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About Oregon daily emerald. (Eugene, Or.) 1920-2012 | View Entire Issue (July 27, 2000)
Home-schooled student struggles finding new friends Dear Harlan, I’m a 19-year-old female and home schooled from the eighth grade until I got my GED two years ago. I was home schooled because of severe depression that required hospitalization four times and medication. I'm still on the medicine and still struggle with daily life. My problem is that I’ve been totally cut off from everything since I left school. I only leave the house to go to my part-time job where I work alone. I have no friends and I never got my driver's license be cause I never went anywhere. I want to have a life and friends, and go to college and all the nor mal things, but I don't know where to start. I’m incredibly shy and have a really hard time thinking of things to say to people. They think I’m stuck up or weird be cause I’m so quiet. I don’t know what to do. Stuck at home Dear Stuck, Finding a friend without be ing around people is like finding a filet in a vegetarian restaurant. You need to start by putting yourself in the right place in or der to find what you seek. It would be much easier if there were friend stores, but they've yet to open up retail friends in strip shopping centers. The closest thing to a “friend store” is going to a place where you can find people with similar interests. If your doctor clears you, start by finding a part-time job where you can work around some people. When you're not working, try getting involved in a group setting where talking is part of the activity. A book club, a religious studies group, com munity theater, group sports, or any activity that intrigues you are all the perfect way to get started. Making friends takes time, pa tience and a deliberate effort. Take the time, make the effort and make new friends. Dear Harlan, I like this girl from work and want to invite her to a sort of cel ebration at my college the night before classes start. It will be very public and there will be food and music and dancing and fire works. My problem is knowing if she Come Live With Us Apartments DESIGNED with you in mind • 1, 2, 3, & 4 Br., Furnished units • Private bedrooms with individual leases • Competitive rates, .5 payment plans • Leases that coincide with the school year • Large swimming pool and year-round spa • Barbecue grills near every apartment • Slate-of 'lie-art fitness center • Rec-room, Volleyball and Basketball • Computer lab with tree internet access • High-speed internet available • Free movie rentals Still looking for a C R EAT P LAC E to live? • Individual spaces or entire apartments • Minutes by bike across the Autzen footbridge • Bus stop at Kinsrow & Centennial • No application fees • Apply Today! Stop by our office M-F 8-5 or Saturday 9-1, and check us out! 006496 ^Ducks Village 3225 Kinsrow Ave., Eugene • 485-7200 1 www.dueksvillageapts.com Commentary Ask Harlan already has a boyfriend without looking completely foolish by simply asking her out? The ask ing out will be easy, it's knowing if she has a boyfriend that's both ering me. I do not think I can just ask her without seeming interest ... ed and I'm not into spy ing or asking a gossip for information either. What can I do? Not the fool Dear fool After get ting your letter, I did some ask ing around and followed this girl for a couple days. I'm still not sure if she has a boyfriend, but I know she walks fast and has no problem using pepper spray and blunt kicks to the head when be ing followed. Regardless of her dating sta tus, you're not a fool. Sitting around and pondering any longer would be foolish. Unless she's used to dating psychics, you have to ask to find the an swers. It's not like you're asking her anything so incredibly per sonal. Avoid asking for her so cial security number in addition to asking her for a date and you'll avoid being a big fool. If she says she has a boyfriend, ask her if she wants to go as a friend. Anything less would be foolish. Dear Harlan, A year ago, I found out some thing very terrible. My fiancee was diagnosed with HPV and she caught the disease from me. Nev er in my life did 1 experience the effects that are caused by HPV. Our lives have totally changed. We are not intimate anymore and her love for me is not as strong as it used to be. I even asked her if she still thinks about marrying me and she replies, “I don’t know anymore.” We have four years to gether now and I have no idea what to do. A part of me tells me to be mis erable, alone and not be remind ed every day of this terrible dis ease and that I'm the cause of it. I had no idea I had it. Now, I know that sex is not everything, but I think it plays a very important part in a relation ship. I've gone into support groups over the Internet and they have helped out a lot, but I want to talk to those who have gone or are going through the same thing. What do I do? Please help! Miserable Dear Miserable, The good news is that you no longer have to worry about giv ing it to each other. You can find support from about 24 million people, because according to the National Insti tutes of Health, that's approxi mately the number of Americans with HPV (Human Papillo mavirus). Some people have HPV, the virus that causes genital warts, and never even know it. Symp toms can appear where the naked eye can't see. Married couples must learn to deal with adversity. If this thing is going to tear you two apart, you're not meant to be to gether. As for the HPV, your girlfriend needs to make sure she has a pap every 6 months (sometimes every 3 months with active warts) and she needs to consult a doctor. Yes, it can be uncomfort able. Yes, you always carry HPV, even without active warts. Yes, it can be a precursor to cervical cancer, but it can usually be con trolled. Millions of people with HPV live normal and happy lives. And who knows? Your fi ancee might have unknowingly given it to you. For support and information call the STD hotline at: 1-800-227-8922 or contact your local hospital. Dear Harlan, I'm freaking out. I'm 16 and have only had one boyfriend and that was three years ago. Since then, I have only gone out with one guy while all my friends are dating a lot. I have a lot of friends, and I'm not ugly or anything. I also don't think there's anything wrong with me in general. So, I can't fig ure out why I don’t have one. Any thoughts? Wondering Dear Wondering, I have thoughts about dinner, thoughts about the weekend, and thoughts about what it would be like to be a Backstreet Boy, but your letter doesn't re quire much thought. It's not about quantity; it's about quality. You might be so dynamic that most guys are too intimidated. It might take a very confident guy to find the courage to ask you out or you just asking a guy you like to hang out. You could also ask your friends to ask their boyfriends to set you up. Whatever you do, stop freaking out because you're totally normal. Try giving more thought to dinner instead. Harlan is not a licensed psychologist, therapist or physician, but he is a licensed driver. Write Harlan via e-mail at harlan@help meharlan.com or online at: <http://www.helpmeharlan.com/> www.helpmeharlan.com. All letters submitted become the property of the column. Pitch in! Recycle your copy of the ODE. 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