G etting through high school
A list of do's and don fs for dealing with
lesbian/gay/bisexual youth in the schools
BY
JULIE
BAUMLER
whole emotional can of worms of becoming
sexually active, and realizing I was attracted
igh school. Most of us go. We love it,
to women did not change that fact Two years
sometimes. We hate it, sometimes. If
later at 18, an age I had long considered
we’re gay or lesbian it tends to be more of the appropriate for becoming sexually active, sex
latter than the former. Thankfully, I gradu
was something I was ready and able to deal
ated almost three years ago, but according to
with. My experience has been that whatever
my friends, things haven’t changed much.
people’s mores and beliefs about having sex
Based on my experiences and those of some
are, they don’t change a lot when that person
of my friends, I have come up with a list of
comes out; as a result gay teens are no more
do’s and don’t ’s for dealing with lesbian/gay/
likely than straight teens to be sexually active.
bisexual youth in the schools. Most of these
Don't assume that because a student is
principles can be generalized beyond the high
openly gay or mentions she/he is gay that
school situation.
a
he/she has a problem with it.
The first person I came out to at my school
(other than my dorm’s RA who was a lesbian
herself and had pretty much figured it out),
was my senior humanities teacher. One day
he gave us one of the many lectures we
received on not throwing away our education,
Acknowledge students' sexuality
brains, etc., for a man. I stayed after class and
This summer, I was on the front page of
told him that I was a lesbian and I was
offended that he assumed that we were all
my hometown paper talking about being a
heterosexual. His reaction was to ask if I had
lesbian activist. Two months later I went to a
discussed this with the school counselor. I
volleyball game at the school I had attended
came out to him for political reasons, not
from 7- 10th grade. One of the teachers —
because I had a problem.
whom I had never actually even taken a class
from — came over to say hi and mentioned
By the middle of the next term I was out to
that she’d seen me in the paper that summer.
the whole school. In a conference, my
Just that comment made me feel much better
Women’s Studies teacher said to me, “This
about the school, that teacher (whom I ’d never
lesbian stuff is a big [personal] issue with you
particularly liked), and even the time I had
isn’t it.” It took me ten minutes to make her
spent at that school. On the other hand, I had
realize that I was blatant for political reasons,
in order to challenge the rampant homophobia
many teachers at my other high school —
which was an all-female institution — who
among my peers.
I f you are lesbian or gay and closeted,
even knowing that I was lesbian, continued to
don't over compensate.
talk to the class on a regular basis, on the
issue of marriage (to a man) and children. In
I went to boarding school my junior and
their defense, I must say that they were
senior years. When we had dances, the library
encouraging to us to continue to have careers
was locked so students wouldn’t take their
dates there to make out. We weren’t allowed
and to marry men who would be supportive,
but I am still upset by their assumptions of
to go off campus at night unless we took a cab
(which I couldn’t afford) and a friend (all of
both heterosexuality and the fact that we
would all marry and have children.
mine were at the dance). The dorm was very
boring with almost everyone at the dance. So
Don't allow harassment
about half way through my senior year, I went
A friend o f mine dropped out of high
to the proper school administrator, told her I
school, mainly because high school is not a
had no interest in the dances (which was not
comfortable place if you are gay. After eight
strictly true, I loved the brownies they served,
months he decided that another year of high
but that only killed five/ten minutes) and
school couldn’t be any worse than spending
would rather study and requested that they not
the rest of his life as a high school dropout.
lock the library during dances so I (and
The day he went back another guy was beat
others)
could go there to study.
up (rumor has it because he was gay). As a
It was a widely held belief among students
result my friend dropped out again. (The
good news is he is now in a community high
and faculty that this administrator was a
lesbian — she lived with another woman and
school completion program.)
the year after I left they adopted a child
There were days after I cam out at school
together. She refused to change the policy,
when I feared for my own physical safety.
and I’m certain that her reaction, if not her
D on't p u t students in a position
action, would have been different had I told
o f having to come out or lie.
her that it was against my religion to dance or
During my senior year in high school, I
to do so with members of the opposite sex.
was in a writing class. A visiting writer came
Support gay and lesbian teachers.
to class and assigned us to write a series of
I can not say enough about how much
vignettes about kisses — our first kiss, our
having gay and lesbian teachers who were
most recent kiss, our most embarrassing kiss,
willing to be open has helped me. Without
etc. Well, this was before I came out at
them I would have dropped out a hundred
school, my most recent kiss had been with a
times over and done about a million stupid
woman, and this was a class where we read
things. It was a lesbian teacher who helped
our work aloud. I don’t remember what I
me rebuild my self esteem in sixth grade when
wrote, but I do remember agonizing over
I was harassed by most of my class for not
whether to tell the truth and come out or
being interested in boys (among other things).
remain safe and lie. I also remember my
In my senior year, a lesbian teacher kept me
relief when the rest of the class also objected
from taking my first girlfriend, at the time the
to reading their pieces and we all got off the
relationship of my lifetime, too seriously. It
hook.
was a gay teacher who commiserated with me
D on't assume that ju st because
on how hard it was to be gay at my school and
someone is gayf lesbian/bisexual,
left me ready to go on. The two of them
he/she is sexually active.
helped make it possible for me to go to the
While some of my friends did come out by
gay youth group in the next town which kept
getting into a sexual relationship, many of us
me
sane. At that, one of the facilitators of the
realized we were gay, lesbian, or bisexual and
youth group was himself an otherwise
lived in that community for months or years
closeted teacher.
before becoming sexually active. I know that
▼
at 16 I knew I was not ready to open the
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