Image provided by: University of Oregon Libraries; Eugene, OR
About Oregon daily emerald. (Eugene, Or.) 1920-2012 | View Entire Issue (Feb. 9, 2001)
Advice from Dr. Mark By Dr. Mark Goulston TMS Campus Dear Dr. Mark, What exactly is low self-esteem, since nearly everyone I know seem to think I have it? And what can you do about it? WORTHLESS GUY at University of Wyoming Dear WORTHLESS, Self-esteem is not the same as self-confidence. Self-confidence is believing in your ability to do something well. You can be self confident and still have low self esteem. Self-esteem is believing in your worthiness. For a guy, worthi ness is often tied to courage. A man without courage doesn't feel like a man and doesn't feel much self-esteem either. One of the ways to develop self esteem especially for guys is to think of the things you are most afraid of and then do them any way. I'm not referring here to dan gerous things that are life-threaten ing, such as driving your car at 100+ MPH in and out of traffic or overcoming vour fear of guns. I'm talking about things such as fear of flying in airplanes, fear of asking someone out on a date, or fear of speaking in public. Having been the youngest of three sons, I was always hesitant to speak up or out, because it was of ten seen as being disrespectful. This carried over to being hesitant to raise my hand and ask questions in high school, college and med ical school. Then about 15 years ago I had an amazing session with a suicidal patient, which later on she would say ^qpd hfjr Jiife around, respite, having some esteem problems of my own at the time, even I had to admit I had done something very special for her. Realizing that I had a talent and could possibly do more than "just get by" I figured that if I was to have a chance to make some of my dreams come true I would need to overcome my fears— and fear of speaking out or even writing were amongst my biggest ones. It was at that point that I started raising my hand, speaking up and out and writing columns and arti cles although I was lousy in all of them at first. But quitting was not an option. Likewise, think of what your fears are and commit yourself to facing them and to making quitting not an option for you. Expect to feel scared, stupid and even fool ish at first or maybe for a while; but hang in there because with time you will replace the cow ardice in you with courage and you will build self-esteem. Now, no more excuses. Just do it! Dear Dr. Mark. I just stopped dating another jerk. I wish there was a way to rec ognize them early so that I can stop wasting my time. Any tips to help me be a better jerk detector? NO MORE JERKS, PLEASE at University of Kansas Dear NO MORE, I guess you're a woman and you're talking about a guy. Can a woman be a jerk? I've never heard one referred to as one. I guess the female equivalent is a bitch and we'll talk about that in a future col umn. Jerk detecting is one of the best uses of close girl friends who want what is best for you and who don't have an axe to grind against all men. If you would like some hints on how to recognize jerks on your own, consider the following: A jerk is a know-it-all who does n't know what he is talking about (whereas a know-it-all who does know what he is talking about is merely an assh—e). They carve a wide path through the calmness in your lives, because you are so aghast, dumbfounded, and ap palled by their outrageous behav ior. Instead of reacting assertively, you stand frozen like a deer in the headlights of a car. It takes almost all your self-restraint to keep your cool in the face of their outrageous ness, which is why it is so difficult to "Just Say No" to jerks. 1. They interrupt. 2. They don't take turns. 3. They take advantage of people who are down. 4. They gloat in victory. 5. They are sullen in defeat. 6. They are not fair. 7. They lack integrity. 8. They are the people you hope you won't grow up to be like. 9. They are the kind of person you wouldn't want your brother, friend or even enemy to marry. 10. They are the kind of person you'll avoid (when you can break free of them) and promise yourself to stay away from in the future. SCAN DALS DANCE CLUB endless possibilities Money Grab @ 11:00 pm • $2 Chinese Food Special 2222 Centennial Blvd. Next t 'O Autzen Stadium) 343-4734 Valentine's Dinner Menu Special* Innovative Latin style meats Handmade, from mild to wild! CAFE NAVARRO 464 Willamette Street 344-0943 Cad for Reservations EXOTIC "EROTIC Lotions & Potions DVDs • Videos Lingerie 'Toys 1166 South A * Springfield • 726-6969 • Open 24-7 (Almost) Creator Goods 515 HIGH ST EUGENE 485-4224 SALE ethnic sterling SILVER & stone earrings §i brooches necklaces & more SALE thru Feb. 14th limited to stock on hand ! r i Plasma donations earn around $ 175 every month. / $20 on 1 st donation / $30 on 2nd donation ✓ $50 for the first week / $5 extra for first-time donors if you bring in this ad! Why Call m and Dad? Seramed Biocenter • Eugene 1 Block east of 8th and Garfield 1 901 West 8th Ave., Eugene 683-9430 also at 225 B Main St. in Springfield p'vff?* y/e#/ fu*. y/e*/ zxptftpict* Don't miss out. Work for your college paper. For more information on how to freelance for the Oregon Daily Emerald call 346-5511.
