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About Oregon daily emerald. (Eugene, Or.) 1920-2012 | View Entire Issue (April 1, 2004)
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Opening tomorrow is "I lellboy," a comic book adaptation of such ac tion-packed spectacularness that it will probably make most critics wet their pants with joy. It stars Ron Perl man as a special effect, as well as a de lightful cast of Nazis. Also opening to morrow is "Dogville," a moving, feel-good comedy that stars Nicole Kidman. "WalkingTall," a remake of a Joe Don Baker movie, will be open ing as well. It stars The Rock as a man filled with an uncontrollable lust for lumber. This flick promises to be the breakout romance of the season. April 9 brings the release of "The Turn to MOVIES, page 11 Eric Layton Illustrator Music world hit by April Fools’ Keeping up with the ever-changing world of entertainment can be diffi cult. So, for brevity's sake, here are the top ten (fake) headlines in the music world this week: 1. Dashboard Confessional is hold ing a seminar tomorrow on being "emo." The conference, held in singer Chris Carrabba's basement, will teach anyone who is interested in express ing their inner confusion, turmoil and breakup misery how to do so proper ly. Some of the highlights include: Finding that perfect black skin-tight T shirt that truly expresses your inex pressible pain, how to steal your dad's hom-rimmed glasses and learning the best words that rhyme with "hurt" so that you can strum sad songs on your acoustic guitar for that girl or boy who just dumped your sad ass. 2. In August, Kom will be releasing a "Best Of' album, featuring an unre leased track called "Anger." The song, glorified by fans through KaZaA, has lead singer Jonathan Davis breaking wind for a miraculous 12 minutes and 36 seconds while the rest of the band punches and kicks their instru ments around the studio. 3. Nickelback has canceled its tour due to the fact that the band sucks. Carl Sundberg Reasoning with madness 4. This week, Tupac Shakur releas es yet another album from the grave entitled "Zombie Christ." Guests on the album include Kurt Cobain, Marvin Gaye and Elvis Presley. Shakur's publicist denies that the al bum was recorded recently in a se cret underground complex in New Mexico, but eyewitnesses from the region report seeing the four "dead" stars traveling in a Dodge minivan with sunglasses on. 5. Courtney Love was found in a ho tel room Monday night doing coke off the stomach of The Darkness bassist Frankie Poullain. When asked about the incident, Poullain replied, "Livin' the dream, man. Livin' the dream." Love simply stated, "bleehssfhc chthmppchhsshh..." and then tripped and fell into a puddle of mud. 6. Speaking of which, Puddle of Mudd is set to release a new album with singer Wesley Scantlin breaking wind into a microphone for a whop ping 13 minutes and 12 seconds, while the rest of the band punches and kicks their instruments around the studio. When asked if they were ripping off the song by Korn, Scant lin replied, "I'm allergic to corn. I only eat meat." The reporter's head then melted. 7. Last night, American Idol star Clay Aiken was seen leaving a Holiday Inn in Los Angeles with 14 strippers, a live chicken and 18 pounds of hash. When Aiken was asked about the situ ation, he smiled widely, looked far out into space, and said, "This is what being an idol is all about." 8. The Strokes lead singer Julian Casablanca ironically died of a mas sive stroke Monday night while writ ing a song called, "Maybe this is it." 9. Following the recent trend of same-sex marriages, Britney Spears on Tuesday married Madonna in Holly wood, Calif. When asked if this was just a publicity stunt, Spears quickly said, "No way. Ever since that kiss at the awards show, I've been in love Turn to SUNDBERG, page 11 It's Time! 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