Jacksonville post., July 27, 1907, Image 1

Our Motto:
Make the Best You Can of the Worst You Get.
JACKSONVILLE POST
VOL. 1
JACKSONVILLE, JACKSON COUNTY, OREGON, JULY 27, 1907
NO. 8
that Saint Peter even may prove to be I two-step. Perhaps that may have been lady became excited and kicked her
our father confessor and at the pearly the only dance you had the whole even­ right lower limb out in the aisle. A
gates compel ns to tell him why on earth ing, but did it not remain as one bright, | smart drummer said it looked like her
P ublished A t J acksonvile , O re ­ we would not give the fair ones a ever green oasis in your desert for years I berth right.
gon , F or S eventeen R easons A nd
"fair shake,” but made them a cold to come? The writer can think of
The wind blew a bunch of badger
H ollering A ll T he T ime F or I ts matter of human selection?
nothing crueler in life, nothing which holes through the roof of the car and
T own , I ts C ounty and I ts S tate
Did any of you, dear readers, (I say makes one more oblivious and negligent the passengers thought it was a holed-
I ndependent O f E verything B ut "dear reader” because it sounds liter­ of the hereafter than to be scientifically up!
W ealth A nd T axes .
ary and besides it flatters you)—I am boycotted at a leap year dance; there
In the summer time, the "snow-sheds’
now asking only the male readers did is, perhaps, ore thing which is sadder along the railroad line and puts on a
Sanders & Overholt any of you, dear male readers ever have and more eerie than that and that is in different color. It isn’t a very good
Publishers & Proprietors the joy and the sorrow, the pleasure after years, to hold in your lap the color either, because it runs.
and the pain of attending a genuine small infant of the mother who jilted
A first-class fare on a first class train
S ubscription P rice $1.50 A Y ear Leap Year Ball? I mean a regular old you in the long ago. At least that is
Hardly ever gives me pain,
I n T he U nited S tates , C anada hide-bound, stricter than thunder, cop- what the writer has been told by men
But a desert waste that greets the
A nd Y amhill C ounty . O regon per-riveted, stick - to - the - rules Leap without number. So my vain male
eyes,
I ssued E very S aturday W hether Year Ball, a transgressio 1 of which friends, if you cannot make good at a
With nary a sight to create surprise
rules and by-laws caused you to become little leap year party which lasts only a
You L ike I t O r N ot .
Nothing but gnats and half starved
permanently separated from all of your few hours, how would you come out on
I W hen C onvenient S ubscriptions small change, and also with imminent the women popping the question for
flies
S hould B e P aid I n M oney ; O ther ­
Wouldn
’t it make you hungry?
life?
You
would
be
a
shorn
lamb
would
danger
of
losing
the
girl
who
took
you
wise M ortgages ,
M ines A nd
M ules W ill Ba A ccepted to the dance. Well, if you have attend­ you not? The possibilities of the leap
And 1 paid for my ticket all in cash
ed one of these affairs and have sur­ year proposition are fruited with the
Please, Mr. Printer, make a dash
vived, it gives you just a little taste of direst results. A big strong man can­
Nothing to see but alkali
' ■ The first paste of The Post has been eonde- what women proposing to men would not very well tell a maiden that he
Where coyotes howl and rabbits die:
sjendinaly aiven ov r to the junior editor" Mlles mean proposals of marriage until death doesn’t want her; he cannot promise to
Make the trip but once, and die.
Orel holt - a ho either has to have some place t.i
tliap’ay hia 1 terary spasms or be confined tc the do us part.
A Leap Year B dl might be a brother to her; he cannot certainly
And then you won’t be hungry!
violent ward. It is honed that the readers and
patrons of The Post will look at the matter in this be described as a leap year proDOsal in tell her that her complexion won’t
Somewhere between Reno and Ogden
liaht and not judge the senior (or saner) editor minature; a sort of a one-act proposi­ match his furniture.
She may be old
loo harshly for a'lowing him this privilege.
we
are told to turn our watches back
tion. To be sure it lasts only for one and angular and red-headed, of peppery
evening but nevertheless it has all the disposition, freckled like a turkey-egg, an hour. Now, perhaps, some of you
deadly tragedies of the life-time affair. flat-chested, colorless, weak-eyed, liter­ don’t understand why this is done. A
Women Suffrage
Now you male readers of The Post, ally a human guy upon Nature's handi­ simple explanation of the fact is that the
All is din and bustle in the camp of if you have ever had the nerve and the
work, but how are you going to get out earth in rotating about the sun causes
the Oregon State Equal Suffrage Asso­
the moon to influence the tides, and the
ciation, where forces are being mar­ sang fioil to take in an out-and-out of it? Nor can you get engaged to five
shaled for war. Undaunted by the de­ dance where the weaker sex is in pow-, girls and later on when the leaves are zodiac is thereby brought into close
feat of last winter, the woman suffra­ er, perhaps you will remember some turning to gold, give four of them the justaxposition with the isothermal orbit
gists are determined to battle their
of the magnetic solar system and the
way to victory at the next legislature, starring results—results that you re­ glad go-by. D — n it, boys, unles» you cold air rushing in causes the mezoic
membered
for
years
afterward.
Prob
­
get
an
electric
move
on,
you
are
in
foi
by means of the initiative and referen­
dum, and they are starting in early so ably you went to the party thinking it! And now is your time; strangle the canals to become clogged and whang-
as to be able to take Salem by storm that you were a lady-killer and expect­ coming octopus while it is yet in the basted and the diurnal peringinations
when the state’s solons convene in
ed that your dance program would be bud. It doesn’t matter whether you are of the earth are thereby pushed or
903. Southern Oregonian.
fairly honeycombed with feminine a Democrat, a Republican, a Christian more properly speaking, shoved into
What is this women suffrage coming names. Now, my friends, what hap­ E. dsavor, a Y. M. C. A. a Prohibition­ the nocturnal ides of the ephemeral
to, anyhow, fellows! In> one of the pened to you? Be honest and candid. ist. or even an A. P. A., for heaven’s diaphragm which causes moss to grow
great New York journals a paper of When the “promenade dance” was sake be up and doing. It would be saf­ on the south side of the barbwire fence
national reputation and immense influ­ called out, were you fairly ingulfed in a er sitting on a keg of gunpowder, smok­ and things in general to hump up their
ence—there was very recently published sea of sweet femininity? Was there a ing a cigar, with no life insurance then ; backs and scoot for the jungles, while
the aurora borealis causes the northern
an article from the pen of a well-known lot of hair pulling on your account?
to run up against a determined little
woman writer, a woman of rather de­
Did you have to turn down five or six woman who has made up her immut- heavens to light up like the face of a
cided leanings toward electoral suffrage fair ones; did you leave broken hearts i able mind that you, and only you, shall man with a lantern jaw!
(Continued if you'll stand for it.)
for her sex, but a very br’ght writer. in your wake as yoa picked out the lead her to the altar while she really
She wrote upon the subject (and in a belle of the ball and grandiloquently and in fact leads you to the halter.
serious, argumentative vein) of the fu­ sauntered down the waxed floor a hap­
So eradicate this terr ble proposing I Tanglefoot
ture probability of the fair sex taking py, indulgent Man? Now draw nearer propaganda even if you have to use ill.
the ir.itia'ive of pr. posing marriage. and tell us if it was not a heart-killing tro-giycerine, fly-poison and rough on
The Medford Tribune contained the
Now the w riter kni wj that this subject, fact that you sat alone ard desolate rats in the doing of it.
following joke the other day:
when it comes up for discussion, is uni- along the wall, waiting for the fair di­
“If you don’t see what bambfat.m'
versa’ly treated in a light vein, as vinities who never came waiting with
dir.k . .o. , igec-s-aooooee. ”
The
Road
to
Chicago
though it were only a joke, and could clenched teeth and fast-oozing conceit
Many a man is a true husband and yet
Once upon a time I made a trip from
be treated only as a joke. But like for the little dears who never showed
enjoys flirting with Polly Ticks.
many of those questions which once up. And as a dance after dance was Sacramento, California, to Chicago. It
was a great trip. It still grates.
The average peekaboo waist seems to
were treated in a joculir way, like reeled off, you sat there passed up like
There’s one thing though in making the be the “hole ’ thing.
women suffrage, for instance, the jocu­ a white chip in a poker game. Ten
trip, you don’t have to keep anything
larity has all been taken out by the o'clock passed, then eleven, and still
Fairbanks is trying to freeze to the
on your mind but your hat. because it
inarch of time. Women suffrage at you were playing the Robinson Crusoe
takes all your money to buy your ticket. Presidential position.
I his time in the year 1907 is far from a act without even a man Friday to keep
The scenery so extensively advertised
It is said that the cliff dwellers orig­
joke, and it looks as tl oigh it is only a you company. Life then seemed fraught
along the S. P. route is mosty bluff
question of time when candidates for with dire possibilities, you became a and high ones. They are pretty good, inated the apartment house. Nonsense
They had no potentate called a janitor.
office will be treating the fair voters to pessimist and wondered why the thund­
big bluffs, though, for even the rivers
everything that makes life worth while er you did not have sense enough to ran away from them. Along in the
Don’t get excited maybe those Japs
to them.
stay home. You sat in your seat so afternoon of the first day out of Sacra­ went to Mexico for their health.
But the writer above mentioned asks, long for stringent rules prevented you mento an old man on the train announced
"Pick your friends,” said Mr. Rocke­
and evidently challenges a reply, “Why from even arising from y .ur seat that the startling fact that he owned an in­ feller in a recent talk to his Sunday
shall not woman pr< pcse marriage to you almost got rheumat sm. At last
terestin all the scenery on the railroad’s school class. Irreverent people are now
man?” Like mmy negative questions, when all hope was gone, when you right of way. Said he didn’t buy it asking him why it isn’t just as profitable
it is hard to answer. It somehow seems were contemplating whether o • not you
either. He took quite a little interest to skin them.
easier to contend for a positive proposi­ should better make a run for it and end in it as the train went by and the rest
A scientist has invented a contrivance
tion than to defend a negative one. your life in a pyrotechnical suicide; he acquired by right of discovery. He
to keep a large ship from rolling. But
But this all absorbing query deserves, when you had half arisen from the hard
said he would sell it at a price a little the way is still open for the invention
and must have „an answer. It is dead old bench and were about to stalk forth
in advance of what it cost him. Well
certain that if we don’t answer it to­ from the gaily-bedecked hall a soured, the evening wore on. (It was pretty of a method by which the fool can be
prevented from rocking the small boat.
day, we shall have to sooner or later. crabbed man, a hater of all womankind,
well dressed, too. It wore the “close
It may be while we are enjoying the a nice little girl perhaps showe 1 up at
of day.”) Finally itgot time to retire.
rosy hue of health; it may be when old the last minute and saved your life.
Says I to myself—
One woman was so modest she wouldn't
age has got us by the neck and slack of How you wanted to take her in your go to bed. She said she saw the moon
Says I—
our raiment and is fast crowding us to­ strong arms and literally hug her to
The Po t is the paper to buy—
peeping over the hili. She also saw a
ward the inevitable Beyond; it may Le death as she tim'dly asked you for a mountain peak. Along in the night a
Says I.
Jacksonville Post