Gathering time
j by Lee Lynch
Norma Jean s in her sixties. Her eyes
twinkle, she's as slender and lithe as many
thirty-year-olds. Her humor is irrepressible,
her home the product of ambition and en
ergy beyond anything I'm capable of. She
good-humoredly refers to herself as Mean
Norma Jean — and strikes a menacing pose
which dissolves to a shy delighted smile every
time.
Mean Norma Jean’s trailer was one of the
few places one could go to get warm at the
Twelfth Annual Womansource Fall Gathering,
organized by volunteers from Ashland’s wo-
,
T H E
AMAZON
TRAIL
man s organization, it's a small, homespun
kind of festival, just made for locals like
Norma Jean and me, but so rich in its flavor
and offerings, women traveled from Van
couver and Arizona to enjoy it
Jill Macy was the Fall Gathering's heart this
Was marriage
a mistake
•
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Dear Dr. Ray,
Now at the age of forty, I realize that I made
a terrible mistake with my life.
When I was 3 1 1 met my current wife. (I'll
call her Jean.) We were both troubled by
homosexual pasts and we both wanted to
have our own family. We decided to marry.
We now have a lovely six year old daughter,
Patti, who I love more than anything in the
world!
D e a r Dr. R a y ,
The proolem is tnat I can no longei stand
living with Jean. When we marned I felt sure
that it would help me to leave men bemnd
forever, but instead I feei more drawn to men
than ever before
We ve had many violent arguments. Last
month Jean and I nad a big blow-up about
Ju*t Out, N o vero ei
6
year. A small, red-haired and cheery social
services worker in real life, she used her skills |
to round up Luann, Donna and a host of
other volunteers who organized everything
from entertainment to workshops to full-time
nurses. Claire Indigo and Eileen, of Michigan
Women's Music Festival renown, cooked and
their specialty is an art: cooking for hoardes
with an all-volunteer staff. I love working in
their kitchen as much as eating their healthy,
but sinful, desserts. After Michigan, with its
thousands of festival-goers, they call the Fall
Gathering fun.
And it was. Despite three days of rain. It's
surprising how dry even Birkenstocks can
stay on the floor of the great pine forest where
the Gathering is held. Nights were heated
only by cuddling with a lover or friend. There
were complaints of leaky tents from those
who hadn't passed to Norma Jean s state of
the art camping. And cold water outdoor
showers weren t exactly reasonable in the
chill damp morning air.
But the camaraderie, the connecting, the
talents and knowledge kept us captive.
Among the workshops were Tai Chi with
Hawk Madrone, Bearded Women with Tody
Andgyn, Working in the Belly of the Beast
(straight jobs) with Carol Tuttle. Being
"Single " with Heidi Boenke, Adult Children of
Alcoholics by Jean Patricia, a Butch/Femme
workshop with Janice Baker and Billie Mira
cle, Getting in Touch With Your Chakras with
Hannah Blue Heron, and One Woman's
Journey Toward Healing with Lynn Ander
son. All weekend. AA and Al-Anon Work
shops were available.
I sat ensconced at the Craft Exhibit next to
Hawk Madrone, who sold her nature photo
graphs and took orders for knitted socks I
longed for all the cold day. Women sold art
work, the ever-present tiny bags on strings,
jewelry, herbs, tapes, and T-shirts. Yael from
Eugene's Women 's Press publicized the
paper while Debra of Grants Pass gave
non-stop haircuts. A seller on the other side
of me had attempted to ride her hors^to the
Gathering, but hadn't realized what a slow
trek it would be, and returned home for a
carful of horsepower. The traditional
auctioneer, Patty, collected an offering from
each of us to raise funds for Womansource.
Norma Jean showed up, bright-eyed, to
buy one of my books and bear it gratifyingly
like a trophy through the milling crowds.
Friday night there was a dance. And before
it, Annie and Amy taught folk dancing to
laughing, tripping, enthusiastic students. The
dance was held in the old wooden lodge and
the band. Honey Bee and the Stingers.* was
perfect for an evening's romp. My lover and I
danced next to young Nathan and his mother
Gail. I only hope I did the music as much
justice as Nathan did. Boy children raised in
an atmosphere that includes Fall Gathering
will surely help to change the world.
Gail was one of the entertainers in the
Personal Theater group from Flyaway Home.
Her piece was about mothering a boy child in
our community. Hawk Madrone introduced
the evening's fare with a hearty ringing voice
that managed to wrench tears and laughter
from the enthusiastic audience. Bethroot, se-
quined and scaled, acted her Laurel Tree
Myth. Carolyn Myers, formerly of the Lilith
Theater in San Francisco, performed "Tales
of Aging and Beyond."
Norma Jean was certainly one of my most
important connections this year and she in
vited some of us to her home soon afer the
Gathering. With her two dogs circling and
leading, we toured her land on well-worn
paths. At one end was The Silly Tree, an “ L-"
shaped madrone on a stilt, and at the other a
large, organized workshop full of souvenirs
from Alaska and the crafts she'd made with
her late lover. After an incredible salmon din
ner (she’s a devoted fisherwoman, though
the salmon was not her fish story) we settled
down to pour over albums full of scenes from
her life. Mean Norma Jean looks slightly
more like her nickname on a three-wheel
commercial motorcycle doing delivery work
in full uniform — including pants — in the
1940s. An older Norma Jean as a successful
Alaskan businesswoman proudly displaying
homes she and her lover had built And
Norma Jean the sailor, proudly displaying the
lovers of her youth. She told tales of travel
and hunting and baseball —
The baseball took me back a month, to
another evening of gathering. My lover had
invited Scottie down from Roseburg. Where
Norma Jean had been pitcheron an amateur
team in Alaska, Scottie had been a second-
basewoman with the short lived, but highly
popular Women's Professional Baseball
League. During World War II the men were
fighting, and the baseball fans were hungry,
Wrigley, of men’s baseball fame, organized a
league of women.
Scottie told us how she d grown up near
Chicago and played ball as a girl, then heard
of this league and tried out She was good
enough to get paid for it The teams would
play packed bleachers in small towns, men
as well as women cheering them on. History
tells us about Rosie the Riveter, but not of
Scottie the Second Basewoman. Hell, I
thought Joanie Joyce invented league ball
playing for women with the National
Women’s Professional Softball League in the
late 1970s. Now I want others to know about
these sportswomen of the forties. Is there a
fan out there eager for a woman s sports her-
story project?
Scottie lives in Southern Oregon now. hav
ing migrated here after following the South
ern California ballplayers home when the war
ended. How many Scotties, Norma Jean, are
out there? They make me want huge Gather
ings that reach them and bring them to me,
to all of us, to be quizzed till we've filled in
some of the gaps in our past — and to be
honored.
the fact that I haven't been working regularly,
and we’ve hardly said a word to each other in
weeks. I'm concerned about the effect of all
this hostility on Patti.
To make matters worse I agreed to move
to Portland with Jean and leave behind my
family and friends in California, because
Jean’s job was here. Jean refuses to leave
Portland and she has influenced Patti to feel
the same way. I want to be with my friends
again.
Now I'm in trouble,! miss my friends and I
don't know what to do.
With Regrets
Remember that your child support responsi
bility does not end when you are no longer
living in the same house as Patti.
Unless Jean is not being a good influence,
it is probably best for Patti to continue living in
Portland. It is difficult for a six year old to
adjust to a dramatic change in schools, play
mates and location.
You will have to make the difficult choice of
deciding whether your friends and family in
California are important enough for you to
want to live at a great distance from Patti. I
suggest you consider whether you can’t in
crease your support system in Portland by
seeking out new friends in the local gay com
munity. The Gay Hotline can suggest appro
priate organizations and groups. (Their
number is in the phone directory.)
If you and Jean cannot come to a reason
able agreement about your relationship and
about Patti, you will be wise to consider pro
fessional counseling.
Good luck!
bian health.
Should we accept my brother's offer?
What are the legal implications of all this?
Uncertain
Dear Regrets,
Like millions of other gay men and les
bians you wanted to marry and raise a family.
This desire is perfectly OK ... in fact, it
indicates that you are a person who cares
about others. After all, about a fifth of all gay
men, and a third or more of lesbians, marry a
person of the opposite sex at some point in
their lives.
The problem is that you had an unrealistic
expectation that your gay feelings would go
away. In addition, you are apparently not
compatible with your partner.
I suggest that you approach Jean and
explain that for Patti's sake you would like to
come to some agreement about how you
can get along together temporarily. You then
need to seriously consider a separation.
Perhaps you can live in a nearby location.
This will take the pressure off everyone,
including Patti
Before you leave rnoug nake sure you
nave an explicit agreement aoout when,
where and how much time vou wtil spend
with PatL.
In order for you to negotiate with Jean rom
a position of strength it is very desirable mat
you have regular worn that pavs adequate>y
Should the brother
be the father?
Dear Dr. Ray.
I have been in a lesbian relationship for
eight years. We are both professionals in our
mid-thirties
Lauren (not her real name) and I have
• decided that we want to raise a child of our
own and Lauren feels that she wants to ex
perience a pregnancy and birth. We ve talked
about foster care and adoption but what we
really want is oui own child We want to raise
our child in a healthy non-sexist home.
My brother has volunteered to donate his
sperm and ve ve learned some techn ques
for irsem ira tion from read.ng a o o o k on ies-
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*for booking information: K. Sullivan. 5125
SW Shoals Ferry Rd., Portland. OR 97225
Dear Uncertain,
You and Lauren have obviously done a lot
of thinking about this, but you need to tread
very carefully. There is little law that will pro
tect your rights in any Artificial Insemination
by Donor situation, but there are many pitfalls.
Statutes do give the father both rights and
obligations. For example, he may claim visi
tation or custody righs. When fathers sue in
court for such rights, lesbian mothers often
lose because many judges are unsympathetic
or ignorant. This may happen even if he les- j
bian is the natural mother nnJ an excellent
parent (Your brother may also want to think
twice about this, does he know that he could
be forced to pay child support?)
Your relationship with your brother may be
great right now, but are you sure no conflict
will arise 2,5 or 10 years from now ) Absentee
fathers have been known to lay claims on
their children long after birth.
You should find a clinic which specializes
in Artificial Insemination by Donor. A reput
able clinic will screen the donor to ensure
against genetic and other medical problems
and will see to it that the donation is made
anonymously: identifying information will not
be shared between you and the father.
Be up front about your relationship If one
clinic is not cooperative try another Many
communities have a Woman s Information
and Referral Service which may Oe able to
recommend a clinic or physician who has
worked with a lesbian couple Pefor^
Be prepared to find some resistance. After
all. you are pioneers in a new field. But vour
persistence is bound to pay off. Good luck
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