The Hcst Newspaper
I tkt m th,l ptiv fa mtmt at
fmht wa' (wMtr tk It A'Al"
SIDB itk a pojier in iUk rnnnf.
As an Advertising Medium
THE WEST SIDE
Takes the Lead In Polk County.
VOL. IX.
$2.00 Per Year.
INDEPENDENCE, POLK COUNTY, OREGON, FRIDAY, OCTOBER 2i,Te92.
Five Cents Per Copy.
NO. 50
HKA'ltKT WHIKTH-X
A O. It. W. tNDKl'ENDF.NCK
IX , UWipi. Jio 83. meet ry M
day night In Masonic hall. Alt ankutru
in- brother are Invited In attend HlHtr
M liter, M. w. W, O lk. Kecwrdar
VALLKY LOtKIK, NO. 4J, I. O.O.
F.Ma in M.ntc hall wy
I nwnsuay evening. All ihW rcllow our
dially mled hi attend. O. W.Khiuu,
Lvom uiiHjiTKa wXr, A.
M. NUted ooimumneatiou Snlur
day evening oo or before full moon each
month sod twt week thereafter. U, V.
Shma, Wjjd.W. t'JIVnnaway, Secy.
H" OM riFlcou r, noTiS, k. r T.
every Wednesday evening.
All knights ere cordially invited. I!, H,
Imtthary, a IX ttUir Miller, K. H S
HIYSICIANS-OKNTISTHY.
Oft BUTLER, PHYSICIAN AXD
, rtfwm, iSeey, V. 8, Board id
Medical F.ianunere. . 0111m iu Opera
tIilU0 lUOCt.
EL KETCH CM, M. ft OFFICE
, ami residence, curlier tUilntaJ
nvl Monmouth at., Independence, Or,
D
R. J. K. LOCKE, PHYSICIAN
and Surgeou, Kuona Yiala, Or.
DR. J. B. JOHNSON, RESIDENT!
Dentist. All work warranted U
gtve the Kl if latlsfactiou. Indepen
dence, Of.
TJ. LEE. PHYSICIAN AND Silt
. geon. U. S. "xaiulniitg uiiron.
Otlicw over Independence Natiuual Hank.
ATTORNEYS.
GEO. A. SMITH. ATTORNEY AT
Iji Will praetwe lit nil state
nd federal courts. Abstracts of lillu
furnished. Office over Independence
National Bask.
DALY, SIBLEY EAR IX, AT
lornev at Law. W have III only
of abstract book In ldk county.
Reliable abstracts furnished. Money lu
loan; no onmndmon charged oo liaii.
Office, towns it and 3 Wilitou blH'k, Ital
ian, Oregon.
AM. HURLEY, ATTOIIXKY AND
, Couiiiwutr l Law. OMW. nl
lu ludfiwrnleiioe NuIiouhI Batik, Ind
podnce, Or.
BONHAM HOLM EM.' ATTOIt
neya at Law. Otti iu Bnub'l
bl.M-k, llerii Stt and Court, on Com
mercial trt, Hiilttm, Or.
8A8H AND DOOIW.
MITCHELL A BOIIANNOS. MAN
iifnclurent of aitiib and diMira
Alwi, anrull aaariua. Main street, Inde
pondeuce, Or.
ARCHITECTS.
FH. MOIUUSON. ARCHITECT
, and Hoprinteiidei)t. AllctinrKMi
reaaonahlo, and flrnt-claoa work guaran
teed. Dallao, Oregon.
8CHVEYOB.
TU BUTLER, COUNTY 8UR
, toyor and Civil Eoginiwr. All
calla promptly answered. Addreaa me
at VaUu, Or.
BAlftiEIW.
ET. II EN K LB, THE BARBER,
, opposite oporo Uoiine, Indepen
dence, Oregon.
WATCHMAKERS.
AB. CHERRY, WATCHMAKER
, and Jewi'fcr.with Piittemon Broa.,
Indept-iidence, Or.
AUCTIONEERING.
EH. HOSXER. MONMOUTH, OR.,
, i alwayt rendy to ilo auction
work, either iu the city or eouutiy. at
rt'tiaonnlile rates.
MILLINERY.
MRS. A. M. H U RLE Y, M I LLIN K RY
4ixl fimey goodH. Next to Ind
pendence Nntl. Jiiiuk, Independence, Or
TAILORS.
WO. SHARMAN, MERCHANT
. Tailor, 0 street, nenr pontolllce.
HnitH in any style wade to order at rea
sonable rate.
LOAN BROKERS,
MONEY TO LOAN - 8HOUT TIME
kvMim iifKotmte.1 on chattel and
rwl atatf twmrity, Noti dlmt.untwd.
i uumaa a aiwnaun, Walriu, ttr.
IIOTEIA
OT. CIIARLK8 HOTEL. 10 KT
O !tid, Orvgon, 0. W. Kuowl..
propilptor. Tim loading hotel of tli
nortliwmt, Firvproof, llydraullo
valor, Ndiwly mwliiHl. IhhhI riwtaur.
anl MniKvted, ISO roni, (Vr, Front
ana ,Morriui atmM,
HANKS.
Comment Business March 4, 1889.
RublUul by NnlUmul Authority,
TltK
FIRST NATIONAL BANK.
f Iudetn4w, Oregon,
Capital Stook,
SwraUi,
$60,000.00
$14,000.00
J, tk tlHll'KK, U W. HllKUTHH,
I'mildrnt, Vtoa lriMltlmL
W, M ItAWl.KV, fwhtr.
DIRECTORS.
i. 0, 1T, U W, llolMrtnoii, lwl llKlniU'k
U. W, WUltwkor, W. W. Cu'ltnm
A tntrt txuiklnt bualncM (ramuu'lmt
tlujr and aelta vxt'liaug im all Important
iMtintx.
I VMit nwtvrfl .iil'Jtvl In ohwk or n cer
mimic ni ira'i. i iiiip-'tliiiia niul.
niti. liuur; a, in, in i p, in.
TUB INDEPENDENCE-
National Bank !
Capital Stink, $50,000.00.
It. 1UHH4'IIHKIU,
HKAM NKtiS,
W. H. IXI.NSAWAV
Pinlitml.
Vie l-wlilnil,
. faalilor.
A intral bankinf and xrtiK bulnm
traumslml-, loaui mail", bill tllMMiiutil, num.
nivrrutl ervdim inuitrd: diuIU rwrlvrj u
eurrvnl aramnl ulijvl in ehrk, liiurwl paid
an Urn deimntUi,
Johua Mflianlel, It, It. Jap.rwa, A. J.
Ooodnmn, H, lllrwlilwr. A. Netwm,
T.J. I. I. A.AIIn,
IC0RP0MTE0 UXOER THE UWS OF OREGON.
POLK cm ei.
MONMOUTH, OR.
.A. MAl'KI'VI . ,.l'riiii
P. l,.t'AMI'HKI.l. Vlnkltw,
tHA f. IV W W.b fa.IH.jr
PAID CAPITAL, $25,000.
OIRECTORS.
'.A Wai-mm. I". t l'nillwll. I, M.HIiiiiwib
J, B. V. tlutlur, J. II. MUimii, K. H. INiwell
jimm,,ii i ravvii.
A .-n,-rl banking and n-han hu.lnni
trnm,twt.t; ,n inuil; ipitu rwH'tvi
uliji-t to .'liwN "ii wrllriiHlof dcinioll!
-Hrr 1 r, -r viiuU nml burglar pnmf wiff,
m'ltrrd by Vl lime bx k.
1 uttra lliin: a. ni. to 4 p. in.
HASH AND DOOIW.
HOME BUILDERS
Will oonmilt their ImwI in
tercut by pureliaaing their
SASH AND DOORS
of the reliable manufacturer,
E. C. VAN MEER,
Independence, Or., encoe
aor to Pergiiftou A Van Meer.
Sugar pine and cmdar doora,
nil aizee, ou bund.
SCREEN DOORS.
LUMBER.
The West Side Company
has an elegant line of
wedding-card samples.
I a
U 8 si
".2 B . !
q & le
' I ! '
s a. la
S I J 8
w i
2
1 '0- ,
WHY SHOULD YOU HUNGER ?
When you ean gel Ilia law I tli market nlTorda, and at tlie
lawwA poMihln prloM, of
JL IJC 3idi di" 1 O Xu
T. AV.
Who la
doing linnueat
in Imli'wuileiimi, llreg.,
and who earrina a full line of
ataple and fancy grneerlea, vanned gtaid,
erHikry, glaaaware, luUoca and etgiirn, ete eUi.
Headquarters
CALL AND SEE US.
We buy for cash, and we buy to sell.
We buy direct, and we buy in quantities.
You will always find our stock complete.
We sell at one price, and that the lowest.
We treat you courteously.
A satisfied customer is our best advertisement.
Our iHiimtrtitt aim l to Rivt you tlio tMwt gowlrt itt Imttut'i jirlw.
W make your liilirti ours.
Your fhlld will Ih wrvwl m rluniply ami itolitoly iw yourwlf.
A wuimiisiii of our HtyU ami prlew will coitvituvyoti Unit you hliould
trade with us.
L. KELSO, Independence.
THE FAIR.
Haa had pnn'roua trade during Ihe piwt anmmer, and open up the fall trade
with a large atork of ladiea' and geiila' fnrliibllig gmnla, laln.t atyli, at Oedrook
priewi, I have a full hue of Indie', children', and getita' nuderwer, rnngiug from
fifty cent np. AIo, too ent counter litui been added, with many new attrac
tion. Don't fall to aee the many noveltie on the five cent foiuiUir. AI, a email
hue of toy and doll for the little folk. Come, aee, and be Oouvinoed that you
oan get more at The Fair for a dollar than at any other plaee In town. Mecond
door toulb of Fintl National Hank. OEO. W. REKD. Frtip.
If you want
Furniture, Bedding. Carpets. Wa
Paper or Picture Frame:,
GO
W. O. COOK
He has the best and most complete stock
his side of Portland, and will always treat you
right. Wall paper trimmed free of charge.
1EPEIEIE STABLES.
Stylish Turnouts Always In Readiness.
Ifu.Mi.rr 1iiti.lv mireliiiHod t.hfl iiiitlrn iiiU;rst In the HlllbloH of J. N.
Join, we ate now better prepared than ever to meet the (liMiiancln 01
the public, ns we are now making and are preparing to make many
snlwUtntiai iinprove'ntmto. Teams boarded by the. day or month.
Traveling men a specialty.
SALEM STAGt-WeoM'riildlly!mlli!Pl",lwi('nHiilHii and Pall City. Htnm
leavcii Kn"ll.? Air fiidiipendenne al4a.m. linvtw lniliwlideiire ftir Halnin at a.m. Fmiii
Hitlein tor iDdvpiinilence, utage al 1 P m.l leavm lndieuilenae fur Hill. City at i p.m.
DAMON & COOK, Proprs.
BLACKSMITH ti.
The underHliriied would aav that we
art prepHred to do ull klmla of
BUCKS1THING,
AND
At tho moat reimoiiulile rates, dive ub
a cull.
PITTS & HILLARD,
Buccei.ora to E, B. Kren(le
Independence, Ore,
NURHERIE8.
J'or tle by the
TftfiS. iindendKned, ill
UVIT. IMIK foil Illy, nr., Ullll rormi "rv,vi.,
lvrilUK) rriiiiiw, xiDwn lit Huver. linn vnrml
drove. i,UH plH, i.MKI pcar, 10.IMI hwIii,
Hi ho nlierrliw, qiiliiMW.aprlcilii, Kraiwa, lilaek
hiirruw, Kimni'twrrlPH, ranpberrlw,nl mwlwrrliw,
In iiuaiilltltM to nll Hie pureliawir, al roiiHon
nM term. Adiln, I. O. otHCK,
Huver, Polk oouuly, Oregon,
JflSTIflS,
for Edibles.
TO
TRUCK AND DRAY.
J. 1 Hubbar;
Proprietor of
City Truck and Transfer Co.
Hauling of all Kinds Done at.
Koiisoiiablo Kates.
Agents for the 0. Boats.
All bllla intiMt be settled by the 10th 01
enoh iiiolith.
Independence, Oregon.
TIME TABLE.
IuiIIiiiI,iimi anil Miiiiiiioiitli Molor l.lnc
I.PIIVPH
tllHuilini)n.
l,onveii
Mniiiiioulli,
7:0(1
K:lll
9:l
11:1ft
l:Vl
:IA
:()
6:1A
7:30
I2::l
2:15
4:iA
fl:.'l
BEATTY'S OBGIMSsSSS
atty, Washington, Now Jerwiy,
THE NICARAGUA CANAL.
It Will Connect the Atlantic and
Pacific Oceans.
A (.UK AT BOOH ON THIS CO ANT.
i'Iij.IihI t'rainnui and t'Mnmllii lleneHIa
IIcUhIiI 1'reM.nled in Our
itvailvrn.
The phyalonl feature of the hike and
river route by Nieumgut have lawn
entvruHy and iiilmitely atirveyed and
atudltxl In all their relation, and
Hindu (he mitjei't of (itmia thoroiiglily
elnliorattMl In all tlelulla. Every doubt
ful and dull en 1 1 feature ha been dIinmi
ly aerutlnlM'd, and eoiujiftent engineer
now proiiouuee the project uneiiilmr
mawHt by any engineering dlllUuilty,
LukoNleamgim It' If I oue at the
unitrt'iimrknlie pliyxlrtil fentureaof the
world, It fllla a cavity In tho itildt or
a broken elmiti of mountnliia, whoae
hiilglit la reiliniMl at thl xuiit nearly
to the level of Hie aea, and It furii!.-!ie
not only the mean of navigation a a
IHirltoii of the can wl route, but eiionnoti
advantugea a a wile harbor, atilhVleut
In eitpni'lty for the nnvln and Nhlpplng
of the w hole world, and liiexhuimllhlc
uppllea of water tor liH'knge, It I llo
nillea long', M linlin wide, and feet
iliH'p In It eeHt parta, It I a giviit
reaeriolr which nwtvea and tllatrlhule
nvcr It wide aurfneethe water which
How down from the mountain and tliun
prevent auddeli Hih! whleh otherwise
would eudaiiger theeaunl. Out of thl
lake Mow the San Juhii river, ranging
In depth from 10 to Ino f.-.t and empty
ing Into the Atlantic ocean attlreytown,
Thu entlro tenglhof the Ni.zragua
canal, from the Atlantic to the Pud lie
tNvaiiN, I lill'i mile. Of thl dwtnucc
only mile will have to ta? excava
ted; the remaining 14-i mllware lu the
lake, rlvcra, and Umlii, which will la
made a Mrt of the coiine by the au-
truelloll of tho nmwaMry ditiii and
lock,
Thetimiiilt I Itke Nicaragua, lid
feet alms the U'Vel of the ea. There
l I thriHi Im'k near either cud, and
the level of the lake will b extended
ome at Milieu down the river by the
cotu.lrucl!oii of a dam acnM the Han
Juan river id (Hunt, which will raic
Ihe level of the water III that river U a
deth of from :ttl to4tl fivt. Tim vtwael
leaving the Atlantic iMcau and entering
the canal w ill anil on a level with the
oeeiiu a Ulalaitw of I'j miles, whew
they will bo raised by three lia'k to the
level of the lake; thence along the San
Juan river and Iike Nicaragua to the
locks, w ithin 3 mlleaof the Paclticiten-
adore, where they will be'lowered by
tbhtl liK-k to Ihe level of the ocean,
A minimum depth of !K feet Will
make llieiaiial itavlgitble for the largeat
vewiel allimt.
Ijtke Nicaragua and the .San Juan
river, which for small Mcamtxmt are
navigable to-dny, form a natural path
way, and there remain but little work
for limn to complete nature' highway.
There w III alxo tie a Hsrlnl advantage
toshlp-niiwlemtif Iron vessel III paus
ing through thl freah-witter canal and
lake. The marine growth tipou the
hulls of Iron veel lu tropical water
In mi great ax to materially retard their
speed and so rapid its to liecemltale
their "docking" at teast three times a
year. The souilug from salt water to
fresh will di-stroy thw anliual and veg
etable life,
KHTIMATKIICtiST.
The coat of the undertaking hnsU-en
the subject of most careful imputation
by the chief englnwr of the company
now prosecuting Ihe work. Thl esti
mate has Iss'ti revised by ft committee
of distinguished consulting engineers,
niid the cont, liicludlug pnyinoiit of In
terest during the progress of thu work,
has been placed at 1(SI,iSmi,ihs, and the
time required for completion Is within
live years.
CI.IMATK.
The large death rale at Panama has
led tho public to have an unfavorable
opinion of the climate of the Central
American Isthmus The conditions at
Nlcurugtia, however, arcentlrely dlller
ent, and the climate there Is one of the
liest lu the world, owing In part to the
healthful trade wind constantly blow
lug. Careful hospital records of the meu
who have been employed on the Nica
ragua canal have been kept, and they
show a smaller percentage of sicklies
mid (lentil than that of any railroad
const ruction company in thu Northwest
As an Illustration of this we llnd
that thu hospital record of the canal
company shows that out of 1,(100 meu
who were euployed In the construction
of the railway through a swamp (luring
four mont hs, only two died, ami of some
200 men of the north, cnglnwrs and
skilled mechanic, who have been at
work for thu com puny fjir the past three
years, lint a single one has died from
any dlscusu Incident to the colli) try,
COST.
The amount expended to date Is over
$f!,(MK),MK, and the work Is steadily
going forward with a largo force of
turn.
HKNKKICIAIi KKKKCT8.
The practical ell'ect of opening this
cumil will be to unite our Atlantlu'aud
Paclflo seaboards, shortening the dis
tance between Han Francisco and New
York by over 10,IHK) miles. The eo.
pie of the Pacific slope, having ex
perienced more directly and sorely the
disadvantages of the separation than
those of the lliist,wlll, as a result, more
keenly appreciate thu bcnellls to result
from this enterprise. Blessed with a
chmato of tineipyiled salubrity adapt
ing It to thu widest rangcof produc
tions, the Pnelllo Htates possess sur
passing resources of noil.
The aiummtof merchantable tlmlier
now standing In thu Ktutea of Wash
ington and Oregon Is estimated nt 500,
000,000 thousand feet, worth on (he
stump from 75 cents to $1J50 pir
thousuud. Add but 25 cents per
thousand to the value of this timber ai
the result of cheap , water transporta
tion via the Nicaragua Canal, and wa
have IWinmi.ooo, an amount lu excess
of the entire eatliuaM oust of the oaual
on thl one product alone. Authorities
In the timber trade UUs that Dot 25
cents but 12 or mors per tuouaaud
will Iw the added value to tills product
by the completion of theoaual.
The wheat crop of thePaclllo Count
In 1WI amounted to over 1,800,000 toot,
ho per cent of which wa exported la
sailing vessel. This Immense tounage
paaelug through the Nicaragua Canal
would be uearly W.OOO.OUO lu UilUt the
raleof f2 er ton, leaving larger net
profit U the priKlucer
The fruit Industry or California
would quadruple within two years
from the time the canal was open for
business, for at the rate of fastest re
frlgerator steamer, fruit could be de
livered In New Orleans hi eight days,
New York ten days or In Liverpool In
fourteen days.
It is not generally kuowu that the
Milling bank of New Foundlaud and
Nova Kcotla are not as rich In food
fishes as are the far larger areas extend
ing from the Columbia river and I'ogot
Hound Into the region of Alaska. Hut
far greater than Ihe wealth of aea or
of forest la that beueatb the surface of
the ground on the Paclflo Coast.
The mountain are rich bcyoud
dreams, In lead, ooer, silver, and
gold, while Its vast plateaus and
valley altord a cereal belt more prolific
and certain In yield, with a soli moro
durable, and season for seeding and
hsrvest more favorable, thau any part
of the world,
It wants hut the complellou of the
canal enterprise to quicken the in
dustries of this fields, forests, mines,
and fl!icric,liito life and gigantic pro
portion. The (sipulatloii of that mighty I'a-
eldc-coast empire would duuble lu a
single decade,
Iti'nl-K.lHtf Trn.rrr.
The following Irunsfers lu real-estate
have tsen placed on record since our
last report. The total amount Is $21,-
uu:
KlU.t PeatvH'k to Mollis Htewart, lots
In Monmouth, 81,000.
Mary Basket Ui Margaret Fox, part of
Ootid. 1. c,tl.
11 M Davidson to Almlra Davidson,
lot In Monmouth, f 1.
C A Ha wtelle to II 8 Montgomery,
lot In Fall City, $175.
A W OetsolKH'k to L K sud P A How
mail, 2,-14 acres lu T. 7 8. It. 6 W.,
$1,500.
Isaac Ball to Dave Bowman, lots In
Ballston.KKl. '
O. (J, R R. U Jno Winels-rger, 86
sere In T. 9 H. It, fl W H51.
8 A Parker to E C Van Meer, lots In
Illdcpctideucc, 11,500.
8 W Smith Ur JuoSears, part of H
Barney d. 1. c, $1,000.
Mary It Beck to WKOoodell, land
In Dixie, $150.
II I) Htaatsto liFZumult, 45 acres
In T. II N. It, ( W., $1.
W L Oilson to J B Nunn, 10 acres
near Dallas, 160.
J M U rant to K C 8tanwood, lot In
Dallas, f 1,000.
DPHtoufl'er to DUBallug, loU In
Ballston, $225.
J L Gulnn to 0 Bmlth, lot In Mon
mouth,$,'lti0. L C Parker to F J Coail et al., 00 acres
near Dallas, $300.
J W Flnnncry to W H Contee, 40
mw T. 8 a It. 6 W., $720.
N M McDutilel to H Muaoott et al.,
10 acres near Dallas, $100.
J L Ouiiin to C C Cox, lot lu Mou
rnouth, $900.
II Christian to D H Clodfelter, lot
lu lndewiideuoe, $5,000.
Polk County Land Company to II
Christian, lots lu Independence, $750,
D M Klemsen to N 0 Clodfelter, laud
In Independence, $4,000,
Agnes Orchard to O W Johnson, lot
In West Halem, $500.
The Independence Wbht Sidh came
out Inst week under the management of
E 0. Feutland, who luooeeds brother J.
R. N. Bell as ediloi and proprietor.
Bro. Pentium! knows bow to make a
good paper, Itoseburg Review.
Jury I.t.t.
The jury list for 1802 will be the fob
lowing: ZF Vaughn, HL Crlder, J
B Burch, Win Ncsinlth, Robt Hatton,
T I) Lucas, Geo White, A L Foreman,
Henry Kuappcn, W A Wash, L F
Collins, A J Martin, Henry Muscott,
Juo Shultx, James Boydston, James
Paul, Kd Riddle, James Clow, . Win
rillflbr, Ie Btone, Thos Bailey, Lot
Hhreve, H B Plumnior, Wiu Hhaw, R
II MoCarty, C Hughes, Nat Holman,
W W .Miller, Alonso Brown, W P
Wright, W W Coukcy, Chas Black,
Fred Kasler, FJ Waguer, A W Fowler,
James Nesnilth, James Crowley, Ed
Chirk, J B Nunn, J J Wlsemau, M
ii
Humi
' l i
Mmt
Ii J ? )ii
If tUul
1 1 1 it 1 1 1
', if, , V, sr. 3 3 '.
Do You Wish the
Finest Bread and Cake ?
It is conceded that the Royal Baking Powder is the
purest and strongest of all the baking powders.
The purest baking powder makes the finest, sweetest,
most delicious food.
The strongest baking powder makes the lightest food.
That baking powder which is both purest and strong
est makes the most digestible and wholcsdme forA
Why should not every housekeeper avail herself of
the baking powder which will give her he best food
with the least trouble ?
Dr. Haines, of Rush Medical College, Consulting
Chemist of the Chicago Board of Health, says : "Royal
is not only the purest, but the strongest baking powder
with which I am acquainted."
While, Kd Holoomb, N M McDanlel,
H C Fox, W It Davis, Jno Webster,
Itobt Howe, and James Dempscy. The
above include only the ones drawn in
the Third district, consisting of the pre-
clntsof I'jist and West Dallas sud Dixie.
O Ik Way la Pinullt.
Let u hope that the people who ha
bitually disregard their health will
reach that desirable place, and avoid
the locality whleh Is leasdcslrable as an
eternal residence on account of the heat
sud surroundings generally. But while
we tarry in this vale of tears, why should
we voluntarily endure the tortures of
dys.sda w hen a systematic use of Hos
teller's Htomach Bitters will rid Us of
the atrocious malady whleh unless
physicians are very much at fault
teuii to shorten the term of our exist
ence. Heartburn, biliousness, consti
pation, almost always accompany this
complaint and are symptomatic of It.
These are all extinguished by the Bit
ters, which also conquer completely
malaria, rheumatism, nervousness, and
debility. Blnce the appearance of "la
grippe" It haa showu a singular mastery
over this formidable complaint that has
carried olfao many of our brightest and
best.
A MEDICINE MAN.
Iilng th Potion Thai Frodaa !
with the On far aa Appatlta.
Although In perfect health, James
Mund, of eastern New York, is always
taking medicine. The 10th of last
month he brought home two small bot
tle. "What alls you now!" laughed
bis wife, who had for years told him ha
Deeded no medicine, the physician
agreeing with her. "That," be said.
pointing to one bottle, "is appetite medi
cine." And she knew he ate more than
any other man In the neighborhood.
"That," he said, pointing to the other
bottle, "is sleep medicine." And she
knew he slept soundly from bedtime
until she awoke him in the morning. "1
hope yon may soon recover," she said.
At night, having; taken his medicine,
he went early to bed. "Now for a good
sleep," said be.
About midnight he called to his wile.
who was fast asleep. .
"Mary! Oh, Mary!"
"W-what is it, dearr said she,
Tve made mistake," he moaned,
"the greatest mistake of my life. In
stead of the sleep medicine I took the
appetite medicine, and I just can't stand
It; fin hungry as a bear."
She did not scold as she prepared beef
steak and coffee.
In the morning, after taking his medi
cine, he sat down at Hie table to await
breakfast 'Til eat you ontof house
and home now, Mary," said he.
When breakfast was ready she asked,
"Tea or coffee, JamesT
But he did not answer. He did not
look op. He was sound asleep. She did
not awaken him, perceiving that this
time he had taken the sleep medicine
tor the appetite medicine.
With staring, eyes he sprang from the
chair about noon, and laughing when he
saw his wife smiling, he threw both
bottles as far as he could into a five acre
field of clover. Youth's Companion.
Not la th Soap.
They had a half dozen or more kinds
of soup at the hotel, and the guest, an
experienced hotel ood sampler, looked
over the menu.
"Bring me some chickon soup," he
aid to the waiter.
It was brought and he sent It away
after tasting it,
"Bring me beef soup," he commanded.
It was brought, tasted and sent away,
and so on with all of them.
"Bring me some water soup," he re
quested finally.
"What kind of soup is that, sir?" asked
the startled waiter.
"It's the kind I want," explained the
guest, "if it is made as the others are.
There's no chicken in your chicken soup,
no beef in your beef soup, no vegetables
in your vegetable soup, no beans in your
bean soup, and, on the same principle,
I suppose there's no water iu your water
soup. Do you understand?"
A few moments later the landlord
came in and heard a few incongruous
remarks on the subject of soups and
their constituent elements. Detroit Free
Press.
The Gam la Boston.
Little Beacon Hill (during lull in
the game) It is pleasing to contemplate,
Waldo, when one has "seveued," to use
the vernacular, that games of chance by
means of the die, similar to those we
now employ, were, one of the most popu-
1
larpasthnas of the ancient Egyptians,
dating from the time of Amenophis III,
B, C 1443, So make your cast. I have
you "fated," to relapse into vulgarism
once more. Troth.
Th Strong Maa.
Stranger Don't talk to me about Abel
Pooh! To lift 200 pounds is nothing at
UI J oat look at these muscles! Til
bet any money that I can stop a train
with my right hand!
Regular Customer Thunder and tnrfl
Then yon must be a professional ath
lete! Stranger No, an engine driver!
Tagliche Rundschau.
A Matter of Woadar.
"I see by that sign," said the man in
the chair to the barber, "that yon hone
razors for privste nse."
"Yes, sir. Have you some that want
honingr
"No; but I was wondering why you
didn't hone the razors you use on your
customers." Brooklyn Life.
i
Making aa Application.
Housekeeper No, no, no! I don't
want anything. This is the tenth time
I've had to say this this morning.
Tramp Peddler Don't yon want ter
hire uie to stay here an say It for yer,
ma'am? Harper's Bazar.
Who It Wa.
Mrs. Timid Did you ever find a man
under the bed?
Mrs. Bluff Yes; the night we thought
there were burglars in the house. 1
found my husband there. Tit-Bits,
Both Gono.
Dashaway I am going out of town,
and I came around to know if I could
borrow your dress rait case.
Travers I am sorry, old man, but it's
with the dress suit. Truth.
A Bo.toa Occupation,
Mrs. Beacon (thinking to pnt Harry
at his ease) And what are you doing
with yourself these days, Harry?
Harry (aged six) I am now writing a
history of the world. Life. (
A Fortunate freak.
She I tell yo Rastns, it's lncky yo's
bowlegged. If yo' waru't I could'n work
up so elegant. Truth.
A Corpse Reviver.
Apropos of burials, Father Oowan, at
a public meeting held a few weeks ago
in Dublin in support of some Catholic
schools, told a strange story of his yonth.
Fifty or sixty years back, according to
the fathor, when poor Catholics wanted
a coffin they let the corpse beg for it.
Occasionally the practice led to impos
ture. Thus a man, whom the narrator calls
"ffOrady," was once "marked," quoted
and assigned to act corpse. The "corpse"
was laid out on a bier outside the dooi
of the footway, and a pewter plate to re
ceive the pennies and halfpence of the
people passing by was laid on the body.
The people passing by from mass put
down their pennies on the plate; but at
last a poor woman came and softly put
down sixpence. She began to gather
the change. O'Qrady could not stand
it, and "corpse" as he was he said:
"Dou't mind the change." Yankee
Blade. ;'
Advloe.
Servant Girl (to doctor) I have such
pricking and burning in my face, doc
tor. What ought I to do for it?
"Just tell him to shave himself bet
ter!" Breslauor Morgenzeitung.
The B d f H s Again.
Yabsley Do they set pretty appetiz
ing meals at your house, Mudge?
Mndge Appetizing? Oh, yes. A fel
low gets up hungrier than when he sat
down. Indianapolis JournaL
Champagne Appetite; Water Income.
The most unhappy people in the
world are those who have aspirations,
education and tastes to enjoy a $100,
000 income and have to shin along on
$365. Medina (N. Y.) Gist,
A Fan Pa oa th Seashore.
"Charles," she said, "my slippers are
full of sand. Will you kindly rembve It?"
"Certainly," said Charles. "Wait
minute and I will borrow my little
brother's shovel." Truth.
Stopped Him.
"I want a rhyme for lover," said he.
"Glove her," she suggested.
"By Jove! I never thought of that,"
said the poet. And then he didn't pro
pose. Harper's Bazar. ....