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About Just out. (Portland, OR) 1983-2013 | View Entire Issue (Feb. 18, 2000)
COMMENTARY BV M arti D a m s The IN publication for the O UT population F ounded 1983 • J ay B rown and R enée L a C hance Voi . 17 N o . 8 F e b r u a r y 18, 2 0 0 0 Family fretting FEATURE New role as coparent and unfamiliar role as daughter fuel conflicting feelings CELERRATING OUR NATURAL RESOURCES: Get inspired by these volunteers who know something about giving back pp 1 9 - 2 3 NEWS NORTHWEST • Oregonians appear disinterested in national Millennium March; YouthNet activists gear up for town hall meeting; Dr. Laura television show headed for Portland; protesters pop up again at PFLAG meeting; Pride Northwest leader resigns pp 7 - 1 1 NATIONAL • Queer medical association seeks inclusion in Health and Human Services document; getting the goods on gas companies’ gay-related policies; Vermont House committee votes to develop gay partnership system rather than allow same-sex marriage pp 1 2 - 1 5 W ORLI • International Gay and Lesbian Human Rights Commission pickets Salvadoran Consulate in San Francisco; Oxford University HTV vaccine effort may be on wrong track 9 17 ENTERTAINMENT & CULTURE TREATER • Interview with Timothy McCuen Piggee, star of Portland production of Blues fo r an Alabam a Sk\ p 31 MUSIC • Marimba mania p 33 F ILM S - Reviews of Wonder Boys and I ’m Still H ere...D am n It! p 35 I have been writing these commentaries for over a year now and have been consistently impressed by the restraint shown by the counselors and therapists within our community. For many reasons, my emotions have been on an interesting roller coaster ride of late (though those around me would be questioning as to just when I’ll be getting to the “up” part of the coaster). Ilie dynamics of my personal life have changed dramatically. 1 now inter act with a preteen on an almost daily basis, and on an almost daily The urge to call up and offer guidance to me must be nearly basis I don’t know what is the right thing to say or do. I don’t know overwhelming for some of these people. 1 salute their fortitude how to be a positive influence. I don’t know how to parent. 1 have and professional integrity and wish only that long-distance carrier never been a mother. I fear the complexity. It surely involves far more salespeople could demonstrate such behavior. than issuing rules and expectations. How about the expectations oth Writing these columns actually has proven to be a very enlighten ers have regarding me? How do I meet those? ing form of self-therapy— a sort of mental masturbation perhaps? At the same time that I chose to undertake this new ven After all, isn’t masturbation just arriving at a conclusion by yourself? ture, I learned that my mother has cancer. This is a per And while my little forays into deep thought and self-analy son with whom I do not have a close relationship. sis have never led me to a place where I put much cre There is no animosity, no enmity, life just led us in dence in the concept of reincarnation or past-life different directions. regression, recent changes in my personal life have As with many others, my family of choice has led me to the conclusion that I was at one time evolved into my family of significance. Lack of Attila the Hun. commonality, lack of interest in explanation, With a new relationship bringing the intro lack of God-only-knows-what has frayed away Just as I have never been a duction of a child into my life, I find myself the supposed bonds of family. These bonds astounded by the attitudes I have toward chil mother, I hove also never been weren’t slashed in anger, nor tom away with dis dren, behaviors, discipline and the entire struc a daughter. My fear is that gust; they were simply worn away by disuse and ture of dining etiquette within our society at the erosion of disinterest. Just as “don’t ask, don’t large. tell” isn’t working in the military, it doesn’t really I will be neither. I am a person who seldom eats food unless it is work with families either. wrapped in paper or thawed in a microwave, and yet I And now with the illness of my mother, I find myself in a find myself now giving dissertations on proper cutlery position where I feel called upon to fill another role— another role usage. Whereas my previous knowledge of forks consisted that is neither familiar nor comfortable. Just as I have never been a largely of knowing they’re excellent tools for removing cat hair from mother, I have also never been a daughter. My fear is that 1 will be the garbage disposal, I now can describe at length their proper grip, neither. My anxiety is great. I yearn to bolt and run. I fancy late-night placement and utilization. escapes to Montana—perhaps a new career as a goat herder. I can go on at length about the need for a proper bedtime and the But escape is not an option. Stepping up to my responsibilities is consequence of building structure and discipline...all this, mind you, my only choice. Learning to parent is going to be the easier of the two from a person who has established an entire career and lifestyle based circumstances that face me. Learning how to be an adult, i.e. parent, on never having to be anywhere before noon. Some sort of genera- is hard; coping with the illness is harder. Although I fear that I can’t tions-old genetic implanting has me saying things that real mothers be a good daughter, I’m also sure that I can’t be a bad one. have said forever and ever and ever (or so it seems to the child involved). GRUUPS • Greyhound adoption organization seeks happy homes for retired racers p 37 DIVERSIONS* Sharon Stone gets naked with Ellen DeGeneres on HBO; Portland International Film Festival offers two queer- themed pics p 38 Just out U published on the first and third Friday of each month. Gipyright © 2000 by Just out. N o pan of JUOt OUt may be reproduced without written per mission from the publisher. The submission of written and graphic mate rials is welcomed. Written material should be typed and double-spaced. Just OUt reserves the right to edit for gram mar, punctuation, style, liability concerns and length. We will reject or edit articles or advertisements that are offensive, demeaning or may result in legal action. Letters to the editor should be limited to 500 words. Announcements regarding life transitions (births, deaths, unions, etc.) should be limited to 200 words; photos are wel come. Deadline for submissions to the editonal depart ment and for the Calendar is the Thursday 15 days before the next publication date. Views expiessed in letters to the edi tor, columas and features are not necessarily those of the pub lisher. The display advertising deadline is the Monday 12 days before the next publication date. Classified ads must be received at the Just out office by 3 p.m. on the Thursday eight days before the next publica tion date, along with payment. Ads may be placed by telephone or via the Internet with Visa or MasterCard payment. Ad policy; Just OUt reserves the right to reject or edit any advertisement. G anpeasation for errots in, or cancellation of, advertising will be made with credit toward future advertis ing. Advertising rates are available upon request. Subscriptions are $17.50 for 12 issues. First Class (in an envelope) is $30 for 12 issues. G m tact Just out at P.O. Box 14400, Portland, O R 97293- 0400; (503) 236-1252, advertising 236-1253, fax 236-1257; e-mail justout@jiistout.com. Visit our Internet site at www.justout.com. PMUMB AM MANA6MC EMTM • Marty Davis PEW S HUM • Inga Sorensen LNTUHMMUfl WIN • Oriana Green CIPY WIM • Christopher D. Cuttone C U 1 T M 1 • Kristine Chatwood, Katy Davidson, Jonathan Kipp, T.K. Mantese, Lake Pemguey, Gip Plaster, Bob Roehr, Rex Wockner AIVBmSMC mam • Meg Grace AIVHITtStNC MPKKNTOVf • Larry Lewis rmmcim M O T H • Christopher D. Cuttone A lfM B T N • Rupert Kinnard P99NCTWN • Oriana Green PMMCTNN A n n u m • Thomas Christian, Katy Davidson • Katy Davidson RBÏMUÏM «Jerilyn Adams, Kathy Bethel, Curtis Henderson, David Higbee, Lark Jarvis, Marie Price, Mendith Schwartz, Ruth Traut, David Wardell, Larry Williams I F I C Ï MANAflER
