Image provided by: Independence Public Library; Independence, OR
About The Independence west side. (Independence, Or.) 18??-1891 | View Entire Issue (Oct. 21, 1892)
The Hcst Newspaper I tkt m th,l ptiv fa mtmt at fmht wa' (wMtr tk It A'Al" SIDB itk a pojier in iUk rnnnf. As an Advertising Medium THE WEST SIDE Takes the Lead In Polk County. VOL. IX. $2.00 Per Year. INDEPENDENCE, POLK COUNTY, OREGON, FRIDAY, OCTOBER 2i,Te92. Five Cents Per Copy. NO. 50 HKA'ltKT WHIKTH-X A O. It. W. tNDKl'ENDF.NCK IX , UWipi. Jio 83. meet ry M day night In Masonic hall. Alt ankutru in- brother are Invited In attend HlHtr M liter, M. w. W, O lk. Kecwrdar VALLKY LOtKIK, NO. 4J, I. O.O. F.Ma in M.ntc hall wy I nwnsuay evening. All ihW rcllow our dially mled hi attend. O. W.Khiuu, Lvom uiiHjiTKa wXr, A. M. NUted ooimumneatiou Snlur day evening oo or before full moon each month sod twt week thereafter. U, V. Shma, Wjjd.W. t'JIVnnaway, Secy. H" OM riFlcou r, noTiS, k. r T. every Wednesday evening. All knights ere cordially invited. I!, H, Imtthary, a IX ttUir Miller, K. H S HIYSICIANS-OKNTISTHY. Oft BUTLER, PHYSICIAN AXD , rtfwm, iSeey, V. 8, Board id Medical F.ianunere. . 0111m iu Opera tIilU0 lUOCt. EL KETCH CM, M. ft OFFICE , ami residence, curlier tUilntaJ nvl Monmouth at., Independence, Or, D R. J. K. LOCKE, PHYSICIAN and Surgeou, Kuona Yiala, Or. DR. J. B. JOHNSON, RESIDENT! Dentist. All work warranted U gtve the Kl if latlsfactiou. Indepen dence, Of. TJ. LEE. PHYSICIAN AND Silt . geon. U. S. "xaiulniitg uiiron. Otlicw over Independence Natiuual Hank. ATTORNEYS. GEO. A. SMITH. ATTORNEY AT Iji Will praetwe lit nil state nd federal courts. Abstracts of lillu furnished. Office over Independence National Bask. DALY, SIBLEY EAR IX, AT lornev at Law. W have III only of abstract book In ldk county. Reliable abstracts furnished. Money lu loan; no onmndmon charged oo liaii. Office, towns it and 3 Wilitou blH'k, Ital ian, Oregon. AM. HURLEY, ATTOIIXKY AND , Couiiiwutr l Law. OMW. nl lu ludfiwrnleiioe NuIiouhI Batik, Ind podnce, Or. BONHAM HOLM EM.' ATTOIt neya at Law. Otti iu Bnub'l bl.M-k, llerii Stt and Court, on Com mercial trt, Hiilttm, Or. 8A8H AND DOOIW. MITCHELL A BOIIANNOS. MAN iifnclurent of aitiib and diMira Alwi, anrull aaariua. Main street, Inde pondeuce, Or. ARCHITECTS. FH. MOIUUSON. ARCHITECT , and Hoprinteiidei)t. AllctinrKMi reaaonahlo, and flrnt-claoa work guaran teed. Dallao, Oregon. 8CHVEYOB. TU BUTLER, COUNTY 8UR , toyor and Civil Eoginiwr. All calla promptly answered. Addreaa me at VaUu, Or. BAlftiEIW. ET. II EN K LB, THE BARBER, , opposite oporo Uoiine, Indepen dence, Oregon. WATCHMAKERS. AB. CHERRY, WATCHMAKER , and Jewi'fcr.with Piittemon Broa., Indept-iidence, Or. AUCTIONEERING. EH. HOSXER. MONMOUTH, OR., , i alwayt rendy to ilo auction work, either iu the city or eouutiy. at rt'tiaonnlile rates. MILLINERY. MRS. A. M. H U RLE Y, M I LLIN K RY 4ixl fimey goodH. Next to Ind pendence Nntl. Jiiiuk, Independence, Or TAILORS. WO. SHARMAN, MERCHANT . Tailor, 0 street, nenr pontolllce. HnitH in any style wade to order at rea sonable rate. LOAN BROKERS, MONEY TO LOAN - 8HOUT TIME kvMim iifKotmte.1 on chattel and rwl atatf twmrity, Noti dlmt.untwd. i uumaa a aiwnaun, Walriu, ttr. IIOTEIA OT. CIIARLK8 HOTEL. 10 KT O !tid, Orvgon, 0. W. Kuowl.. propilptor. Tim loading hotel of tli nortliwmt, Firvproof, llydraullo valor, Ndiwly mwliiHl. IhhhI riwtaur. anl MniKvted, ISO roni, (Vr, Front ana ,Morriui atmM, HANKS. Comment Business March 4, 1889. RublUul by NnlUmul Authority, TltK FIRST NATIONAL BANK. f Iudetn4w, Oregon, Capital Stook, SwraUi, $60,000.00 $14,000.00 J, tk tlHll'KK, U W. HllKUTHH, I'mildrnt, Vtoa lriMltlmL W, M ItAWl.KV, fwhtr. DIRECTORS. i. 0, 1T, U W, llolMrtnoii, lwl llKlniU'k U. W, WUltwkor, W. W. Cu'ltnm A tntrt txuiklnt bualncM (ramuu'lmt tlujr and aelta vxt'liaug im all Important iMtintx. I VMit nwtvrfl .iil'Jtvl In ohwk or n cer mimic ni ira'i. i iiiip-'tliiiia niul. niti. liuur; a, in, in i p, in. TUB INDEPENDENCE- National Bank ! Capital Stink, $50,000.00. It. 1UHH4'IIHKIU, HKAM NKtiS, W. H. IXI.NSAWAV Pinlitml. Vie l-wlilnil, . faalilor. A intral bankinf and xrtiK bulnm traumslml-, loaui mail", bill tllMMiiutil, num. nivrrutl ervdim inuitrd: diuIU rwrlvrj u eurrvnl aramnl ulijvl in ehrk, liiurwl paid an Urn deimntUi, Johua Mflianlel, It, It. Jap.rwa, A. J. Ooodnmn, H, lllrwlilwr. A. Netwm, T.J. I. I. A.AIIn, IC0RP0MTE0 UXOER THE UWS OF OREGON. POLK cm ei. MONMOUTH, OR. .A. MAl'KI'VI . ,.l'riiii P. l,.t'AMI'HKI.l. Vlnkltw, tHA f. IV W W.b fa.IH.jr PAID CAPITAL, $25,000. OIRECTORS. '.A Wai-mm. I". t l'nillwll. I, M.HIiiiiwib J, B. V. tlutlur, J. II. MUimii, K. H. INiwell jimm,,ii i ravvii. A .-n,-rl banking and n-han hu.lnni trnm,twt.t; ,n inuil; ipitu rwH'tvi uliji-t to .'liwN "ii wrllriiHlof dcinioll! -Hrr 1 r, -r viiuU nml burglar pnmf wiff, m'ltrrd by Vl lime bx k. 1 uttra lliin: a. ni. to 4 p. in. HASH AND DOOIW. HOME BUILDERS Will oonmilt their ImwI in tercut by pureliaaing their SASH AND DOORS of the reliable manufacturer, E. C. VAN MEER, Independence, Or., encoe aor to Pergiiftou A Van Meer. Sugar pine and cmdar doora, nil aizee, ou bund. SCREEN DOORS. LUMBER. The West Side Company has an elegant line of wedding-card samples. I a U 8 si ".2 B . ! q & le ' I ! ' s a. la S I J 8 w i 2 1 '0- , WHY SHOULD YOU HUNGER ? When you ean gel Ilia law I tli market nlTorda, and at tlie lawwA poMihln prloM, of JL IJC 3idi di" 1 O Xu T. AV. Who la doing linnueat in Imli'wuileiimi, llreg., and who earrina a full line of ataple and fancy grneerlea, vanned gtaid, erHikry, glaaaware, luUoca and etgiirn, ete eUi. Headquarters CALL AND SEE US. We buy for cash, and we buy to sell. We buy direct, and we buy in quantities. You will always find our stock complete. We sell at one price, and that the lowest. We treat you courteously. A satisfied customer is our best advertisement. Our iHiimtrtitt aim l to Rivt you tlio tMwt gowlrt itt Imttut'i jirlw. W make your liilirti ours. Your fhlld will Ih wrvwl m rluniply ami itolitoly iw yourwlf. A wuimiisiii of our HtyU ami prlew will coitvituvyoti Unit you hliould trade with us. L. KELSO, Independence. THE FAIR. Haa had pnn'roua trade during Ihe piwt anmmer, and open up the fall trade with a large atork of ladiea' and geiila' fnrliibllig gmnla, laln.t atyli, at Oedrook priewi, I have a full hue of Indie', children', and getita' nuderwer, rnngiug from fifty cent np. AIo, too ent counter litui been added, with many new attrac tion. Don't fall to aee the many noveltie on the five cent foiuiUir. AI, a email hue of toy and doll for the little folk. Come, aee, and be Oouvinoed that you oan get more at The Fair for a dollar than at any other plaee In town. Mecond door toulb of Fintl National Hank. OEO. W. REKD. Frtip. If you want Furniture, Bedding. Carpets. Wa Paper or Picture Frame:, GO W. O. COOK He has the best and most complete stock his side of Portland, and will always treat you right. Wall paper trimmed free of charge. 1EPEIEIE STABLES. Stylish Turnouts Always In Readiness. Ifu.Mi.rr 1iiti.lv mireliiiHod t.hfl iiiitlrn iiiU;rst In the HlllbloH of J. N. Join, we ate now better prepared than ever to meet the (liMiiancln 01 the public, ns we are now making and are preparing to make many snlwUtntiai iinprove'ntmto. Teams boarded by the. day or month. Traveling men a specialty. SALEM STAGt-WeoM'riildlly!mlli!Pl",lwi('nHiilHii and Pall City. Htnm leavcii Kn"ll.? Air fiidiipendenne al4a.m. linvtw lniliwlideiire ftir Halnin at a.m. Fmiii Hitlein tor iDdvpiinilence, utage al 1 P m.l leavm lndieuilenae fur Hill. City at i p.m. DAMON & COOK, Proprs. BLACKSMITH ti. The underHliriied would aav that we art prepHred to do ull klmla of BUCKS1THING, AND At tho moat reimoiiulile rates, dive ub a cull. PITTS & HILLARD, Buccei.ora to E, B. Kren(le Independence, Ore, NURHERIE8. J'or tle by the TftfiS. iindendKned, ill UVIT. IMIK foil Illy, nr., Ullll rormi "rv,vi., lvrilUK) rriiiiiw, xiDwn lit Huver. linn vnrml drove. i,UH plH, i.MKI pcar, 10.IMI hwIii, Hi ho nlierrliw, qiiliiMW.aprlcilii, Kraiwa, lilaek hiirruw, Kimni'twrrlPH, ranpberrlw,nl mwlwrrliw, In iiuaiilltltM to nll Hie pureliawir, al roiiHon nM term. Adiln, I. O. otHCK, Huver, Polk oouuly, Oregon, JflSTIflS, for Edibles. TO TRUCK AND DRAY. J. 1 Hubbar; Proprietor of City Truck and Transfer Co. Hauling of all Kinds Done at. Koiisoiiablo Kates. Agents for the 0. Boats. All bllla intiMt be settled by the 10th 01 enoh iiiolith. Independence, Oregon. TIME TABLE. IuiIIiiiI,iimi anil Miiiiiiioiitli Molor l.lnc I.PIIVPH tllHuilini)n. l,onveii Mniiiiioulli, 7:0(1 K:lll 9:l 11:1ft l:Vl :IA :() 6:1A 7:30 I2::l 2:15 4:iA fl:.'l BEATTY'S OBGIMSsSSS atty, Washington, Now Jerwiy, THE NICARAGUA CANAL. It Will Connect the Atlantic and Pacific Oceans. A (.UK AT BOOH ON THIS CO ANT. i'Iij.IihI t'rainnui and t'Mnmllii lleneHIa IIcUhIiI 1'reM.nled in Our itvailvrn. The phyalonl feature of the hike and river route by Nieumgut have lawn entvruHy and iiilmitely atirveyed and atudltxl In all their relation, and Hindu (he mitjei't of (itmia thoroiiglily elnliorattMl In all tlelulla. Every doubt ful and dull en 1 1 feature ha been dIinmi ly aerutlnlM'd, and eoiujiftent engineer now proiiouuee the project uneiiilmr mawHt by any engineering dlllUuilty, LukoNleamgim It' If I oue at the unitrt'iimrknlie pliyxlrtil fentureaof the world, It fllla a cavity In tho itildt or a broken elmiti of mountnliia, whoae hiilglit la reiliniMl at thl xuiit nearly to the level of Hie aea, and It furii!.-!ie not only the mean of navigation a a IHirltoii of the can wl route, but eiionnoti advantugea a a wile harbor, atilhVleut In eitpni'lty for the nnvln and Nhlpplng of the w hole world, and liiexhuimllhlc uppllea of water tor liH'knge, It I llo nillea long', M linlin wide, and feet iliH'p In It eeHt parta, It I a giviit reaeriolr which nwtvea and tllatrlhule nvcr It wide aurfneethe water which How down from the mountain and tliun prevent auddeli Hih! whleh otherwise would eudaiiger theeaunl. Out of thl lake Mow the San Juhii river, ranging In depth from 10 to Ino f.-.t and empty ing Into the Atlantic ocean attlreytown, Thu entlro tenglhof the Ni.zragua canal, from the Atlantic to the Pud lie tNvaiiN, I lill'i mile. Of thl dwtnucc only mile will have to ta? excava ted; the remaining 14-i mllware lu the lake, rlvcra, and Umlii, which will la made a Mrt of the coiine by the au- truelloll of tho nmwaMry ditiii and lock, Thetimiiilt I Itke Nicaragua, lid feet alms the U'Vel of the ea. There l I thriHi Im'k near either cud, and the level of the lake will b extended ome at Milieu down the river by the cotu.lrucl!oii of a dam acnM the Han Juan river id (Hunt, which will raic Ihe level of the water III that river U a deth of from :ttl to4tl fivt. Tim vtwael leaving the Atlantic iMcau and entering the canal w ill anil on a level with the oeeiiu a Ulalaitw of I'j miles, whew they will bo raised by three lia'k to the level of the lake; thence along the San Juan river and Iike Nicaragua to the locks, w ithin 3 mlleaof the Paclticiten- adore, where they will be'lowered by tbhtl liK-k to Ihe level of the ocean, A minimum depth of !K feet Will make llieiaiial itavlgitble for the largeat vewiel allimt. Ijtke Nicaragua and the .San Juan river, which for small Mcamtxmt are navigable to-dny, form a natural path way, and there remain but little work for limn to complete nature' highway. There w III alxo tie a Hsrlnl advantage toshlp-niiwlemtif Iron vessel III paus ing through thl freah-witter canal and lake. The marine growth tipou the hulls of Iron veel lu tropical water In mi great ax to materially retard their speed and so rapid its to liecemltale their "docking" at teast three times a year. The souilug from salt water to fresh will di-stroy thw anliual and veg etable life, KHTIMATKIICtiST. The coat of the undertaking hnsU-en the subject of most careful imputation by the chief englnwr of the company now prosecuting Ihe work. Thl esti mate has Iss'ti revised by ft committee of distinguished consulting engineers, niid the cont, liicludlug pnyinoiit of In terest during the progress of thu work, has been placed at 1(SI,iSmi,ihs, and the time required for completion Is within live years. CI.IMATK. The large death rale at Panama has led tho public to have an unfavorable opinion of the climate of the Central American Isthmus The conditions at Nlcurugtia, however, arcentlrely dlller ent, and the climate there Is one of the liest lu the world, owing In part to the healthful trade wind constantly blow lug. Careful hospital records of the meu who have been employed on the Nica ragua canal have been kept, and they show a smaller percentage of sicklies mid (lentil than that of any railroad const ruction company in thu Northwest As an Illustration of this we llnd that thu hospital record of the canal company shows that out of 1,(100 meu who were euployed In the construction of the railway through a swamp (luring four mont hs, only two died, ami of some 200 men of the north, cnglnwrs and skilled mechanic, who have been at work for thu com puny fjir the past three years, lint a single one has died from any dlscusu Incident to the colli) try, COST. The amount expended to date Is over $f!,(MK),MK, and the work Is steadily going forward with a largo force of turn. HKNKKICIAIi KKKKCT8. The practical ell'ect of opening this cumil will be to unite our Atlantlu'aud Paclflo seaboards, shortening the dis tance between Han Francisco and New York by over 10,IHK) miles. The eo. pie of the Pacific slope, having ex perienced more directly and sorely the disadvantages of the separation than those of the lliist,wlll, as a result, more keenly appreciate thu bcnellls to result from this enterprise. Blessed with a chmato of tineipyiled salubrity adapt ing It to thu widest rangcof produc tions, the Pnelllo Htates possess sur passing resources of noil. The aiummtof merchantable tlmlier now standing In thu Ktutea of Wash ington and Oregon Is estimated nt 500, 000,000 thousand feet, worth on (he stump from 75 cents to $1J50 pir thousuud. Add but 25 cents per thousand to the value of this timber ai the result of cheap , water transporta tion via the Nicaragua Canal, and wa have IWinmi.ooo, an amount lu excess of the entire eatliuaM oust of the oaual on thl one product alone. Authorities In the timber trade UUs that Dot 25 cents but 12 or mors per tuouaaud will Iw the added value to tills product by the completion of theoaual. The wheat crop of thePaclllo Count In 1WI amounted to over 1,800,000 toot, ho per cent of which wa exported la sailing vessel. This Immense tounage paaelug through the Nicaragua Canal would be uearly W.OOO.OUO lu UilUt the raleof f2 er ton, leaving larger net profit U the priKlucer The fruit Industry or California would quadruple within two years from the time the canal was open for business, for at the rate of fastest re frlgerator steamer, fruit could be de livered In New Orleans hi eight days, New York ten days or In Liverpool In fourteen days. It is not generally kuowu that the Milling bank of New Foundlaud and Nova Kcotla are not as rich In food fishes as are the far larger areas extend ing from the Columbia river and I'ogot Hound Into the region of Alaska. Hut far greater than Ihe wealth of aea or of forest la that beueatb the surface of the ground on the Paclflo Coast. The mountain are rich bcyoud dreams, In lead, ooer, silver, and gold, while Its vast plateaus and valley altord a cereal belt more prolific and certain In yield, with a soli moro durable, and season for seeding and hsrvest more favorable, thau any part of the world, It wants hut the complellou of the canal enterprise to quicken the in dustries of this fields, forests, mines, and fl!icric,liito life and gigantic pro portion. The (sipulatloii of that mighty I'a- eldc-coast empire would duuble lu a single decade, Iti'nl-K.lHtf Trn.rrr. The following Irunsfers lu real-estate have tsen placed on record since our last report. The total amount Is $21,- uu: KlU.t PeatvH'k to Mollis Htewart, lots In Monmouth, 81,000. Mary Basket Ui Margaret Fox, part of Ootid. 1. c,tl. 11 M Davidson to Almlra Davidson, lot In Monmouth, f 1. C A Ha wtelle to II 8 Montgomery, lot In Fall City, $175. A W OetsolKH'k to L K sud P A How mail, 2,-14 acres lu T. 7 8. It. 6 W., $1,500. Isaac Ball to Dave Bowman, lots In Ballston.KKl. ' O. (J, R R. U Jno Winels-rger, 86 sere In T. 9 H. It, fl W H51. 8 A Parker to E C Van Meer, lots In Illdcpctideucc, 11,500. 8 W Smith Ur JuoSears, part of H Barney d. 1. c, $1,000. Mary It Beck to WKOoodell, land In Dixie, $150. II I) Htaatsto liFZumult, 45 acres In T. II N. It, ( W., $1. W L Oilson to J B Nunn, 10 acres near Dallas, 160. J M U rant to K C 8tanwood, lot In Dallas, f 1,000. DPHtoufl'er to DUBallug, loU In Ballston, $225. J L Gulnn to 0 Bmlth, lot In Mon mouth,$,'lti0. L C Parker to F J Coail et al., 00 acres near Dallas, $300. J W Flnnncry to W H Contee, 40 mw T. 8 a It. 6 W., $720. N M McDutilel to H Muaoott et al., 10 acres near Dallas, $100. J L Ouiiin to C C Cox, lot lu Mou rnouth, $900. II Christian to D H Clodfelter, lot lu lndewiideuoe, $5,000. Polk County Land Company to II Christian, lots lu Independence, $750, D M Klemsen to N 0 Clodfelter, laud In Independence, $4,000, Agnes Orchard to O W Johnson, lot In West Halem, $500. The Independence Wbht Sidh came out Inst week under the management of E 0. Feutland, who luooeeds brother J. R. N. Bell as ediloi and proprietor. Bro. Pentium! knows bow to make a good paper, Itoseburg Review. Jury I.t.t. The jury list for 1802 will be the fob lowing: ZF Vaughn, HL Crlder, J B Burch, Win Ncsinlth, Robt Hatton, T I) Lucas, Geo White, A L Foreman, Henry Kuappcn, W A Wash, L F Collins, A J Martin, Henry Muscott, Juo Shultx, James Boydston, James Paul, Kd Riddle, James Clow, . Win rillflbr, Ie Btone, Thos Bailey, Lot Hhreve, H B Plumnior, Wiu Hhaw, R II MoCarty, C Hughes, Nat Holman, W W .Miller, Alonso Brown, W P Wright, W W Coukcy, Chas Black, Fred Kasler, FJ Waguer, A W Fowler, James Nesnilth, James Crowley, Ed Chirk, J B Nunn, J J Wlsemau, M ii Humi ' l i Mmt Ii J ? )ii If tUul 1 1 1 it 1 1 1 ', if, , V, sr. 3 3 '. Do You Wish the Finest Bread and Cake ? It is conceded that the Royal Baking Powder is the purest and strongest of all the baking powders. The purest baking powder makes the finest, sweetest, most delicious food. The strongest baking powder makes the lightest food. That baking powder which is both purest and strong est makes the most digestible and wholcsdme forA Why should not every housekeeper avail herself of the baking powder which will give her he best food with the least trouble ? Dr. Haines, of Rush Medical College, Consulting Chemist of the Chicago Board of Health, says : "Royal is not only the purest, but the strongest baking powder with which I am acquainted." While, Kd Holoomb, N M McDanlel, H C Fox, W It Davis, Jno Webster, Itobt Howe, and James Dempscy. The above include only the ones drawn in the Third district, consisting of the pre- clntsof I'jist and West Dallas sud Dixie. O Ik Way la Pinullt. Let u hope that the people who ha bitually disregard their health will reach that desirable place, and avoid the locality whleh Is leasdcslrable as an eternal residence on account of the heat sud surroundings generally. But while we tarry in this vale of tears, why should we voluntarily endure the tortures of dys.sda w hen a systematic use of Hos teller's Htomach Bitters will rid Us of the atrocious malady whleh unless physicians are very much at fault teuii to shorten the term of our exist ence. Heartburn, biliousness, consti pation, almost always accompany this complaint and are symptomatic of It. These are all extinguished by the Bit ters, which also conquer completely malaria, rheumatism, nervousness, and debility. Blnce the appearance of "la grippe" It haa showu a singular mastery over this formidable complaint that has carried olfao many of our brightest and best. A MEDICINE MAN. Iilng th Potion Thai Frodaa ! with the On far aa Appatlta. Although In perfect health, James Mund, of eastern New York, is always taking medicine. The 10th of last month he brought home two small bot tle. "What alls you now!" laughed bis wife, who had for years told him ha Deeded no medicine, the physician agreeing with her. "That," be said. pointing to one bottle, "is appetite medi cine." And she knew he ate more than any other man In the neighborhood. "That," he said, pointing to the other bottle, "is sleep medicine." And she knew he slept soundly from bedtime until she awoke him in the morning. "1 hope yon may soon recover," she said. At night, having; taken his medicine, he went early to bed. "Now for a good sleep," said be. About midnight he called to his wile. who was fast asleep. . "Mary! Oh, Mary!" "W-what is it, dearr said she, Tve made mistake," he moaned, "the greatest mistake of my life. In stead of the sleep medicine I took the appetite medicine, and I just can't stand It; fin hungry as a bear." She did not scold as she prepared beef steak and coffee. In the morning, after taking his medi cine, he sat down at Hie table to await breakfast 'Til eat you ontof house and home now, Mary," said he. When breakfast was ready she asked, "Tea or coffee, JamesT But he did not answer. He did not look op. He was sound asleep. She did not awaken him, perceiving that this time he had taken the sleep medicine tor the appetite medicine. With staring, eyes he sprang from the chair about noon, and laughing when he saw his wife smiling, he threw both bottles as far as he could into a five acre field of clover. Youth's Companion. Not la th Soap. They had a half dozen or more kinds of soup at the hotel, and the guest, an experienced hotel ood sampler, looked over the menu. "Bring me some chickon soup," he aid to the waiter. It was brought and he sent It away after tasting it, "Bring me beef soup," he commanded. It was brought, tasted and sent away, and so on with all of them. "Bring me some water soup," he re quested finally. "What kind of soup is that, sir?" asked the startled waiter. "It's the kind I want," explained the guest, "if it is made as the others are. There's no chicken in your chicken soup, no beef in your beef soup, no vegetables in your vegetable soup, no beans in your bean soup, and, on the same principle, I suppose there's no water iu your water soup. Do you understand?" A few moments later the landlord came in and heard a few incongruous remarks on the subject of soups and their constituent elements. Detroit Free Press. The Gam la Boston. Little Beacon Hill (during lull in the game) It is pleasing to contemplate, Waldo, when one has "seveued," to use the vernacular, that games of chance by means of the die, similar to those we now employ, were, one of the most popu- 1 larpasthnas of the ancient Egyptians, dating from the time of Amenophis III, B, C 1443, So make your cast. I have you "fated," to relapse into vulgarism once more. Troth. Th Strong Maa. Stranger Don't talk to me about Abel Pooh! To lift 200 pounds is nothing at UI J oat look at these muscles! Til bet any money that I can stop a train with my right hand! Regular Customer Thunder and tnrfl Then yon must be a professional ath lete! Stranger No, an engine driver! Tagliche Rundschau. A Matter of Woadar. "I see by that sign," said the man in the chair to the barber, "that yon hone razors for privste nse." "Yes, sir. Have you some that want honingr "No; but I was wondering why you didn't hone the razors you use on your customers." Brooklyn Life. i Making aa Application. Housekeeper No, no, no! I don't want anything. This is the tenth time I've had to say this this morning. Tramp Peddler Don't yon want ter hire uie to stay here an say It for yer, ma'am? Harper's Bazar. Who It Wa. Mrs. Timid Did you ever find a man under the bed? Mrs. Bluff Yes; the night we thought there were burglars in the house. 1 found my husband there. Tit-Bits, Both Gono. Dashaway I am going out of town, and I came around to know if I could borrow your dress rait case. Travers I am sorry, old man, but it's with the dress suit. Truth. A Bo.toa Occupation, Mrs. Beacon (thinking to pnt Harry at his ease) And what are you doing with yourself these days, Harry? Harry (aged six) I am now writing a history of the world. Life. ( A Fortunate freak. She I tell yo Rastns, it's lncky yo's bowlegged. If yo' waru't I could'n work up so elegant. Truth. A Corpse Reviver. Apropos of burials, Father Oowan, at a public meeting held a few weeks ago in Dublin in support of some Catholic schools, told a strange story of his yonth. Fifty or sixty years back, according to the fathor, when poor Catholics wanted a coffin they let the corpse beg for it. Occasionally the practice led to impos ture. Thus a man, whom the narrator calls "ffOrady," was once "marked," quoted and assigned to act corpse. The "corpse" was laid out on a bier outside the dooi of the footway, and a pewter plate to re ceive the pennies and halfpence of the people passing by was laid on the body. The people passing by from mass put down their pennies on the plate; but at last a poor woman came and softly put down sixpence. She began to gather the change. O'Qrady could not stand it, and "corpse" as he was he said: "Dou't mind the change." Yankee Blade. ;' Advloe. Servant Girl (to doctor) I have such pricking and burning in my face, doc tor. What ought I to do for it? "Just tell him to shave himself bet ter!" Breslauor Morgenzeitung. The B d f H s Again. Yabsley Do they set pretty appetiz ing meals at your house, Mudge? Mndge Appetizing? Oh, yes. A fel low gets up hungrier than when he sat down. Indianapolis JournaL Champagne Appetite; Water Income. The most unhappy people in the world are those who have aspirations, education and tastes to enjoy a $100, 000 income and have to shin along on $365. Medina (N. Y.) Gist, A Fan Pa oa th Seashore. "Charles," she said, "my slippers are full of sand. Will you kindly rembve It?" "Certainly," said Charles. "Wait minute and I will borrow my little brother's shovel." Truth. Stopped Him. "I want a rhyme for lover," said he. "Glove her," she suggested. "By Jove! I never thought of that," said the poet. And then he didn't pro pose. Harper's Bazar. ....