june 1.2001 » J m t oaat j 7
ìh u iu ’. m m tn e w s
S ame O l ’ S hift
New
Location
However defined, "marriage" looks the same
for homosexuals and straights by T im o th y K rause
t first, it seems simple.
W hen dating, people feel
more intim ate with someone
who flatters them with positive
feedback. Once married, howev
er, they feel even more intimate with a partner
who affirms their own beliefs.
In other words, dating couples feel close when
they feel liked, and married couples feel close
when they also feel known. This, in a nutshell, is
the “marriage shift” documented by several scien
tific studies of, until now, straight couples.
But Vanessa Carlisle, a recent graduate of
Reed College, thought this research was too
quick and too vague in hailing traditional mar
riage as the catalyst for greater intimacy. She pos
tulated that it is not the act of marriage but rather
the presence of a lifetime commitment. To sup
port this theory, her study statistically separated
the commitment aspect of marriage by replicat
ing the “marriage shift” within an understudied
population that makes lifetime commitments
without marriage:
same-sex couples.
“There is today
a real push to
study intimate re
lationships among
same-sex
cou
ples— to identify
where they look
the same and
where they look
different from het
erosexual
cou
ples,” Carlisle ex
plains. “The study
of the ‘marriage
shift’ shows there
is something im
portant psycho
logically to mak
ing a lifetime
commitment.”
Carlisle polled
81 same-sex cou
ples (19 male, 62
female) primarily
from Portland, Eu
gene and San Fran
cisco. She asked
questions that de
fined relationships, levels of intimacy and the
respondents’ evaluations of their partners and
themselves.
Carlisle was not surprised to see the same
trend appear when she analyzed the information
she collected. Her study, she suggests, questions
earlier evidence that the formal act of marriage
is the pivot between what academics call the
“self-enhancement” of dating and the “self-veri
fication” of marriage.
Another outcome Carlisle observed was that
each queer couple defined its relationship in tra
ditionally heterosexual terms. The choices were
either “dating” or “marriage.” Carlisle thinks no
matter their opinion of the term "marriage,” the
underlying concept of long-term commitment is
universal.
She notes 64 couples considered themselves
married. Another 17 reported that they consid
ered themselves dating. Four couples were
excluded from all analyses because they dis
agreed about the nature of their relationship.
Only about one-third of the couples who said
they were married had held a public ceremony.
Yet, the reported levels of intimacy among all
participants were high. Dating couples sought
positive reinforcement; married couples sought
confirmation of their ideas.
The trend was obvious. Carlisle’s data sup
port the assertion that a ceremony often isn’t
necessary for partners to understand they are in
a committed relationship.
Documenting this trend among same-sex rela
tionships might seem to some a confirmation of
the obvious, but it begins to fill what Carlisle sees
as a “glaring deficit” in social behavior research
among gays and lesbians. “If we can show that
committed same-sex couples are basically similar
to married heterosexual couples, then the distinc
tion becomes sort of an artifact of our legal sys
tem, not a reflection of reality,” she comments.
So why have a marriage ceremony at all? “Mar
riage is still this very important tradition,” Carlisle
remarks, “and it is unlikely that the gay communi
ty is going to come up with some alternative.”
Although not addressed by her study, she
acknowledges marriage’s lon
gevity. She suggests
its various incarna
tions throughout
history and across
cultures only serve
to illustrate its
adaptability and pen
tential for evolution.
For example,
the legal definition
of marriage might
become simply a
contract represent
ing the lowest common de
nominator upon which other
traditions are built, whether
ethnic, religious or otherwise.
Including sexual minorities in
the evolution of marriage
could be the future of today’s
domestic partnerships and
civil unions.
“The im portant part,”
Carlisle proposes, “is that the
more evidence there is of the
same process, the more reason
we have to include same-sex
couples in all the external
trappings of society."
Scientific inquiry might not be a common
form of activism, but 21-year-old Carlisle thinks
her research is one way she can contribute per
sonally to social change. She calls Berkeley,
Calif., home but is considering a return to Port
land to conduct an expanded version of the sur
vey for publication.
She also hopes other students or faculty of
Reed College will take her work to the next
level. For example, a long-term study following
people from dating into committed relation
ships would help document the shift in both
heterosexuals and homosexuals, whether mar
ried or not.
"It’s a hopeful message,” Carlisle notes. “A
very teeny, tiny door has been opened. This is
another little piece saying there is no big dif
ference between heterosexual and same-sex
couples.” JT1
"Marriage is still
this very important
tradition, and it is unlikely
that the gay community
is going to come up
with some alternative."
Vanessa Carlisle
For details about Vanessa Carlisle’s study, K n o w
M e a n d I’ ll L ove Y o u B ack : L ooking at the
“M arriage S hift ” in S ame -S ex C ouples , send
e-mail to carlislt@hotmail.com.
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