Friday
Editor in chief: Jack Clifford
Managing Editor: Jessica Blanchard
Newsroom: (541) 346-5511
Room 300, Erb Memorial Union
P.O. box 3159, Eugene, OR 97403
E-mail: ode@oregon.uoregon.edu
EDITORIAL EDITOR: MICHAEL J. KLECKNER opededitor@journalist.com
It’s 2003, and Lane Transit Dis
trict’s new bus rapid transit
vehicle is hurtling along 11th
Avenue toward Springfield.
Suddenly a fresh-scrubbed Keanu
Reeves leaps on board. “A terror
ist has planted a bomb on this bus
rapid transit,” he deadpans in his
best concerned-L.A.-stoner-dude
voice. For some reason, he’s also
using a terrible English accent.
“Apparently, the terrorist has
some concerns about the system
— concerns that we have to an
swer. If the bus rapid transit goes
below 55 miles per hour, we’re
toast, dude. There’ll be a progres
sive train wreck.”
Our driver, a happy-go-lucky
Sandra Bullock, doesn’t seem
fazed. “With this new line, it’ll
be no problem to keep our
speed.”
A couple of passengers giggle
from the back of the bus. A lady
near the front speaks. “What
concerns could there be? This is
a great system. It offers faster
service and an easy commute for
the same price I used to pay for
regular buses. I’ve stopped driv
ing my car to my job at Syman
tec.”
Reeves’ cell phone rings. It’s the
terrorist. “Your bus rapid transit
line may be convenient, and it
may have been funded by govern
ment dollars, rather than by taxes
on the citizens of Eugene and
Springfield,” the cigarette-and
-ays'
“But really, do you want to get to
Springfield any faster?”
“That’s not funny,” Bullock
says. “I live in Springfield. Don’t
fan the flames of city rivalry —
the federal courthouse battle
made things bad enough.”
“Silence!” the terrorist says.
“Here’s the first concern: Why
haven’t local governments fo
cused on getting OUT of town as
much as on getting AROUND
town? It’s cheap and easy to get to
Springfield, but it costs a fortune
to fly out of Eugene, and there’re
only two fast train routes to Port
land per day. Why not run a line
PAST Springfield, to the moun
tains? Where’s the bus rapid tran
sit line to the beach? Some of us
like to surf, you know.”
Reeves seems confused. “Yeah,
some of us like to surf! Oh wait,
I’m trying to stop the bad guy. Is
that right?” The passengers all
nod and smile. Reeves gazes
dumbly at Bullock.
The lady at the front speaks up
again. “Uh, why not tell the ter
rorist that the state is looking
into faster alternative transit op
tions? The last governor was
working on a high-speed line
through to Seattle. Eugene is al
ways working to lure more air
lines to stop here. We’re a grow
ing city, and this bus rapid
transit line helps that process
along. Riding on it, I feel like I
live in a big city.”
Reeves is stoked. “Yeah, bud
dy,” he says into the phone.
“We’re trying!”
The terrorist is not impressed.
“What about the trees?” the voice
on the phone yells. “Trees had to
be cut down for this project. That
makes me want to protest.”
By this time, Reeves is chatting
up Bullock at the front of the bus
rapid transit vehicle (’’You live in
Springfield? Really? So do I...”).
He’s not even paying attention to
the terrorist on the phone.
Another passenger picks up
the phone and speaks. “Look, we
UKe me new dus rapia
transit line. Environ
mental concerns were
taken into account.
These vehicles meet
the new clean-air stan
dards, which don’t go
into effect until 2004.
It’s responsible devel
opment; looking to our
future transportation
needs without destroy
ing nodally developed
neighborhoods or
building some West Eu
gene Parkway boondog
gle. It stops at the Uni
versity of Oregon, so
there are actually emp
ty parking spaces on
campus now. And it
didn’t threaten WIS
TEC’s existence. Every
one is happy.”
The terrorist doesn’t
know what to say. “Well, um,
maybe people just like their cars. I
don’t know. Or maybe we just
wanted to give Reeves a hard
time. He can’t act, you know.”
Laughter can be heard on the cell
phone.
Suddenly, the vehicle comes to
a stop: downtown Springfield.
Reeves and Bullock get off arm in
arm and decide to do some an
tique shopping. The passengers
file off and happily go about their
business. The ride was so fast,
there was no time for a bomb to go
off. But as it turns out, there was
no bomb, just some pranksters.
Sitting at the very back of the bus
rapid transit vehicle is the Emer
ald editorial board, laughing and
holding the cell phone it used to
make the terrorist call.
Editor’s note: The preceding de
piction was totally fictitious. Con
cerns aside, we congratulate LTD
and the cities of Eugene and
Springfield on a great plan. We
can’t wait until 2003.
This editorial represents the opinion of
the Emerald editorial board. Responses
can be sent to ode@oregon.uoregon.edu.
Leftfield
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