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About Just out. (Portland, OR) 1983-2013 | View Entire Issue (Oct. 1, 1988)
Fighting back ‘Once I started writing the book and talking about my own experience , / felt empowered because not only was I healing myself but I was doing something to fight back' ’ ‘ B M G This book is being called a classic, the bible o f healing from sexual abuse. Is anything missing? If I were to do it again, I would write a book for survivors. I wouldn’t write a book just for women. I’ve had a lot more contact with male survivors and have come to realize that the issues men face are pretty much the same. I am writing a workbook right now for men and women. I tell men in my lectures, “ All you have to do is change the pronouns. Women have been doing it for years.” (Mike Lew, a Boston counselor, is writing a book for male survivors called Victims No Longer.) I would have more stories of “ milder” abuse. Some of the most compelling stories from women I interviewed were the ones that were the most violent. People are more com monly abused in more covert ways, or maybe something happened one or two times — but there’s no such thing as mild abuse. A C E aura Davis and Ellen Bass, authors of The Courage to Heal: A Guide for Women Survivors o f Child Sexual Abuse, came to Portland last month. 1 caught Davis at the home of a friend, and we talked about the issues of coming out, male survivors and therapists sexploiting clients. L Given the number o f books already written on the subject o f childhood sexual abuse, what were you trying to say that was different? I am a survivor myself. If you had asked me five years ago if I had been molested, I would have told you, “ Absolutely not. I had a wonder ful model childhood.” Then I started to have memories of having been sexually abused by my grandfather. I read all the materials that were available. Like many survivors, I became a voracious reader. There was nothing written about healing, nothing that gave hope or inspiration or tools for getting through the devastation. How did you decide to address the book to all women and focus on the common experience of abuse rather than address issues of race, sexual orientation and class? From the beginning I wanted to write a main stream book. I didn’t have any interest in writing a book for lesbian feminists, who already had more resources than anyone else in dealing with being abused. I was much more interested in doing something global. I see sexual abuse as something that builds bridges between people instead of something that separates people. Between lesbians and straight women there are many more common things about being abused than there are differ ences. Between men who have been abused and women who have been abused there are ways to build bridges too. I don’t think this problem of child sexual abuse is going to get healed if lesbians just heal among themselves. Child sex ual abuse is happening elsewhere, and in order to get to the root of it, we have to bring every body along with us. When we interviewed, we chose women from a variety of races and class backgrounds. We tried to get a range on every level we could. When any woman picks up the book, she’ll find herself in there somewhere. Mon.-Sat. 11-7 Sunday 12-5 changing that cycle or stopping it? Once a survivor becomes aware of her own history and begins to come directly to terms with it, the cycle is broken right then and there — because they’re not numb, they’re not dis sociated, they’re not absent from their own lives. They’re paying attention. Their senses are alert and they are aware of the signs of abuse. In your research, did you discover any exploitaton o f survivors by therapists? How do you advise women to discern quality from quackery? Unfortunately, I’ve heard stories of women survivors being abused by male as well as female therapists. It happens everywhere and it is totally unacceptable. Therapists who have had sex with clients should not be practicing psychotherapy. They should have their licenses taken away — and there should be no second chance. It’s an incredible violation and re-abuse for the survivor to come to trust someone again and then to have that violated so blatantly. You worked on the book for three and a half years. How has it changed your life? For me, it’s been an incredible experience. I started the book early in my own healing process. I was in the emergency stage. I was obsessed with incest; it was all I could think about. I couldn't comprehend the fact that I could heal. I felt basically hopeless and devastated. I met women who become incredible role models for me and who gave me the first tangible hope that 1 could heal. Then once I started writing the book and talking about my own experience, I felt empowered because not only was I healing myself, but I was doing something to fight back. • Book briefs And as with Forster’s, these aristocrats go for here must be some bucks going toward “ a bit of the rough.” books in gay households. Hardly a day goes by without a couple landing on my desk— and they’re not all AIDS miracle cures, either. I don’t have time to read even a fraction of than Mordden has published the final them, but once in a while I’ll wade right in, such volume of his trilogy on gay life in as I did with The Swimming Pool Library, by Manhattan. Everybody Loves You (St. Alan Hollinghurst (Random House). The jacket Martin’s) furthers the adventures of Bud’s gay blurb says “ an enthralling, darkly erotic novel family — the sometimes transient but always of homosexuality before the scourge of steadfast relationships of current lovers, AIDS” — which it isn’t. It is pretty much a ex-lovers, brothers and friends. history of a conspiracy of suppression and Mordden’s previous collections in this hypocrisy among homosexuals in England trilogy of short stories, T ve a Feeling We're Not during this century. It’s what E.M. Forster in Kansas Anymore and Buddies (many wrote about in his destroyed “ nasty stories.” published in Christopher Street, as were some The contemporary story (1983) follows a in this one), defined the urbane gay world of spoiled young aristocrat’s cruising — on the '70s and early ’80s. These stories are mightily streets, in clubs, on the underground, every affecting and must surely speak to a universal where. “ Darkly erotic” it’s not. But William audience. He’s even included a couple of Beckwith’s sexual freedom does contrast “ straight” stories, which first saw light of day vividly with the suppressed sexuality and the in The New Yorker. guilt of the Forster era as seen through the It was Mordden’s people we got a glimpse of diaries of Lord Nantwich, who’s “ as old as the in Parting Glances — literate, yet earthy. century.” — Jay Brown T Laura Davis What was the hardest part for you to write? Writing about myself was hard. I’ve always been someone who’s done a lot of self disclosure; it was important to set myself as a role model and to say, “ This is the way I ex perienced it.’’ There’s a lot of very personal material about me in the book. I thought it would be an issue to ask what it means to come out as a lesbian in that very, very public way. But the hard part for me was coming out as a survivor. I knew I was going to get disowned by people in my family who could not handle what I had chosen to do. What has it been like beirtg two lesbians getting mainstream acceptance for your work? Are you “out” ? So far, when I’ve been on national television or radio, I haven't said that I am a lesbian. It was not that I wouldn’t tell people if I was asked, but I didn’t want that to become the issue. I wanted women to get information about healing. When they get the book, they’re going to find out that we’re lesbians, and after they’ve already kind of respected us, they’re going to read about all the other lesbians in the book. I felt like the interviews would get totally dis tracted. If anyone had asked me, I certainly would have answered honestly. There is a generally accepted theory o f the cyclical nature of abuse. Do you see this book E Tod's Corner offers clothing to PWAs T od’s Comer, a clothing shop providing free clothing to PWAs, will open October 1, af Esther’s Pantry. Tod’s Comer is in memory of Tod Hutchins's work as a liaison between the Brinker Fund and the support groups. Hutchins was a liaison on the Brinker board for three years, but most of all, he was a good friend of Brinker and Cascade AIDS Project board members. PWAs needing clothing should contact Corey or Jerry at 245-7428. • HUNDREDS OF BOOKS ON SALE!! 25°/o-40% OFF t h e Selected titles in each subject 1431 N.E. Broadway Portland, OR 97232 (503) 284-1110 All Gay Men’s titles & selected albums significantly reduced! Perfect time to buy holiday gifts. Sale runs through October. Stop by TODAY. W V 'P R O M IS E 1 O F S P R IN G P A P E R W H I T E S • T U L I P S • F R E E S I A • IRIS D A F F O D I L S • A L L I U M S • HYACI NTHS DRAGONFLY GARDENS 2230 SE Hawthorne Blvd. 235-9150 Hours: Mon -Sat. 10-6 Sun. 10-5 just out • 21 • October 1988
