Image provided by: University of Oregon Libraries; Eugene, OR
About The Oregon mist. (St. Helens, Columbia County, Or.) 188?-1913 | View This Issue
'llic ItafCRcdjr Man.
Oil, llic Kacewtv Manl Ho works for TM
All' llO'l lllO OOlkH iiibii nvrt you saw
III! comes to our liouso every day.
An' wnlrre 1 1 lmrm t ami teds cn I'M
An' Ii" i iiciik the slual-an' we all 1st I"" .
Wlien la tlrlrrs out our lltllo okl woliulo-ly
Oillll . .
An' lien, rf our hired irtrl sny lio run,
H nillkn tho cow fcr 'I.is.Uilli Ann.
Ain't he n' n'vful ItHvRcly Miinr
l!:ijifi-.ly! Unguilty I Utitrgutly Muni,
W'v, the Hacin'dr Man lie's 1st nogo1
Hofiillis tho klmllln' an' clioiu tho wooa;
1 An' ncn ho spades our garuVu, too.
A n' di es most tlilwrs 'at boys can't do.
Ho cliiuiueil clear tip In our big- troo
An' tin ok a' apple down for mol
Au 'nollicr'n', too, ter'Hsauutli Annl
An' 'nol licr 'u' too, fortheKiuntcdr Man I
Ain't ho a' s I'ui kind HaTdy Man?
ltwscdyl Masirodyl UmrgodyMaul
An' Mm Baascdy Man lie knows most thymol
An tolls nn of I lie (rood, sometimes
Knows 'about Glunts, an' Grlffinis, 'an Elves,
Au' tlm !?ouldglcuui-&iuec 'at swallent uiolr.
An" wlto hy the puma In onr pasture-lot.
Ho snowed mo the liolo 't tho V links Is irot
'At lives 'way deep In ths immiid, au' can
Turn Into mo er Xlzalmth Ami I
Ain't ho a funny old Kairttody Mauf
Katuredyl Kedyl Kaauwly Maul
Tho Huwrofly Man one tlmo, when lie
Was umtiiu' a llttlo bow-'n'-arry for mo,
Pas, "When you're Hit like your la is.
Air vou iro' to kean a tine storo like his.
An' lo a rloli uiei chum, au' wear tlnoclothcsf
l-.r what air yon ro to bo, iroodncss knows!
An' nen ho laiiirhi'd at 'Llzubuth Ann, .
An' says ',m to' to bo a Knirfredy Man
J in 1st (ro' to lie a nice Kamiedy Man I
Itaia-dvl loozuodv! Kjijrevdy Maul
Jiiims t lillcomb Hllv, iu Tho C utuvy.
THAT FAMOUS COPSE STORY.
As Told by "Chad," In F. Ilopklnson
Smith's Story lu Century Magallne.
"Wast scrnpo I obor got iuto tyid
' olo Marsa John was ober Honnr. She
was a harrieaiie in dom days. Slio
couio into tic kitchen once, where I
was hclpin' git do dinner ready an' dn
cook had gone to do spring house, au'
Chad, what ye eookin' dat smells
'Dat's a goose,' I says, 'cookiu' for
Marsa John's dinner. We got quality,'
says I, point in' to tie diniu'-rooin do.'
""Quality!' slio says. 'Spec' I know
what do quality is. lat's for you an'
"Wid tint she grabs a carviu' knife
from de table, opens do do' ob the big
cvf-en, cuts off a' leg ob do goose, air
dis' pears rouud do kitchen corner wid
de leg in her motif.
'iV I knowed wliar I was Marsa
John come to do kitchen do' an1 says.
Gitliu' lalp, Chad; bring in de dinner.'
You sec Major, dey niu'i no tip an'
down stairs in do big house, like it is
here; kitchen an' dinin'-rooiu all on de
Well, sah, I was scared to def, but
tuk dat goose an' laid him wid do cut
side down ou de bottom of de pan 'fo
de cook got back, put some dressin'
an' siutl'm ober him, au' shut de stove
do. Ucu I tuk de sweet potatoes an'
de hominy an' put 'cm on tie table, an'
den I went back iu do kitchen to get
de baked ham. I put ou de ham an'
some mo' dishes an' marsa saysy look
'"I I'ouglit time was a roast goose,
"I ain't yerd nothin' 'bout no goose,'
I says. 'I'll ask do cook.'
Next miuutu I jerd olo marsa a
uollcrio': "Mammy Jane, aiu't we got
"Lord-n-niassv! yes, marsa. Chad,
yon wu'tl'h-ss nigger, ain't you tuk dat
goose out yit?'
"Is we got a goose?' said I.
"Is we rot a goose? DITIn't you
help pick it?'
I see wliar my hair was short, an' I
snatched up a hot dish from de hearth,
opened do oven do', an' slide de goose
. iu just w he was, an' lay him down
befo' Marsa John.
"'Sow see what de ladies '11 have for
dinner-,' says ole marsa, pit-kin' up his
''What '11 you take for dinner, miss?'
says I. 'JJaked ham?'
' Aft she says, lookm' tip 10 wliar
Marsa John sat: 'I think I'll take a leg
ob dat sroose' ies so.
"Well, ui;irs:t cut off do leg an' put
a lituc sluiliu au gravy ou wid a
spoon, au' says to inc. 'Cliad, see what
dat eemman :ll have.'
"What'll you take for vour dinner,
sab? says I. 'Sice breast o' goose, or
slice o n a in r
No; I think I'll take a leg ob dat
"I didn't sav nnOin', but I knowed
bery well be wa n t a-gwine to git it.
"But, Major, vou otirlit,ir seen ole
marsa lookin' for do udder leg ob dat
goose! Ho rolled him oberon de dish,
dis way an' dat "way. an'tleu he jabbed
dat ole bone-handled carvin' fork in
him an' hcl' him up ober do dish an'
jookeu under Dim an' on top ob him,
an' den be says, kinder sad like:
'"Chad, whar is de udder leg ob dat
'"It didn't hab none,' says I.
"'You mean to say, Chad, dat de
gooses on mv plantation on'r got one
'"Some ob 'em has an' some ob 'cm
ain't You see, mar?a, we got two
kinds in de pond, an' wo was a little
hurried to-day, so Mummy Janecooked
dig one 'cause I cotched it fust'
"'Well,' said be. lookin' like he look
when lie send for you in de littlo room,
'I'll settle wid ye after dinner.'
. "Well, dar I was shiverin' an' shak
iu' In my shoes, an' droppin' gravy an'
spilliu' de wine on the table-cloth, I
was dat shuck up; an' when tie dinner
was ober lie calls all tie ladies an' gem
men, an' says, 'Now come down to de
duck pond. I'm gtvine to show tlis
nigger dat all de gooses on my planta
tion got mo' den oue leg.'
"Hollowed 'long, trapesin' after de
whole kit an' b'ilin', an' when wo got,
to de pond" here Clmil nearly went
into a convulsion with suppressed
laughter "dar was do gooses sittiu'
on a log in do middlo of dat olo green
goose-pond wid one leg stuck down
so an1 de udder tucked under do
Chad was now ou ono leg, balancing
himself on my chair, the tears running
down his cheeks.
'"Dar, marsa,' says I, 'don't ye see?
Look nt dat old gray goose! Dat's do
berry match ob de one we had to-day.'
"Den de ladies all hollered an' .In
gommen laughed so loud dey yell 'cut
at de big house.
"Stop, you black scoundrel!' Marsa
John says, his face gettin' white an' he
a-jerkiu' his haudkorcbicf from his
"Major, I hope to have mv brains
kicked out by a laino grasshopper if
ebery one ob 'cm gooses didn't put
down de udder leg!
'"Now, you lyin' nigger,' ho savs,
raisin' his cane ober my head, -I'll
how you '
"Slop. Marsa JolinT I hollered;
' aiu't fair, 't ain't fair.'
"Why ain't it fair?' says he. ;
"'Cause.' says I, -yon didn't say
Shoo! to do goose what was on de
Parisian Anglomaniacs send
linen to London to be washed.
SHAMED BY A PARROT.
A. itrlllant Ids or a Wllkesbarre, De
tt to Increase liualnese.
At the Albany doutal - rooms In
Wilcsuarro. Ta.they have a parrot
which greatly assists lu tho work of
extracting t'ueth. Tho pnrrot's name
is "Ca;sar." He is a line specimen of
his species his intelligence being some
thing marvolous. Dr. Wollor, who has
charge of the rooms, says ho would
not part with the bird for auy money.
And no wondor; tho parrot brings
grist to his mill. The bird does its work
A niau comes to hare his tooth pull
ed. He gets iuto tho chair and then
his courage fails him. Ho tolls tho
dentist that the pain has gouo away
ami that ho will postpono the opera
tion until the next day. In nino cases
out of ton the dentist is unable to per
suade tho pationt that It will bo to bis
bodily comfort to have the molar ex
tracted. Then, when the mau gets up
out of his chair, tljo parrot, who has
beeu watching him all the time, takes
him in charge.
"Oh, coward," yells the parrot, "you
havou't the nerve of a chicken."
Tho man looks around in consterna
tion. The parrot is partly hidden iu a
big cago behind the screen. The man
with Tho toothache turns nrouud to
tho k night of the forceps and Inquires:
"What remarks were those you just
"I said nothing," replied tho doutist;
"it was tho parrot who was speaking."
Tho geutlemau is then introduced
to the parrot. A pleasant conversation
"Nice morning." says the .parrot;
"tooth pulled? No! You better; you
catch cold when you go out; bettor
have it out and be ilouo with it;
lots Qf peoplo had teeth pullod this
Tho man with the toothache is so
dunifounded over tho parrot's talk
that he hardly knows what way to
turu for the timo being. Then "the
parrot urges him on agaiu, saying:
"Go ou, it will only tako a minuto;
the doctor is waiting" for you."
This is too much for tho niau. He
goes back to the chair and has the
tooth removed. Then tho uarrot
jumps all arouud his cage and siys:
"Oh, ain't I happy; I feol so happy
with my big tootii out."
"That parrot," says the dentist, "can
talk anybody into getting a tooth pull
ed. We had a farmer in the other 'lay.
Ho wanted all his teeth taken out and
a new set made. Wu wanted him to
take gas. The old mau said:
'"Well now, by gosh! I don't know
about that. I often heard of peoplo
blowing out gas anil then dying; I
don't think I will risk it.'
'"Good boy,' shouted the parrot;
sensible man, don't you tako gas; just
sit down thero and pulling your teeth
will be just as easy as husking corn.'
"When the fanner looked around
and saw the parrot he said:
"Well, I declare; why, that bird
talked like a man. I guess I'il take his
advice and let yon crack away at my
"Thero was no trouble in pulling the
old man's lirst two teeth, but when the
third one camo be jumped two feet in
"That was a ncrvo clincher, ' said the
parrot. "It won't happen agaiu; just
keep nice and quiet now and soou your
teeth will be out.'
Tiiis soothing advice had a cahnin?
effect on tho farmer, and ho sank back
into the chair, perfectly satislied with
what bad takeu place aad what was to
come. When the job was through the
Well done; there isu't one man in
a thousaud who could tro through such
an ordeal; you must have a wonderful
Tbo farmer smiled and said 'be
guessed he had.'"
A Land of Queer Customs-
All tilings are reversed in Holland.
Tho main entrance to the lhiest pub
lic building in the country, Tho Pal
ace, or late towu hall, of Amsterdam,
is its back door. Bashful maidens
hire beaux to escort them to the Ker
mis, or fair, on festival-days. Timid
citizens are scared in the dead of the
night by their own walchmeu, who at
every quarter of the hour make such a
noise with their wooden clappers, one
would suppose the town to be on lire.
Yon will see sleds used in summer
there. They go bumping over the
bare cobblestones, while the driver
holds a dripping oil-rag in advance of
the runners to lessen the friction. You
will see streets of water; and tho coun
try roads paved as nicely as Broadway.
You will see vessels hitched, like
horses, to their owners' door-posts;
and wholo rows of square-peaked
bouses leaning over the street, as if
they were getting ready to tumble.
Instead of solemn striking clocks, you
will hear church chimes playing
snatches of oiwratic airs every quarter
of an hour, bv tvav of marking the
time. You will see looking-glasses
hanging outside of the dwellings; and
pincushions displayed on the street-
doors. The lirst are called spionnen
(or spionmtjen). aud are so arranged
outside of the windows, that persons
sitting inside can, without being seen,
eniov a reflection of all that is going
on in the street They can learn, too,
what visitor may be coming, and watch
him rubbing his soles to a polish be
fore entering. I lie pincushion means
that a new baby has appeared" in the
household. If white or blue, the new
comer is a girl; if red, it is a little
Dutchman, homo of these signals are
very showy affairs; some are not cosh-
ions at all, but merely shingles trim
med with ribbon or lace; and, anions:
the poorest class, it is not uncommon
to see merely a white or red string tied
to the door-latch fit token of tho
meaner lifo the poor little stranger is
destined to lead.
Sometimes, instead of cither pin
cushion or shingle, you will see a largo
placard hung outside of the front door.
Then you may know that somebody iu
the house is ill, and bis or her present
eondition is described on Lhe placard
for the benefit of inquiring friends; and
sometimes, when such a placard has
been taken down, you may meet a
grim-looking man on the street dressed
in black tights, a short cloak, and a
high bat from which a long, black
streamer is flying. This is the Aant-
jtreker, going from bouse to house to
tell certain persons that their menu is
dead. He attends to funerals, and
bears invitations to all friends whose
presence may be desired. A strange
weird-looking lignre lie is; and he
wears a peculiar, professional cast of
countenance that is anything but com
forting. Mary Mapes Dodge, in tit.
New Un r Kloctrlcity.
By a new device piece of metal may
be shaped w ith great rapidity by being
forced tinder dies while rendered soft
or plastic by au electric current
HAZING THE HAZERS.
A riuonter anit Anotlier.Kow m Senator,
Who M'rr Equal to EmerrenelM,
"Talking of lianlng," said tho uni
versity club man tho other evening in
tho Injuring of a Kansas City Star re
porter. "I'm hero with some emphasis
a tul accent to say it Is not always a
success. I was with a party of students
once who. having set thoir academic
hearts on busing a rough and uncouth
specimen from Vermont, repaired to
his room about 11 o'clock ouo night to
perform these riles. There were seven
of thu iuvudcrs, including myself, nud
we sileutly collected in the corridor
outside the Freshman's door. In order
to be impressive in our entrance, nt a
given signal wo hurled ourselves
against the portal and burst it in. I
recall ft feu ling of pride as the tloor
weut in ut the success of this lirst stop,
but nothing distinctly afterwards.
"Iu tho. dim, religious light that
sifted through the curtains from the
swinging moon, wo beheld a long,
sparse aud meagro being who flow out
of bed and fell upon us. Ho was silent
its a bull-dog, but quick and ferocious
as a cat. Tin-ver saw such a creaturo.
The whole affair did not last ten mlu
utes, and its clffso found myself and the
other hnzors battered and bruised and
out in the hall.
"-I thought only ono man inhnbitod
that room? said a sorrowful Sophomore
as ho felt of his various features in au
effort to measure the disaster so far as
he, personally, was affected. 'There
are at least ten, for I counted them, to
say nothing of the large African gorilla
which threw me out, aud which I take
it they maintain its a pot.'
"There was nootioiu there, however,
except that oue Vermorter, and ho did
not even attempt to close tho door after
us, such was his contempt for our
"We did not go back iuto his room.
Wo could have gone, of courso, but we
saw that it would consume- a great
deal of time ami the hour was late.
"Say. you Vormont man!' I said as
we woro about to leave, 'I trust you are
not mean enough to report this to ths
"Not nt all,' ho said. -I like it.
Como again any time you please.'
"Another time." coutiuuedlhe racon
teur, "a party of us had been out on
that sacred night, Halloween, toaring
off gales and sigus and othei'ivtso dis
poning ourselves after the fashion of
collego youth the world, nronnd. Wo
had brought about a coril of broken
store signs up to Jim Martin's room
aud were merrily burning them in his
big fireplace. The ceremonies woro at
their height when two or three profes
sors, excited to the movement by in
diguant townspeople, whose signs being
ravished had followed its to the college
gates.rapped loudly at the door for ad
mission. Something had to be douo.as
it would never do lo let in the profes
sors and those broken evidences of our
A man by tho name of Jack Nesbit,
now a State Senator in Nubraska, was
equal to the piuch. however.
It was a rule of tho college that no
professor should bo deuied entrance to
a room, no matter the hour, unless tho
occupant was engaged in prayor. In
event of the present progress of this re
ligious exercise, l ho professor was mado
to wait until tho 'amen,' aud could in
"At the lirst rap Nesbit broke into
prayer. In a loud, souorous tone he
sought mercy for himself and his com
panions. Continuing, he beleaguered
the throne of grace iu behalf of the
collegc.as well as the professors, singly
and iu a body. Next tbe students all
came in for notice, by name and in
bulk, its well as every attache of the
place to the small poison who cleaned
kuives nud forks in the kitchen. No
one was slighted or overlooked. Then
Nesbit went for the Government and
prayed for the nation ut large; then
the President and his pressing needs
were named, and Divinity was pleaded
with for their fullilment; then all the
departments and various officers of
state and when they were exhansted.
all the States, beginning with Maine
and cnUinjr with California, were in
terceded for. After this Jack went to
Europe, aud beginning with England,
related the necessities of each govern
ment and sought their satisfaction.
From thero he went to Asia, to Africa,
then to South America nnd so on, nutil
ho was drifting among the islands
which dot the Southern seas. Mean
while the rest of ns turned stokers and
crowded the signs into the fireplace.
where they roared and leaped almost to
the limits of a general couiingraiion.
Just as Jack was landing at Auckland
the last splinter went up in smoke and
tho disgusted professors woro let in.
The prayer must have been almost an
hour long and as tho teachers tiled in
Nesbit closed with some quotation
from St. Mark which refers to- those
who, seeking a sign, shall find it not'
Oltl Fashioned Harvesting.
Harvesting, with the rude imple
ments, was a scene. Imagine throe or
four hundred wild Indians in a grain
lielil armed, some with sickles, some
with butcher-knives, some with nieces
of hoop iron roughly fashioned into
shapes like sickles, but many having
only their hands with which to gather
by" small hnndfuls the dry brittle
grain,and as their hands wouldsoon be
come sore, titer resorted to dry willow
sticks, which were split to afford a sharp
edge with which to sever the straw.
But the wildest part was the threshing.
The harvest of weeks, sometimes of a
month, was piled up in the straw in
tho form of a huge mound in the mid
dle of a high, strong, round corral;
then three or four hundred wild hores
were turned in to thresh it. tho In
dians whooping to make them run
faster. Suddenly they would dash in
before the band at full speed, when the
motion became reversed, with the ef
fect of plowing up the trampled straw
to tho very Bottom. Iu an hour tho
grain would be thoroughly thrashed
and the dry straw broken almost into
chaff. In this manner I have seen two
thousand bushels of wheat threshed in
a single honr. Next came the win
nowing, which would oftcu take an
other month. It could only be done
when the wind was blowing by throw
ing high into the air shovelfuls of
grain, straw, ami chaff, the lighter
material being wafted to one side,
whilo the grain, comparatively clean,
would descend and form a "heap by
itself. In this manner all tho grain
in California was cleaned. At that day
no such tbiug ns a fanning mill had
ever been brought to this coast Qen.
Uidwell, in The Century.
Didn't Collect Ilia Note.
A Sumner (ICan.) county man went
lulo the country to collect a rote which
ho held on a farm. Thu farmer wits not
at home, but his ' wife was, nud she
hopped onto the holder of thu note and
took ii fr.-ini him, and gave him a good
drubbing into the bargain.
WIT AND HUMOK.
Even tho sago likos his owu uou
seuse. itoHtM AVim. .
Tim man who never talk about Ills
neighbors Is usually a splendid listener.
Atteudnnt(iii railroad waiting-room)
"Say, mlstor, uo going to sleep how.
This ain't uo oliurcli."
It takos two to gossip. Tho mau
who listens cau throw no blame ou the
man who tells. Atehimn Olobu.
Tho person who can the toast spuw
It is often most willing to glvo othutsa
pioco of his mlud. Horn Sentinel.
The spectators mny regard ft ball
player as bad, but oftentimes ho Isn't
halt ns bad ns he Holds UiuglHimton
It may be "Lo, tHo poor Indian" in
poetry, but Indians conio high to the
Uuito'd States Government. Washing
The trouble In lending our pars Is
that the borrowers tako such liberties
with them before returning ihom.
Sanso "I mako it a point to lourn
something from ovoryboily I moot"
Hodd "Ah! You must bo a recluse."
X X. IkraM.
A man no sooner gets old enough to
know how to talk well than ho also
learns the value of not talking nt all.
Hu (at 11:65 p. m.) "I declare, tho
lamp is going out!" Slio "Yes. The
lamp seems to have some idea of time."
Smiley "Now. roinemlicr, I don't
want a large picture." Photographer
' All right, sir. Then please closs
your mouth." lioston Traveler.
Scribbler "I have just lots of fun
writing my jokes." Friend "Then
that explains it I wondered where
the fun came in." Detroit Free li-ess.
"Drop mo a lino." yelled the drown
ing man. "What's the nso?'' said the
humorist ou tho dock. "There's no
postoflicu where you are going. "Life.
A New York paper says that "Mrs.
Shaw, the whistler, is still iu Europe."
Wu know some whistlers that we wish
wore still iu America Yonkcr States
man. Thero are lots of people In this world
wlto wear silks and velvets on top, with
a carefully covered garment of sack
cloth aud ashes underneath. Atchison
An agnostic is a man who does not
know anything, and glories in the fact
Tho atheist is a smart man who rejoices
in making a fool of himself. UjsIoh
Tho discontented Indians may go on
the theory suggested by the ballet, that
if it is customary for dancers to kick it
is only natural for the kickers to dance.
There are two thlugs needed in these
days: First for rich men to find out
how poor men live, aud, second, for
poor men to kuow how rich mon work.
Fred "Tliy say Baker has a groat
deal more get-up about him than he
used to have." Harry "Yes, ho has
to. They have twins at homo."
UJroil free Ifess.
Husband "Tho marks ou my col
lars are gcttiug so faint I can't read
them." Wife "Then I wish you would
get another bottle of that indelible
ink." X. '. Sun.
"I would give nnythiug if I but had
a musical ear." "why don't you take
quinine?" "Quiuino?" "Certainly;
that will make your ears sing."
"Suolley writos a good deat better
thau he talks." "O, immensely."
"Then you havo read some of his writ
ings?'' "No, but I havo hoard him
talk." Boston Transcript.
"So the old gentleman kicked you
down tho stoop when you called to
sen his daughter. Did he break any
thingr" ' los ne oroku onr engage
meut." Philadelphia Times.
She "They have discovered some
wood in Egypt which is said to be 4,
XX) years old. I wouder what kind it
is?" Ho (imperturably) "Chestnut,
of courso." fanhin'jto Slur.
Mrs. Hunting "Who was the violin
ist who played nt your reception, Mrs.
Larkiu?" Mrs. Larkiu "It wasn't a
violinist at nil. It was a virtuoso.
Why, I had to pay him :,Q."-X Y.
"What a pretty girl Jimson's type
writer must be," mused Watts. "I
never saw such on outrageous lot of
misspelled words in a business letter
before iu all my days." luiiunnpolis
Mr. Fuller lo Clarence (4 years old)
"Why, Clarence, how much you
look like your father." Clarence (re
signedly) "Yes, sir. Everybody says
mat, but 1 don t think 1 deserve it"
X. r. Sun.
"But, Carl, how can you drink so
much beer?" "I drink it as a reward
of virtue, for, ycu see, I drank milk for
a wholo year," "You did! And what
year was that, pray?" "My lirst, of
course." t'tiegendc Matter.
She "That was a funny story you
told me yesterday about a donkey.
Mr. Greggs." He Do you think so?"
She "ies, indeed! Alter tins wliou
ever I sco a donkey it will remind me
of you, Munsey s Weekly.
Why is it that it is so much easier foi
other people to say mean things about
a man thun it is to make a pleasant
comment? You yourself, you know,
never say anything but pleasant things
about anybody. aomervuie iournai.
Bingo "If I woro rich for just ono
littlo hour!" Kingley "I should like
;o know what good that would do
you." Bingo "Well, til sponu just
urjotit uiiy-nva minutes in niuiung my
property over to my wife. Harper's
Husband "How did you got along
whilo I was away, my dear? ' Wife-
"Prettv wcll. Every night I cot out
soino of your old clothes and strewed
them around the floor, tracked mud all
over tho stairs, and swore at myself oc
casionally, and it seemed really like
nome." m. x. aun. .
The Invention of the modern form
of the piano dates back lo about the
year 1700. The spinet, or rectangular
shaped instrument was called a virgi
nal, it is lrequentiy staieti mat mis
was done to compliment J'llzaocth,
the English "Virgin Queen," but this
can not bo true, us ll Is found men
tioned among the instruments of
Henry VIII. It is more likely that it
was so named because intended as an
instrument for young ladies.
If your heart is larger than your
head yon injure yourself, ami if your
In. ml la ifivirnr than vour heart vou In
jure your neighbor. Atchison (flolie.
Marin Vlrlnl' ntl'
Tlicro, ou Mi l.liF7ai.t tlm wln;' ''
tmlile luui slitidib rod ami rii.l.'i ' " ''. ,.i
Wralili of lli'i v i'iii'liHiu'"t HittV l" '
'ltluvto IDs lots mill ''""''''"''''"'.r'Ji '
whom tlio enemy's, liui"lni"t m
I,onl, hew they .lewl nit "ir "'"""'' ?
lluifur their tnilli is. I II hot, mj' battel in
roiittlioin umii-llili'ir u hI. .
do ami explore, ami report , to ui then.
Ml mo how miuiy w slllo'l.
Nm-orawliik rliall, I sleoii tl I I know tnir
voniUMiiu") was rtuljr ulullml,
Flereolr the orderly roilo ilowit llio slonoof
Ihfl cmn-flelil-icsrrwl fiirlnrn,
Kullmt bv violent wliools, ami analheu liy tno
rliot that liail plunnl It In so nil
Floiwlv, ami Imrnlnu with wrath for llto slitlit
of his oonnmli's crushed nt a tilnw.
Finns In liroki'H shapes tin H' m'tmnu
rulnod iiioiiioilala or : ,.ui.
There worn tlm men wliuin lit ilaytiroas no
know, lint itrvcr imnlii ontilil kui'ir,
Tlirmv to tl rl'hft hoio roots outturns.,
and nvl.K'dliniiiolirsof trwa
Cttitt'livl Hie hill bo clawing- lions, Drill lliolr
proy to solao.
"What's vour report "-bii1 tho silnt eolotiol
smiled when tho orderly etium baolt '
Blmnlwly tho snlillur pmisndi "Well, llioy
wi re punished." And straiuroly I'll faoo
looked aulirst. . ,
"Yes, our llm Uild on tlieitu kuooked over
tlftv-lald out Inlliio piirail'.
llnivo follows, t'lilonol. to slay as tlioy nidi
Hut ono I 'mint wish Imdu't siold.
Mortally wound"!, he'd turn off III knnu
uioki nnd then, at tliooud. ho prayed
Kay to seo, liy his hand that worn elusprtli
liml the dull, deild tliiirers yet held
This little teller-Ills wir'-fnmi tho knap.
sunk. A pity those woods woro shelled I
Pllont tho nnlorlv, watohlus' with loan In Ills
eve a liln ollleor eoannod
Four short i nses or wrltln. "tthals thill,
alKiut 'MurUiy Virginia's haml'ir
Bwln from his honeymoon, ho tho dead sol
dier, liad Bono from ills brlda 10 tho
Net'er'thoy met aaalu, but she hail written
him, loldns or that new life,
Horn lu tho daughter, that bound her 81111
eher to him as his wife,
luylint her liahy's hand down on tho totter,
arouud It she traced a mil" lino!
"if you would khu tlio baby," sh wruto,
"you must khs tills outlluo of mine."
Thero was tho shape of tho hand ou tlm paffo.
with tho small, oliubtiy tliurors outspread.
"Murtbr VlrKliiia's hand, for her pa." so tho
words on tlio llttlo palm said.
NeTiTii wink slept tho colmml that nlflit,
lor I ho YviiKcanco so Mindly fultllleil.
Merer atialn woko tho old baltle-iilow when
ii,,, l,iill,,t tluilr ilcutli.iuil shrlLLul.
Lomr siro emled tbo struviilo, lit union of
liniiherlinod happily stilled:
Yet from thu field of Antlelam, lu warning-
and lokon of love's omiiiiiaiid,
Boe! thoro Is llfiod tho iiaud of a baby
Martny Virginia s nanii.
Oeorgo Parsons Lathrop lr Tlio Onlury,
MARRYING FOR A TITLE,
Haw Coanl F"tr Win tho Aiuerluao
tllrl and llsr Mother.
There tiro probably ton thousand
young American girls ut this moment
who are hoping to "marry a tilled man,
inch ns young Count l'e'tor. whom one
of llioio'inot last year nt linden, who
miulu every miuutu or nr mo tieiignt
ful. Aud to her mother, who had
passed her life lu some very dull towu,
where she hud never by any chance
found a in nil who cared to amuse her,
and no oue of her owu family who had
either time or intention of making her
life a particle less dull, this pleasant
young Count l'eter is n very remark
nblo revelation. He has absolutely
devoted himself to her, to her shop
ping, to her delight iu seeing pictures
ami hearing music, ho has gone on.
liko the second calender wauling an
eye, opening doors for her. To her
laughter nnd herself all over Kurop
he has beeu their good genius. He
lias got ihom tickets which no one else
could tlo lo seo palaces, to enter the
sacred spots usually closed. For the
lirst time iu her life mamma has felt
herself on object of supremo interest
to somebody. Iter liusbnml was a
good man and true, and she loved him,
but ho had no pctili soins. Hu did not
tell her that she was looking very well;
that she was more attractive iu gray
velvet thau in brown merino; he never
kissed her hand, or pushed out a foot
stool, or took her to thu opera, making
a littlu dinner before it for her and her
party. Although ho would havo tiled
for her. ho did not annuo her. So it
becomes tho tlilfuronco between rich
brocade and brown linen. Her lifo Is
to her an entirely new thing, aud with
that native love of refinement which
belongs to a woman's nature, she is
delighted with this rulined luxury
which shows her that "heavy feeds
nnd niereieiitliiig of money (as they
did at home) were a vcrv small part
of tlio luxury which life contain.
Count I'eleropens for her a now world,
Ono must eat tho well-ordered din
ner nt the Cam des Ambassatietir with
a party of which all the meu are
scrupulously dressed; the women cos
I limed by Worth; must dine iu tho
Hots of it tine bumiuer night, and hour
a distracting baud playing Hungarian
nirs; mint go next day to the races
wltli somebody who can tell the name
nud history of every line lady who sits
in lhe seals i uxor veil for the wires of
the Jockey Club; miiit enjoy the de
licious nir of a I'urisinii spring; must
inhale the fragrance of heliotrope aud
lilac with this pleasant follow ou the
back seatol lhe well-appohileil landau,
this agreealiln nnd mhII-iihiihiwii'I,
niuiiest, almost ijoy. who knows so
much about dead kings anil ipiecns,
and who is on spunking terms with
most live tines to know how. thor
oughly mamma was won before the
young lady is even asked for.
Then Count l'eter receives from
lundlords. servants, concilium), even
thu great Worth, a kind of attention
which seems to these unsophisticated
women to be tho guinea stamp. It
nflirms nil that they have read nud be
lieved of royalty, that it noblu being.
Iioru of a different blood, is ranging
himself and his rare nccomplishmuiils
entirely for their beuellt. i'urhaps he
permits it to loak out that an arch
duchess is wailing for him. lio may
say to mamma in great coulideiiee that
thcru is nothing so sad us the way
marriages are managed ubrond, nnd
the sous nud daughters of it lofty house
married for their lilies nud nut for
themselves. How miscrablo are suoli
marriages (hero ho looks nt llm pretty
daughter) compared with one where
the heart nloue (s consulted! And so
ou. lio ivius them both; hu offers
hand, heart, ami tide; he is accepted;
ami then, when it is too late, comes
the news that Count I'd or is an im
postor, that oven bis title Is a doubtful
one, a ml that ho only wants money.
The intimate acquaintance of si
months iiei'luiti,. thu kind Interest, the
real gialiluilu for real services, eaiiuot
bo effaced by even such a revelation,
and In nine cases out of tun the mar
riage takes place.
And then the disappointment. Tho
glamour disappears, lhe mysterious
floors no longer open, tho guide, the
explainer of dynasties, lhe man of
picture-galleries, Dm dlnner-glver, s
no mare, Hu may, when he chooses,
still bo the wull-bred man, but hu for
gets bis niaiimirs vary snon, nnd thun,
after a few years of neglect nud cruel
ty, the deluded wife nud tho more de
luded mother come homo coveral thou
sand dollars nut of pocket, and wnndur
that they could have been so foolish.
Or limy coiHiinio to live iu Paris or
some other foreign city, Count i'elor
saylHg to all his friends: "She wanted
tillo, nnd I wanted money. Sho has
got the title, but ther have not oaid
mo tho moncv;" nud leu to ouo lhe
syriipnthy Is with Aim.-
FltONT Sl'UKKT, -
DKAI.Kltrt IN -
Wheat, Oats and Mill Feed of ail Kinds.
HAY, SHINGLES. LIME, LAND PLASTi-a.
Which wo Soil Clionp
V . Va ..ft as ii 11
STEAMER G. W. SHAVER,
J. W. SI1AVKK, MftMor.
I.e..ve Porihin.l tr. in Ai.l.r-d. .lock Monday. Wednesday .sud rrfb y . for ;li'f
i.i e t... el ln at riiuvle. Lined. W. Helms, t olnml.l.i t'llr. kalaina, No r I . Ilaloirr,
lV,i.,r Li'ii'lli'iL Ml '". Hmdbiirv. Hielln, Oak l..t.l, uiut nil M.ti tme,l,,ir
IteluriiiiiK Tuesday, '! Iittr-duy and Miitiirdiiy.
C.KOIiGK SIFAVKK, MiwUt.
Leaves 1'. rtlan.l Tw-hiv "d 1 hurs.lav. (or ILATSK AN I Kstnl I 1 -
lu'iuiiiliiK mt I"V. tin hundnv lr iK MtiK A W A, t'. I II LA M KT and fcMTolir,
and liilerineiliiile p'olnls. retiirnliiB ne M dnv.
-Now is the Time to Secure a Lot In
Tliic PoMinililo PrtiK(rty Ailjoiim Milton Station, on the North-t-rn
ONE HOUR'S RIDE FROM PORTLAND.
And in Only Miles trout St. IIvUhih, the County Sent, on tho
Columbia River. Milton Creek, tt Jlenntiful -Mountain
Bt renin, ruiiH within 200 yard of thin Property, I'ur
n'tnliing un JnexhuiiHtible Ktijijily ol Water for
Ranging iu Price, from $ j0
JOS. KELLOGG &
FOR COWLITZ RIVER,
VniiTI I W irC'r KKL0 Monday. Wr.)ne.H.y nnd K'1'h.v. at
lMl. 1 II VI JV" I AuVhek A. M Lcnyes I'Olt I I.ANH Tuesday.
iiur-uiiy nii'i rniiininy in u h i-m-k ,.
If WK PI I K I Of ITS l-eavfs II AIM Kit at ,1 A M. .Lilly,
I O I J I 11 l I J I J I A J 1 1 (MlliiliiVmtentetl nrrlvlm, nt I'orllilllil
nl 1 : :( A. M. KeliiiiiiiiK, h ltyliiK I'OUTL
tl i ll II Ml. .il a
P. L. rOSSON & EDIT.
V a carry a lull ana-Wot lha Vriy
KKKI'KHH' Wfl'MIM. tiive ll a
F. L. TOSSOIT & S01T. 203
svccKVioim ro iiiLua iiitiix.
lOif T BUY YOUR DRUGS
Yonil! find the
Fhc Clatslanie Drug Store
i r- wt tin a
. "" onr nw lllustratad Catalogue lr 1BIH.
THE LEFFEL WATER WHEEL & ENGINE CO, S?ATm
n. ...... . .... t .
- iti.ai, 1hTO,
lor Cah. (live tin u Cull.
to $100, can ! Heetiretl from
D. J. SWITZER.
'St, Helen, Oregon.
CO S STEAMERS
ANIi nt '.'r.-m I'. M., nrrlvluK nl lis tiler n
2nd Ctroot. Portland. Orfl.nn.
catalwh k yur.r.
a Millar DRUG STORE
of everything at
E. HALL Proprietor.
use LESS WATER
BT5a Va R9 131
u a it vr w