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About Oregon daily emerald. (Eugene, Or.) 1920-2012 | View Entire Issue (Feb. 2, 2001)
Friday Editor in chief: Jack Clifford Managing Editor: Jessica Blanchard Newsroom: (541) 346-5511 Room 300, Erb Memorial Union P.O. box 3159, Eugene, OR 97403 E-mail: ode@oregon.uoregon.edu EDITORIAL EDITOR: MICHAEL J. KLECKNER opededitor@journalist.com It’s 2003, and Lane Transit Dis trict’s new bus rapid transit vehicle is hurtling along 11th Avenue toward Springfield. Suddenly a fresh-scrubbed Keanu Reeves leaps on board. “A terror ist has planted a bomb on this bus rapid transit,” he deadpans in his best concerned-L.A.-stoner-dude voice. For some reason, he’s also using a terrible English accent. “Apparently, the terrorist has some concerns about the system — concerns that we have to an swer. If the bus rapid transit goes below 55 miles per hour, we’re toast, dude. There’ll be a progres sive train wreck.” Our driver, a happy-go-lucky Sandra Bullock, doesn’t seem fazed. “With this new line, it’ll be no problem to keep our speed.” A couple of passengers giggle from the back of the bus. A lady near the front speaks. “What concerns could there be? This is a great system. It offers faster service and an easy commute for the same price I used to pay for regular buses. I’ve stopped driv ing my car to my job at Syman tec.” Reeves’ cell phone rings. It’s the terrorist. “Your bus rapid transit line may be convenient, and it may have been funded by govern ment dollars, rather than by taxes on the citizens of Eugene and Springfield,” the cigarette-and -ays' “But really, do you want to get to Springfield any faster?” “That’s not funny,” Bullock says. “I live in Springfield. Don’t fan the flames of city rivalry — the federal courthouse battle made things bad enough.” “Silence!” the terrorist says. “Here’s the first concern: Why haven’t local governments fo cused on getting OUT of town as much as on getting AROUND town? It’s cheap and easy to get to Springfield, but it costs a fortune to fly out of Eugene, and there’re only two fast train routes to Port land per day. Why not run a line PAST Springfield, to the moun tains? Where’s the bus rapid tran sit line to the beach? Some of us like to surf, you know.” Reeves seems confused. “Yeah, some of us like to surf! Oh wait, I’m trying to stop the bad guy. Is that right?” The passengers all nod and smile. Reeves gazes dumbly at Bullock. The lady at the front speaks up again. “Uh, why not tell the ter rorist that the state is looking into faster alternative transit op tions? The last governor was working on a high-speed line through to Seattle. Eugene is al ways working to lure more air lines to stop here. We’re a grow ing city, and this bus rapid transit line helps that process along. Riding on it, I feel like I live in a big city.” Reeves is stoked. “Yeah, bud dy,” he says into the phone. “We’re trying!” The terrorist is not impressed. “What about the trees?” the voice on the phone yells. “Trees had to be cut down for this project. That makes me want to protest.” By this time, Reeves is chatting up Bullock at the front of the bus rapid transit vehicle (’’You live in Springfield? Really? So do I...”). He’s not even paying attention to the terrorist on the phone. Another passenger picks up the phone and speaks. “Look, we UKe me new dus rapia transit line. Environ mental concerns were taken into account. These vehicles meet the new clean-air stan dards, which don’t go into effect until 2004. It’s responsible devel opment; looking to our future transportation needs without destroy ing nodally developed neighborhoods or building some West Eu gene Parkway boondog gle. It stops at the Uni versity of Oregon, so there are actually emp ty parking spaces on campus now. And it didn’t threaten WIS TEC’s existence. Every one is happy.” The terrorist doesn’t know what to say. “Well, um, maybe people just like their cars. I don’t know. Or maybe we just wanted to give Reeves a hard time. He can’t act, you know.” Laughter can be heard on the cell phone. Suddenly, the vehicle comes to a stop: downtown Springfield. Reeves and Bullock get off arm in arm and decide to do some an tique shopping. The passengers file off and happily go about their business. The ride was so fast, there was no time for a bomb to go off. But as it turns out, there was no bomb, just some pranksters. Sitting at the very back of the bus rapid transit vehicle is the Emer ald editorial board, laughing and holding the cell phone it used to make the terrorist call. Editor’s note: The preceding de piction was totally fictitious. Con cerns aside, we congratulate LTD and the cities of Eugene and Springfield on a great plan. We can’t wait until 2003. This editorial represents the opinion of the Emerald editorial board. Responses can be sent to ode@oregon.uoregon.edu. Leftfield > T1 5 iffIf ,i j# >f ft «.4
