tune 2. 2000 ’ J u t O M t 4 3
D ear M s . B ehavior :
I have been going out
with this guy for the past six
weeks. Both his grandma
and his sister are experienc
ing major health troubles.
And he recently told me
that he is bisexual. This
came out recently as a result
of his therapy session (due
to his traumatic childhood).
He says he needs some time
to think and sort things out.
W hat’s a guy to do?
— Lost and Wondering
D ear L ost and
W ondering :
At least once or twice a
year, Ms. Behavior tries to
offer the following prerelationship advice.
Thanks for being the one to inspire it this
time. (Paste it to your refrigerator if you think
you might forget.)
In the first few weeks of a relationship, your
prospective partner will reveal most of his or
her potential “issues.” Listen carefully and
assess what they might mean and how they
might affect you. Since these are the same
problems that will torment you later, or at the
very least cost you thousands of dollars in cou
ple’s therapy bills, pay attention— especially if
you can do so before your, uh, brain becomes
engorged.
about masturbation that
feels more...satisfying.
Either way, there’s a hot
debate among my friends
on the issue of what con
stitutes celibacy: Is it about
entanglement or orgasm?
What says Ms. Behavior?
— M ary
D ear M ary :
Whether celibacy is
about entanglement or
orgasm depends on why
you’re trying to abstain.
Like, if you’re doing some
kind of spiritual exercise
intended to keep your
tantric energy focused in
your spine, any form of
sexual release would count as “slippage”— or
“spillage,” though Ms. Behavior suspects nei
ther term is linguistically precise in the Bud
dhist vernacular. But on the other (skilled,
muscular) hand, self-stimulation can be a
soothing practical antidote to the urge for ran
dom acts of merging with any ill-suited dyke
who happens to ring your metaphorical door
bell.
Codependently speaking, what does or
doesn’t count as sex may reflect how you feel
about yourself. If you only think you’re having
sex when there’s another person in the room, a
solo sexual marathon complete with tulips,
H S , SET THE LATEST
Internet Access
News, Sports, Events & 56K
• •
• •
• • I
(A
L
A V
Spirit^
une
www.SpirjtOne.coni
* ---------------
UNLIMITED ACCESS
Second Nature
$1995/M0 • $99°°/6M0S
HOME &> GARDEN CENTER
NO START UP FEES • CALL TODAY
503 240-8200
-
E-mail: info@SpiritOne.com
7302 N Richmond Ave • Portland O R 97203
fax 503-240-8205
LO C A LLY O W N ED • SER V IN G PO R TLA N
U
S
'Bring in this ad and receive 10% OFF
all perennials through M ay 31,2000
f f i
We feature
a real stereo store
for real music lovers
•Annuals
Perennials
• Shrubs & Trees
• Hanging Baskets
• Garden Accessories • Statuary
• European Baskets
• Vases and Lamps
• Cut Flowers
• Pottery
• Keepsake Gifts
• Free Gift Wrap
.. because music matters.
—
8601
#
—
SWTerwilliger Blvd.
2627 N.E. Broadway/Portland/ 280-0910
(next to the Chevron station)
www.stereotypesaudio.com
S03.977.6545
More than
a bomb ..........
exploded
on July
1 6 ,1 9 4 5 .
x
-. „s.., >
*JÉÈtÊtë l
Codependently speaking; what does or doesn't
count as sex may reflect how you feel about
yourself If you only think you're having sex .
when there's another person in the room,
a solo sexual marathon complete with tulips,
m urm urings of love and multiple orgasms
will still register a big zero.
NO MERCY
;
...
Another gripping drama from the author of LIPS
Consider these issues when you are fully
dressed and not walking around in a naked
erotic fog. If you decide with a clear head (and
no one’s tongue in your mouth), that you can
live with these problems, fair enough. Every
one, after all, has some little quirk or difficulty.
But ignoring these problems— or convincing
yourself that it will he different this time, that
the magnificence of your love will help your
boyfriend kick heroin, or take away his trauma,
or cure his grandmas emphysema, or relieve
him of his urgent desire for sex in the hushes,
or whatever— will always he to your own
regret.
D ear M s . B ehavior :
I ended a long-term relationship recently.
Last month (after a disastrous fling with a crazy
woman less spiritually evolved than myself). I
made the decision to he celibate for three
months. But is it true, as my friends say, that
autoeroticism negates celibacy? Do I need to
find a new form of rigid discipline, like worka
holism, instead? I’m willing to take up kickbox
ing or snowboarding to try to channel my phys
ical energy if I must, hut there’s something
murmurings of love and multiple orgasms will
still register a big zero. (Only you and your
sponsor can determine whether or not this
means you need extra meetings. Or healing
hugs.)
Cultivating the moist flower of your desire
heats most other stress-relieving hobbies.
Workaholism is antisocial and addictive,
though often more monetarily rewarding
than self-fondling. Sports can he dangerous—
contrary to folklore, you’re way more likely to
go blind from kickboxing than from mastur
bation.
You may he tempted to ask others for their
perspective. But with the exception of Ms.
Behavior (who will gladly view a videotape of
you touching yourself so as to offer an even
more informed opinion), only you can deter
mine whether your autoeroticism conflicts
with your goal of celibacy.
Take your time and feel your ambivalence.
There’s no rush to answer the question; sit on
it for a while and see how it feels.
■ Write your confused and conflicted heart out to
Ms. BEHAVIOR at MsBehawrr<@aol.com.
Constance Congdon
May 26 - June 25
242-0080
Thurs ■ Sat: 8 pm; Sun: 2 pm
X
/ pg i /
X
FOUNDATION
At Theater! Theatre!
Culture Council
3430 SE Belmont Ave.
THE STORY BEHIND THE DRAMA
Join us for a special matinee and post-play discussion with the nationally
known playwright of No Mercy and One Day Earlier.
Constance Congdon
Sunday, June 4, 2:00 p.m.
Call 242-0080
4 < • »irv i
1(04 :
M U M ' S TKs
Ms. Congdon's visit has been made possible
in part by a grant from the Oregon Council for the
Humanities, an affiliate of the National Endowment
for the Humanities.
'
At Theater! Theatre!
3430 SE Belmont Ave.