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About Oregon daily emerald. (Eugene, Or.) 1920-2012 | View Entire Issue (Jan. 24, 2001)
Time to put on your thinking caps MINUTES FOR CROSS CKING PETER HOCKADAY Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls of all ages, it’s time for the SATs! I know, you already took the SATs, but instead this is the Sports Aptitude Test, and it re quires little to no brain power. Even better, your college admis sions are not resting on the out come. In fact, if you get a 1600 on this SAT, you may want to consider dropping out of college altogether, because you are a bona fide loser! So without further ado, the Ore gon Daily Emerald presents the 2001 SAT. Please use a number two pencil, and hand your test to the proctor when finished. 1. Which of the following is ac tually an XFL (that’s Xtreme Foot ball League) team? n.) Cjaniurma rimers B) Bronx Big Hitters C) Alabama Assassins D) Chicago Enforcers 2. Which of the following was thrown on Anna Kournikova’s court at this year’s Australian Open by a 15-year old boy, as Kournikova played a doubles match? A) A roadside flare B) A bottle rocket C) A bundle of roses D) A firecracker 3. What was the score of Kournikova’s humiliating quarter final loss to Lindsay Davenport at the same tournament? A) 6-3, 4-6, 6-1 B) 6-4, 6-2 C) 6-0, 6-1 D) 6-4, 6-4 . 4. Which of the following pro fessional football players has NOT been on trial for a felony in the past year? A) Rae Carruth B) Mark Chmura C) Bill Romanowski D) Ray Lewis 5. What stunt did Dallas Stars goalkeeper “Crazy Eddie” Belfour pun recently inai goi nim suspend ed from the team? A) Swore at fans B) Didn’t show up for road trip C) Lost six straight games D) Walked out of practice 6. Which of the following was NOT an artificial surface that was considered by the Oregon athletic department to replace the Omni Turf currently on Autzen’s floor? A) SuperTurf B) SafePlay Turf C) NeXturf D) FieldTurf 7. Which of the following base ball players made less than 10 mil lion dollars over the 2000 season? A) Ken Griffey, Jr. B) Barry Bonds C) Mike Piazza D) Derek Jeter 8. Which Eugene bar did six Washington State basketball play ers get caught drinking at the night before their matchup with the Ducks last weekend, leading to their suspension? A) Jogger’s B) Rennie’s Black & white and READ ^ a11 over campus. Oregon Daily Emerald kockin Koaeo D) Taylor’s You get 200 points for every cor rect answer. Correct answers: 1-d, 2-a, 3-b, 4 c, 5-d, 6-a, 7-a, 8-c. 1400-1600 points: You are a sports genius. You need to transfer from Oregon to some Big 12 school where all they think about is foot ball. 400-1400 points: You are nor mal. Congratulations. 0-400 points: You know nothing about sports, and need to transfer to an Ivy League school, where you won’t be bothered by meddling athletes and people who enjoy sports. You may now return to your reg ularly scheduled testing. Thank you for participating in the ODE SAT. Peter Hockaday is a sports reporter for the Emerald. You can reach him at phocka day@yahoo.com. we. (between Oak & Pearl) 687-2805 ARIES Are you an inspiration to those around you? find out in the ODE Classifieds, every day! Can you see it approaching?
