tantiaiy a. 1999
Continued from page 19
anonymity of personal ads is temporary and
wholly beside the point, which is to meet in
person. Once the meeting has taken place, it’s
easy enough to ditch someone who doesn’t
measure up to his or her own portrayal. (How
much does a new phone number cost?)
attempt to raise the bids, 1 was purchased— at a
generous discount— by a guy in a CHiPs uni
form whose handcuffs and gruff demeanor
inspired me to play the role of slave. One thing
led to another and— let’s just say that the next
morning, the bed was about three feet away
from where it was the night before. It wasn’t
love, but it sure was fun and no harm done.
Which is to say, in the silent auction we
call “the personals,” the possibilities are end
less. Just remember to keep your sense of
humor handy and, when the inevitable awk
ward disappointments arise, try not to take it
personally.
Hard choices in a seller’s market
Here (place tongue in cheek while reading)
at the edge of the millennium, most personal
ads rely on voice mail systems, and the art of
letter writing is on its deathbed. For those with
a post office box or money to spend on a blind
box, however, the face-to-face leap of faith can
be cushioned by an exchange of photos. O f
course, that’s not foolproof either. I’ve received
a number of fuzzy and not very flattering
Polaroids in exchange for pictures of me that
fuel the occasional nightmare about blackmail.
And then there’s the guy who somehow
manages to respond to every ad I place with a
20-page handwritten letter not about why he
and I should meet, but about him and his
body-builder boyffiend(s) and their sexual mis
adventures.
It’s not all bad, though. With fewer than 10
carefully composed personal ads over a three-
year period, I’ve met quite a few charming,
attractive potential partners (including a
friend’s ex). What’s more, two of the ads gener
ated so many responses that I was able pick and
choose which respondents to meet. Hell, I’ve
even gotten laid a few times.
Which reminds me of another illustrative
story. The public presentation of personal ads
in a newspaper— a catalog of sorts— lends itself
to marketplace analogies. Filled with sales
pitches and sound bites, it’s a more obvious
form of social capitalism than the bar scene,
where there’s no guarantee of availability.
There’s also an explicit element of competi
tion: This unique and desirable item is one-of-
a-kind; let’s open the bidding at dinner and a
movie— do I hear weekend at the beach? Per
sonal ads are a lot like the notices the sheriff
puts in the newspaper when auctioning seized
property.
Which is pretty close to what happened
one fateful night when I, three sheets to the
wind, stepped up to the auction block in the
name of charity. It was supposed to be just fun,
I think, but after dancing on a pool table in an
SEARCHING
FOR A NEW
BEGINNING?
“We pry," says Solomon.
“Sometimes it’s with a crowbar,” adds
Ingram.
“And we’re all brutally honest,” says
Solomon.
They pry so they can get to know the client
and find a match that may actually work. And
what happens if they get a client who is impos
sible to match? In those rare situations, the
owners put it on the table.
“I’ll ask, ‘Do you really want to spend your
money?’ ” says Ingram. And she quickly adds,
“It’s not based on looks. It’s based on attitude.”
Once someone has gone through the inter
view process, the staff get together to make a
match.
Ingram, Coffey, Solomon and Orlowski lay
files out on the floor, pondering the various
possibilities. Even if they’re immediately sure
they’ve found a solid match, they think about
it for at least a week before calling the client.
The client decides whether or not to go
through with an introduction, and, if all else
sounds good, can come in and look at a photo
of the potential date.
The owners were surprised to find that men
usually choose to forego viewing a photo, while
75 percent of their female clients opt for a peek
before accepting a date.
“I’ve had several that would have been per
fect for each other,” says Ingram. “But some
one’s hair is too short.”
New Beginnings Introductions offers a
money-back guarantee that refunds clients
$199 if an introduction is not made within a
specified time period.
Clients can also purchase further introduc
tions beyond the initial three.
“We have not sold additional introductions
yet,” says Solomon, who then assesses: “If we
have any temperature gauge on how we’re
doing, that’s the only way we know.”
have interests in botany, bird watching, astron
omy, and geology— you know, science fare—
meets nearly every week for a field trip or some
activity.
On this particular night, Chris Dwyer is giv
ing a presentation in her home on identifying
rocks and minerals in preparation for future
rock-hounding trips.
Dwyer notes that while finding a date is not
LES’s focus, matches are sometimes made with
in the group.
“We try hard not to let the couple issue
scare single people away from the group,” she
says, adding, “We have a really nice mix right
now.”
On another night, 1 didn’t know what to
expect on my first visit to a meeting of the sup
port group for Lesbians Over 50. Stuffy? Dull?
Conservative? Ha! This is a high-spirited gath
ering of women who don’t seem ready to climb
over the hill anytime soon.
At first they met at members’ homes, but
eventually the group grew so large they now
convene monthly for a potluck and social at an
eastside neighborhood center in Portland.
Thirty lesbians attended the December
potluck and Holiday White Elephant
Exchange, where a number of attendees covet
ed their neighbors’ X-rated gifts.
Vi Leagjeld is a longtime member and single
lesbian who depends on the group for her
social connections.
“1 like being single, because I’m not going
to get hurt anymore,” she says candidly. “I’m
not one to go out to a movie or to eat by
myself, so that’s where friends come in. I’m not
saying I don’t date— but none of that serious
stuff.”
For Leagjeld, getting together with women
she’s met at this group satisfies her social needs.
LES and Lesbians Over 50 are among the
many queer-specialized groups that meet regu
A gay and lesbian
dating service may help
by
Lis B accigaluppi
9
elanie Coffey and Janet Ingram, and
Timothy Orlowski and Stephen
Solomon have been together for a
combined total of more than 26 years.
It is this life and relationship experience
they bring to their gay and lesbian dating ser
vice called New Beginnings Introductions,
which the two couples launched last April.
“We use our relationships as models. If we
can share what we’ve learned— if [clients] walk
away having learned something in the intro
duction process— hopefully it will help,” says
Orlowski.
Coffey and Ingram laugh when asked if any
long-term relationships have developed
through the New Beginnings Introductions.
They note that the business, based in Portland,
has been in existence less than a year— hardly
enough time for a such a relationship to have
been established.
What sort of people use a dating service?
“We’ve tapped into the niche of very busy
people. They don’t have time to go out and do
the dirty work,” says Ingram.
The cost for avoiding the dirty work is
$249, which includes a lifetime membership
and three introductions.
The first step of the process is to schedule
an appointment. Clients fill out a four-page
questionnaire about themselves and what they
are looking for in a date ( a k a potential mate)
and are then interviewed. At least two owners
try to sit in on the interview, usually one-half
of each couple.
The many special interest groups found at pride parades and in the pages of Just Out are all
part of life’s rich pageant
WHERE THE
GIRLS ARE
Catching glimpses of the
lesbian social circuit
by
O riana G reen
©
leven lesbians gather in a Portland
living rtxim to learn about rocks and
minerals on this soggy Friday night
in December.
Lesbians Enjoying the Sciences— or LES—
lives up to its name. A group for women who
larly to indulge in everything from beachcomb
ing to bridge, from bondage to bowling. (Scan
the comprehensive listings in Just Out to leam
about an array of groups.) It could be a fun way
to meet people away from the social pressures
of bars and parties.
Other suggestions? Try the Lesbian Fiction
Group which meets monthly at In Other
Words, a women’s bookstore in Portland.
How about a low-tech matchmaking ser
vice? Check out the Dating Book at It’s My
Pleasure in Portland. For a $5 fee, each woman
places a page about herself into the book,
which currently holds about 80 entries.
21