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Oregon Daily Emerald Wednesday, September 29, 2004 NEWS STAFF 346-5511 JEN SUDICK EDITOR IN CHIEF STEVEN R. NEUMAN MANAGING EDITOR AYISHA YAHYA IARED PABEN NEWS EDITORS PARKER HOWELL SENIOR NEWS REPORTER MORIAH BAI.INCIT CANELAWOOD ANTHONY LUCERO KARA HANSEN MECHANN CUNIFF NEWS REPORTERS CLAYTON JONES SPORTS EDITOR JON ROETMAN SENIOR SPORTS REPORTER STEPHEN MILLER BRIAN SMITH SPORTS REPORTERS RYAN NYBURG PULSE EDITOR NATASHA CHILINCERIAN SENIOR PULSE REPORTER RYAN MURPHY DAHVI FISCHER AMY LICHTY PULSE REPORTERS DAVID JAGERNAUTH EDITORIAL EDITOR TRAVIS WILLSE AILEE SLATER CHUCK SLOTHOWER JENNIFER MCBRIDE COLUMNISTS ASHLEY GRIFFIN SUPPLEMENT FREELANCE EDITOR GABE BRADLEY NEWS FREELANCE EDITOR/ DIRECTOR OF RECRUITMENT DANIELLE HICKEY PHOTO EDITOR LAUREN WIMER SENIOR PHOTOGRAPHER TIM BOBOSKY PHOTOGRAPHER ERIK BISHOFF MARK MCCAMBRIDGE PART-TIME PHOTOGRAPHERS BRET FURTWANGLER GRAPHICS EDITOR KIRA PARK DESIGN EDITOR ELLIOTT ASBURY CHARLIE CALDWELL DUSTIN REESE DESIGNERS JEANNIE EVERS SHADRA BEESLEY COPY CHIEFS PAUL THOMPSON KIMBERLY BLACKFIELD SPORTS COPY EDITORS AMANDA EVRARD AMBER LINDROS NEWS COPY EDITORS LINDSAY BURT PULSE COPY EDITOR ADRIENNE NELSON ONLINE EDITOR BUSINESS 346-5511 1UDYRIEDL GENERAL MANAGER KATHY (LA RHONE' BUSINESS MANAGER REBECCA CRITCHETT RECEPTIONIST NOAH EVENS JOHN LONG MALLORY MAHONEY HOLLY M1STELL XAVIER XIONG DISTRIBUTION ADVERTISING 346-5511 MELISSA GUST ADVERTISING DIRECTOR TYLER MACK SALES MANAGER ALEX AMES MATT BETZ I IKON CAUSCH-DOLEN MEGAN HAMLIN ELISA JESSOP MAEGAN KASER-LEE DOMENIQUE LAINEZ MIA LE1DELMEYER EMILY PHILBIN SALES REPRESENTATIVES KELLEE KAUFTHEIL AD ASSISTANT CLASSIFIED 3464343 TRINA SHANAMAN CLASSIFIED MANAGER KATY GAGNON SABRINA GOWETTE LESUE STRAIGHT KER1 SPANGLER KATIE STRINGER CLASSIFIED ADVERTISING ASSOCIATES PRODUCTION 3464381 MICHELE ROSS PRODUCTION MANAGER TARA SLOAN PRODUCTION COORDINATOR JEN CRAMLETT KRISTEN DICHARRY CAMERON GAUT ANDY HOLLAND DESIGNERS The Oregon Daily Emerald is pub lished daily Monday through Fri day during the school year by the Oregon Daily Emerald Publishing Co. Inc., at the University of Ore gon, Eugene, Ore. The Emerald operates independently of the University with offices in Suite 300 of the Erb Memorial Union. The Emerald is private property. Unlawful removal or use of papers is prosecutable by law. ij® '' Then predicted Bin Laden y w°u,d be caPtured s°me ume in the Fai1 ^r|‘l||l oh How do you solve a problem like Teresa; How do you nail Jell-O to a wall? ■ In my opinion Ketch-ing up politics “You don’t support Democrats. Why should your ketchup?” That's the slogan for W Ketchup, the all-American counter-ketchup out for regime change. More and more people are offered the choice of putting their money where their mouth is when it comes to support ing political causes. According to www.wketchup.com, 5 percent of every sale of W Ketchup goes into the pockets of the Freedom Alliance Scholarship Fund. The alternative is supporting “Teresa Heinz and her liberal causes.” Well, technically, Teresa Heinz owns only 4 percent of Heinz shares, and the Heinz company donated all but $500 of its $22,000 campaign con tributions to Republicans this year, ac cording to financial documents, but let’s not quibble. The point is that we are facing an all-out political food fight. It's free dom fries vs. French fries, and the blows are all below the belt. An on-air taste test on “Good Morning America” between Heinz and W resulted in a W victory, as the ketchup was judged “more conserva tive with a sweeter, more compassion ate taste. ” Bottles of W Ketchup are $3 apiece and come decorated with George Washington's face. That’s what the W stands for, in case you were thinking it was an overt cam paign ad or something. No, Bill Zachary declares he runs a strictly nonpartisan ketchup, defining himself as strictly middle-road. This was demonstrated by statements to the Talon News Web site: “Hopefully, with our combined efforts, we can en sure that, in November, Teresa Heinz Kerry's G-5 ... lands in the People's Republic of Taxachusetts, and not An drews Air Force Base,” the clearly neutral centrist said. Unfortunately for Zachary, W Ketchup has its own conservative JENNIFER MCBRIDE QUASHING DISSENT competition, and it is certainly sauci er. Some Republicans are seeing red because W Ketchup isn’t pro-Bush enough. Writes Patrick Spero, co founder of Bush Country Ketchup: “W Ketchup appears to be trying to have it every which way, engaging in Kerry esque flip-flopping and capitalizing on conservatives’ affectionate use of Pres ident Bush’s middle initial.” Bush Country Ketchup is the true ketchup for conservatives. As “The Official Ketchup of Right-Thinking Americans,” the “100-percent con servative condiment” purports to help consumers “relish” four more years of Bush and leave “Democrats in a pickle.” A little pricier than the competition at $5.99 per bottle, Bush Country Ketchup boasts “unlike John Kerry ... every bottle of Bush Country Ketchup is consistently good.” And unlike W Ketchup, the creators donate 15 percent of their gross profits to Republican groups, thus Bush Country’s claim that it is the only ketchup that ensures “Kerry won’t ‘ketchup’ to Dubya.” And they say Republicans don’t have a sense of humor. Food wars don’t stop with condi ments, however. Many conservatives are looking for other ways to give Democrats their just desserts. Con servative lobbyist Richard Lessner created Star Spangled Ice Cream as an alternative to the liberal-leaning founders of Ben & Jerry’s, who spent this summer on the road burning Bush in effigy. Well, Bush’s pants in effigy, technically speaking. Liar, liar, pants on fire? Get it? Star Spangled flavors include: 1 Hate the French Vanilla, Smaller Gov ernMint, Nutty Environmentalist, Choc and Awe, Iraqi Road, Rushmal low and Gun Nut (officially endorsed by weapon enthusiast Ted Nugent). Ben & Jerry’s came up with a sim ilar idea during the Democratic pri maries. Maple-Powered Howard was only sold in Vermont, so you may have missed it. Personally, I'd like to see someone marketing “Vice-Presi dent Dick Cheney's Undisclosed Fla vor,” or super-small servings of “What Middle-Class Americans Got From Their Tax Cuts,” or even, “Bush's Neapolitan Complex: Spe cial Iraqi Edition! Watch as the clear cut flavors melt together, resembling an indistinguishable, inescapable mush!” Mmin, I’d liberate that deli cacy from its tyrannical carton, that’s for sure. Oddly enough, I found Kerry didn’t have a flavor. Yes, I know that was a tasteless joke. Personally, if I wanted to support a candidate, I’d skip the middleman and donate my money directly. Why donate 10 percent when you can give 100? But if you are interest ed in shopping companies that sup port your causes, albeit in a less comical manner, www.opense crets.org has a soft money search that will tell you that, for example, Costco funds more Democrats, and Safeway more Republicans. But enough of that. The question I’m dying to know is: What ketchup could you find at a Bush family bar becue? Taylor Gross of the White House media relations office said, “We don't release that information because we don’t want to advertise for anybody.” I'm guessing that means Heinz. jennifermcbride@dailyemerald.com OREGON DAILY EMERALD LETTERS POLICY Letters to the editor and guest commentaries are encouraged, and should be sent to letters@dailyemerald.com or submitted at the Oregon Daily Emerald office, EMU Suite 300 Electronic submissions are preferred. Letters are limited to 250 words, and guest commentaries to 550 words. Authors are limited to one submission per calendar month Submissions should include phone number and address fortification The Emerald reserves the right to edit for space, grammar and style. Guest submissions are published at the discretion of the Emerald ■ Editorial Showtime: The debates must go on The first of three scheduled debates between President George W. Bush and Sen. John Kerry will be televised on Thursday. If you are expect ing a rousing, confrontational battle of wits, you are sure to be disappointed. This so-called de bate is a fraud — a bipartisan political stunt bet ter described as a side-by-side press conference than an argument over ideas. We feel the rules shaping presidential de bates should be radically restructured to pro vide the public with a true forum for choosing the best person to lead the free world. Ironically, the debates are the one time dur ing the election that the two major parties work together as one, united in their common goal of disenfranchising third-party candidates and protecting their carefully constructed images. This directly conflicts with the will and inter ests of the voter. According to a recent Zogby poll, 57 percent of Americans feel that Ralph Nader should participate in the televised de bates. An even greater percentage of Republi cans and Independents (62 percent) believe that Nader should appear. The collusion between the two major parties is designed to stifle debate, not encourage it. Every four years both campaigns negotiate and sign a “Memorandum of Understanding,” which regulates every detail of the debate from the heights of the podiums to the angles of the TV cameras. In the past this document has been kept secret, but this year, after intense pressure, the ridiculous 31-page agreement was released to the media. Here are a few highlights: • “The candidates may not ask each other direct questions, but may ask rhetorical questions;” • “The candidates shall not address each oth er with proposed pledges;” • “No props, notes, charts, diagrams, or other writings or other tangible things may be brought into the debate;” • “At no time during these debates shall ei ther candidate move from their designated area;” • “The candidates shall shake hands.” The debates will be held in front of a live stu dio audience, though the audience members will be instructed “not to applaud, speak, or other wise participate in the debate by any means other than by silent observation.” Sounds more like a dead studio audience than a live one. The only person allowed to participate is the moderator, who was agreed upon by both cam paigns, and is responsible for preparing ques tions ahead of time. Even during the second de bate, which will employ a “town hall” style, the audience questions must first be approved by the moderator. Audience members who devi ate from their prepared approved question will have their microphones turned off. As in years past, this process ensures that im portant questions will remain unasked. And even if important questions are asked, the short prede termined time limits for answers will ensure that memorized one-liners and talking points rule the day, not insightful, in-depth discussion. These are not the conditions for real debate. The Commission on Presidential Debates is do ing a terrible disservice to our democracy. In the absence of engaging debate, the public will be forced to choose between two men that have said as little of substance as possible and let others do their dirty work. We need more debates. Third-party candidates with adequate support, such as Ralph Nader, should be allowed to participate. The public should be allowed to ask unvetted questions about any topic. And the candidates should be free to ask direct ques tions of each other.
