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About La Grande evening observer. (La Grande, Or.) 1904-1959 | View Entire Issue (Dec. 13, 1917)
T1IHRSDAY, PKOKMHKU 13, 1917 PAGE EIGHT LA ORAXDK EVENING OliSEIiVEll KM PBDPQSES TO COMES HACK, SCOKMNG ABDI CATION AM) CLAIMING 1IKIXS THRONE I1V KIGIIT In reply to Lucifer II. Sntan'a letter published in last Saturday's Telegram, In which the devil offered to abdicate in favor of the kaiser, a reply has Iteen prepared attributed to Kaiaer Wilhelm. It follows: Hell, Nov. 1, 11117. Imp. Lucifer Hotspur Satan: Jly Dear Lucifer or shall I call you Lucy for short? Yuur note of recent date came to our imperial hand, iour offer to abdicate the throne of Hades in my favor would beinterestine; were it wholly serious; but conditions are implied that make it inadvisable that I accept. I do not think much of Gehenna imvhow. It is a second-clays state at best and I would not care to live there permanently. As a matter of fact I have made a splendid start toward n hell of my own we call it Bottomless Prussia. It has all the modern improvements, such as running hot water, red fire, cyanide gas, calcium Iitchts, wi'de open plumbine; and vacuum cleaner. At the present time we are irellinir prac tically all the business and when it comes to a matter of competition it is my opinion that we would have you pushed off the map. To be perfectly frank with you we have considered the advisability of taking over your plant about the time it is vine for bankruptcy, you are not makme; ex penses, while wo are turning them away. Everybody says that I am a much bigger devil than yon ever dared to be and there a not a (lay goes by without my picture being in the pa pers. You may have onre thought yrvj were a hell of a fellow, but you have nothing on me. Your place is a back number and when the time comes wo will move in and take possession If wo think it worth while. It is not usual for Prussians to give warning or apology. We usually do things then leavo it to history to explain, but I am telling you this because of our old time friendship nnd nlso because I realize that you can do nothing to forestall or pru verit our action. Abdicate in my favor? Why, you poor old stiff, von have nothing to abdicate. You couldn't float a bond issue on your plant in a million years. In the com mercial market it would be called junk. You have n bunch of nncient floorwalkers like Judns. Nero, An anias, Caligula, Kirhard III and ('apt Kidd that nre really driving business away from the place. Talk about the Huns! Why, I wouldn't let Attila bring my shaving water. If you had a few srouls like Von TirpiU or Von tlindenburg you might talk on some bf:3is of equality. They are the boys who bring home the bacon nnd they are filling our hell with talent of their own creation nnd developement. Hut while they are finished performers, of course, J am still the boss of the whole works. It is my genius nnd inspiration that has made our new hell possible. Hell without me would be merely a word. I have made it a torrid reality. You mny as well understand first as last that you cannot run a hell without some of our Prussian efficiency. In . n competitive nwo with us you wouli! probably bring un as a second rule cold-storage plant. Ity reason of our former friend ship, however, I ntn willing to recog nize your moth-eaten thvono as one with which diplomatic relations may be maintained. I am sending Count Von Kernstorff as my ambassador, with nuthorily to make tnaties com patible with our mutual inter-'s's. Un der certain ein-umMan'.'r:! it might lie possible to negotiate a union be tween our crown prince and your Mes salina. They might make a good team. He may a'so tak'.- on l.ucretin liorgin and make it a dinib!e-lie:uler. How would it do for :ne to hook up with one of y:uir Cat licr'nes-thin Medici person, for inst ur.e'.' f course, this would only be for the cam paign and subject to renrellnlmn at my will. Count Yon Korr.stnrf f is permitted to talk of thr.tc. as well as other matters, and hn him-'-lf hint ed to mo the advisability of an ex change of transfers. Thi:"., however, would be with the idea of the gradual absorption of your bell by mv own. 1 am to be perfectly fiauU with vou. You must realize, ir.y de:.r Lucifer, that you nre getting old. You are not up to our modern methods rial when you wander uimnul v illi virir spiked tail, people only smile in a good nntured wav nnd murmur: "Who the devil is he?" I wonder what misi bi f Satan is un to now?" You are nil right for running a kindergarten, but as the Loss of a real blood-red. rip-snorting, concert pitch hell, you arc- mostly rabbit. You are altogether too easv. Why. I understand vou even shy at conking children in their own grease. You ought to have seen the way I cleaned them up in Belgium. Women first? Well I guess yes-.. Any old way. We turned ii into n path of Bot tomless Pnissi;t evertuuht. That an cient liarty who inn viri; tbcni;rh Christii.ns in,! used thctn to light up his grounds was a poor fish at think ing up things tluit would nu.ke him green with ci;vy. lb' nc or poi;-oiie.i n whole regiment with gas b onbs and A More Brim" fall m Amas suggestions', j TjMs J. s Penney-Store Is THE PRICES ARE SUCH THAT EACH OF YOU WHO HAV2 GIVEN UF THE CHRISTMAS IDEA WILL FIND THE USEFUL, PRACTICAL GIFT FOR THE GROWN UPS, OR THE TOYS, THE BOOKS, THE SLEDS, ETC., FOR THE KIDDIES, WITHIN YOUR PURCHASE FEICS. HERE YOU CAN BUY TWO GIFTS FOR THE PRICE OF ONE SI SS WHERE. THEN, DON'T HESITATE BUY NOW WHILE THE STOCKS ARE COMPLETE. Our Prices Makes Two Glad Hearts n Xmas Day --- Giver and Receiver GIRLS' GIFTS Dolls 25c, 43c, 98c, $1.49 and $1.98 Ual.y Dolls 98c, $1.49, $1.33 and '. .$2,98 J?tmi)cT' l.)nls. . . .49c, 98c Dutch Dol Ik. . .$1.49, $1.98 Doll licds 49c, $1.49, $1.93 frying Dolls 49c Mc'iTv-Ko-i-oniids . . .$1.49 Hooks 5c, 10c, 15c, 19c, 25c J'aint Dooks 10c, 15c, 25c and .49c Paint Sets 25c, 4Sc Sweepers 25c Stationery. . ,10c, 20c, 39c Handkerchiefs 5c Pathrolies $1.19, $1.49 Slippers. . . .49c, 98c, $1.49 Candles' for the Tree, per hox 18c Dracelets $1.49 rA i Gifts w Gifts ' i Ad ' of frirjhpvf W,n mv s if w& 1 Viw I! 4:r.:i ifj-. ' I 1 A practical gift makes a heart of cheer at this time of year BUY A PAIR OF SHOES Ladies' Xovellv She. $4.03, $5.90, $6.90, $3.90 STATIONERY Fi:-v Chri;!!' Il SIZI'! and "Jul anii '.' In A t -i 1.0c, IKc, 19c ...SLID Se Ladies' Staples $2.93. $3.?S j ;md ! ? JJovs' Shoes. .$1.60, S1.S3 CiraiSTMAS $2.25, $2.49, $2.69, $2.93 i JEWELR1 $3.25 and $3.5-? (Jills' Shoes $1.49, $1.69 $1.89, $1.98, $2.25, $2S ' $2.69, S2.93, $3.25, $3.50 Infant's Shoes 39c, 59c, 9:5c $1.19, $1.39 and. .'.31.49 iiovs' JJi-li Tops $'1.49 $2.98, JUHI...S3.9.? Glen's Dress Shoes 552.93 $3.98, $4.93, $.S0, S3 .90 j and $V7.i0 Kile and .Men's j J Joys' I iris' j Child! a HAEDEERCHIEFS !y the i'ox each Uox earl). :c, 39c, 49c, 69c 98c 25c, 49c 10c, 15c, 25c . . . 19c, 25c, 49c, 69c ( ii's Ec, 10c, 15c, 19c Cuff An'-. ( :.!'.' l.-ii; an : .. . Tie !';. s. I !; : S Ilea t:-V T'z ! KIHONAS ."''?5L49 Ci;t;iu;s $1.19, $1-49, SL88 $1.19, $1.49, $1.69 . .492, 69c. 93c i S5 A.o, 3 ' 're'ies :i c!i-lS . . . .Sl.'JLl. 3 -v-"", v"..'", ?3.!:.Dail(l .! i.it i'ins .1 Jiaiir'ie.i, .: !;:ii- i'in.- f'iim 10::, 10c, Tv. 49c ! ..ICo, 2jc, 49- ! .25c, 49c, 93c j . . iGc, 25c, 49c BUY A PAIR OP SLIPPERS J .Men s... $1.49, $1.9S,.;'MS I5..vs' 59c, 79c, Cirls" 49'.:, 59c, 69':, 99c ( "hildren's i'.'c '"-.c. Ladi's' ....C. iZ-c. ' and ! B D i A 3 vYEATER CHRISTMAS CARDS l'ost Cards lc, 3c (lift Cards 3c, 5c, 10c j I , 1 j I t ' - ! iiciiicmoraiire arils . .oc i ,. . . , '""l 10s PURSE,? Kcw Years Cards lc, 2c, 5c oC) $lJX i;'1.9'J. Christinas Letters 5c, 10c and "Get the Spirit5' Santa 'S air 3 i 95c, 31.19. 1?1.49 i I .G" : 5 r.i i9. :;d aq. si.r." 5 ' -, r ? r., 0.- 1 .. j . .- i. . , ov .; j, '. ( ; rjMBK'ET,T..AS MEN'S SILK TIE3 . "Boar" Every 0:ac if .i S9c, 9Bc CHRISTMAS SETS 25c, 49c, 0"r !( C. Ne .-. Tie Seis 25c, 49c. 93c '91.19, SJ.9D, S'ZS.Ci j Ihii:':' S"1s. . .25c, 49c, 98c ii'i. -- $3.93 dewelrv Sets 43c, 98c BUY HIM A SUIT $9.90, $12,50, $14,75 MACKINAW3 Dovs' $3.98, $4.98, '$5.90 Men's $6.90, $7.99, $3.90 JERSEYS $1.49, $1.9i 'I w. TOYS' GIFTS Tcel Chests. . . .93c, $1.43 and Sl'.98 Dnn.is 93c 69 e, 93c 49c, 93c ....49c ...$1.79 . . . .49c 1.49 .25c .25c .49c Panama I )ri vers, Toy Auto Carls. Ere; -tor Sets . . . Soldier lollies . Soldier Sets 39c, 89c, A'aier Ctins J);;isy I'op (inns. . . . Sieire Clllis UNDERWEAR 98c, $1.40 'Two-piece and .. . . Cnions $1.25, $1.49 $1.93, $2.49, $2.93 and $3.93 LUNCH SETS Dine- designs, 98c TABLE LIHEWS 'er vard (. $1.69 4i i i.l $1.49 .$1.98 Kr.M)ed Halls lc, 5c, 10c and ' -19c itoliy I'ollies 19c, 25c ( "neeker ( (allies 25c Paint -Hooks 2cc, 49c Jioit:e Hnilders. . .49c, 5Dc Sleds 89c, $1.49 Hloeks 10c, 19c Pile :ru,:, 49c Toy i io-x ICc, 25c I-cjeisuil Watches.. .$1.35 $1.SU an I $1.75 Windsor Ties 25c Hoys' Hosed Ddk'fs. .10c Sidcuai'iiies 49c Hatileships 49o Ik, i it ill . - . 1 T7l : , . . j. Buy a Traveling Bug for HIM or EER Ha-s $5.90, Sfi.f.O $7.90 and . . . .$3.99 Suit eases.. .98c, Sl.93 $2.93, $3.98, $4.93 $5.90, $6.90, $7.99 Hay a BATHROBE for I.'ir,T or HE.U- C3 & knM oaop? oil fV iii. re Amas mora if 0 Je , .$1.9:?, J.;.d;. S3.93 .Men's. . $3.99, $1.9?, Hoys- . . . .?1. 19, Girls' and Chiliir i.'- $1.:9. $1 (T ; i ' i. ( . . . 9, '. 91 ,J V. I - :"..' - rv'V ; i ' . fv 11'. h s '"j '3 111 V , Buy a BLANKET for iml or HER Cotton Hlankeis $1.49 $1.98 and . . . .$2.93, Wool Hhmkels S3.93 $1.93, $5.90, $6.50 '. ? j J. C. Penney Co, Ha sets 89c .... 9sc and Coinfoits 1.69, $1.93 $2.49, $2.9?, 3.9'j Buy a RAINCOAT f:-r IliM or HER .Men's. . . .$2.93, $2 $4.93, $5.90, $6.90 $9.90, $1S.OO, $11.75 I .ai ic.s $5.99, , .$3.CS, $1.98 5-6.90, $3.90 .$1.98 .$3.98 Formerly The Unllcd Store Jo i-. Per , V A ' . reooey i,o. j a Formerly The United Store " against, loll can discovor w!iy your rome wui: I.. .11 ..r . hi. never sunk i-n.l l.l.-w in. a sliil..i.'lIM"""l'',n """'u' ''' f . . "' of Komrn nii.l chiMitm with a tm pt-.lo il,..sn't mntcriiiUy intfivst m.-. How- " 5 !' from n pulniinriiir. vrr, I in" n vi-al sirt nii.l I'll tell You i-.win wi-ll, l.ufif-r, l.ut V"" ; VilU 'vIl.lt j'H I'll vlay vnu a cime j me a slow t.i-i Tio inr r. T:,',.p - wi-k - (( sl,(, w,Pl.r y,m alHliialo iw ! ! I !', !. V. 'n-flv's "'iKi.: is th.'i -i n;: llv , Wll.itKI.M !!U- :-.t: an.! CHICHESTER .3 PILLS TM l- J'T , -.liivtl II r, x i '-J:' I UN in it.d i-l r.r-..: AV vA t -i , .. .,,!, t..,, . .,.vy I j ' j ,', 1 , ""' -fjHir V " ' r SOtS BY" OniQOISTSVKM th-tiir.-r , w ill xhnw you the timp of your lifo ' . ,.rnniirnt' find you can mm what you n up 'u nrc w.-l.me l ' l '"'" 1,1 It .:iyn (o ailvortip.
