Just out., May 01, 1987, Page 10, Image 10

Condoms: More than just a hassle
Safe Sex, the Ultimate Erotic Guide could very well offer a
chance to expand sexual creativity at the same time
re-affirming the desire to keep safe.
B Y
M I C H AEL
S .
R EED
hen the conversation turns toward
safe sex, I still hear people
fussing about using condoms.
It’s a hassle, they complain. Condoms get
in the way of the fun, they whine. They
speak longingly of the days of frenzied,
carefree and casual sex, days when con­
doms weren’t a matter of life and death;
days when nothing came between them
and their partner but a little grease and a
whole lot of shakin’ goin’ on. They seem,
also, to have forgotten those days spent at
the V.D. clinic — waiting as a number for
their monthly allotment of penicillin to
cure whatever little gremlin some trick had
left behind.
But who wants to remember the un­
pleasant things? Instead, we concentrate
on the pleasure we used to get by having
what we must now call unsafe sex. This,
unfortunately, will stand in the way of our
ability to find whatever happiness we can
in the face of a plague. It is a waste of our
precious time.
Now is the time to begin considering all
the possibilities to be found in safe sex.
Sure, there are activities that are danger­
ous, potentially lethal and must be con­
sidered as such, but there are a myriad of
opportunities for those who face life with
some imagination and a desire for adven­
ture. A book for those who are interested
in such possibilities is Safe Sex, the Ulti­
mate Erotic Guide, by John Preston and
Glenn Swann, (Plume Books, New Ameri­
can Library; 1986). It offers several
insights into what you can do safely.
W
Some of the possibilities the authors dis­
cuss are voyeur/exhibition games with
your partner, phone sex, massage, wrestl­
ing, the how-to’s of condom use, plus
many other ideas. Safe Sex, the Ultimate
Erotic Guide could very well offer you a
chance to expand your sexual creativity at
the same time it will re-affirm your desire
to keep safe.
But, back to the issue of condoms. Al­
though they seem like a hassle, they are
merely a preventative habit — as innocu­
ous as brushing your teeth or only being
attracted to a certain kind of man.
There are many different kinds of con­
doms to choose from. You could well find
yourself poring over the adequate selec­
tion in the pharmacy at Fred Meyer —
trying to select between ribbed condoms
(and, oh, wouldn’t he just love that); the
colored condoms (definitely a must for the
man with a sense for the festive); natural
skin condoms (the most expensive, but
purported to be less of a hindrance to
sensitivity); lubricated condoms (not quite
lubed enough for what you’re interested
in, however, and they taste terrible); or
condoms with a “ special receptacle end”
(for the more practical and sensible man).
Picking the brand and kind of condom is
only part of the selection. Then you must
choose how many. Condoms are sold in
packets of three (for those who don’t like
to plan too far ahead), one dozen (to keep
the bedside supply fully stocked), and
three dozen (for the hopeful or the practi­
cal, depending on your perspective). Con­
doms will range in price, starting at just a
few dollars for a dozen Trojans to between
ten and fifteen dollars for a dozen natural
skin condoms.
You might find that selecting the kind of
condom for you is the least of your hassles.
There is, after all, the matter of introduc­
ing the little devils into sexplay, which
must be done before any oral or anal
activity.
There are men who still believe it’s not
necessary to use condoms unless you plan
on ejaculating (which is a very foolish
evasion of the issue and you should re­
member their names so you may find their
hospital rooms more readily). This is not to
say that ejaculation should be the primary
goal in sexual activity — safe sex is far
more interesting and more fun when the
process is more important than the goal.
It is important to always insist on con­
doms. I have met people who tell me that
since they and their lover of five months
are monogamous that they really don’t
need them. It’s very sweet and very stupid.
There is no way of knowing who has been
infected and who is spreading the disease.
Monogamy is a perfectly viable option,
but it does not exclude the necessity of safe
sex and condoms. Even for men who have
been faithful lovers for years, now is the
time to re-learn your sexual behavior to
include safe sex practices, especially with
someone you can trust — after all, this is to
be the way of life and living, literally, for a
very long time to come. Someone once
sneeringly told me (after we had got into
bed) that he didn’t “ do condoms.” I sneer­
ingly replied “ if you don’t do condoms,
then you don’t do me.” After he saw that I
was serious, he put aside his prejudice and
we managed to have a good time. Above
all, don’t be afraid to say no when some­
one tries to get you to do something that is
sexually unsafe. The self-respect that
comes from being sensible far outweighs
I the fleeting pleasure of unsafe sex and the
resulting fear of infection.
In order to relieve the awkwardness that
can accompany the use of condoms, try
making it an integral part of the sexplay.
Rip the package open with your teeth.
Growl at him as he lies there. Roll the
condom over his cock. Slowly. (Make sure
you lightly pinch the end of the condom so
that no air gets trapped inside and there is
room in it to hold his semen). Then tell him
to put one on you. If he doesn’t know how,
show him — don’t be shy about these
things, giggle if you must, but we all have
to help each other. Oh yes, and be sure not
to use petroleum based lubricants with
latex condoms. These lubes do not ‘ ‘give”
as much as water based lubricants and are
likely to cause the condom to break. And
remember to hold onto the rolled end of the
condom as you insert or withdraw from
your partner to keep it from slipping off.
Using condoms may seem like a hassle,
but not once you get used to it. It does very
little good to wish they weren’t necessary
— Those negative thoughts will prevent
your imagination from soaring. Safe sex
offers a great opportunity to explore and
discover erogenous zones instead of focus­
ing mainly on the penis. And if you’re one
of those people who complain about the
reduction in sensitivity because of the con­
doms, you might decide that you prefer a
small reduction in sensitivity in compari­
son to the one-way ticket to the intensive
care unit that surely accompanies unsafe
sex.
Condoms will require communication
and sharing between you and your partner
— it tells your partner that you care
enough about yourself to want to live, and
even more important, it should tell him
that you care enough to want him to stay
alive, also. It is merely a simple matter of
courtesy, and one that will surely help to
bring an end to this epidemic.
•
ALCOHOL, DRUGS...
AND AIDS
There is growing evidence of a
significant connection between
AIDS and alcohol and drug abuse.
Second, alcohol and drugs reduce
your ability to stick to judgements
about what's safe and what isn’t.
S ub stan ce ab u se is an issue we
can no longer afford to ignore.
Drugs an d alcohol don’t cau se
AIDS. AIDS is cau sed by a virus. But
th ere a re at least th re e w ays in
w hich alcohol an d drugs can
in crease your ch a n ce s of getting
AIDS.
A m ajority of gay men in Portland
have given up U nsafe Sex. For the
relatively few who h av e n ’t yet,
studies d em o n strate a strong c o rre ­
lation betw een alcohol and drug use
an d U nsafe Sex.
First alcohol and drugs depress the
immune system and make you more
susceptible to disease.
Third, sharing IV drug needles
transmits the AIDS virus directly
from the bloodstream of one infected
person to the bloodstream of
another.
Alcohol, m ariju an a, speed,
cocaine, poppers, an d other re c re a ­
tional chem icals low er your resis­
tan ce to d isease. In some re se a rc h
studies, p o p p ers ave been im plicat­
ed in in creasin g the risk of K aposi’s
sarcom a, an opportunistic infection
common am ong people with AIDS.
Drugs an d alcohol w eaken your
health. They in c re a se stress ra th e r
than relieve it an d help the AIDS
virus overcom e your body’s defens­
es.
If you do tak e the risk of using IV
drugs, d o n ’t s h a re needles! It’s a
d irect route for the transm ission of
AIDS. T h ere a re thousands of IV
drug u se rs in A m erica w ith AIDS,
and probably o th er thousands who
a re still incubating the virus and
who a re contagious. Don’t sh a re
needles!
A ccording to experts who tre a t
su b stan ce ab u se among gay men, we
have h ad a m ajor epidem ic of
su b stan ce ab u se in our community
for y e a rs —so much so th at most of
us have accep ted substance abuse
as a routine p a rt of gay life. W hat
w as once routine, however, is now
deadly.
If you w ant confidential and
gay-sensitive inform ation about
su bstance abuse for yourself or for a
friend, help is available. Contact
Phoenix Rising, 408 S.W. Second,
Suite 412, 223-8299.
Remember:
• Sharing needles is dangerous.
Don’t sh a re needles.
• Alcohol and drugs depress the
immune system. Protect your health.
• Getting high can lead to Unsafe
Sex and exposure (or re-exposure) to
the AIDS virus.
Now is the perfect time to take a
fresh look at your own use of alcohol
and drugs—and to get some help
(often free) to find out if you have a
drinking or drug problem that may
increase your chances of getting
AIDS.
C A S C A D E
P R O J E C T
408 S.W. Second Ave.
Suite 420
Portland, O regon 97204
(503) 223-5907
Call for more inform ation.
This material is published with the permission
of the San Francisco AIDS Foundation.
A portion of this ad donated by fust Out.
Just Out. 10 May, 1987
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