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About Independence monitor. (Independence, Or.) 1912-19?? | View Entire Issue (Jan. 12, 1917)
THE INDEPENDENCE- MONITOR AN INDLPENDENT NEWSPAPER MV POUCH O W B CUT TUftACCol IJWI AS ! A VOO LOOSC I PAPER At, BUT IT4 fcirrtRj AHO CHCAPIR, RtCAU!e IT C lATIVIH AHO LA'TS 10wr,;R Mrs. Bowser's Scheme T" tit . .1 i a sr hi a ruDusnea weeKiy ai maepenaence, roiK uoumy & And Mr. Dowser Gets Jealous wregon, on rnaay. L -OOO- By M. QUAD Entered as Second Class Matter August 1, 1912 at the Post Office at Inde yerdence, Polk County, Oregon, Under the Act of March 3, 1879. I joiCC.rnAr hlu. ha CAUfaWT OH TO IT AH. P" i L HERE'S something curious about W-B CUT Chew ing it takes less out of your pocket and puts a better chew into your mouth. No big plug sagging your pocket, no big wad saving your check. Half as much of this rich tobocco goes twice as far as ordinary plug. V.B saves your silver and gives you a silver-lining feel ing of happiness a!! over. You can't help from telling your friends about W-li. Mad. lr WETMAN-BRUTOft COMPANY, 50 t'alos SqMr, New Trk Citr cf a match. A'l the convenien ces of gat better cooking anil a cleaner cooler kitchen Bates, broils, roa9ts, toasts. More efficient than your wood or coal Stove, and costs less to operate. Your cooking Is better, too, because you have heat-control like a gas stove. HEW PERFECTION OIL CdOSiSTOVE L , X Ft Bat Jiisuttl Iht Th New Perfection f (vet a clean, odor leas, footless llami bvoause of the lung blue chimneys. Cuts out the drudgery off wood or couL Koepm your kitchen cool. In 1, 2, 3 anil 4-burner sizes. ovens separate. Also ft I " Cfl N."J models "h Vin .frLj&iLjiuil ' Cooking Oveni shhmmA Ask your dealer today. tj F 1 Standard Oil Co. uf Sale By CRAVEN 6c HUFF SLOPER UROS. 5 COCKLEi J. D. H1BBS & CO. ORI3QOIN POW'Uk CO. Phone SOU THE INDEPENDENCE NATIONAL BANK Established 1889 A Successful Uuslncsji Career of Twenty rive Years INTEREST PAID ON TIME DEPOSITS OFmci-us Also niRisc roi H. Hlrschberg, Pres. D. W. Sears, V. P. R. R. DeAnnond, Cashier W. II. Walker, I. A. Allen, O. D. Butler - We are for you Try Independence First CLYDE T. ECKER, Editor NINA B. ECKER, Associate Suoscriptlon Rates: One Year $1.50 Strictly In Advance ADVERTISING RATES: 15c. per Inch for one Insertion, 12 J-2c. for two or more Insertions, 10c. on monthly contracts. Readers, 5 and 10c. per line Independence, Oregon, Friday, January 12, 1917 I. Aronson, a Portland jeweler, who has been arrested charged with fraudulent advertising- by the Portland Ad Club, comes back with the dec laration that "it is a case of the pot calling the kettle black" and recalls to memory the famous march of the Portland Ad Club about a year ago, lie says: "The crowd marched thru our streets in 'hot weather attire' namely shirt sleeves, palm leaf fans and straw hats, in a shivering snow storm, depositing - thousands of letters to various people in the country, speaking or the wonderful warm climate in the winter, 'showing folks in other parts of tlie country who see by the moving pictures what can be done in Portland, even in the winter time.' That was about the biggest fake ever pulled off in Oregon. Another stunt was pulled off by having one of the issues of the Saturday Evening Post publish last month, a present dav picture of the Portland harbor filled with ships when we all know as a matter of fact that few ships have been in the harbor since the war. An old picture had been used." If Aronson had represented every brass ring in his store as solid gold and sold every glass as a diamond, he could still learn something about fake advertising from the Portland Ad Club. i:OM several hints dropped during t ie last three or four day Mrs. Dowser became satisfied that Mr. Bowser was working up a scheme, and she made up her mind to beat him to it. Therefore, when they had got settled down the other evening she suddenly said: Mr. Bowser, I have a great scheme on hand which will be sure to make me fame and fortune." Mr. Bowser gave a start. He always began his schemes that way, but he never heard Mrs. Bowser do It before. "You know that in this climate we have long, cold win ters " she went on. "From November to May we must keep our furnaces going, and' the expense is something terrible. The cold comes from the cold wavci from the west. If it wasn't for these cold waves we should have almost sum mer weather here during the seven months of the winter season. You follow me, don t you, Mr. Bowser?" "1 may in time find out what you are getting at," he growled. "I will make it very plain to you, Mr. Bowser. All the cold waves are born on the Hocky mountains, and they head for the ei-st at once. Suppose those blizzards were stopped at the foot of the mountains?" "But who can stop them and how?" he asked uneasily. "If I can get up enough heat to warm up the cold waves the question is solved. The cold waves would turn to warm waves," said Mrs. Bowser. "My scheme is very simple and can be put In practice at a trifling cost. We run a line of poles north and south from Maine to Georgia. W will say It tancs 1,000,000 pules. They can be cut and set for about 13 apiece. That is only the insignificant sum of 13,000,000." "What the deuce do you want poles for?" growled Mr. Bbwser. "I want to attach steam pipes to them six rows of steam pipes. The bot tom row will be almost on the ground and the top one eight feet high. These pipes will be attached by hooks, and we will have six rows of them to divide off the east from the west. At each end of the ruws we will have a monstrous furnace capable of forcing steam at least 600 miles. I have it all figured out. There is not a patriotic citizen of the country who will say that General Hugh Scott is a "hot air" merchant in the statement that this country, to be fully prepared, must have 3,000,000 men in the army and half that number at once. Woodburn Independent. We are pained to see the excellent Independent mentally corrupted by the exponents of the vicious, every-citizen-carry-a-soldier-on-his-back militarism of which General Scott is one of the leading yellers. Scott is more dangerous to the peace, happiness and prosperity of the country than the anarchist because he has more influence and innocents may be frightened into following alter him. It is expected that a number, who greatly profit by war, and, who unfortunately control a large portion of the daily press, would attempt to corrupt public sentiment but when a single member ot the free country press is de ceived into putting out the poison for them, there is much rejoicing in hell but only weeping in heaven. One reason given for the exorbitant appropria tion for fair purposes in Polk county is that Winnie Braden has been able to capture several blue ribbons. If true, we deny that blue ribbons are worth as much as Polk county is paying for them. A number of people, who work in Portland, but live in Clackamas countv, desire to be annexed to Multnomah county. County lines should be moved whenever it is for the comfort and con venience ot'anv bodv of citizens. 71 The legislature is with us again. We hope for the best but fear the worst. Fortunately, our affliction is not of as long a duration as in several other states. Ihe Oregon legislature onl) stays on the job for forty days. "THE CLOTHES WILL DRY IN AN HOUR." The pipes and the work of putting them up will cost only H5,000,000. The cost of coal per day and the men to tend the furnaces will be about J100.000 a day. These are trilling things." "By thunder, woman, you must have lost your head!" was growled. "I figure," said Mrs. Bowser, "that the steam arising from these pipes will heat the air for half a mile high. Therefore if any blizzard attempts to Jump ever the pipes it will be dissolved In short order." Mr. Bowser rose up from his chair and walked back and forth. "I figure," quietly observed Mrs. Bowser, "that it may cost me $100,000,000 to put my scheme In operation and run it the first winter. After the first win ter the cost will be reduced one-half. I can also furnish steam to heat all the houses w ithin twenty mileH of the pipes. Sit down sit down, Mr. Bowser, and listen to the rest of it. "All the people who live within fifteen mies of the pipes can let their hens roost upon them every night all winter, and the charge will be only a cent a hen. The Monday wash can be hung on the pipes during the day, and the clothes will dry in an hour. I am quite convinced that if orange trees are set out within ten or fifteen feet of the pipes that fruit can be raised all winter. In three or four years, after I've got this thin? in operation, it will be known that Mr. Bowser Is my husband, and you will get your share of the honor. It will be a small share, of course, but still enough to make you proud of having such a wife." Mr. Bowser got red in the face and grunted, and Mrs. Bowser went on: "You will say that my line of pipes across the country will interrupt travel. I have figured that out. Where they cross rullroads the pipes will be set so high that trains can pass under them. At every country crossroads there will be a larse elevator to hoist up wagons and horses and gently land them on the other side, and no charge at all will be made for these conveniences. In sum mer weather, when steam is not wanted, these pipes can be covered with artifi cial Bowers so as to add to the beauty of the ficenery. What's the matter, Mr. Bowser.' Uid you mutter something? ' "Y-e-s. I am thinking of idiot asylums!" was the reply, and Mr. Bowser walked down the hall and put on his overcout and hat and left the house without another word, while Mrs. Bowser rocked with quiet laughter. Mr. Bowser went over to the family drug stor e, boug;ht a stick of licorice and said to the druggist: m "By George, but women are curious cr'tters. ain't they?" "Well, what is it?" was asked in reply. Mr. Bowser outlined Mrs. Bowser's scheme and then said: "Well, what do you think of that turn fool nonsense?" The druist had not cracked a smile while listening to the story, and his face was now very serious as he answered: "Mr. Bowser, If that was your scheme I would say you were the brother of the Mgest jackass in America: but as it Is Mrs. Bowser's sebwuu, oU U',1 l.-r t'nut I will take a thousand dollars' worth of stock the day she is ready to begin operations! Copyright, 191& McClure Nawtwauer Syndicate. Kaiser Wilhelm has bestowed 10,000 iron crosses and 5,000,000 wooden crosses. Boston Transcript. When Oregon lumber gets to moving, drive will commence. There will be prosperity to give everybody a liberal share. the b enough ! When The Monitor ! Prints It YOU are assured of a good job as a skilled man does the work. Our Cash System enables us to beat city prices. There is hardly anything we cannot do.
