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About The west shore. (Portland, Or.) 1875-1891 | View Entire Issue (June 21, 1890)
Mike Yis, lookin' fer a job.
Johnny Papa, what is the cannonization of a saint?
Papa Oh, it's sort of making a big gun of him.
" Your shoes are too tight," they told her ; but no,
She treated the notion with scorn ;
Till a horrid man trod on her tenderest toe,
And she had to " acknowledge the corn."
A grave subiect a dead man.
A settled conviction ninety-nine years.
A maiden effort the first attempt to " see her home."
A foregone conclusion stump of a thoroughbred's tail.
. SLIGHTLY DIFFERENT.
Shoe Dealer (facetiously, to customer) Why, I sell shoes
so cheap that I might almost be called a freebooter.
Customer H'm 1 I think you sell them so dear that you
might almost be called a robber.
HE SELLS THE BAD ONES.
" You don't keep bad cigars, I suppose? " said Cumso to a
" No, indeed I " was the indignant reply.
" Then that is the reason you worked some of them off on
STRAUSS'S LETTER TO HIS SWEETHEART.
You say dot you vish I vould wride you a letter?
Yel, since I haf got to, berbaps I had better;
Bat vot I shall say in der letter I sendt you
Is vot I can't say, since I vish to gondendt you ;
For vimmens mit letters is never gondendted
Unless dey been crossed, vich I gannot, ven ended.
Und, alzo, unless dere's fife bostscripts appended,
I've likevise been told dot dey sure got offended.
Und, alzo, I fear und I dremble mit dread
Unless, vile in writing vot comes in my head
I say, etsample, I drink blenty beer,
Viuh I know, if I said, made you look pooty quveer ;
At der same time I see dot your temper advance,
Vich of gourse you can't help as you vas demperance.
Den vot I should wride is der ding puzzles me,
Und I scratches my head quvite inzessantly.
Shall I dold you how valking along on der shtreet
Vile I dink of you only each hereon I meet
Vile I dink of my sweetheart, my head bended low,
I butts 'gainst his vest mit a batt'rlng ram blow?
Shall I say mit your name in each song I gompose
I sing it at midnight und vake up der haus?
Shall I say how at " Castro's " your name I bropose
Mit wriders und bainters till all vas put aus ?
Veil, hardtly I should not, so better I glose.
" Young Borrowit smokes pretty freely, doesn't he? "
" YeB, entirely so. I never saw him buy a cigar."
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