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About Just out. (Portland, OR) 1983-2013 | View Entire Issue (Jan. 8, 1999)
tantiaiy a. 1999 Continued from page 19 anonymity of personal ads is temporary and wholly beside the point, which is to meet in person. Once the meeting has taken place, it’s easy enough to ditch someone who doesn’t measure up to his or her own portrayal. (How much does a new phone number cost?) attempt to raise the bids, 1 was purchased— at a generous discount— by a guy in a CHiPs uni form whose handcuffs and gruff demeanor inspired me to play the role of slave. One thing led to another and— let’s just say that the next morning, the bed was about three feet away from where it was the night before. It wasn’t love, but it sure was fun and no harm done. Which is to say, in the silent auction we call “the personals,” the possibilities are end less. Just remember to keep your sense of humor handy and, when the inevitable awk ward disappointments arise, try not to take it personally. Hard choices in a seller’s market Here (place tongue in cheek while reading) at the edge of the millennium, most personal ads rely on voice mail systems, and the art of letter writing is on its deathbed. For those with a post office box or money to spend on a blind box, however, the face-to-face leap of faith can be cushioned by an exchange of photos. O f course, that’s not foolproof either. I’ve received a number of fuzzy and not very flattering Polaroids in exchange for pictures of me that fuel the occasional nightmare about blackmail. And then there’s the guy who somehow manages to respond to every ad I place with a 20-page handwritten letter not about why he and I should meet, but about him and his body-builder boyffiend(s) and their sexual mis adventures. It’s not all bad, though. With fewer than 10 carefully composed personal ads over a three- year period, I’ve met quite a few charming, attractive potential partners (including a friend’s ex). What’s more, two of the ads gener ated so many responses that I was able pick and choose which respondents to meet. Hell, I’ve even gotten laid a few times. Which reminds me of another illustrative story. The public presentation of personal ads in a newspaper— a catalog of sorts— lends itself to marketplace analogies. Filled with sales pitches and sound bites, it’s a more obvious form of social capitalism than the bar scene, where there’s no guarantee of availability. There’s also an explicit element of competi tion: This unique and desirable item is one-of- a-kind; let’s open the bidding at dinner and a movie— do I hear weekend at the beach? Per sonal ads are a lot like the notices the sheriff puts in the newspaper when auctioning seized property. Which is pretty close to what happened one fateful night when I, three sheets to the wind, stepped up to the auction block in the name of charity. It was supposed to be just fun, I think, but after dancing on a pool table in an SEARCHING FOR A NEW BEGINNING? “We pry," says Solomon. “Sometimes it’s with a crowbar,” adds Ingram. “And we’re all brutally honest,” says Solomon. They pry so they can get to know the client and find a match that may actually work. And what happens if they get a client who is impos sible to match? In those rare situations, the owners put it on the table. “I’ll ask, ‘Do you really want to spend your money?’ ” says Ingram. And she quickly adds, “It’s not based on looks. It’s based on attitude.” Once someone has gone through the inter view process, the staff get together to make a match. Ingram, Coffey, Solomon and Orlowski lay files out on the floor, pondering the various possibilities. Even if they’re immediately sure they’ve found a solid match, they think about it for at least a week before calling the client. The client decides whether or not to go through with an introduction, and, if all else sounds good, can come in and look at a photo of the potential date. The owners were surprised to find that men usually choose to forego viewing a photo, while 75 percent of their female clients opt for a peek before accepting a date. “I’ve had several that would have been per fect for each other,” says Ingram. “But some one’s hair is too short.” New Beginnings Introductions offers a money-back guarantee that refunds clients $199 if an introduction is not made within a specified time period. Clients can also purchase further introduc tions beyond the initial three. “We have not sold additional introductions yet,” says Solomon, who then assesses: “If we have any temperature gauge on how we’re doing, that’s the only way we know.” have interests in botany, bird watching, astron omy, and geology— you know, science fare— meets nearly every week for a field trip or some activity. On this particular night, Chris Dwyer is giv ing a presentation in her home on identifying rocks and minerals in preparation for future rock-hounding trips. Dwyer notes that while finding a date is not LES’s focus, matches are sometimes made with in the group. “We try hard not to let the couple issue scare single people away from the group,” she says, adding, “We have a really nice mix right now.” On another night, 1 didn’t know what to expect on my first visit to a meeting of the sup port group for Lesbians Over 50. Stuffy? Dull? Conservative? Ha! This is a high-spirited gath ering of women who don’t seem ready to climb over the hill anytime soon. At first they met at members’ homes, but eventually the group grew so large they now convene monthly for a potluck and social at an eastside neighborhood center in Portland. Thirty lesbians attended the December potluck and Holiday White Elephant Exchange, where a number of attendees covet ed their neighbors’ X-rated gifts. Vi Leagjeld is a longtime member and single lesbian who depends on the group for her social connections. “1 like being single, because I’m not going to get hurt anymore,” she says candidly. “I’m not one to go out to a movie or to eat by myself, so that’s where friends come in. I’m not saying I don’t date— but none of that serious stuff.” For Leagjeld, getting together with women she’s met at this group satisfies her social needs. LES and Lesbians Over 50 are among the many queer-specialized groups that meet regu A gay and lesbian dating service may help by Lis B accigaluppi 9 elanie Coffey and Janet Ingram, and Timothy Orlowski and Stephen Solomon have been together for a combined total of more than 26 years. It is this life and relationship experience they bring to their gay and lesbian dating ser vice called New Beginnings Introductions, which the two couples launched last April. “We use our relationships as models. If we can share what we’ve learned— if [clients] walk away having learned something in the intro duction process— hopefully it will help,” says Orlowski. Coffey and Ingram laugh when asked if any long-term relationships have developed through the New Beginnings Introductions. They note that the business, based in Portland, has been in existence less than a year— hardly enough time for a such a relationship to have been established. What sort of people use a dating service? “We’ve tapped into the niche of very busy people. They don’t have time to go out and do the dirty work,” says Ingram. The cost for avoiding the dirty work is $249, which includes a lifetime membership and three introductions. The first step of the process is to schedule an appointment. Clients fill out a four-page questionnaire about themselves and what they are looking for in a date ( a k a potential mate) and are then interviewed. At least two owners try to sit in on the interview, usually one-half of each couple. The many special interest groups found at pride parades and in the pages of Just Out are all part of life’s rich pageant WHERE THE GIRLS ARE Catching glimpses of the lesbian social circuit by O riana G reen © leven lesbians gather in a Portland living rtxim to learn about rocks and minerals on this soggy Friday night in December. Lesbians Enjoying the Sciences— or LES— lives up to its name. A group for women who larly to indulge in everything from beachcomb ing to bridge, from bondage to bowling. (Scan the comprehensive listings in Just Out to leam about an array of groups.) It could be a fun way to meet people away from the social pressures of bars and parties. Other suggestions? Try the Lesbian Fiction Group which meets monthly at In Other Words, a women’s bookstore in Portland. How about a low-tech matchmaking ser vice? Check out the Dating Book at It’s My Pleasure in Portland. For a $5 fee, each woman places a page about herself into the book, which currently holds about 80 entries. 21
