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About The Oregon mist. (St. Helens, Columbia County, Or.) 188?-1913 | View This Issue
BEST ADVERTISING MEDIUM,
OF COLUMBIA COUNTY.
WITHIN COLUMBIA COUNTY.
ST. HELENS, OREGON, FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER, 25, 1891.
rilS LEADING PAPER
THE OREGON MIST.
InnuimI livery Friday Morning,
J. It. JtEKOLK, - PiiMiuher.
Tub Count Okpiuml Papbii,
Otin flip)', "ill' ir. In nilviniru, t rt
On. wii- l iiiiinlli , .. ......... 7ft
Ad rnrlikliiK II men.
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(hu. Iiil'll. 'ttw iitullltl
Oim Imii. Mine inmitliii. ........ ....... ,.,.,...
Olio hull, lx iihiiiiIik ...
N.ilhu. Illtxi'll cunt. l'r IIiiii lor llrm
onliiii; li'ii ri'iii. H't lino lor oiuli .uIimIMiiI
I'iiul A'lvi.rll.Miii.il mi. itiillnr mnl lull!
lf tin It Inr Ural lii.rilun ami mivtiil--llva rout.
fir llll'll lor Wll miiwtiii'm lo-viuiiii.
(oltimhla trinity Directory.
i ('aunty Ofllcara.
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link .,. , K. Quick, HI. Ili'li-ii.
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hi mil !- I Ion Itnl mnl llilnl HnlnnUy In nih
iiininii, at 7 .IM i. hi. at Mn. iiilr Hull, VLIIImi
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Ktaatf allt-al AaaalNimama.
Kirt8iwliiy, llorr Inland, 11 a.m i HI.
Hwuml Kuntliiv, Ntter City, II a. in )Hl
Frliluy. U-furo lliu third Hiiniliiy, Clot
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Tlilril Humliiy, (iillnii, II 1.111.; ll'MilUin,
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Till' mail vern.MiL mnl I'lllnmr Ir.vci
Hi. lli l' ii. Tilwly. TliiiL ml Miiliinliiyii
Tht-.mill lor Mnrhliiiiil, t'lui.kmilo ml MUl.
Iirnxn iiiliin M'.n.lu)., wliiiliiv. ami Krl'lnyi
Mall. (Ilnllway) iiorlh, i-lie nt 10 . in. fur
Travdpr' lnldr III vrr llanlr.
Ht. ii. W. Hiuvii-I.v HI. Helen. Inr Frt
I.ihI, tl . m.i Tiiel, Hinl(' ml aniiir-
ilnya Ixavi' HI. HoIcik Inl t;immiiiii. huh
il.i.. Wiilin.li and r'lliUya, al t a. lit.
hi Jiiimrii Km.M-v hi. ll.l-t. f.
ivirilaml dally, rw.H mtiinny, ni n mn. . n
liilliliiu. Irnvc I'nrtUiul al t U0 I'. M.
, H. It. Clill' l'-,
Physician and Surgeon,
HI. Ilcli'im, Oregon
Physician and Surgeon, ,
(liilxknnie. Cnliiiiiliiu. futility, Or
T. A. M.-llrl-U", I
A. H. DrtMM-r. (
Prompt nltKiitiiiii ulvvii Id
l.n iki imikd uiiMiipaa.
Oii'H'iii City, Orenntt.
Surveyor and Civil Engineer.
I.mij HtirvryliiK, Town l'lnltiu nuil Kn
(liii''rlii;5 work roiiiHy done.
J. W. PHM'tll
I'USKY, it DHAl'KK.
Twi'lvo veiira csihtIi'Iipo an HckIkIit of
the II. H. I.aml olllru Imre, rtn'oliiiiicuiU tlx
In our H'i'-iiillv ol nil kinds of liiHmM" U1
fnre Hie Litiul (Ulco or tliu (!mrt, mnl In
vulvliiK Hid ritoliru in Mib dt'iicrnl l.n ml
( l.nlu H!(ilnl Agi'iil ol (li'iiunil Land Olllco)
I OllKllOM C'itv, OimnoM.
"! )lonu'lo.iil, rri'-i'iinillon mid TimWr
l.nml Aiilli'itllona, mnl otlii-r l.ninl (Kllce
I HiiHlncai, a MiKii'iulty. Olllco, Unil Kloor
Litiul unii'u inniiiiiiK.
Notary Public & Real Estate Agt,
iiptibcii, l'iiiinilli County, urcgnn,
Thii iiiiiliinlKiii'il will iilll'ii't to, mnl rurllfy
In all IminIiii'hii irtiiliili In lliu I rmiftrrltiK o(
, .-.. .u, ,. vi iii'iiu, n-i.iiiiip,
ration ami miIviiiiIiiiwh, lita III tliu touna of
i Neer, llolilvor IIdiiIiFii, Will jiImi iillcml to I'en
l kIiiii 'lot iiiu. Ih'Iiik HiillnirUcil to ly li'itul rt'coK-
li It Ion from till) lcirtmiit ol Interior.
M I H C JU 1 .1 A N M O IT M .
I i). J. SWITZER,
ht. hklicnh. - - - - - oimioN,
State Insurance Co,
8ALEM , - OREGON.
" ( 00 TO
JOHN A. BECK,
Watchmaker.:, and Jeweler,
Tho Flncat AaHiirtnii'lit of Wntclion, Clocka
and Jewelry of ill JK'Kcrlntloin..
OITOBITK TUB KUMOMI), 1'OUTLANU.
Scattlo Iiuh ciglik'cn barikfj.
Mayor Taylor, of Cntralia, has
Tacolna linn a company of girl
Holdiem who are being drilled.
Work on the now city hall at Port
Towniiond n progrooHing rapidly.
Train are now running through
to Kondriek on tho Mohcow branch
of tho Northern Pacific
A stamp mill litis been Hot up in
IVhIuihUii, and will noon bo at work
on tho product of tho ininen.
The WcBtcrn Central'Labor Union
made a profit of over $250 on thei
Labor day celebration nt Henttlo.
Tho NewcaHtla mine frequently
turim out 10UU tn of coal daily.
The Franklin mini; is flipping 350
to 4JO tons a uay.
Tho park comminHioti of Seattle
has between 10,000 and $12,J00on
hanil with which to improve and
Iwautify their park.
Thoro is an averniio of 200 to .'l(X)
head of tock of different kinds
shipped from tho Ellensburg rail
road corrals every week.
Two vessels have arrived at Whnt
com for lumber cargoes for Chili
Three others are duo, n nil the mill
has orders for two millions for Aus
Now that Tekoit's water works
are an itKtuircd thing, the people
have turned their attention toward
eleetrio lights and a telephone
A post of the (J. A. II. has been
organized at Friday Harbor and
has been namol after ; Oeneral
John F. Reynolds, tho hero of the
battlo oi Uettysburg.
President Hill of tho Great North
ern road, told tho Fairhaven pco
plo that tho bkagit passes through
the Cascade mountains were too
high for a railroad to cross.
Tho Congregationalists of fymth
Iicnd have liegun the erection of a
church. This is tho sixth church
buildinit in Houth Bend, and the
fifth erected during tho year.
Two of thoollioials of the.elcc-
tno-motor road, hove arrived in
Anacortco, and report that a party
of electricians will arrive and the
completion of tho load will be rap
In excavating for tho Baptist
church at Dayton, workmen found
a skeleton, supposed to be that of a
squaw. 1 ins is tho tin ru skeleton
that has been uncovered in Dayton
Tho new schoolhouso at Ellens-
burgh has been finished at a cost of
50,000, and tho citizens proudly
laim the llnost school building in
the slate. A town clock is being
placed in tho tower.
Tho rccuitintr station at Seattle
has not been the success expected
by tho eovcrnment. - The station
has been established seven weeks,
and in that time nine men have
been received and sent to Yancou
Tho county commissioner of
Lewis county have instructed the
auditor to advertise for bids for the
purchase of the bonds of the county
to tho amount of $100,000 with
which to redeem tho outstanding
J. H. Wairner, of Montesano,
hiu) an exciting time with a moun
tain lion. It came into tho yard
and killed a calf. Mr. Wagner and
his dog were in pursuit of tho brute,
when tho dog cot too closo, and ho
also was killed. The intruder then
escaped to tho woods.
South Bond wants to be mado a
port of entry. There is reason to
believe that advantage is being
taken of the absence of any customs
oflicer on Sholwater bay, and opium
and Chinamen smugglers are oper
ating quite extensively.
Failure to acree on prices is likely
to delay and possibly result in the
Aberdeen canneries not opening
this season. Tho flshermon ask
flfteon and thirty cents nnd the can
nerymen aro unwilling to pay more
than ten and twenty-five.
Fire at Ritzvillo destroyed the fur
niture store of H. Kretzer, drug store
and residence of Severance & King,
and tho grocery storo of Charles
Wells.a part of which was occupied
by L. Uhlman with clothing. Loss,
f 20,000; insurance, $7,000.
Miss Susan L. Novin, tho girl
who boars tho distinction of being
the only woman that ever climbed
Mount Baker, is described, as a
vivacious young lady just wit of
her" teens a bluo-oyed Hondo with
0 wealth of rich brown hair, of
gracoful form, erect oarrlago, fSJ feet
toll and weighing 118 pounds.
The Paciflo Navigation Company,
whioh was subsidized by the steam
boat pool last April to take off its
steamers betwoon Bellitigham bay
and Tacoma, will, about October
10th, ba roleosed by tho expiration
of the contract, and the State of
Washington will then resume her
run on this route. She will run on
the inside, dividing the business
with the Wasco, the only boat now
running through Deception pass. i
. ,., ,LI
Cars on tho Oregonian railway
havo commenced running to Spring
field. Tho Fox valley mines in Grant
county are attracting tho attention
Tho long-standing swamp land
suit in Lake county has been decided
in favor of the state.
The Oregon grand lodgo Knights
Pythias will meet in Portland on
Tuesday, October 13th.
T. J. Cozard, living on a ranch
six miles east of Burns, had a horse
and a mule killed by lightning a
few days ago.
Portland and Astoria market-
men are now on Shoal water bay
contracting for their oyster supply
for tho winter.
As J. Wilsoy, of Camas valley.
was on his way home from Kose
burg his team ran off a steep grade
Tho horses were crippled, the wagon
demolished, and Mr. Wisley badly
Tho plat of township 1 north,
raiiKo 0 cast, has been received at
the Oreaon City hind office, and
will be filed and opened for settle
menl under the homestead law on
and after Octover 10, 1891.
J. 1). Wilcox, of Portland, and
Mr. Jeffory, from Canada, have
purchased the Todd quicksilver
mine, near Oakland, and are operat
ing the samo with very satisfactory
results both as to ore and metal.
Bert Jennings, a son of Hon. A
C. Jennings, aged eighteen years,
met with a severe accident at the
farm of his parents, near Irving
Ho was riding a horse, when it
stumbled and fell on him, breaking
both of his arms.
Work has begun on the bridge
across the Willameto at Albany.
Tho cantilever idea, has been
abandoned, and the old plan of cir
cular piers will be carried out. It
is expect tho bridge will bo finished
by December 1st.
Fish lake, up in tho Cascade
mountains, has been visited this
year by more campers than ever
before. Farlow and Wright, of
Upper Butte creek, have made a
good dugout canoe and are spear
ing the lake trout at night.
Tho Toledo coal mino tunnol is
ninoty-four feet into tho mountain.
and has just passed through a
stata of large clam shells. The
mon are now working through some
black slate, and the indications are
that they well soon strike the coal
While riding from Wamic to his
stock ranch, I. J. uorum was
thrown from his horso, and two men
fell on him whilo in an unconscious
condition and robbed him of $411
in coin, a thirty-five dollar silver
watch and a knife, and fled to parts
unknown. His shoulder and hip
are badly broken,
Barbed wire on the farm is a
fruitful sourco of accidents. At
Jesse Porter's farm in Benton county
some horses becamo frightened
while grazing in tho pasture, and in
their wild rush ran against the
fence. One. of them was killed
almost instantly and two others
were badly crippled.
An Indian woman, commonly
known as Sally, during tho fire at
t he Dalles, in watching tho progress
of tho flames, fell over a bluffin the
southern part of the city and broke
her nock, alio died immediately,
and her companions conveyed the
corpso to Celilo, and laid it to roBt
in tho Indian graveyard.
Tho government Indian training
school at Cbemawa has opened for
tho school year, under auspices
unusually favorable Tho school
has better equipment 'this year
than last, new buldings having
boon erected during the summer
and being now nearly completed
and ready for occupanoy. . The
enrollment of scholars has already
reached 11)8 and more are expected
within the next few weeks.
Residents in the timbered dis-
trists of Clatsop and. Tillamook
counties say that large gray wolves
are becoming more numerous, and
that they are rapidly destroying
the elk, as they kill the young
calves in the spring, and even the
old ones when they catch them
alone. A bounty on wolf scalps
would iu their opinion, do more to
protect tho elk than the rigid
enforcement of tho game law,
J, P. Fau.ll and By Geer have
returned to Bakor City from a two
weeks' tour through Baker, Mal
heur and Grant counties. They
report having traveled over an
Immense aroaot country, a large
proportion which is worthless with
out irrigation, and the arable lands
have only yielded about ten per
cont, this year of tho usual yield,
on account of lack of seasonable
rains. The gentlemen are more
than onthusiastio in the cause of
irrigation Bince viewing the immense
area of lands which are nor worth
less, but with irrigation would add
millions to the wealth of the Inland
Mme Patti has postponed her visit
to this country till December.
New York City had a million
dollar fire on September 15th.
The legislature of Tennessee has
passed a bill prohibiting prize fight
ing in that state.
Cardinal Manning is strongly
opposed to lotteries and rallies for
cnurch or charitable purposes.
A train on the New York Central
road ran 4.30 miles in 4 10 minutes
a milo a minnto for seven hours.
John Dornonis, princo consort to
the queen of the candwitch Islands,
is dead. Ho was an American by
the wifo of a clergyman in
Nebraska has been arrested for
purchasing lottery tickets through
W. II. Eckroll, a Norwegeon, has
invented a enlerchangeable sled
boat and will soon start for the
Tho Burveyor of customs at
Omaha has been instucted to admit
filtering cloth for beet-sugar machin
ery free of duty.
Georgo White made a balloon
ascension at New York and in
descending fell into the Hudson
river and was drowned.
The new Chilian government has
sent officials to Europe to bring over
tho two war ships just bought by
T . l J- t ! i e
uaicaineua oeioro nis uawnian.
A boiler at tho plaining-mill of
the bunny South Lumber Company,
near Lewisvillo, Ark., exploded, kill
ing the fireman and injuring twelve
Tho democrats of New York have
nominated Roswell P. Flower for
governor. The republican nominee
for the same office is J. Slaot
The state department has received
dispatches announcing more riots
in China, and stating that the
American mission at Ycliane had
Jacob II. Schaefer and his daugh
ter, while attempting to cross in
front of an approaching train at
Cleveland were struck by the loco
motive and killed.
Five more emigrants have escaped
from the detention pen at the New
York barge oflice. How they got
away is a mystery. 1 here is little
prospect of recapture.
Siam has decided to make an
exhibit at Chicago, which will
eclipse the one it made at the Paris
exposition, where it carried off the
honors in the oriential section.
The lady managers of the world's
fair, by a voteof thirty-six to twenty-
six declared in lavor of. adopting
Pharisee Shepard's motion to hare
the exposition closed on Sundays.
An unknown voung woman threw
herself over tho rapids at Niagara
f alls a few days ago, and a couple
of hours later a young man threw
himself over near the same place.
Both were drowned.
At Dover, Uklaiioma, during a
Grand Army reunion, the white and
colored comrades quarreled, and
three colored men were fatally cut,
and about twenty others, black and
white, more or less lujured.
It is reported 3000 persons were
drowned in the recent great floods
of Spain. Thousands are home
less, the floods extending over vast
aoras of country and destroying
Ljillions of dollars worth of property.
Sherman Cummins, a New York
printer, who was thought to have
been killed in the Park place fire,
and whose wife thought slio identi
fied in one of the charred bodies,
has turned up safe and sound at
Halifax, where he went while on. a
Balmaceda, ex-president of Chili,
has escaped, so report goes. He
was in hiding at Valapraiso after
tho downfall of tho city and was
taken on board tho United States
flagship San Francisco by Admiral
Brown disguised as a drunken
United States sailor.
Fourteen more Jewish refugees
from Russia havo arrived in Chi
cago and tell heartrending tales of
cruelty. Among them is Lieutenant
Skomm, an oflicer in the Russian
army, and the possessor of medals
given him for bravery. Even he
could not escape the edict of expul-.
President J. J. Hill, of the Groat
Northern railway, has boen on the
coast looking after tho interests of
his company. Ho claims his com
pany will soon have in operation
a complete through transcontinental
railway. As Hill has unlimited
cash at his disposal, it is presumed
he means what he says.
An impostor, calling himeelf
" W. Stsas6y, of 19 Ruo Louis lo
Grand, Paris'," has been engaged in"
soiling, in Europe, agencies for the
Chicago exposition. He sold the
agencies for Norway and Sweeden
to a Stockholm man for $2000. The
exposition authorities havo taken
steps to put a stop to his operations,
No one is authorized to sell agen
cies for the exposition.
East Portland has a Chinaman
who takes delight in kissing young
The new bank at Junction City
will be ready for business next
The Northern Pacific and Pacific
express companies have dissolved
The railroad time between Port
land and San Francisco has been
shortened up six and a half hours.
Portland has contributed some
$3000 and sent it to The Dalles for
the relief of those burned out
recently at that place.
Apples along the Applcgate river
are bigger and freer from worms
tbia year than ever before, and they
are also more plentiful.
A Chinese woman has com
menced suit for a divorco from a
Chinaman to wlicm she was mar
ried in Portland in 1883.
The working days at the Union
Pacific railway shops, Albinn, have
been reduced to eight hours, with a
proportionate reduction in pay.
A freight ran into a passenger
train near Tehachipi on the South
ern Pacific in California, killing one
passenger and injuring several
It is claimed since January 1,
1891, of the 7900 Chinamen landed
at Vancouver. B. C, at least 7000
have stolen across the line into the
Marion Harris, of Oakland. Or.,
who was crushed in a horse-power
on the 1st mst., making amputation
of the leg necessary, has since died
from the effects.
The forteith anniversary of -the
institution of the Masonic grand
lodge of Oregon was celebrated by
Portland Masons on September 14th
with appropriate ceremonies.
A fire at the S. P. carshops, in
the southern part of East Portland.
September lGth totally destroyed
the repair building, causing a loss
to the company of about $40,000.
The corner stone of the new
Masonic temple has been laid at
Hillsboro with imposing ceremonies.
The royal craft is doing considerable
building throughout the jurisdic
tion this year.
The quarterly saloon licenses of
Portland have just been paid in.
There are 424 saloons, one saloon to
every 185 of the city's population.
They pay a total yearly revenue to
tho city in licenses of $16o,00.
Judge Beatty, of the United
States circuit court of California,
has rendered a decision that no
Chinese subject could land in this
country unless he had a certificate
from his government to the effect
that he was or bad been a merchant
in good standing in the Utiited
The British have taken posses
sion of bign, on the lsiand of
Mitylene, near the Dardanelles.
All Europe is shocked at the audac
ity of the British in taking posses
sion ot this place and fortifying it
when not a British territory. It is
looked upon by other nations as
preparation for an early European
war. ' :
Mr. J. R. Crosby who resides on
Upper Crooked river,. Crook county,
lost his barn and about twenty tons
of hay by fire, a few days ago. The
fire was set by a little child who
" wanted to see it burji." Mr. Cros
by's loss is a severe one to him, as
it would be to any poor man. A
horse escaped from the barn after
being somewhat scorched.
Mrs. Phoebe J. Colburn brought
suit in the state circuit court against
the Portland and Willametto Valley
Railway Company for $5000 dam
ages for the death of her husband,
Conductor Colburn, whose death
resulted from a smash-up on a
train some two years ago. The case
was tried last week and tho jury,
after considering the testimony in
the jurry-room twelve hours, placed
the damage at $3500.
John S. Gray, a leading attorney
of Boise City and an old pioneer,
died suddenly September 12th. He
came to Idaho in 18G0, and has
been prominent in publlo affairs
ever since. Ho has been probate
judge of Boise county, has served
several terms in the legislature, was
state senator last year, and was a
member of the constitutional con
vention. Returning from court at
Idaho City, a few days ago, ho was
about the city, but died in his
office a few hours later.
Miss Bertha Ison, daughter of
the late Judge L. B. Ison, of Baker
City, Oregon, was shot and instantly
killed with a pistol by Dr. C. E.
Ballard in Chicago September
7th. Miss Ison was about nineteen
years old and waa very handsome
and attractive. She had been
engaged to marry young Dr. Bal
lard, but her mother had broken the
engagement on account of his bad
habits. He came to seo her and
while in the parlor alone with the
girl he shot and killod her and then
FAEM AND GARDEN.
Many persons view with suspicion
a colony of ants going up and down
a fruit tree, especially if it is
infested with scale insects, and are in
doubt whether to regard them as
friends or foes. A correspondent of
of the Philadelphia Saturday Even
ing Post relates the following
interesting facts bearing on the sub
ject: Many of the leading orchard
proprietors of northern Italy and
southern Germany are cultivators
of the common black ant, which
insects they hold in high esteem as
the fruit grower's best friend. They
establish ant hills in their orchards,
and leave the police service of their
fruit trees entirely to their tiny j
colonists which pass all their time;
in climbing up the stems of the
fruit trees, cleansing the boughs
and leaves of malefactors, matured
as well as embryotic, and descend
ing laden with spoils to tho ground,
where they comfortably consume ori
prudently store away their booty. I
Ihey never meddle with sound
fruit, but only invade such apples,
pears and plums as have already
been penetrated by tho canker,
which they remorselessly pursue to '
its fastness within the very heart of
the fruit. Nowhere are apple and j
pear trees few free from blight and j
destructive insects as in the i named-1
iate neighborhood of a large ant hill j
nvo or six vears oia. Anis nave
been used in China for maiiy years
to protect orange trees and other
fruit trees from the depredations of
insects. Dr. C. T. alacuowan, in a
communication to C. V. Riley, gives
a curious account of the use of
ants in the vicinity of Hong Kong.
In many parts of the province of
Canton tho orange treea.are injured
by certain worms and, to rid them
selves of these pests, the inhabi
tants import ants from the neighbor
ing hills. Two species of ants
the red and yellow, which build
their nests suspended from the
branches of trees are collected
and sold to the owners of orange
trees. The trees are colonized by
placing the ants on their upper
branches; bamboo rods are stretched
between the trees, so as to give the
ants easy access to the whole
orchard. This remedy, it is said
has been in constant use since 1640,
and probably from a much earlier
period. , -
Mr. W. J. Salter, the former sup
erintendent of the large Dunbarton
poultry farm and now manager of
the Hill poultry yards, tells that the
white Wyandottes always ranked
highest as Livers at both places.
The Fancier's Journal says its own
experience has been very favorable
with white Wvandottes as layers,
but the silver lace have surpassed
them in numbers and size of eggs
laid. However, it is glory enougd
for America to have produced two
such magnificent breeders as the
Plymouth Kock and Wyandottes.
Both arc bread winners. The value
of these two breeds does not consist
alone in tho number of eggs they
lay during the winter, but in the
tact mat the dressed carcasses are
exceedingly fine and heavy. The
cost to produce six or seven pound
roosters is no more than the cost to
produce three or four pounds chick
ens of the Spanish breeds. The
light Brahnra judiciously handled
is another very profitable fowl.
Mr. Rankin considers it the roost
profitable of all for market
, hen's nests..
It is supposed that a damp nest
is better than a dry one. This belief
is not correct. In the summer a
hen prefers a cool nest. In the
winter her nest should be warm.
If tho hens prefer nests on -'the
ground, that are covered with brush,
it is not because they seek damp
locations, or perfer such, but because
such secluded places are cooler and
more comfortable. A closo poultry
house in the summer season, if the
roof is low, will often leach a tem
perature almost unbearable during
tho middle of the day, and, the
nests are avoided by the hens for
that reason. In the winter it may
be noticed that the hons prefer the
poultry-house, ; and seldom seek
Don't try giving a horse emetic,
you will be fooled.
-.Cattle, like human beings, are
liable to the dread disease consump
tion. In storing fruits or vegetables in
a cellar be sure that the collar is as
pure and clean as possible.
High priced oats should always
bo mixed with bran or shorts to
accomplish good results with less
Sow your rye this month and you
will have an excellent pasture for
your milk cows until snow covers it.
Screen your wheat at home and
feed the screenings to poultry and
stock, instead of giving it to the
WIT AND IIUMOK.
Kind words never die; nnkind words
don't dio cither. Somerville Journal.
A billiat-digt uso chalk ou his cue.
A Doe lady ucs It on her cuticle. -New
Orlearu l'icayune. , j
She "You were at college, were yon
not?" He "Yes." She "A. B.F"
He "No. G. B." Harvard Lampoon.
There are three things that beat a
dram for noise one is a small boy and
the other two are drumsticks. Elmira
A good many of onr so - called
swells" young men have nothing
about them to merit that title but their
heads. St, Joseph Hews.
Help a man out of a bole once and
lie may forget you when he is out, but
he will not fail to call on yon tho next
time ho falls in. Atchison Globe.
Victim "Doctor, I'm troubled with
cold feet What do yon suppose causes
them?" Doctor "Cold weather. One
dollar, please!" Buffalo Express.
Tenor "MUs Soprano, who sang la
church this morning, has a very clear
roice. Is it natural?" Basso "No;
'tis a choired." tfarvard Lampoon.
"I thought yon told mo your father
was a retired merchant?" "So he is.
When the Sheriff took possession be
had to retire." Indianapolis Journal.
Do Mascns "Is it true that Jaily is
off on a blow out?" St. Agedoro
"Partly true, yes. He's dead." "How?"
Blew out tho gas." St Joseph News.
Tom "Come what may, I shall
never marry a woman who isn't my
superior intellectually." Jack "I wish
I cqnld get a wife as easy as yon can."
First Yale Man "Harvard has lust
secured a fossil ten thousand Tears
old." Second Yale Man Which" pro
fessorship has it been appointed to?"
Cochran "I suppose your name on
this umbrella indicates that it belongs
to yon?" Gilroy "Which, the name or
the umbrella?" Cochran "The name,
of course." Puck. .
Miss Angy New "Miss Oldnn told
me that she" was tfraid ot the dark."
Miss Vera Cutting "That's strange.
I should think she would be more afraid
of the light" Puck.
Tommie "Papa, why do they call
very rich men millionaires?" Papa
"That refers to the number of poor re
latives who rise tip to contest their
wills!" N. Y. Herald.
There is only one sndden death
among women to every eight among
men. But then it's only a minority of
women who use the telephone constant
ly. St. Joseph News.
A flying-macbine is being exhibited
in Chicago. Up to date there has been
no sort of use in keeping the "f" stand
ing at the beginning of its name. Shoe
and Leather Ueporter.
In Darkest New York: "Why do
tbey always take a prisoner's money
from biiu before locking him in a cell
at the police station?" "So as to pre
vent him ljuying his way out" Pi ok.
"What became of that Samuels girl
that Potterby was flirting with last
summer?" "You mean the girl that
Potterby thought he was flirting with.
She married him." Indianapolis Jour'
nal. : .
- "How pleasant that lady looks! She
seems perfectly happy." "Yes; she
must either havo found pttro religion in
her own heart or the seeds of sin iu the
heart of one of her neighbors." Boston
"Why. you poor malarial mortal,
you! I thought yon told me your
average health was good?" "So I did.
I run to chills one day and ferer tho
next The average is normal." Mun
The groundhog is tho most knowing
weather prophet of the entire crowd.
He has Reuse enough to crawl into his
h"lo when he predicts an installment
of bad weather. The others haven't
A wealthy man was uskod not long
aso to subscribe to a worthv charity.
"I should like to contribute, said be,
"but I have $800,000 in the bank not
eurniuir n cent.nnd I really can't afford
it" Boston Traveller. - ;
Young Housekeeper (to butcher)
"You may send a nice piece of roast
beef." Butcher "Yes, ma'am."
Young Housekeeper "Aud have it
very rare, please; my husband prefers
it that way." Harper's Bazar.
Farmer Peastraw 'Well, son, what
did you learn at college?" Son "I
learned to fenco, for ouo thing."
Farmer Peastraw "That's good; I'll
get some nails tomorrow, nod we'll
have a bout Munseifs Weekly. '
"Is your nephew a practicing physl
cian.Mrs. McGuelley?" asked hur visit
ing neighbor. "Yes.- I b'lievo be is
practicing just at present, but ho has
as good a show for learning us the
most ot them." Washington Post. ,
"Now, wo will supposo that 'one cab
driver goes eight miles an hour, nnd
that auother one who can go only six
miles an hour has three hours the start
Of him. Where will they meet?" "At
the ale-house." FUegende Blatter.
Stokes "If wo could see into the
hearts of our best friends I fear wo
should bo shocked at the depravity we
saw there." Styles "I don't know.
Perhaps we'd feel unhappy to lind our
friends not so bad as we thought they
were." Boston Transcript. ' ;
Agricultural Capa bilities of Alaska.
Kodiah island. Alaska, is described
as larger than somo of the New Kn
gland states, "with a climate similar
to that of Maryland," and is "capable
of supporting a large agricultural
population." It is claimed that a part
ot tho territory can be mado a com
petitor of Orcgoa and Washington in
the raising of the more hardy fruits,
such as apples and cherries. - "The
next steamer sailing for Sitka will
carry in her cargo a largo consign
ment of young nuplo trees," says tha
San Francisco Chronicle. - ;,. '
Tho first city directory of London
was printed Iu 1U67. It contained 64
pages aud the names of 1,7'.K) persons
and llriu. A copy Iu the Bi itia
Miuemu alu-ueis much atteutiuu.