony often isn’t necessary for partners to understand they are in a committed relationship. Documenting this trend among same-sex rela tionships might seem to some a confirmation of the obvious, but it begins to fill what Carlisle sees as a “glaring deficit” in social behavior research among gays and lesbians. “If we can show that committed same-sex couples are basically similar to married heterosexual couples, then the distinc tion becomes sort of an artifact of our legal sys tem, not a reflection of reality,” she comments. So why have a marriage ceremony at all? “Mar riage is still this very important tradition,” Carlisle remarks, “and it is unlikely that the gay communi ty is going to come up with some alternative.” Although not addressed by her study, she acknowledges marriage’s lon gevity. She suggests its various incarna tions throughout history and across cultures only serve to illustrate its adaptability and pen tential for evolution. For example, the legal definition of marriage might become simply a contract represent ing the lowest common de nominator upon which other traditions are built, whether ethnic, religious or otherwise. Including sexual minorities in the evolution of marriage could be the future of today’s domestic partnerships and civil unions. “The im portant part,” Carlisle proposes, “is that the more evidence there is of the same process, the more reason we have to include same-sex couples in all the external trappings of society." Scientific inquiry might not be a common form of activism, but 21-year-old Carlisle thinks her research is one way she can contribute per sonally to social change. She calls Berkeley, Calif., home but is considering a return to Port land to conduct an expanded version of the sur vey for publication. She also hopes other students or faculty of Reed College will take her work to the next level. For example, a long-term study following people from dating into committed relation ships would help document the shift in both heterosexuals and homosexuals, whether mar ried or not. "It’s a hopeful message,” Carlisle notes. “A very teeny, tiny door has been opened. This is another little piece saying there is no big dif ference between heterosexual and same-sex couples.” JT1 "Marriage is still this very important tradition, and it is unlikely that the gay community is going to come up with some alternative." Vanessa Carlisle For details about Vanessa Carlisle’s study, K n o w M e a n d I’ ll L ove Y o u B ack : L ooking at the “M arriage S hift ” in S ame -S ex C ouples , send e-mail to carlislt@hotmail.com. North Portland Veterinary Hospital We are com m itted to providing loving, co m p assio n ate m edical care for your pet. 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