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About Oregon daily emerald. (Eugene, Or.) 1920-2012 | View Entire Issue (Jan. 29, 2004)
Newsroom: (541) 346-5511 Suite 300, Eib Memorial Union P.O. Box 3159, Eugene, OR 97403 E-mail: editor@dailyemerald.com Online: www.dailyemerald.com Thursday, January 29,2004 Oregon Daily Emerald COMMENTARY Editor in Chief: Brad Schmidt Managing Editor Jan Tobias Montiy Editorial Editor: Travis Willse Quacks & smacks Quacks to the Charles H. Lundquist College of Busi ness for incorporating students' opinions into the selec tion process for the school's new dean. It is only fair and sensible to include the viewpoints of those who will be directly affected by the choice. Smacks to the federal deficit being $ 1 trillion worse than predicted in August, and to the budget monkeys who made the gross numerical estimations. For refer ence, written out, that's $1,000,000,000,000. Quacks to NASA for successfully landing its second spacecraft on Mars. Fewer than half of Mars missions have been successful, but this mission's success has pro duced stunning images from another world. Smacks to President Bush for hinting at a federal marriage amendment in his State of the Union address. Not only is the Constitution the wrong place to define a marriage policy, but the specific language of the cur rently-in-progress amendment looks like a step back ward for tolerance. Quacks to $3 pitchers at Sakura. Enough said. Smacks to former Vermont Gov. Howard Dean for making a fool of himself at the Iowa caucus. His "I Have a Scream" speech, however impassioned, is a step back ward for decorum in the political forum. Quacks to University physics graduate student Brian Stubbs for challenging an evidently illegitimate Oregon University System policy banning concealed handguns on campus, even among concealed handgun license holders. Smacks to the more than 500 American deaths in Iraq. The casualties are mounting, but successes in the region don't seem to be keeping pace in recent months. Quacks to the EMU's Erb Essentials for stocking Coca Cola. Now that the mart's exclusive contract with Pepsi Co Inc. expired, students have more options in at least one more way. Smacks to Rep. Dennis Kucinich, D-Ohio, and the Rev. A1 Sharpton for not having yet dropped out of the Democratic presidential nomination race. Bottoming out in the polls and finishing poorly in both the Iowa caucus and the New Hampshire primary, they're con tributing less to democracy than they would as public figures outside the race. Quacks to Sen. John Kerry, D-Mass., for rising out of the second tier of candidates and winning both of the major nomination contests to date. It goes to show that media attention isn't everything, and that voting is still absolutely critical to the democratic process. Smacks to shoddy prewar intelligence. David Kay, the former top U.S. weapons inspector in Iraq, told the Sen ate Intelligence Committee that, although it's possible that stockpiles of weapons of mass destruction will be found, it is "highly unlikely." EDITORIAL POLICY This editorial represents the opinion of the Emerald editorial board. Responses can be sent to letters @dailyemerald.com. Letters to the editor and guest commentaries are encouraged. Letters are limited to 250 words and guest commentaries to 550 words. Authors are limited to one submission per calendar month. Submission must include phone number and address for verification. The Emerald reserves the right to edit for space, grammar and style. EDITORIAL BOARD Brad Schmidt Travis Willse Editor in Chief Editorial Editor Jan Tobias Montry Jennifer Sudick Managing Editor Freelance Editor Ayisha Yahya News Editor Steve Baggs Illustrator The anti-Bush Many people have asked me after reading my column, whether or not I do drugs. That is a fair question and the answer is no. Sure I'm usually drunk when I write but I refuse to take drugs, even marijuana, because I know that it could destroy my life For example, if you smoke marijuana I know that you will eventually get raped, shoot your best friend in the head, run over a small child with your car, drown a completely different child in a pool and give material support to al-Qaida. I learned this, as I leam most things, from watching television commercials. For the last five years the government has doled out more than $600 million to lec ture us via the boob tube about our drug use. And we love it. We can't get enough. Lucky for us, the Super Bowl is only days away, and you know what that means: New anti-drug ads! I can't wait to see what terrible calamities will befall those lousy bong-loving hippies. Sources close to the White House tell me the new commercials will show that marijuana smokers will contract mad cow disease, get crushed by falling grand pianos, get punched in the balls by Gary Coleman and buoy the spirits of Kim Jong-il. Pot really is more dangerous than we thought. For the sake of balance, there will be a host of pro-drug ads during the Super Bowl as well, including one for the erectile dysfunction drug Levitra, the erectile-dys function drug Cialis, the erectile-dysfunc tion drug Viagra and nine Budweiser spots. One commercial that you won't be seeing on Super Bowl Sunday is a 30-second spot sponsored by the liberal group Move On, which highlights the fact that President Bush is plunging the country further and further into debt CBS — which, if I'm not mistak en, stands for Conservatives Broadcasting to Seniors — has refused to air it The Viacom owned station defended its hypocritical de cision to run anti-drug spots but not an award-winning anti-Bush spot by saying it was "too controversial." This wasn't exactly a surprise. CBS is sec ond only to Fox in presenting a pro-Bush spin on its news, according to a study by the Program on International Policy Atti tudes. CBS also favors Republicans in its political giving, according to information gathered by the Center for Responsive Pol itics at http://www.opensecrets.org. And let's not forget that CBS is currendy lobby ing the administration to push for new David Jagernauth Critical mass FCC rules that would allow it to grow sub stantially more powerful. Are they suggesting that the White House's anti-drug ads are not controver sial? One puts the culpability for a rape on the victim and her drug use. Another blames pot use for an accidental shooting rather than the parents who keep a loaded gun in their desk. During last year's Super Bowl, CBS aired a spot that said smoking pot aids terrorists. (They eventually pulled these ads for fear that the excessive eye rolling would cause permanent damage, leading to increased use of medicinal marijuana.) And if you've seen the ad where a group of black guys are hot boxing a beat up car at the drive-through window of a fast food restaurant, then you know I'm not exag gerating when I say it's the most racist thing I've seen on television in a long time. (As a side note, McDonald's is running similar and equally offensive ads as part of its "I'm Lovin' It" campaign. These ads show that being black and dirt poor is ac tually fun, like when you have to choose between buying gasoline or eating at Mc Donald's. I love it when that happens!) Adding to the controversy, the agency re sponsible for the anti-drug campaign, Ogilvy and Mather, was recently indicted by a federal grand jury; two top executives were charged with overbilling the government for the earliest of the anti drug ads, according to The Washington Post. The company already repaid $1.8 million as part of a civil suit but amazing ly, is still receiving taxpayer money. What CBS fails to recognize is that an anti-Bush ad is the equivalent of an anti drug ad. After all, our president is a walking "This is your brain, this is your brain on drugs" commercial. We should be warning chug users that they might turn into a dull witted, monkey-faced Republican Texan. That ought to scare them straight. The Bush administration is losing the War on Drugs for the same reason it is losing the peace in Iraq: It doesn't under stand diplomacy. First, they hunt down critically ill me dicinal marijuana users and bust them as if they were a Colombian drug cartel. Sec ond, the administration pushes its pro pain and suffering agenda in the courts, proving once again that the smart money is on the conservative devil on Bush's shoulder and not the compassionate an gel. And last but not least they lock up Chong, of the immortal duo Cheech and Chong, on trumped up charges, convert ing him into the Jesus of weed for thou sands of followers. The ridiculous anti-drug commercials are just further missteps in a quagmire of a war that we should have ended long ago. We are literally and figuratively blowing ourWOD. So when you see the White House's anti drug ads during the Super Bowl this year re member that your tax dollars are being abused to make those commercials. Think of Bush's defense contractor buddies who are raking in your tax dollars thanks to the unnecessary war in Iraq. Think of the manic spending and spiraling deficits that our chil dren will end up inheriting. Think of all of this and you won't need to watch Move On's anti-Bush ad on TV; you will be watching your own anti-Bush ad in your head. Contact the columnist at davidjagemauth@dailyemerald.com. His opinions do not necessarily represent those of the Emerald.
