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About Just out. (Portland, OR) 1983-2013 | View Entire Issue (March 1, 1990)
G etting through high school A list of do's and don fs for dealing with lesbian/gay/bisexual youth in the schools BY JULIE BAUMLER whole emotional can of worms of becoming sexually active, and realizing I was attracted igh school. Most of us go. We love it, to women did not change that fact Two years sometimes. We hate it, sometimes. If later at 18, an age I had long considered we’re gay or lesbian it tends to be more of the appropriate for becoming sexually active, sex latter than the former. Thankfully, I gradu was something I was ready and able to deal ated almost three years ago, but according to with. My experience has been that whatever my friends, things haven’t changed much. people’s mores and beliefs about having sex Based on my experiences and those of some are, they don’t change a lot when that person of my friends, I have come up with a list of comes out; as a result gay teens are no more do’s and don’t ’s for dealing with lesbian/gay/ likely than straight teens to be sexually active. bisexual youth in the schools. Most of these Don't assume that because a student is principles can be generalized beyond the high openly gay or mentions she/he is gay that school situation. a he/she has a problem with it. The first person I came out to at my school (other than my dorm’s RA who was a lesbian herself and had pretty much figured it out), was my senior humanities teacher. One day he gave us one of the many lectures we received on not throwing away our education, Acknowledge students' sexuality brains, etc., for a man. I stayed after class and This summer, I was on the front page of told him that I was a lesbian and I was offended that he assumed that we were all my hometown paper talking about being a heterosexual. His reaction was to ask if I had lesbian activist. Two months later I went to a discussed this with the school counselor. I volleyball game at the school I had attended came out to him for political reasons, not from 7- 10th grade. One of the teachers — because I had a problem. whom I had never actually even taken a class from — came over to say hi and mentioned By the middle of the next term I was out to that she’d seen me in the paper that summer. the whole school. In a conference, my Just that comment made me feel much better Women’s Studies teacher said to me, “This about the school, that teacher (whom I ’d never lesbian stuff is a big [personal] issue with you particularly liked), and even the time I had isn’t it.” It took me ten minutes to make her spent at that school. On the other hand, I had realize that I was blatant for political reasons, in order to challenge the rampant homophobia many teachers at my other high school — which was an all-female institution — who among my peers. I f you are lesbian or gay and closeted, even knowing that I was lesbian, continued to don't over compensate. talk to the class on a regular basis, on the issue of marriage (to a man) and children. In I went to boarding school my junior and their defense, I must say that they were senior years. When we had dances, the library encouraging to us to continue to have careers was locked so students wouldn’t take their dates there to make out. We weren’t allowed and to marry men who would be supportive, but I am still upset by their assumptions of to go off campus at night unless we took a cab (which I couldn’t afford) and a friend (all of both heterosexuality and the fact that we would all marry and have children. mine were at the dance). The dorm was very boring with almost everyone at the dance. So Don't allow harassment about half way through my senior year, I went A friend o f mine dropped out of high to the proper school administrator, told her I school, mainly because high school is not a had no interest in the dances (which was not comfortable place if you are gay. After eight strictly true, I loved the brownies they served, months he decided that another year of high but that only killed five/ten minutes) and school couldn’t be any worse than spending would rather study and requested that they not the rest of his life as a high school dropout. lock the library during dances so I (and The day he went back another guy was beat others) could go there to study. up (rumor has it because he was gay). As a It was a widely held belief among students result my friend dropped out again. (The good news is he is now in a community high and faculty that this administrator was a lesbian — she lived with another woman and school completion program.) the year after I left they adopted a child There were days after I cam out at school together. She refused to change the policy, when I feared for my own physical safety. and I’m certain that her reaction, if not her D on't p u t students in a position action, would have been different had I told o f having to come out or lie. her that it was against my religion to dance or During my senior year in high school, I to do so with members of the opposite sex. was in a writing class. A visiting writer came Support gay and lesbian teachers. to class and assigned us to write a series of I can not say enough about how much vignettes about kisses — our first kiss, our having gay and lesbian teachers who were most recent kiss, our most embarrassing kiss, willing to be open has helped me. Without etc. Well, this was before I came out at them I would have dropped out a hundred school, my most recent kiss had been with a times over and done about a million stupid woman, and this was a class where we read things. It was a lesbian teacher who helped our work aloud. I don’t remember what I me rebuild my self esteem in sixth grade when wrote, but I do remember agonizing over I was harassed by most of my class for not whether to tell the truth and come out or being interested in boys (among other things). remain safe and lie. I also remember my In my senior year, a lesbian teacher kept me relief when the rest of the class also objected from taking my first girlfriend, at the time the to reading their pieces and we all got off the relationship of my lifetime, too seriously. It hook. was a gay teacher who commiserated with me D on't assume that ju st because on how hard it was to be gay at my school and someone is gayf lesbian/bisexual, left me ready to go on. The two of them he/she is sexually active. helped make it possible for me to go to the While some of my friends did come out by gay youth group in the next town which kept getting into a sexual relationship, many of us me sane. At that, one of the facilitators of the realized we were gay, lesbian, or bisexual and youth group was himself an otherwise lived in that community for months or years closeted teacher. before becoming sexually active. I know that ▼ at 16 I knew I was not ready to open the H TO YOUR HOME ytndfi Insurance Assignment Billing All Prescriptions Covered Patient Counseling 24-48 Hour Delivery (No extra charge) We want to be a part of your Health Care Team FOR INFORMATION AND BROCHURE inn 4758 Lankershim Blvd. North Hollywood, CA 91602 just out ▼ 1 3 T March 1990