ju s t o u t ▼ July 2 1 . 1 9 9 5 ▼ 3
letters
A little perspective
To the Editor:
W e have follow ed, with interest, the debate on
gender discrim ination betw een gays and lesbians,
both in your Letters colum n, and in your feature
article on the subject ("The G reat D ivide,” Just
Out, M ay 5, 1995). S tarky’s, and the treatm ent o f
som e wom en patrons, seem s to be in the center of
the debate.
W e have been regular patrons o f Starky’s for
about tw o years. W e have enjoyed m eeting friends
after w ork there, quiet nightcaps and relaxing
dinners, as well as raucous w eekend fun at one
tim e o r another. It is when in pursuit o f the latter
activity that we have w itnessed the differing treat
m ent o f m en and wom en at this establishm ent.
W hile w ith friends we were, on several occasions,
asked to keep the noise level dow n while the
row dy behavior o f m en around us was seem ingly
ignored. In truth, we were getting loud. Still, we
felt picked on, singled out, discrim inated against.
The last tim e it happened we vow ed w e’d not
spend even one m ore o f our hard-earned lesbian
dollars in the place.
O ur tem pers eventually cooled, and we did
return to S tarky’s. W e spoke w ith the staff and,
o v ertim e, w e’ve learned a little about the ow ners,
Carl and A rchie, and their vision for this estab
lishm ent. In short, w e’ve gained a little perspec
tive. S tarky’s is, after all, a dinner house. A
quality dining experience for patrons o f the res
taurant is the first priority. W hen the noise level
gets too high in the bar, the quiet dining experi
ence is com prom ised.
W e offer no explanation or excuse for the fact
that w om en have been, and m ay well continue to
be, singled out as noise m akers. W e find the
practice deplorable. W e only know that when we
adjusted our behavior, our treatm ent at S tarky’s
im proved dram atically. C hanging our behavior
was a conscious decision that allow ed us to enjoy
our tim e there. B ecause we conduct ourselves
with the decorum befitting this establishm ent we
have no fear o f reprisal. Indeed, that we can be
ourselves at S tark y ’s is sim ply a given.
W e continue to enjoy the quiet am biance,
w onderful food and great service at S tarky’s.
W hen the urge for a riotous evening o f reckless
abandon strikes us, we go som ew here else. We
challenge those o f our sisters w ho have had prob
lem s at S tarky’s to follow our exam ple and see if
it m akes a difference. And to the ow ners of
S tarky’s, and our com m unity at large, we counsel
patience. C hange d o esn ’t happen overnight.
Brenda Dayne
M illie V andervelden
Portland
Lesbian-movie blues
T o the Editor:
I am so disappointed and angry at the incred
ibly pathetic lesbian m ovies show n at the recent
O regon Gay and Lesbian Film Festival. I’ve seen
poor lesbian m ovies, but this beats all. I need to
qualify my rem arks by saying that I could not see
The Incredibly True Adventure o f Two Girls in
Love or /, Worst o f All, and I chose not to see the
incestuous lover relationship featured in Sister,
My Sister, based on a play by Jean Genet.
H aving lived in Sydney, A ustralia, for 12
years, I was excited to see Only the Brave, but it
turned out to be a tw isty traum a of rejection on all
sides. Playing the Part was a tedious non-com ing
out story o f a rich w hite girl w hich was ju st dead
boring. Devotion was a splendid exposé o f how to
have a non-relationship with your lover while a
ghost from the past w orks out her shit. The first
short story, Ife, from Dyke Drama, which featured
w om en o f color was good, but the other three were
the final straw. These others w ere really about
w om en who were not explicitly lesbian having
crushes on w om en whose sexual orientation was
unclear or, as in the case o f Things We Said Today,
how the man gets to fuck over a lesbian. Besides
which, these m ovies were poorly m ade and the
acting was ju st terrible.
I want to see m ovies about lesbians which are
m ature, exciting and way beyond the patriarchal
m indset; where women talk to each other, not just
have a tantrum and storm out; where there is love
and laughter as well as hard times. I w ould like to
leave the movie house feeling nourished, inform ed
and substantiated as a lesbian instead o f angry and
upset. The festival was saved for me by M arlon
R iggs’ Black Is...Black A in’t... a truly enriching
film. W here are the lesbian m ovies o f sim ilar
calibre?
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Whose pride, anyway?
To the Editor:
I’m responding to the letter from Shannon Garrett
(Letters, Just Out, June 2 , 1995). Although I found
Shannon’s letter somewhat confusing, the gist o f it
seems to be that we should dress and behave accord
ing to Oregon Citizens Alliance standards during
our annual march, so as not to “feed their hate.” I am
so tired o f this criticism ! It is in tern alized
homophobia, plain and simple. W hen we begin to
say the same thing to ourselves that the oppressor
does, it shows that we have done a good job of
internalizing their hate-filled messages.
All year long we have to deal with the negative
messages from the dominant culture: that our sexu
ality is not OK, that what we do with our bodies is not
OK, that our bodies, really, are not OK, that we are
not OK. On the one day of the year we can proclaim
as our day— for a few hours, at least— it is totally
understandable that some o f us choose to be “outra
geous” and “flaunt” our sexuality. Excuse me, but
this is not the day I dress to please the Oregon
Citizens Alliance.
Our dress (or undress), our flaunting, is not what
feeds the O C A ’s hatred— its hatred is fed by its own
ignorance, insecurities and fears. We are the objects
of the hatred, not the creators! And no matter how we
dress that hatred will not abate, because at bottom
the OCA and its ilk hate the fact that we have sex
together. That is what they want us to change. How
far are you willing to go, Shannon, so as not to “feed
their hate”?
Last and most important, we cannot allow the
OCA to dictate how we dress, any more than we
would allow them to dictate who we have sex with!
If we start policing ourselves in this respect, we are
doing the O C A ’s work for it. The OCA wants to
create divisions among us. We have enough real
divisions among us already that make it difficult to
work together for our common good.
And, anyway by whose standards would we
abide? Shannon’s? Mine? Should the drag queens
stop wearing drag to the march? Should we all dress
in cotton and leave all our leather at home? Should
the dykes all wear dresses? Maybe we shouldn’t
allow drag queens or drag kings or leather people or
any other “fringe elements” to participate at all? And
should my sisters and brothers of color be excluded,
because they also “feed the hatred” of OCA and
right-wing types? O f course, there are limits to
everything; I would not want to march with a group
whose banner said “Gay Murderers" or “Gay Child
Molesters and Proud o f It,” but do we want to start
a screening process to determine who is acceptable
to march and who is not?
For me, a key part o f the gay rights movement
has been about widening, opening up, our choices
about who we are as sexual beings, about how we
express our sexuality. When we have struggled so
hard for the right to be who we are, why then do we
want to put limits on ourselves that are based in the
homophobia of the dominant culture? Isn’t being
proud of who we are what “Gay Pride” is supposed
to be all about?
Catherine Smith
Portland
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620 SW Fifth Ave., Ste. 1204
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