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About Just out. (Portland, OR) 1983-2013 | View Entire Issue (May 21, 1999)
BOOKS ...............T What Makes Merry Maids So Great/ You 're Looking At Her. Family, once removed With M erry Maids, y o u ’ll g et better cleaning because we b a te better people. It’s Just that simple. Author Jan Clausen talks about her life as a lesbian, and her life with a male lover OFF Sm t Jew D aM sn (m tour Ftrti d M É m mm Mew custom ers only Not vafcd with other otters 6 4 1 - 1 7 3 8 In Finland 5 4 1 -7 5 4 -0 0 0 3 in Corvallis im erryi iinalcfs.i less thing to worry afcou/J S M Y R C by K ristine C hatw ood ow old were you when you came out? As my book sort of explains, my com ing out was really a very long process over a few years. If you want the year when I said, "I am a lesbian,” that was 1974, when I was 24. You became quite active in New York’s lesbian community, didn’t you? Yes. That’s very true. Much of that was lit erary activism. 1 was also involved in feminist- leftist organizing, not necessarily exclusively lesbian, but always situations where a lot of les bians were very active. & The Youth HIV/STD Prevention Project p r e s e n t s ... A GAY, LESBIA N , BI, T R A N S, AND QUESTIONING YOUTH PROM N O N - T R A D I T I O N AL Friday, June 4th • 7 pm - 11 pm WHEELCHAIR A C C E SSIB LE The World Forestry Center Miller Hall 4033 SW Canyon Road • Portland ALL FASHION STYLES ttofUfa/L Lily W ilde & her Jumpin’ Jubilee Orchestra Honorary Co-Chairs: Jim Sampson, MD * Geof Beasley, MD A N D DAN C IN G ABILITIES SATURDAY MAY 29TH ATM CC 2400 NE BROADWAY 8PM DOOR FROMM FROM: m o m s w orm MUMCMLLENIUM G AIMED «BONE Light fare provided by Elephants Delicatessen Emcees for the evening Reed Coleman and Randy Querin of KO IN TV Tickets: $50 in advance or $60 at the door FREE . D Js!!! F O O D !« The Feral Cat Coalition of Oregon For more information call 797-2606 American Indian Gay and Bisexual Men Project Red Talon is recruiting American Indians & Alaska Natives living in Oregon Why? To fill out a survey inquiring about the HIV prevention needs of American Indians & Alaskan Natives How Long? Through June 2, 1999; surveys take about 25 minutes How much? $ 1 5 for participating Where? NW Portland Indian Health Board 527 SW Hall Suite 300 above the Portland State Bookstore Contact Amanda for an appointment: 228-4185 Were you starting to build a reputation and a career as a lesbian writer? Yes. Certainly that was something I was doing individually, in the sense of wanting to be recognized for my work. But it was also in a very exciting and lively mix of lesbian women. What happened to that writing career when you became involved with the man you call Ben jamin? Perhaps it’s kind of a leap to go from the beginnings of the career to that point, because I think it’s kind of hard to say what the total mix of factors is that contributes to the way anybody’s career develops. The problem for any writer who isn’t a mass market writer...is audience Jan Clausen and the need to be connected to some group of people who under stand what you’re doing, who are interested, who want to read it. I certainly had that as a lesbian writer. Again, not enormous mass pop ularity, but a real sense of being connected and of having an exchange with an audience, hav ing venues for lesbian poetry readings, lesbian fiction readings. When I became public about being involved with a man, I didn’t fit that category anymore. I felt that people no longer included me in the same way and that I didn’t get asked to do things. I will say that I felt not only hurt, but in a way it made no sense to me that work that was lesbian work— 1 certainly consider my two novels and my book of stories, for example, to be lesbian works and I know that they can’t be understood in a heterosexual context, and yet it seemed that they started to sort of drop off of reading lists, not to be considered in the only context where they could be really understood. Why did you choose to become involved with a man and end a long-term lesbian rela tionship? Why did I choose to become involved with a man? And end a long-term lesbian relationship, in which I understand you were also helping to raise a child? Our daughter, at that point, was a senior in high school.... There had been a lot of ten sions in the relationship for a long time. I think that I would have left that relationship fairly soon, one way or another. I was restless, but I didn’t seem to be able to make up my mind to go. There was also a lot my lover and I had in common, a lot that we’d built together, a lot that we understood about each other that nobody else understood. With this new attraction to a man, I entered another crisis period. At that point in the relationship, there’d been too many crises. Clearly, something had to give. Either 1 had to stop creating crises all the time or I had to decide that I didn’t want to be in this relation ship anymore. In coming out as a lesbian— one thing 1 say in the book is that it was like marrying a gen der, it was like saying, “I choose women; I choose to be faithful to women forever.” I also said that for me, that was mistake. That was kind of an ideal of fidelity that I wasn’t going to he able to live up to. I became a lesbian with a lot of very roman tic feelings about women as a group and women as indi viduals. Those never disappear, but they are mixed with a lot of other things, including feelings of intense disillusionment and anger. With whom? With women as a group, with the high expectations of what this com munity of women would be. And not just any women, hut this almost utopian move ment of lesbian feminists. Are you saying that, partly, you made this decision because you were disappointed with the lesbian community? ... There were a lot of ways in which I’d been hurt. That made it easier to say I no longer believed that living as a lesbian is the best possible way to live. In other words, I think there could be a variety of good ways to live and that could be one of them. But I’m not going to prioritize that above everything, given that I’m attracted to this person who’s a man, and he’s attracted to me. At one time I would’ve felt I owed women a kind of loyalty I don’t feel I owe anymore. D o you feel that there was anything important you did loose by entering into a relationship with a man? Yes. I mean, in the book I say that I lost identity, or I lost a part of identity. That’s been very painful and hard to deal with. In a way, being able to think of myself as a lesbian really kind of anchored who I was, who I thought I was. ■ jAN CLAUSEN reads from her new book, Apples &. Oranges: My Journey Through Sexual Iden tity, at 7:30 p.m. Wednesday, May 26, at Pow ell's Books on Hawthorne, 3732 S.E . Hawthorne Blvd. For more information, call (503) 238-1668.
