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About Just out. (Portland, OR) 1983-2013 | View Entire Issue (Nov. 1, 1985)
Gathering time j by Lee Lynch Norma Jean s in her sixties. Her eyes twinkle, she's as slender and lithe as many thirty-year-olds. Her humor is irrepressible, her home the product of ambition and en ergy beyond anything I'm capable of. She good-humoredly refers to herself as Mean Norma Jean — and strikes a menacing pose which dissolves to a shy delighted smile every time. Mean Norma Jean’s trailer was one of the few places one could go to get warm at the Twelfth Annual Womansource Fall Gathering, organized by volunteers from Ashland’s wo- , T H E AMAZON TRAIL man s organization, it's a small, homespun kind of festival, just made for locals like Norma Jean and me, but so rich in its flavor and offerings, women traveled from Van couver and Arizona to enjoy it Jill Macy was the Fall Gathering's heart this Was marriage a mistake • i ■ Dear Dr. Ray, Now at the age of forty, I realize that I made a terrible mistake with my life. When I was 3 1 1 met my current wife. (I'll call her Jean.) We were both troubled by homosexual pasts and we both wanted to have our own family. We decided to marry. We now have a lovely six year old daughter, Patti, who I love more than anything in the world! D e a r Dr. R a y , The proolem is tnat I can no longei stand living with Jean. When we marned I felt sure that it would help me to leave men bemnd forever, but instead I feei more drawn to men than ever before We ve had many violent arguments. Last month Jean and I nad a big blow-up about Ju*t Out, N o vero ei 6 year. A small, red-haired and cheery social services worker in real life, she used her skills | to round up Luann, Donna and a host of other volunteers who organized everything from entertainment to workshops to full-time nurses. Claire Indigo and Eileen, of Michigan Women's Music Festival renown, cooked and their specialty is an art: cooking for hoardes with an all-volunteer staff. I love working in their kitchen as much as eating their healthy, but sinful, desserts. After Michigan, with its thousands of festival-goers, they call the Fall Gathering fun. And it was. Despite three days of rain. It's surprising how dry even Birkenstocks can stay on the floor of the great pine forest where the Gathering is held. Nights were heated only by cuddling with a lover or friend. There were complaints of leaky tents from those who hadn't passed to Norma Jean s state of the art camping. And cold water outdoor showers weren t exactly reasonable in the chill damp morning air. But the camaraderie, the connecting, the talents and knowledge kept us captive. Among the workshops were Tai Chi with Hawk Madrone, Bearded Women with Tody Andgyn, Working in the Belly of the Beast (straight jobs) with Carol Tuttle. Being "Single " with Heidi Boenke, Adult Children of Alcoholics by Jean Patricia, a Butch/Femme workshop with Janice Baker and Billie Mira cle, Getting in Touch With Your Chakras with Hannah Blue Heron, and One Woman's Journey Toward Healing with Lynn Ander son. All weekend. AA and Al-Anon Work shops were available. I sat ensconced at the Craft Exhibit next to Hawk Madrone, who sold her nature photo graphs and took orders for knitted socks I longed for all the cold day. Women sold art work, the ever-present tiny bags on strings, jewelry, herbs, tapes, and T-shirts. Yael from Eugene's Women 's Press publicized the paper while Debra of Grants Pass gave non-stop haircuts. A seller on the other side of me had attempted to ride her hors^to the Gathering, but hadn't realized what a slow trek it would be, and returned home for a carful of horsepower. The traditional auctioneer, Patty, collected an offering from each of us to raise funds for Womansource. Norma Jean showed up, bright-eyed, to buy one of my books and bear it gratifyingly like a trophy through the milling crowds. Friday night there was a dance. And before it, Annie and Amy taught folk dancing to laughing, tripping, enthusiastic students. The dance was held in the old wooden lodge and the band. Honey Bee and the Stingers.* was perfect for an evening's romp. My lover and I danced next to young Nathan and his mother Gail. I only hope I did the music as much justice as Nathan did. Boy children raised in an atmosphere that includes Fall Gathering will surely help to change the world. Gail was one of the entertainers in the Personal Theater group from Flyaway Home. Her piece was about mothering a boy child in our community. Hawk Madrone introduced the evening's fare with a hearty ringing voice that managed to wrench tears and laughter from the enthusiastic audience. Bethroot, se- quined and scaled, acted her Laurel Tree Myth. Carolyn Myers, formerly of the Lilith Theater in San Francisco, performed "Tales of Aging and Beyond." Norma Jean was certainly one of my most important connections this year and she in vited some of us to her home soon afer the Gathering. With her two dogs circling and leading, we toured her land on well-worn paths. At one end was The Silly Tree, an “ L-" shaped madrone on a stilt, and at the other a large, organized workshop full of souvenirs from Alaska and the crafts she'd made with her late lover. After an incredible salmon din ner (she’s a devoted fisherwoman, though the salmon was not her fish story) we settled down to pour over albums full of scenes from her life. Mean Norma Jean looks slightly more like her nickname on a three-wheel commercial motorcycle doing delivery work in full uniform — including pants — in the 1940s. An older Norma Jean as a successful Alaskan businesswoman proudly displaying homes she and her lover had built And Norma Jean the sailor, proudly displaying the lovers of her youth. She told tales of travel and hunting and baseball — The baseball took me back a month, to another evening of gathering. My lover had invited Scottie down from Roseburg. Where Norma Jean had been pitcheron an amateur team in Alaska, Scottie had been a second- basewoman with the short lived, but highly popular Women's Professional Baseball League. During World War II the men were fighting, and the baseball fans were hungry, Wrigley, of men’s baseball fame, organized a league of women. Scottie told us how she d grown up near Chicago and played ball as a girl, then heard of this league and tried out She was good enough to get paid for it The teams would play packed bleachers in small towns, men as well as women cheering them on. History tells us about Rosie the Riveter, but not of Scottie the Second Basewoman. Hell, I thought Joanie Joyce invented league ball playing for women with the National Women’s Professional Softball League in the late 1970s. Now I want others to know about these sportswomen of the forties. Is there a fan out there eager for a woman s sports her- story project? Scottie lives in Southern Oregon now. hav ing migrated here after following the South ern California ballplayers home when the war ended. How many Scotties, Norma Jean, are out there? They make me want huge Gather ings that reach them and bring them to me, to all of us, to be quizzed till we've filled in some of the gaps in our past — and to be honored. the fact that I haven't been working regularly, and we’ve hardly said a word to each other in weeks. I'm concerned about the effect of all this hostility on Patti. To make matters worse I agreed to move to Portland with Jean and leave behind my family and friends in California, because Jean’s job was here. Jean refuses to leave Portland and she has influenced Patti to feel the same way. I want to be with my friends again. Now I'm in trouble,! miss my friends and I don't know what to do. With Regrets Remember that your child support responsi bility does not end when you are no longer living in the same house as Patti. Unless Jean is not being a good influence, it is probably best for Patti to continue living in Portland. It is difficult for a six year old to adjust to a dramatic change in schools, play mates and location. You will have to make the difficult choice of deciding whether your friends and family in California are important enough for you to want to live at a great distance from Patti. I suggest you consider whether you can’t in crease your support system in Portland by seeking out new friends in the local gay com munity. The Gay Hotline can suggest appro priate organizations and groups. (Their number is in the phone directory.) If you and Jean cannot come to a reason able agreement about your relationship and about Patti, you will be wise to consider pro fessional counseling. Good luck! bian health. Should we accept my brother's offer? What are the legal implications of all this? Uncertain Dear Regrets, Like millions of other gay men and les bians you wanted to marry and raise a family. This desire is perfectly OK ... in fact, it indicates that you are a person who cares about others. After all, about a fifth of all gay men, and a third or more of lesbians, marry a person of the opposite sex at some point in their lives. The problem is that you had an unrealistic expectation that your gay feelings would go away. In addition, you are apparently not compatible with your partner. I suggest that you approach Jean and explain that for Patti's sake you would like to come to some agreement about how you can get along together temporarily. You then need to seriously consider a separation. Perhaps you can live in a nearby location. This will take the pressure off everyone, including Patti Before you leave rnoug nake sure you nave an explicit agreement aoout when, where and how much time vou wtil spend with PatL. In order for you to negotiate with Jean rom a position of strength it is very desirable mat you have regular worn that pavs adequate>y Should the brother be the father? Dear Dr. Ray. I have been in a lesbian relationship for eight years. We are both professionals in our mid-thirties Lauren (not her real name) and I have • decided that we want to raise a child of our own and Lauren feels that she wants to ex perience a pregnancy and birth. We ve talked about foster care and adoption but what we really want is oui own child We want to raise our child in a healthy non-sexist home. My brother has volunteered to donate his sperm and ve ve learned some techn ques for irsem ira tion from read.ng a o o o k on ies- j | i J *for booking information: K. Sullivan. 5125 SW Shoals Ferry Rd., Portland. OR 97225 Dear Uncertain, You and Lauren have obviously done a lot of thinking about this, but you need to tread very carefully. There is little law that will pro tect your rights in any Artificial Insemination by Donor situation, but there are many pitfalls. Statutes do give the father both rights and obligations. For example, he may claim visi tation or custody righs. When fathers sue in court for such rights, lesbian mothers often lose because many judges are unsympathetic or ignorant. This may happen even if he les- j bian is the natural mother nnJ an excellent parent (Your brother may also want to think twice about this, does he know that he could be forced to pay child support?) Your relationship with your brother may be great right now, but are you sure no conflict will arise 2,5 or 10 years from now ) Absentee fathers have been known to lay claims on their children long after birth. You should find a clinic which specializes in Artificial Insemination by Donor. A reput able clinic will screen the donor to ensure against genetic and other medical problems and will see to it that the donation is made anonymously: identifying information will not be shared between you and the father. Be up front about your relationship If one clinic is not cooperative try another Many communities have a Woman s Information and Referral Service which may Oe able to recommend a clinic or physician who has worked with a lesbian couple Pefor^ Be prepared to find some resistance. After all. you are pioneers in a new field. But vour persistence is bound to pay off. Good luck 21
