Fighting back
‘Once I started writing the book and talking about my own
experience , / felt empowered because not only was I
healing myself but I was doing something to fight back' ’
‘
B
M
G
This book is being called a classic, the bible
o f healing from sexual abuse. Is anything
missing?
If I were to do it again, I would write a book
for survivors. I wouldn’t write a book just for
women. I’ve had a lot more contact with male
survivors and have come to realize that the
issues men face are pretty much the same. I am
writing a workbook right now for men and
women. I tell men in my lectures, “ All you
have to do is change the pronouns. Women have
been doing it for years.” (Mike Lew, a Boston
counselor, is writing a book for male survivors
called Victims No Longer.)
I would have more stories of “ milder”
abuse. Some of the most compelling stories
from women I interviewed were the ones that
were the most violent. People are more com
monly abused in more covert ways, or maybe
something happened one or two times — but
there’s no such thing as mild abuse.
A C E
aura Davis and Ellen Bass, authors of The
Courage to Heal: A Guide for Women
Survivors o f Child Sexual Abuse, came to
Portland last month. 1 caught Davis at the home
of a friend, and we talked about the issues of
coming out, male survivors and therapists
sexploiting clients.
L
Given the number o f books already written on
the subject o f childhood sexual abuse, what
were you trying to say that was different?
I am a survivor myself. If you had asked me
five years ago if I had been molested, I would
have told you, “ Absolutely not. I had a wonder
ful model childhood.” Then I started to have
memories of having been sexually abused by
my grandfather. I read all the materials that
were available. Like many survivors, I became
a voracious reader. There was nothing written
about healing, nothing that gave hope or
inspiration or tools for getting through the
devastation.
How did you decide to address the book to all
women and focus on the common experience of
abuse rather than address issues of race, sexual
orientation and class?
From the beginning I wanted to write a main
stream book. I didn’t have any interest in
writing a book for lesbian feminists, who
already had more resources than anyone else in
dealing with being abused. I was much more
interested in doing something global.
I see sexual abuse as something that builds
bridges between people instead of something
that separates people. Between lesbians and
straight women there are many more common
things about being abused than there are differ
ences. Between men who have been abused and
women who have been abused there are ways to
build bridges too. I don’t think this problem of
child sexual abuse is going to get healed if
lesbians just heal among themselves. Child sex
ual abuse is happening elsewhere, and in order
to get to the root of it, we have to bring every
body along with us.
When we interviewed, we chose women
from a variety of races and class backgrounds.
We tried to get a range on every level we could.
When any woman picks up the book, she’ll find
herself in there somewhere.
Mon.-Sat. 11-7
Sunday 12-5
changing that cycle or stopping it?
Once a survivor becomes aware of her own
history and begins to come directly to terms
with it, the cycle is broken right then and there
— because they’re not numb, they’re not dis
sociated, they’re not absent from their own
lives. They’re paying attention. Their senses are
alert and they are aware of the signs of abuse.
In your research, did you discover any
exploitaton o f survivors by therapists? How do
you advise women to discern quality from
quackery?
Unfortunately, I’ve heard stories of women
survivors being abused by male as well as
female therapists. It happens everywhere and it
is totally unacceptable. Therapists who have
had sex with clients should not be practicing
psychotherapy. They should have their licenses
taken away — and there should be no second
chance. It’s an incredible violation and re-abuse
for the survivor to come to trust someone again
and then to have that violated so blatantly.
You worked on the book for three and a half
years. How has it changed your life?
For me, it’s been an incredible experience. I
started the book early in my own healing
process. I was in the emergency stage. I was
obsessed with incest; it was all I could think
about. I couldn't comprehend the fact that I
could heal. I felt basically hopeless and
devastated. I met women who become
incredible role models for me and who gave me
the first tangible hope that 1 could heal. Then
once I started writing the book and talking about
my own experience, I felt empowered because
not only was I healing myself, but I was doing
something to fight back.
•
Book briefs
And as with Forster’s, these aristocrats go for
here must be some bucks going toward
“ a bit of the rough.”
books in gay households. Hardly a day
goes by without a couple landing on my desk—
and they’re not all AIDS miracle cures, either.
I don’t have time to read even a fraction of
than Mordden has published the final
them, but once in a while I’ll wade right in, such
volume of his trilogy on gay life in
as I did with The Swimming Pool Library, by
Manhattan. Everybody Loves You (St.
Alan Hollinghurst (Random House). The jacket
Martin’s) furthers the adventures of Bud’s gay
blurb says “ an enthralling, darkly erotic novel
family — the sometimes transient but always
of homosexuality before the scourge of
steadfast relationships of current lovers,
AIDS” — which it isn’t. It is pretty much a
ex-lovers, brothers and friends.
history of a conspiracy of suppression and
Mordden’s previous collections in this
hypocrisy among homosexuals in England
trilogy of short stories, T ve a Feeling We're Not
during this century. It’s what E.M. Forster
in Kansas Anymore and Buddies (many
wrote about in his destroyed “ nasty stories.”
published in Christopher Street, as were some
The contemporary story (1983) follows a
in this one), defined the urbane gay world of
spoiled young aristocrat’s cruising — on the
'70s and early ’80s. These stories are mightily
streets, in clubs, on the underground, every
affecting and must surely speak to a universal
where. “ Darkly erotic” it’s not. But William
audience. He’s even included a couple of
Beckwith’s sexual freedom does contrast
“ straight” stories, which first saw light of day
vividly with the suppressed sexuality and the
in The New Yorker.
guilt of the Forster era as seen through the
It was Mordden’s people we got a glimpse of
diaries of Lord Nantwich, who’s “ as old as the
in Parting Glances — literate, yet earthy.
century.”
— Jay Brown
T
Laura Davis
What was the hardest part for you to write?
Writing about myself was hard. I’ve always
been someone who’s done a lot of self
disclosure; it was important to set myself as a
role model and to say, “ This is the way I ex
perienced it.’’ There’s a lot of very personal
material about me in the book. I thought it
would be an issue to ask what it means to come
out as a lesbian in that very, very public way.
But the hard part for me was coming out as a
survivor. I knew I was going to get disowned by
people in my family who could not handle what
I had chosen to do.
What has it been like beirtg two lesbians
getting mainstream acceptance for your work?
Are you “out” ?
So far, when I’ve been on national television
or radio, I haven't said that I am a lesbian. It
was not that I wouldn’t tell people if I was
asked, but I didn’t want that to become the
issue. I wanted women to get information about
healing. When they get the book, they’re going
to find out that we’re lesbians, and after they’ve
already kind of respected us, they’re going to
read about all the other lesbians in the book. I
felt like the interviews would get totally dis
tracted. If anyone had asked me, I certainly
would have answered honestly.
There is a generally accepted theory o f the
cyclical nature of abuse. Do you see this book
E
Tod's Corner offers
clothing to PWAs
T
od’s Comer, a clothing shop providing
free clothing to PWAs, will open October
1, af Esther’s Pantry.
Tod’s Comer is in memory of Tod Hutchins's
work as a liaison between the Brinker Fund and
the support groups. Hutchins was a liaison on
the Brinker board for three years, but most of
all, he was a good friend of Brinker and Cascade
AIDS Project board members.
PWAs needing clothing should contact Corey
or Jerry at 245-7428.
•
HUNDREDS OF BOOKS
ON SALE!!
25°/o-40% OFF
t h e
Selected titles in each subject
1431 N.E. Broadway
Portland, OR 97232
(503) 284-1110
All Gay Men’s titles & selected albums significantly reduced!
Perfect time to buy holiday gifts.
Sale runs through October. Stop by TODAY.
W V 'P R O M IS E
1
O F S P R IN G
P A P E R W H I T E S • T U L I P S • F R E E S I A • IRIS
D A F F O D I L S • A L L I U M S • HYACI NTHS
DRAGONFLY GARDENS
2230 SE Hawthorne Blvd.
235-9150
Hours: Mon -Sat. 10-6
Sun. 10-5
just out •
21 •
October 1988