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About Just out. (Portland, OR) 1983-2013 | View Entire Issue (July 21, 1995)
ju s t o u t ▼ July 2 1 . 1 9 9 5 ▼ 3 letters A little perspective To the Editor: W e have follow ed, with interest, the debate on gender discrim ination betw een gays and lesbians, both in your Letters colum n, and in your feature article on the subject ("The G reat D ivide,” Just Out, M ay 5, 1995). S tarky’s, and the treatm ent o f som e wom en patrons, seem s to be in the center of the debate. W e have been regular patrons o f Starky’s for about tw o years. W e have enjoyed m eeting friends after w ork there, quiet nightcaps and relaxing dinners, as well as raucous w eekend fun at one tim e o r another. It is when in pursuit o f the latter activity that we have w itnessed the differing treat m ent o f m en and wom en at this establishm ent. W hile w ith friends we were, on several occasions, asked to keep the noise level dow n while the row dy behavior o f m en around us was seem ingly ignored. In truth, we were getting loud. Still, we felt picked on, singled out, discrim inated against. The last tim e it happened we vow ed w e’d not spend even one m ore o f our hard-earned lesbian dollars in the place. O ur tem pers eventually cooled, and we did return to S tarky’s. W e spoke w ith the staff and, o v ertim e, w e’ve learned a little about the ow ners, Carl and A rchie, and their vision for this estab lishm ent. In short, w e’ve gained a little perspec tive. S tarky’s is, after all, a dinner house. A quality dining experience for patrons o f the res taurant is the first priority. W hen the noise level gets too high in the bar, the quiet dining experi ence is com prom ised. W e offer no explanation or excuse for the fact that w om en have been, and m ay well continue to be, singled out as noise m akers. W e find the practice deplorable. W e only know that when we adjusted our behavior, our treatm ent at S tarky’s im proved dram atically. C hanging our behavior was a conscious decision that allow ed us to enjoy our tim e there. B ecause we conduct ourselves with the decorum befitting this establishm ent we have no fear o f reprisal. Indeed, that we can be ourselves at S tark y ’s is sim ply a given. W e continue to enjoy the quiet am biance, w onderful food and great service at S tarky’s. W hen the urge for a riotous evening o f reckless abandon strikes us, we go som ew here else. We challenge those o f our sisters w ho have had prob lem s at S tarky’s to follow our exam ple and see if it m akes a difference. And to the ow ners of S tarky’s, and our com m unity at large, we counsel patience. C hange d o esn ’t happen overnight. Brenda Dayne M illie V andervelden Portland Lesbian-movie blues T o the Editor: I am so disappointed and angry at the incred ibly pathetic lesbian m ovies show n at the recent O regon Gay and Lesbian Film Festival. I’ve seen poor lesbian m ovies, but this beats all. I need to qualify my rem arks by saying that I could not see The Incredibly True Adventure o f Two Girls in Love or /, Worst o f All, and I chose not to see the incestuous lover relationship featured in Sister, My Sister, based on a play by Jean Genet. H aving lived in Sydney, A ustralia, for 12 years, I was excited to see Only the Brave, but it turned out to be a tw isty traum a of rejection on all sides. Playing the Part was a tedious non-com ing out story o f a rich w hite girl w hich was ju st dead boring. Devotion was a splendid exposé o f how to have a non-relationship with your lover while a ghost from the past w orks out her shit. The first short story, Ife, from Dyke Drama, which featured w om en o f color was good, but the other three were the final straw. These others w ere really about w om en who were not explicitly lesbian having crushes on w om en whose sexual orientation was unclear or, as in the case o f Things We Said Today, how the man gets to fuck over a lesbian. Besides which, these m ovies were poorly m ade and the acting was ju st terrible. I want to see m ovies about lesbians which are m ature, exciting and way beyond the patriarchal m indset; where women talk to each other, not just have a tantrum and storm out; where there is love and laughter as well as hard times. I w ould like to leave the movie house feeling nourished, inform ed and substantiated as a lesbian instead o f angry and upset. The festival was saved for me by M arlon R iggs’ Black Is...Black A in’t... a truly enriching film. W here are the lesbian m ovies o f sim ilar calibre? SERIOUS IN J U R Y & D E A T H C LA IM S resulting from: ■ . into ■ accidents M edical M alpractice ■ l hsafe Products Free Consultation No Attorney Fee Unless Non Ret*over 295-1940 I la in G o res 621 SW Morrison. #1218 Attorney at Law Emetchi Portland Whose pride, anyway? To the Editor: I’m responding to the letter from Shannon Garrett (Letters, Just Out, June 2 , 1995). Although I found Shannon’s letter somewhat confusing, the gist o f it seems to be that we should dress and behave accord ing to Oregon Citizens Alliance standards during our annual march, so as not to “feed their hate.” I am so tired o f this criticism ! It is in tern alized homophobia, plain and simple. W hen we begin to say the same thing to ourselves that the oppressor does, it shows that we have done a good job of internalizing their hate-filled messages. All year long we have to deal with the negative messages from the dominant culture: that our sexu ality is not OK, that what we do with our bodies is not OK, that our bodies, really, are not OK, that we are not OK. On the one day of the year we can proclaim as our day— for a few hours, at least— it is totally understandable that some o f us choose to be “outra geous” and “flaunt” our sexuality. Excuse me, but this is not the day I dress to please the Oregon Citizens Alliance. Our dress (or undress), our flaunting, is not what feeds the O C A ’s hatred— its hatred is fed by its own ignorance, insecurities and fears. We are the objects of the hatred, not the creators! And no matter how we dress that hatred will not abate, because at bottom the OCA and its ilk hate the fact that we have sex together. That is what they want us to change. How far are you willing to go, Shannon, so as not to “feed their hate”? Last and most important, we cannot allow the OCA to dictate how we dress, any more than we would allow them to dictate who we have sex with! If we start policing ourselves in this respect, we are doing the O C A ’s work for it. The OCA wants to create divisions among us. We have enough real divisions among us already that make it difficult to work together for our common good. And, anyway by whose standards would we abide? Shannon’s? Mine? Should the drag queens stop wearing drag to the march? Should we all dress in cotton and leave all our leather at home? Should the dykes all wear dresses? Maybe we shouldn’t allow drag queens or drag kings or leather people or any other “fringe elements” to participate at all? And should my sisters and brothers of color be excluded, because they also “feed the hatred” of OCA and right-wing types? O f course, there are limits to everything; I would not want to march with a group whose banner said “Gay Murderers" or “Gay Child Molesters and Proud o f It,” but do we want to start a screening process to determine who is acceptable to march and who is not? For me, a key part o f the gay rights movement has been about widening, opening up, our choices about who we are as sexual beings, about how we express our sexuality. When we have struggled so hard for the right to be who we are, why then do we want to put limits on ourselves that are based in the homophobia of the dominant culture? Isn’t being proud of who we are what “Gay Pride” is supposed to be all about? Catherine Smith Portland Em ily S im o n 620 SW Fifth Ave., Ste. 1204 Portland, Oregon 97204 ( 503 ) 241-1553 (503) 241-2587 FAX Emphasizing representation of the accused in all misdemeanor, felony, traffic and DUN actions in state, federal, juvenile courts and administrative actions Aiillynn V ilcuse "Seid ” fVcrcf Summer's sizzling & so is the Portland housing market! Buying or selling real estate? Let me give you a hand. As YOUR community real estate professional I can gently guide you through every step of the buying & selling process! ▼ BUYERS, as an experienced BUYER'S BROKER I'll help you fin d the right home at the best price & will represent you & your interests from the initial negotiations right through to closing. ▼ SELLERS, I can put my top marketing & sales experience to work for you. 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