Image provided by: University of Oregon Libraries; Eugene, OR
About Just out. (Portland, OR) 1983-2013 | View Entire Issue (June 2, 2000)
tune 2. 2000 ’ J u t O M t 4 3 D ear M s . B ehavior : I have been going out with this guy for the past six weeks. Both his grandma and his sister are experienc ing major health troubles. And he recently told me that he is bisexual. This came out recently as a result of his therapy session (due to his traumatic childhood). He says he needs some time to think and sort things out. W hat’s a guy to do? — Lost and Wondering D ear L ost and W ondering : At least once or twice a year, Ms. Behavior tries to offer the following prerelationship advice. Thanks for being the one to inspire it this time. (Paste it to your refrigerator if you think you might forget.) In the first few weeks of a relationship, your prospective partner will reveal most of his or her potential “issues.” Listen carefully and assess what they might mean and how they might affect you. Since these are the same problems that will torment you later, or at the very least cost you thousands of dollars in cou ple’s therapy bills, pay attention— especially if you can do so before your, uh, brain becomes engorged. about masturbation that feels more...satisfying. Either way, there’s a hot debate among my friends on the issue of what con stitutes celibacy: Is it about entanglement or orgasm? What says Ms. Behavior? — M ary D ear M ary : Whether celibacy is about entanglement or orgasm depends on why you’re trying to abstain. Like, if you’re doing some kind of spiritual exercise intended to keep your tantric energy focused in your spine, any form of sexual release would count as “slippage”— or “spillage,” though Ms. Behavior suspects nei ther term is linguistically precise in the Bud dhist vernacular. But on the other (skilled, muscular) hand, self-stimulation can be a soothing practical antidote to the urge for ran dom acts of merging with any ill-suited dyke who happens to ring your metaphorical door bell. Codependently speaking, what does or doesn’t count as sex may reflect how you feel about yourself. If you only think you’re having sex when there’s another person in the room, a solo sexual marathon complete with tulips, H S , SET THE LATEST Internet Access News, Sports, Events & 56K • • • • • • I (A L A V Spirit^ une www.SpirjtOne.coni * --------------- UNLIMITED ACCESS Second Nature $1995/M0 • $99°°/6M0S HOME &> GARDEN CENTER NO START UP FEES • CALL TODAY 503 240-8200 - E-mail: info@SpiritOne.com 7302 N Richmond Ave • Portland O R 97203 fax 503-240-8205 LO C A LLY O W N ED • SER V IN G PO R TLA N U S 'Bring in this ad and receive 10% OFF all perennials through M ay 31,2000 f f i We feature a real stereo store for real music lovers •Annuals Perennials • Shrubs & Trees • Hanging Baskets • Garden Accessories • Statuary • European Baskets • Vases and Lamps • Cut Flowers • Pottery • Keepsake Gifts • Free Gift Wrap .. because music matters. — 8601 # — SWTerwilliger Blvd. 2627 N.E. Broadway/Portland/ 280-0910 (next to the Chevron station) www.stereotypesaudio.com S03.977.6545 More than a bomb .......... exploded on July 1 6 ,1 9 4 5 . x -. „s.., > *JÉÈtÊtë l Codependently speaking; what does or doesn't count as sex may reflect how you feel about yourself If you only think you're having sex . when there's another person in the room, a solo sexual marathon complete with tulips, m urm urings of love and multiple orgasms will still register a big zero. NO MERCY ; ... Another gripping drama from the author of LIPS Consider these issues when you are fully dressed and not walking around in a naked erotic fog. If you decide with a clear head (and no one’s tongue in your mouth), that you can live with these problems, fair enough. Every one, after all, has some little quirk or difficulty. But ignoring these problems— or convincing yourself that it will he different this time, that the magnificence of your love will help your boyfriend kick heroin, or take away his trauma, or cure his grandmas emphysema, or relieve him of his urgent desire for sex in the hushes, or whatever— will always he to your own regret. D ear M s . B ehavior : I ended a long-term relationship recently. Last month (after a disastrous fling with a crazy woman less spiritually evolved than myself). I made the decision to he celibate for three months. But is it true, as my friends say, that autoeroticism negates celibacy? Do I need to find a new form of rigid discipline, like worka holism, instead? I’m willing to take up kickbox ing or snowboarding to try to channel my phys ical energy if I must, hut there’s something murmurings of love and multiple orgasms will still register a big zero. (Only you and your sponsor can determine whether or not this means you need extra meetings. Or healing hugs.) Cultivating the moist flower of your desire heats most other stress-relieving hobbies. Workaholism is antisocial and addictive, though often more monetarily rewarding than self-fondling. Sports can he dangerous— contrary to folklore, you’re way more likely to go blind from kickboxing than from mastur bation. You may he tempted to ask others for their perspective. But with the exception of Ms. Behavior (who will gladly view a videotape of you touching yourself so as to offer an even more informed opinion), only you can deter mine whether your autoeroticism conflicts with your goal of celibacy. Take your time and feel your ambivalence. There’s no rush to answer the question; sit on it for a while and see how it feels. ■ Write your confused and conflicted heart out to Ms. BEHAVIOR at MsBehawrr<@aol.com. Constance Congdon May 26 - June 25 242-0080 Thurs ■ Sat: 8 pm; Sun: 2 pm X / pg i / X FOUNDATION At Theater! Theatre! Culture Council 3430 SE Belmont Ave. THE STORY BEHIND THE DRAMA Join us for a special matinee and post-play discussion with the nationally known playwright of No Mercy and One Day Earlier. Constance Congdon Sunday, June 4, 2:00 p.m. Call 242-0080 4 < • »irv i 1(04 : M U M ' S TKs Ms. Congdon's visit has been made possible in part by a grant from the Oregon Council for the Humanities, an affiliate of the National Endowment for the Humanities. ' At Theater! Theatre! 3430 SE Belmont Ave.
