BOOKS
...............T
What Makes Merry Maids So
Great/ You 're Looking At Her.
Family, once removed
With M erry Maids, y o u ’ll g et better
cleaning because we b a te better people.
It’s Just that simple.
Author Jan Clausen talks about her life as a lesbian,
and her life with a male lover
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S M Y R C
by
K ristine C hatw ood
ow old were you when you came out?
As my book sort of explains, my com
ing out was really a very long process over
a few years. If you want the year when I
said, "I am a lesbian,” that was 1974, when I
was 24.
You became quite active in New York’s
lesbian community, didn’t you?
Yes. That’s very true. Much of that was lit
erary activism. 1 was also involved in feminist-
leftist organizing, not necessarily exclusively
lesbian, but always situations where a lot of les
bians were very active.
&
The Youth HIV/STD
Prevention Project
p r e s e n t s
...
A GAY, LESBIA N , BI, T R A N S,
AND QUESTIONING YOUTH
PROM
N O N - T R A D I T I O N AL
Friday, June 4th • 7 pm - 11 pm
WHEELCHAIR A C C E SSIB LE
The World Forestry Center
Miller Hall
4033 SW Canyon Road • Portland
ALL FASHION STYLES
ttofUfa/L
Lily W ilde & her Jumpin’ Jubilee Orchestra
Honorary Co-Chairs:
Jim Sampson, MD * Geof Beasley, MD
A N D
DAN C IN G ABILITIES
SATURDAY MAY 29TH
ATM CC 2400 NE BROADWAY
8PM
DOOR FROMM FROM:
m o m s w orm
MUMCMLLENIUM
G AIMED
«BONE
Light fare provided by
Elephants Delicatessen
Emcees for the evening Reed Coleman
and Randy Querin of KO IN TV
Tickets: $50 in advance or $60 at the door
FREE
.
D Js!!!
F O O D !«
The Feral Cat Coalition of Oregon
For more information call 797-2606
American Indian Gay and Bisexual Men
Project Red Talon is recruiting American Indians &
Alaska Natives living in Oregon
Why?
To fill out a survey inquiring about the
HIV prevention needs of American
Indians & Alaskan Natives
How Long?
Through June 2, 1999; surveys take
about 25 minutes
How much?
$ 1 5 for participating
Where?
NW Portland Indian Health Board
527 SW Hall Suite 300
above the Portland State Bookstore
Contact Amanda for an appointment: 228-4185
Were you starting to build a reputation
and a career as a lesbian writer?
Yes. Certainly that was something I was
doing individually, in the sense of wanting to
be recognized for my work. But it was also in a
very exciting and lively mix of lesbian women.
What happened to that writing career
when you became
involved with the
man you call Ben
jamin?
Perhaps it’s kind
of a leap to go from
the beginnings of
the career to that
point, because I
think it’s kind of
hard to say what the
total mix of factors
is that contributes to
the way anybody’s
career develops.
The problem for
any writer who isn’t
a
mass
market
writer...is audience
Jan Clausen
and the need to be
connected to some group of people who under
stand what you’re doing, who are interested,
who want to read it. I certainly had that as a
lesbian writer. Again, not enormous mass pop
ularity, but a real sense of being connected and
of having an exchange with an audience, hav
ing venues for lesbian poetry readings, lesbian
fiction readings.
When I became public about being
involved with a man, I didn’t fit that category
anymore. I felt that people no longer included
me in the same way and that I didn’t get asked
to do things.
I will say that I felt not only hurt, but in a
way it made no sense to me that work that was
lesbian work— 1 certainly consider my two
novels and my book of stories, for example, to
be lesbian works and I know that they can’t be
understood in a heterosexual context, and yet
it seemed that they started to sort of drop off of
reading lists, not to be considered in the only
context where they could be really understood.
Why did you choose to become involved
with a man and end a long-term lesbian rela
tionship?
Why did I choose to become involved with
a man?
And end a long-term lesbian relationship,
in which I understand you were also helping
to raise a child?
Our daughter, at that point, was a senior in
high school.... There had been a lot of ten
sions in the relationship for a long time. I
think that I would have left that relationship
fairly soon, one way or another.
I was restless, but I didn’t seem to be able to
make up my mind to go. There was also a lot
my lover and I had in common, a lot that we’d
built together, a lot that we understood about
each other that nobody else understood.
With this new attraction to a man, I
entered another crisis period. At that point in
the relationship, there’d been too many crises.
Clearly, something had to give. Either 1 had to
stop creating crises all the time or I had to
decide that I didn’t want to be in this relation
ship anymore.
In coming out as a lesbian— one thing 1 say
in the book is that it was like marrying a gen
der, it was like saying, “I choose women; I
choose to be faithful to women forever.” I also
said that for me, that was mistake. That was
kind of an ideal of fidelity that I wasn’t going
to he able to live up to. I became a lesbian with
a lot of very roman
tic feelings about
women as a group
and women as indi
viduals. Those
never disappear,
but they are mixed
with a lot of other
things, including
feelings of intense
disillusionment and
anger.
With whom?
With women as
a group, with the
high expectations
of what this com
munity of women
would be. And not
just any women, hut this almost utopian move
ment of lesbian feminists.
Are you saying that, partly, you made this
decision because you were disappointed with
the lesbian community?
... There were a lot of ways in which I’d
been hurt. That made it easier to say I no
longer believed that living as a lesbian is the
best possible way to live. In other words, I
think there could be a variety of good ways to
live and that could be one of them. But I’m
not going to prioritize that above everything,
given that I’m attracted to this person who’s a
man, and he’s attracted to me. At one time I
would’ve felt I owed women a kind of loyalty I
don’t feel I owe anymore.
D o you feel that there was anything
important you did loose by entering into a
relationship with a man?
Yes. I mean, in the book I say that I lost
identity, or I lost a part of identity. That’s been
very painful and hard to deal with. In a way,
being able to think of myself as a lesbian really
kind of anchored who I was, who I thought I
was.
■ jAN CLAUSEN reads from her new book, Apples
&. Oranges: My Journey Through Sexual Iden
tity, at 7:30 p.m. Wednesday, May 26, at Pow
ell's Books on Hawthorne, 3732 S.E . Hawthorne
Blvd. For more information, call (503) 238-1668.